In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's
by hermione-amelia-rose1479
Summary: Agent Emma Sherlock Holmes (no kidding) is a fast-paced-British-accented-dry-sarcastic-fangirl that works for S.H.E.I.L.D, after being transferred from MI9 in 2010. When Fury decides that Stark needs to stop sacking his assistants, Agent Holmes is his last hope. No Slash. Clintasha, Pepperony, Steve/OC, Bruce/Betty, Loki/OC. T for cuss words
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello, welcome to my Avenger's fanfic. To people who have read my stories (if you have.. awww *flattered*) i apologise for the 3 week hiatus or so, school decided to murder me with assesments. However, i have survived the fall off the building by landing into the TARDIS and doing all my assignments there.

Now, in the summary, i said that Steve would be paired with an OC, that's not Emma. Okay... yes i think you can see where this is going. Now Loki's joined them, i have a bit of an explanation later on and if you don't get the Doctor Who references or Sherlock for that matter, then please PM me and ask. ^.^

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own the Avengers. They belong to other BRILLIANT people

P.S: The POV switches quite a bit, that's just my thing, sorry.

* * *

In Which Fury chooses Stark's P.A's

Director Nick Fury sighed. Somehow, Stark managed to sack all of his personal assistants, that Fury had handpicked, after all, some plain Jane couldn't be Stark's secretary, she had to be territorial around the genius- billionaire- playboy- philanthropist-of-a-bastard, not to mention, immune to his flirts. Fury flicked through the list of S.H.E.I.L.D agents that he had narrowed the list down to, he then saw a S.H.E.I.L.D application form from 2010. Agent Emma Sherlock Holmes, 22 years old (making her 26 now), former MI9 agent promoted to S.H.E.I.L.D, flawless grades and level 16 clearances.

"Coulson" Fury said, calling his right-hand-man

"Yes sir?" Coulson entered from what Fury suspected was his Captain America-covered-office

"Call Agent Holmes now. And tell Stark we found him a _permanent_ assistant." Fury said

"Yes sir. And Sir. Don't you think agent Holmes will…" Coulson started

"Freak out Stark and give him hell. Just what the bastard deserves, now get them here, now."

* * *

Emma sat in her office, reading fanfiction. Wasn't she sad. Most people knew her as Agent Holmes, that chick who was promoted from MI9 to S.H.E. ., or that girl who was so obsessed with BBC. Everything she owned was a reference. Her Torchwood ear-piece, her Dalek earrings, her brown trench coat and that British accent that came with being British.

"Agent Holmes" Coulson said in a worried tone

"Hey, I didn't play with the water fountain, it was one of the Trainees who thought they knew how to use a StarkWaterFountain, which in itself is virtually impossible." Emma started at high speed

"No, Fury has decided to promote you to Stark's personal assistant. You'll be moving out of here and into Stark Towers with the Avengers."

"Has Mad-eye gone _mad_, he's totally drunk, he's _so_ drunk" Emma said in disbelief

"No Agent Holmes, I have not been drunk since the Loki incident almost 2 years ago."

"What makes you think Stark will keep me on for a grand record of 3 hours?"

"Because you'll keep him intrigued. Now, pack your things and get ready. Coulson, when is the infernal man coming?"

"In 10 minutes." Coulson said, before watching Fury leave the building

"10 quid I last longer than 5 minutes?" Emma said panicked

"I'll make it 20 and, it's not quid, it's dollars. We're in America" Coulson said

"Well, they do say, appearances are everything. Excuse me while I get changed into cooperate clothes." Emma said, as she threw Coulson a pack of chewing gum before walking out. Emma's wardrobe was in her office, all agents did in case they had to go out on a case, undercover. Picking out a blue dress and cream blazer, she quickly got dressed and ran into Fury's board room to see the one and only Stark.

* * *

Tony's POV

"Stark, this is the, and I mean _THE_ last personal assistant I am going to let you have."

"Fury, I'm not CEO, I don't want assistants that don't know how to blow up shit." Stark said, playing with his shades as he sat with his feet on the table.

"Anyway, who is this chick?" Stark asked, looking at Fury, sitting down calmly instead of his usual pacing.

"Agent Holmes. She was promoted from MI9 almost 4 years ago, and not to mention, she was only 22 years old. She was a pivotal role in case 5654 B and has some of the highest clearances in this goddamn building" Fury told Stark. Stark seemed interested as Fury threw him the file. He thumbed through her personal details, her qualifications, getting bored, he placed it down and began to play 'Angry Birds' on his StarkPhone.

"Agent Holmes, please come in." He had heard Fury say

"Well Sir, I wasn't expecting to be a babysitter." A defiant _British_ voice had said. Tony looked up to see a rather _beautiful_ woman. She walked with the defiant way, that he had been greeted with and that confident air of intelligence. He found it nearly impossible to look into her eyes, they were a strange shade of apple green and light blue, her black, carefree curls hanging down to her waist. Reminding him almost of Loki. Almost.

"I am personally offended Miss Holmes" Tony said in mock-offence

"Mr Stark, if that's supposed to melt my heart, then it isn't damn well working" She said, he noted her attachment to a bracelet on her arm, then, crossing her arms, she looked up at Fury.

"So, Fury. This is my new PA?" Tony asked, just to break the tantamount pressure that had just occurred within a millisecond.

"Yes, she will be moving into Stark Towers, her things are ready to be packed. And please" Tony noted the way he was practically begging Holmes "Don't kill him"

"Can't guarantee that Director" she said impassively, before walking out of the room.

"_She's_ my new PA?" Tony asked incredulously to his pirate-of-a-director

"Yes Stark, she is the only woman I have ever met, other than Agent Romanov who hasn't succumbed to your powers. Not to mention, she has an aristocratic gaze that can kill." Fury said

"So what? You're scared of her too?" Tony teased

"No, she is one of the best and, when you assign her a room, give her enough space for her merchandise." Fury said, before snatching Holmes' file out of his hands.

* * *

Loki's POV

He watched as Stark entered the room. It had been 2 years since the New York incident and almost a year and a half since he had been diagnosed with brainwashing due to the tesseract and the poisoning of the source to his underdeveloped Frost Giant form. Upon realisation he wasn't all that bad, Banner and Stark had begun working on a serum to overcome the side effects of being Laufey's son, it had succeeded and he could now control his blue form whenever he wanted.

"So, Fury, that son of a bitch, has chosen my new Personal Assistant." Stark said, immediately flicking his head back out the door. Loki supressed a smirk, his new Personal Assistant was intimidating Stark, he was on his toes.

"Hello, pleasure to meet you all, trust me." A rather flowing and elegant voice said. Though he could tell already that there was more to that voice. The quiet tapping of heels were heard as the woman drew up to them. She looked rather fetching actually, he had to admit, for a mere midgardian. Her eyes were the most intriguing thing however, they reflected that stoic persona she was putting up with, just for now, but they did look increasingly familiar.

"Emma!" Natasha said, hugging the girl. The God of mischief was shocked, the woman who had barely been in the room for 30 seconds had just had _The fucking Black Widow_ to _Fucking HUG her_. His shock was reflected in the faces of all the people in the room, however, Barton had moved up to hug her as well.

"You _know_ each other?" Stark had asked the _woman_ known as _Emma_

"Of course you bastard, I worked alongside them before, once while I was still at MI9, they put in a good word for me when I got there." Emma retorted, as she took the seat that Romanov had offered her. Everyone sat down and they were all offered a glass of Midgardian wine.

"That was a good case. Met the Queen." Barton smirked to an offended Stark

"_And_ both the Princes." Emma said cheekily, Loki caught that shared grin between the only female species in the room. Loki could feel the pressure, Thor had stayed silent, still in shock that the two master assassins to hug her and he had a feeling that Banner's silence had been due to the same reason. Loki guessed that Emma had hurled insults at Stark while she was in the car. "Mind you that was my only field mission for a while."

"Yeah, why did MI9 promote you?" Stark said, breaking the silence

"Because of some major issues, Julian Assange shit, Afghanistan, the fact that Sherlock was being filmed in front of our base and you. Entirely your fault I got promoted." Emma said, aiming her last comment at Stark. He looked rather flattered.

"Remind me to tell Fury that one of his best agents were sent to him because of my actions." Stark said smugly

"Really? This coming from the egotistical man who lost to Agent Barton, Thor, Loki and the Cap, in the sexiest men alive 2014?" Emma said indifferently, but with sarcasm dripping from every syllable.

"Ooh" was the collective response from the room. Loki was impressed.

"I'm sorry, have we met? I'm Loki."

"Emma Holmes, and truly the pleasure of insulting Stark is all mine." She grinned.

"Wait, how do you know about the world's sexiest men list. I THOUGHT I TOLD THEM NOT TO PUBLISH IT!?" Stark said

"Wait, I thought I was your personal assistant Stark? Not your informant to what happens when you let Coulson use your credit card, and when Ebay gets out of hand." Emma took out from what Loki believes, was a phone "Not to mention, Coulson is now the loser to the biggest bet of all time. 5 minutes of babysitting Tony Stark."

"I am _not_ a child!" Stark said indignantly

"We wish Tony, but sometimes, we do question your mentality." Bruce added.

* * *

Emma's POV

"Stark, turn that up any higher, and I will probably electrocute you, that is if the neutron reactor doesn't do it itself." Emma said, peeking over at Stark and Banner. Loki had graced their presence, which she found odd. Last time she had met Loki, it was in case 5654 B, when Loki was actually nice. Well, on the verge when they found him switching between personas involuntarily. No one noticed her role really in that case, after all, she had fucking realised the connection between changes in physical appearances and mental. She after all had fucking found out that the Tesseract turned their eyes 3 fucking shades lighter. And _no_ she had only 34% of the fucking credit. After all _she_ was the one who had to keep tabs on Loki by pretending to be a roving Journalist.

"What would you know Sherlock?" Stark retorted

"Aww, I'm flattered." Emma replied in sincerity. She _loved_ Sherlock Holmes. Mainly because they shared a surname, but because she found him so damn fascinating. "Anyway, did you _ bother_ to read through my file properly? I wasn't a field agent by choice. I worked in Design and Technology. Not to mention, Cambridge graduate, thank you, thank you." Emma said to the shocked look she had gotten from Banner and Loki. Emma also noted Loki was in normal human clothes. Green checked vest-jumper-shitty-thing over his white dress shirt and jeans, unlike last time in full Asgardian regala and that cow-helmet.

"You graduated from _Cambridge?_" Loki and Banner said in unison

"Yeah, why else do you think MI9 let me apply when I was only half-way through my Military course? I was what? 19 when MI9 took me in. Then I sort of multi-tasked between 2, trying not to blow up the Lab every other day." Emma said, still not looking up from her paperwork that was thrust into her hands. With practically all of the pile done, she handed Stark the pile and looked around the rather intriguing lab.

"Loki, leave us alone and show Agent Holmes around." Stark said

"I do believe that is uncourteous, after all, this is _your_ house." Loki said, still sitting at his bench.

"Loki." Stark said in that annoying way

"_Fine_. You midgardians are so rude at times." Loki said, beckoning Emma over. "You'll enjoy it, I gather." Loki said

"Now, JARVIS is what is called an AI. Artificial Intelligence I believe. Like a butler but does all the eavesdropping for you." Loki said, Emma was rather impressed by the God's knowledge of human life thus far. "So just call for it."

"Alright. JARVIS, where are Agent Romanov and Barton?" Emma asked

"They are in the games room on the 45th floor, Agent Holmes." A rather intelligent British voice replied

"Oh, thanks." Emma said hastily as Loki led her down several more corridors, floors, gyms, game rooms. By the time they had reached the 45th floor, Emma was rather tired and had resorted to taking off her heels to walk.

"Loki." Romanov said curtly playing a game on the PlayStation

"Romanov. Barton." Loki said "Just showing Holmes around."

"Shouldn't that bastard be doing that?"

"The bastard in question is busy tinkering with his toys in his lab." Holmes said, looking at the game that Barton and Romanov were playing. Deciding that this was going to be the ultimate game room, she continued her way down the corridors with Loki.

"JARVIS? Where has Stark assigned Miss Holmes' lodgings?" Loki asked as they reached the elevator, again.

"The rooms between agent Romanov and Miss Pott's rooms, sir" the AI replied.

"Yes, Lady Holmes, that makes it the floor above." Loki said, pressing the elevator lift for the 46th floor. Emma stepped out in absolute shock.

"I think the word 'wow' is an understatement." Emma said, looking at the large living space complete with kitchen and 3 bathrooms, obviously, for 3 different people.

"Lady Potts no longer resides in these lodgings, so you and Agent Romanov will be sharing the space. These are one of the rare occasions Stark will be making people share lodgings." Loki said

"Why? Did he make you sleep on the sofa?" Emma said dryly

"The floor." Loki corrected. "Your luggage shall arrive soon."

"Brilliant." Emma said, as Loki took her another floor up.

"These are your rooms, Agent Romanov's are the darker, suspicious rooms."

"Okay, and that's mine." Emma clarified "That it?"

"There is what you midgardians call: A Garage. That should be of interest."

"I'll look at that later, once Stark hasn't managed to blow up the lab." Emma said, before taking the lift. Loki had left her on the floor below hers, as he wanted to be a God of mischief and lies in peace. Emma made her way down, back to Stark's lab. Walking down the corridors, she crashed into Thor and Steve

"Ah SHIT I am so sorry." Emma said, knocking into both of them. Steve had turned red at the cuss word, but ignored it.

"It's fine Ma'am." Steve said rather shyly

"Pleasure to meet you Lady Emma" Thor practically boomed. "So, you have met my brother."

"Yes, he's fine" Emma shrugged. "Coulson practically fainted when you signed his Captain America lunchbox. Mind you, it was the last one in New York." Emma said to Steve

"Really, I'm flattered." Steve said

"The good Captain deserves followers like Son of Coul." Thor said loudly, _not_ and inside voice

"It's Coulson, Thor." Emma corrected "Right, anyone seen Pepper, so I can go introduce myself?"

"Miss Potts is in her office, just ask JARVIS if you get lost." Steve offered kindly, Emma took the advice and kept walking down corridors.

"JARVIS? Is Miss Potts back yet?" Emma said to the wall, which was rather strange, really

"Yes, she's in her office, I'll take you there, just get into the lift, Agent Holmes." JARVIS said. Emma followed instructions and stepped into the lift. Waiting for a couple of minutes, she looked back at her bracelet. Laughing, as it was a piece of Sherlock jewellery, she kept it on, deciding that it was unnoticeable.

"Oh, Hello. You must be Tony's new assistant." A fiery, ginger woman said, stepping into the lift "I was just on my way to see you"

"So was I Miss Potts. I'm Agent Emma Holmes." Emma introduced herself, shaking Miss Potts' hand

"Please, it's Pepper, Emma. I'm going to the lab to see what the boys have gotten up to. And I'm sure I need someone other than the girls to keep an eye on our resident 7 year old." Pepper laughed, as they exited the elevator.

* * *

Tony Stark's POV

He looked up to see Pepper and Emma laughing their heads off. This new assistant was already undermining his entire system. Before he could probably blink, Rage Monster would be under her spell too.

"Hey." Pepper said, kissing his cheek as she entered

"Aww I'm flattered, and." I remembered what I was supposed to ask her earlier "Sherlock, what is that on your wrist?"

"Vortex Manipulator, cuz I'm part of Torchwood and I fight monsters and shit, when we get bored, we pig out on pizza and look badass while drinking coffee." Emma said with her voice dripping in sarcasm

"No seriously, what is it?" Bruce asked her. Tony sighed, he was _never_ going to be taken seriously, was he?

"It's a bracelet, it's got the wallpaper from 221B Baker Street inside the pendant, you know, printed on it. Now, Stark, I've finished your sheets. I've pretty much analysed that neutron polarity arc of yours and found at least a couple of flaws. And, that incoming text message is from Agent Romanov inviting me to play Just Dance 3 against Agent Barton and Loki. I shall be there if you need me. And pleasure meeting you all, once again." Stark looked at the retreating girl with awe, the entire monologue had come out in a fast-paced British accent with so much sass, she could out-sass a drunk Natasha.

"I like her. I'm keeping her on." Pepper said

"She's got a point you know, we need to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow for the reactor to work even better. But that can be remedied by the amplification of the voltage." Bruce said

"Was that supposed to be comforting. I've even lost you against this war!" Tony whined to Bruce

"Since when was this a war against your new P.A?" Bruce laughed, before they all packed up. Tony's pride was hurt. He was going to win this, Emma Holmes was going down.

* * *

Well kids? sorry if any of the characters are OOC, I'm trying my best. Just not happening. To anyone who gets the referencing *hi-five* now, please review, i need feedback. And if you want to suggest anything that could happen later on. There's a lot of drabbles that go on, but you know, what the hell, chuck in an invasion or two. I'm having Shwarma tonight, my friend's taking me over, so you know *hands over plate with left over shwarma* and enjoy the rest of this story.

Hermione-Amelia-Rose1479 out.

Ps: I've got Tumblr, if you want to add me, it's the same username and my blog is: WhoLockPotter


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello, i feel so loved. Thanks to all who followed/favourited and reviewed. Within 12 hours or so, i had so many followers and views. So, i rewarded you with a lengthy story. There are 2 minor flashback scenes, they're in italics, so you know, go along. And there's a bit of a code surrounding the numbers 5654. Please review and thanks to:

BloodBlackAlchemist, Calistacat98, Lady-Kikitheevilmastermind (ps, love your name sweetheart.), Souli84, (btw, ever heard the song Keep Awake by 100 Monkeys?), mercenarybunny, xXxDragonxPhoenixXx, Avaloth, basketball4444, samjake, theskylightens and my anon review from Annie.

Once again, i own nothing. Except my *sketches a rainbow with hands* imagination

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's P.A's Chapter 2

Emma's POV

"Think you can beat me Barton?" Natasha said fiercely, as she switched the song on the StarkGameConsole, to 'I don't feel like dancin'

"You are _so_ on Romanov." Barton replied back "Right. Holmes, feel like joining?"

"If Natasha and I both score higher than you, then…" Emma began, thinking of the most torturous idea possible

"Is some form of battle going on here? I was under the impression that you, Romanov and Barton were playing a violent video game?" Loki asked, descending in the swag he had, upon them.

"Loki! Dude, why don't you dance with us?" Clint said, Emma nearly face-palmed, remembering the fact that she wouldn't lose her composition.

"I'm an immortal god, I don't dance for anyone." Loki said coldly to Clint "However, I will watch your useless participation in this song, as I find the inevitable fact that you will be beaten by two ladies, rather amusing" Loki said smoothly, taking an ice-tea and watching the three of them dance. Emma had changed into much comfortable jeans earlier, as a message from JARVIS told her that her work was over for today and that cooperate clothes were unnecessary. Emma was resisting from singing the song on top of her lungs, while Clint, was actually belting out the lyrics. Emma could see Loki sniggering from Barton's singing, while Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Dear Sherlock, is that the sound of the Scissor Sisters?" Tony said as he entered the room rather grandly

"DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCIN, DANCIN, EVEN IF I FIND NOTHIN BETTER TO DO-O. DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCIN, DANCIN, WHY'D YOU BREAK IT DOWN WHEN I'M NOT IN THE MOO-OD. DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCIN, DANCIN, RATHER BE HOME WITH NO ONE IF I CAN'T GET DOWN WITH YOU-O-OU" Tony sang in falsetto, joining in with Clint, Natasha and her. Loki's laughter was audible, and the sounds of an approaching Doctor Banner stopped them all from their brief moment of joy.

"Scores. Scores. Goddamn scores." Emma said impatiently. "YES! HA! BARTON YOU OWE US!" Emma pointed at Barton. Natasha smirked, making a hand signal to for over some money. Clint reluctantly handed over his money to both the girls, Emma already thinking about what she could buy with the money, provided Stark let her out to go shopping for a new knife-sharpener.

"That would've made _quite_ some blackmail stuff" Banner said, pushing his glasses up his face. "JARVIS. Delete all that, please" Banner said

"Yes Doctor Banner, right away." Emma's head spun around in shock, her shock reflected in every single person's face. Even Loki sat there, his mouth large enough to fit a hoard of rampaging Billsnipe.

"You did _not_ just do that" Tony said.

"I believe he just did" Loki said, moving with unease away from the soon-to-become brawl. Emma followed Natasha back up to their rooms, while Clint sat there in the firing line.

* * *

"You sure you want to help me unpack?" Emma asked Natasha

"Yeah, it's fine, anyway, we can hear them perfectly from here." As if on cue, a shouting match occurred between Clint and Tony

"Ooh. Man-of-steel versus the-unique-bird-of-a-feather, who shall win the ultimate battle" Emma joked.

"What's with this?" Natasha asked, regarding to a black case

"A couple of lethal weapons, nothing much" Emma said impassively, remembering the last time she used the contents of the case:

_"DIE YOU BASTARD" Emma shouted at the training dummy, slicing at it with a sword. It was fine to swear in front of her senior (17-19 year olds) fencing class. Though, the seniors didn't fence, more like slicing the shit out of the dummies there. She was very odd, a sword-wielding chick. Not that she couldn't use guns for MI9, she did. She just moonlighted as a fencing instructor._

"_Miss." A boy called out "A man outside is waiting for you. Is he your boyfriend?" That was George alright, resident cute-guy and clown of the class._

_"Nope. Single. Anyway, probably a work colleague." Ehehehe. MI9 espionage-buddy more like._

_"Agent Carmichael, nice to see you again" Emma said, looking at a friend of hers._

_"Agent Holmes, you are to retire from this job. As of now, you are going to be promoted to S.H.E.I.L.D"_

"Ah. And, fandom merchandise" Natasha said "Knowing Stark, he's left sheets for you. They're in the cupboards, just pick them out. And, what's with the…" Natasha had pulled out the numerous pairs of knife sharpeners and sharpening tools.

"Paranoia, nothing much" Emma said with some unease. "Anything you'd like to tell me about the status of your relationship."

"Barton and I are _strictly_ friends. Love is for wimps." Natasha replied, hanging some of Emma's clothes in the walk-in closet. It was virtually another room in itself.

"According to Harry Potter, it's the most powerful magic of all." Emma quoted. Unfortunately, she'd only dated a couple of guys, she couldn't exactly say much on the topic. But, in Harry Potter, that's what saved Harry, so what was she to complain about.

"I never trusted fiction" the Russian spy said, before handing over a key, labelled; 'garage'

* * *

**Day 1 at Avengers Tower:**

Emma woke up rather early the next day (5:30 to be precise), trying to determine whether she had been sliced into ribbons or if she really was at Stark Tower. Then correcting herself, it was now _Avengers_ Tower. Slipping on some ballet flats, locating her dalek mug and her night gown, she walked out, down, getting lost in the corridors, eventually finding the 'main' dining room.

"Weren't expecting you up so early." Steve said, using a tablet. But turned red when he noticed she was wearing shorts, that showed off her long-legs, she hoped, rather flatteringly.

"No offence, but I'm still in shock that you can figure out how to use that. Thor can't even turn the tap on." Emma said, taking the seat next to him.

"I only read the newspaper. That way I can keep up with the times. 70 years in the ice. I don't know what goes on anymore." Steve said sadly. Emma could never, in her wildest dreams, ever hope to understand how the super-soldier felt. He was isolated from everyone he knew. And everyone he knew had died. Emma's heart went out to him. He was brave and loving. That was all that mattered.

"I only read the newspaper to find out what the hell goes on in the parliamentary broom cupboard, back home. Half of my family is Scottish, so I tend to keep an eye on that patch of land, that seems to get neglected throughout history." Emma said, filling her mug with coffee and 2 spoons of sugar, taking a sip, she laid it down. "I'm guessing you're the first to wake up?" Emma asked

"Yes. Then Banner, Loki, Natasha. We usually have a bet in the morning to see who will wake up first. Clint or Tony. Usually Clint." Steve said, flicking to the next 'page' of the newspaper. "70 years remember. I think I've had enough sleep for a lifetime. I missed us making it to the moon…" Steve started

"You also missed the Vietnam war, the Cold War, 9/11, the start of Afghanistan. Maybe sleep was the better option, Captain." Emma said gravely

"Your accent. Reminds me of someone I used to know." Steve chuckled slightly.

"Sorta like The Doctor then, eh?" Emma patted his shoulder "Last of the Time Lords and what not."

"Who's this Doctor?" Steve asked curious

"Oh, this sci-fi show called Doctor Who. You should watch it sometime. But anyway. Unless I am very much wrong, that is the good doctor coming down now." Emma quipped, seeing a tired Bruce Banner entering the kitchen.

"Looks like I'm not going to be the only early bird anymore." Bruce said sitting next to Steve. Emma hadn't failed to notice that they were all still in their pyjamas. Steve in a plain, white shirt and a pair of cotton pants, while Bruce was in a blue button-down pyjama shit with black cotton pants. Emma was the slightly weird child in her Doctor Who shirt, shorts and black-silk night gown.

"Nope. Early riser. Boarding school habits die hard." Emma said, taking a sip of her coffee, looking at Steve's 'newspaper'. There was nothing interesting, except the gossip that Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill were filling for divorce. Utter rubbish of course, she'd met them and Karen was expecting.

"Boarding school, huh." Bruce said, sipping on his own cup of coffee "What as that like?"

"Waking up earlier than most girls so I could take a shower without them looking at me under scrutiny. Slight paranoia of male teachers, but they didn't stay overnight anyway. Bitchy girls. What usually happens" Emma recounted.

"At least you actually _went_ to high school" Natasha said "Loki's coming down too. He was wondering where you were." Natasha was walking towards them, directing 'you' at Emma.

"Right. Looks like we're all here for an early-morning slumber party. Pillow fights and doing each other's hair" Steve laughed, as the resident god of mischief and lies sat down, filling up all the seats at the table.

"I bet Barton comes down first" Loki said, putting a $1 bill on the table

"I bet Tony. He's probably worried his new assistant has murdered him in his sleep" Natasha said, putting her $1 bill next to Loki's. Steve put his bill on Loki's pile, so did Bruce. Emma, finding a couple of coins in her dressing gown (how they got there, she had no idea), placed them on Natasha's pile.

"I bring morning tides, fellow Avengers." Thor said rather loudly (Emma guessed his take on 'quiet') "I wager Son-of-Barton shall rise early this morning"

"Okay. Just need to wait another 2 or so hours." Natasha said "I'm making pancakes, guys."

"I'll fry sausages, bacon and stuff. And get started on the pop-tarts." Emma offered.

"Lady Natasha and Lady Emma, you are but too kind." Loki said softly. Emma had noticed that Loki was quiet. Easily amused, after all, the guy was god of mischief, but he thanked and apologised whenever his brother should've and neglected to. "And I am moving my wager to Stark arising first" moving his note.

* * *

Tony was panicked. He felt his face, no marker or anything. He checked his clothes. Still fully on and Pepper next to him. He breathed in deeply. He hadn't been assaulted… yet.

"JARVIS?" Tony whispered in fear "Anything happen?"

"No sir. Miss Romanoff and Miss Holmes are awake. So are Doctor Banner, Mr Laufeyson, Mr Odinson and Mr Rodgers." JARVIS replied. Tony sighed in relief. Deciding he was going to wake up, he slipped on some slippers and shuffled out the door. Upon exiting the elevator, he smelt fried eggs, bacon and sausages, not to mention, he found himself being laughed at by his team.

* * *

"JARVIS, is Tony coming down yet?" Emma asked, she had just had a brainwave

"Yes Miss Holmes" the AI replied

"And what is he wearing?"

"A shirt and boxer shorts, ma'am." The AI responded

"Okay, thanks dear." Emma said "Loki, you're the god of mischief and lies, are you not?"

"Why, yes I am. Anything you wish for me to do?" Loki asked mischievously

"When Stark gets down here, turn his shorts hot pink please." Emma said, innocently sipping on her coffee. "It's my form of saying 'thanks for hiring me, bitch'"

"Please remind us not to piss you off. You've got Loki wound around your finger already." Bruce joked

"My pleasure, of course." Loki replied. Emma whipped her head around, preceding to whip Steve in the face with the plait that held her curls together in sleep. Stark was exiting the lift, eyeing Loki she smirked. The room proceeded to burst into laughter.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Tony asked.

"JARVIS, send this footage to Coulson, Hill and Fury please. And upload it on YouTube. I'm sure you can make an inventive enough title for the video." Emma said sweetly to the invisible-yet-existent A.I

"Right away Agent Holmes" the British 'Butler' replied.

" .WAR" Tony said evilly "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!"

"What makes you think _I'm_ the co-conspirator, _moi_?" Loki as scandalised.

"Anyway, thank you for helping me win the bet. Fork the dosh over lads." Emma said happily, Natasha split the cash between the 3 of them, and they ate happily. Tony looked left out, as Natasha had purposely cooked just enough pancakes for Emma, Steve, Bruce, Thor, Loki and herself.

"Bitch didn't cook me food" Tony muttered under his breath

"And Tony. You're left with kitchen duty." Natasha added to injury

"Miss anything?" Clint asked, the last to exit the elevator "Stark, what the fuck happened to your shorts?" They were now hot pink, and to add to injury, light pink little love hearts.

"Honey?" Pepper had just entered. Emma nearly forgot, Pepper had stayed over that night. "What happened to your boxers?"

"ASK THOSE TWO!" Tony said, pointing his finger at Emma.

"Art thou accusing moi?" Emma asked in a scandalised tone "Thou has no evidence. I mean, for all we know. It was. YOU Tony Stark" Emma said, pointing a dramatic and accusatory finger at Tony, causing the man-of-iron to stutter. She had to admit, maybe Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Dame Agatha Christie had gone to her head. Maybe drama in secondary school had too. Eh, she was weird. The table had burst into laughter.

"YOU WILL PAY!" Tony shouted. Emma mock-pouted and continued sipping on her coffee

* * *

"Stark, give up already. You _know_ you can't beat me. I've got two younger brothers and an older one" Emma said, looking up as Tony threw her a fake pen, when pressed, would squirt water. If anything, she was underwhelmed. She was more used to the bitching-way-of-getting-revenge.

"Wait, you grew up with 3 _brothers_ I almost feel sorry for you" Bruce said, pushing his glasses up his nose "Your middle name is Sherlock, isn't it?"

"Yeah. My older brother's middle name is Mycroft, then I'm Sherlock. My younger brother is John Hamish, then then the youngest is Greg Lestrade. Because in _A Study In Scarlet_; Gregson and Lestrade, so dad shortened it." Emma checked her fob-watch "I still don't get it. I could've been Irene Mary, after Irene Addler and Mary Morstan. But _really?_"

"Your parents are really weird." Bruce said disbelievingly

"It's a trait. Gets passed on" Emma said, looking through the paper work "Stark, you have a lodged complaint on the destruction of a public building. Pepper is going to _murder_ you."

"Since when were you and Pepper on first-name-basis?" Tony asked scandalised

"Since we washed up the dishes you neglected and through the wonderful invention of texting." Emma replied nonchalantly "Anything else need filing through?"

"Yeah, just one question, what was case 5654 B?" Stark asked, Bruce looked up too, curious

"A case that involved being a journalist for a bit. Nothing much. Didn't get much credit for it" Emma said passively

"You sure, I mean, I can easily hack into S.H.I.E.L.D" Tony said, pulling out his phone and scanning

"Dare you, you need level 20 clearances and, _I_ put up the defence myself." Emma said '_fuck_' was her thought.

_Emma sat at the café table. Loki was her target. Not really target, but to monitor Loki. It had been an interesting day, looking at the photograph of Loki she was given, she looked back at the God. And rechecked. 'Shit'. Emma examined the eyes in the photograph and Loki's eyes now. They were goddamn green. Green. GREEN. They weren't blue, like in the picture, she had to recheck files on the Tesseract, how people were affected, there was only one way to check she was right. Taking out a couple of clip-on streaks, she adjusted her loose hair, up in a corporate up-do, she took off her leather jacket and replaced it with a black blazer, throwing off her flats in favour of the heels. As of now, she was Dawn O'Brien, journalist, all she needed was the paparazzi. And it looked like, she had one, as media swarmed Loki's current position, trying to get information out of his 'change' in personality. She checked her make-up bag for brown contact lenses and popper them in just in time to see the flood of questions._

_"Loki" One reported would cry out. All the same, boring questions, she could turn this into a comedy._

_"Mr Loki Laufeyson." Emma started, holding out her 'fake' microphone with a camera and microphone-recorder "You destroyed New York City once, why do you return now, a year later to make amends. Is this repentance or something deeper?" Emma's best American accent was put to the test, she just hoped she could fool the God of Lies._

_"It's concerning the possession of several people, due to the effects of the Tesseract, I have come to believe that I was placed under it's effects." Loki said, taking advantage of the shocked silence Emma had produced, before another influx of questions. Emma squirmed up to the front, snapping Loki's eyes, she vanished, eyeing the rather chic scarf he was wearing. This was _easier_ the Stuttgard, at least._

"Right, well. DAMN!" Stark said, Emma smirked with some relief, at least S.H.I.E.L.D's anti-virus was stronger than usual today. "Why is it called case 5654 B anyway?"

"You probably wouldn't understand, you can't text." Emma said snidely, before handing Tony, rather violently, his completed paperwork, checking her agenda. All she had to do no was

"STARK WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU'RE BUILDING A SWIMMING POOL ON THE GODDAMN ROOF!?" Emma shouted, checking the last thing she had to do.

"Yeah, it's an infinity pool, just check all of it's in order, see if the slide is long enough, and tell them to increase the depth at the end of the building, just in case Romanov and Barton have kids." Stark added snidely. Emma nodded, exasperated, keeping Stark away from things that weren't his business was harder than it looked.

* * *

_**Dinner, nearing the end of Day 1**_

It felt weird for Emma, sitting down, like they were all family, eating pizza.

"Friend Stark, we must feast upon this delicious meal more often" Thor said loudly. The only time Emma had ever heard Thor be quiet, was the Chuitari attack of 2012. He was close to tears by that point.

"I have the mad urge to reference Torchwood, but I can't because none of you would understand" Emma said, gaining looks from the others "You just don't know how it _feels_"

"I've been there. I got hooked on to Charmed, I spent days hiding at internet cafés in Russia so I could watch Charmed in peace, without S.H.E.I.L.D knowing" Emma had not been expecting Natasha to say that. Natasha watched _Charmed?_

"Really, I was watching Sherlock re-runs for days on ends." Bruce said

"I know, I don't understand how you humans think John and Sherlock should be together." Loki said, sipping on his coke. Emma very nearly choked, _Loki and Banner_ had watched Sherlock. How many more dirty secrets was she going uncover?

"I don't know what is wrong with you lot, but whatever it is, please, stay away." Tony said dramatically, Emma sighed and kept eating her pizza.

"Why, obsessed with Dora the Explorer or something?" Emma asked sceptically, but with full intention of observing his micro-reactions. Noting the quick flick of his gaze, from her to the placemat, then back to her, she knew, she knew she had blackmail. As soon as dinner ended, Emma moved up to her room, still in the same mindset she was in that morning. Was this a dream? Or was Stark really this infuriating?

* * *

Well... like it? Sorry if my referencing gets a bit out of hand, you have no idea how carried away i get. Anyone figured out what 5654 spells yet? If you do, PM me, do not review, that way we don't give away the secret that Tony can't figure out. And, if you want to figure out what Emma is like, listen to the following songs:

Any which way: scissor sisters  
song for ten: Doctor Who soundtrack  
Mr Mysterious: (I reckon more for Loki) Vanessa Amarossi

Kay, and please review, i feel so lonely, despite the influx of love from this fic.


	3. Chapter 3

HEY! i feel so loved with all these followers. Thanks, really, and the reviews too. So i wrote another chapter. Got bored. Soooo i decided, beclaause i'm recieving all this love, i'll return it with some fanfiction :) I also edited the cover page... spoilers... like it though? it's a dollmaker on dolldivine from rinimaru games.

And, i meant to have this out on the 31st, but, school was restraining me, so it's late.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN SHERLOCK, AVENGERS OR HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's P.A's Chapter 3: Halloween

For Emma, time had passed by relatively quickly. After all, all she had to do for Tony Stark was row with him so he could sign documents. If she had to sort out who she hung out with, it was mainly Loki and Steve. They were _fun_. And also Banner, because they were always the first 4 to get up in the mornings. According to Stark, her job description also included cooking. Natasha rolled her eyes that time and explained that Tony was the only one other than Thor who couldn't cook. Together, she and Loki had managed to prank Tony an average of thrice a week. So naturally, the bloke was paranoid. Nothing much had happened until a couple of weeks before Halloween, when, Emma suspected, Tony was bored. They were all on the Helicarrier and Fury was going spare.

"STARK. WHAT VIDEO IS THIS?!" Fury shouted, Emma woke up, out of her stupor in the board room.

"Just a video of a particular SHEILD agent we have all known to come and love as Agent Hill" Tony said, Emma tensed up at the word 'agent', then sighed when he mention agent Hill."

"Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about." Agent Hill said, her calculating face on. Emma knew Hill well enough to know that her calculating face meant imminent doom for the person.

"LET'S GO TO THE MALL EVERYBODY!" a _teenage_ Maria Hill was singing in _80's_ shit. Emma's red-lipsticked-mouth fell to the floor. Agent Hill was a Canadian popstar? Tony Stark was smirking, Bruce and Clint were dancing to the song, while Natasha, Loki and Clint sat there in obvious discomfort.

"Thank God I missed the 80's" Steve said, listening to Maria Hill's singing. Maria was livid and staring at Tony, if looks could kill, Tony would be in atoms.

"LET'S GO TO THE MALL!" Tony sang out loudly. Emma face palmed. Stark was going to have another liable and lawsuit to face. As soon as the video finished, Emma spoke on behalf of Maria

"Stark, your death is now imminent. You have, approximately 2 seconds before your appointment with death." Emma said in her 'secretary voice', mock-checking her clipboard. Tony ran out of the boardroom with an Agent Hill, hot on pursuit.

"I bet Hill gets him." Emma betted

"There's no point betting, Agent Holmes." Fury said "Hill _will_ reach him and pull the bastards innards out."

"WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. YOU MIDGARDIANS PULLING OUT THE INNARDS ON ANOTHER. IT IS BARBARIC!" Thor boomed in anger

"Thor, it's a figure of speech" Steve explained.

* * *

Halloween.

"AH SHIT WHAT DO YOU WANT STARK!" Emma shouted. Stark had his face literally 2 cm from her face, as she woke up

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN DEAR ASSISTANT!" Stark said, Emma tucked her head back into her pillows

"Fuck off." She said

"But you have to dress up later." Tony pouted, before exiting. They had left the Helicarrier when Hill had reached Tony, then left him so bloodied up, he was left with bruises to practically all of his body. She had underestimated the right-hand woman, and Emma sent her chocolates and a thank you card the next day. Emma trudged down, surprised Tony was this excited, at 5:30 in the morning.

"Hello Steve" Emma said, as Steve looked up from his daily newspaper on the StarkTablet "Halloween yet again"

"Yes, I remember one of my favourite costumes. My mum dressed me up as a ghost." Steve said. Stark had gone back to his room, probably to shag Pepper.

"Really, my favourite was my Doctor Who costume. I dressed up as Romana one year then my other favourite was my princess costume. It wasn't pink, it was red." Emma added.

"Wish I could see a photograph of that." Steve laughed.

"Well, I've got his agenda." Emma opened up her laptop "And apparently, you lot need to be seen giving out sweets to the midgets, whilst dressed up in Halloween costumes. For the 'Avengers Halloween Party'. Any idea on what you're going as?"

"I think I'll go as Uncle Sam, because, media nowadays are on you like hounds, they'll expect me to do something like that. Banner, who are you dressing up as?" Emma flicked her curls around, to see Bruce coming down the stairs, evidently annoyed.

"I'm going as a mad scientist. You two?"

"Mad scientist? You're already one sweetheart" Emma said, sipping on her coffee cheekily. "I've decided, that I'm going in Sherlock cosplay, as Sherlock."

"Nice." Banner said. Emma nodded her head in the direction of the empty seat. "Natasha told me she's going as Catwoman, and Clint is going as Batman."

"Steve could go as Aquaman." Emma joked

"No ma'am. Just, no." Steve said, looking unimpressed.

"Who's Stark going as?" Emma asked Bruce

"According to Barton." Loki had just exited the lift and sat next to Emma "Robert Downey Jr."

"Egotistical bitch." Emma said "Who are you going as Loki?"

"Midgardian traditions are never interesting. I tend not to be involved. Except this." Loki's eyes glinted with mischief "I might go as Jim Moriarty from Sherlock."

"HELL YES!" Bruce and Emma had shouted at the exact same time

"Just no carving apples with I O U. I'm carving that with a pumpkin." Emma said, pointing to the large stack of pumpkins next to the microwave that hadn't been blown up yet,

"Well, I'm carving a chiutari on my pumpkin" Loki said, sipping on his coffee. Emma had figured out that apart from being the World's Mightiest Heroes. The Avengers were also the World's Heaviest Coffee Drinkers, on average, they were consuming at least 5 coffees a day. Emma had to add all her daily paper work and stuff to running around to get Tony coffees at any time of the day he desired.

"I'm carving an atom." Bruce said "Tony wants to carve the Stark Symbol on his pumpkin."

"Egotistical Bastard" Steve, Loki and Emma said in unison. Natasha had just exited the elevator and sat down, getting a steaming mug of coffee while she was there

"I'm carving a spider. And I have news." Emma sat up a little straighter "We're being joined by Peter Parker." Emma knew Peter, the week after she had started, Peter had joined them. He was an unofficial Avenger, Fury just wanted the kid to finish university before joining. It was nice to know Fury cared about quality education. Then Emma realised why Peter hadn't been around so much, a friend of his, Gwen Stacy had died. Peter felt guilty as he wasn't sure whether his sudden web sling had broken her neck, or whether she was dead before he had slung his web.

"Lovely. The more the better to piss off Tony." Emma said shortly "We should go trick-or-treating with the kids next year, or at least, you lot should. It would help with publicity and Tony definitely needs it more than you think." Emma was cut off as Clint and Thor exited the elevator.

"I HAVE DECIDED. I AM GOING AS Legolas!" Clint shouted as he exited. Thor looked pained. Emma rolled her eyes, it would've been hilarious if Clint had actually gone as Batman.

"My dear friends, I am at loss, I have no idea what to go as." Thor said, looking like a lost puppy as he sat on his reinforced seat.

"You could cross-dress." Loki muttered. Emma and Bruce were tittering away.

"Loki, how dare you slander the god of thunder!" Thor boomed

"Thor, it's only 6 in the morning." Natasha complained "It's a joke."

"But I will not abide this slander, Loki. What would mother say?" Thor shouted

"_Your_ mother and I could easily lie. God of lies, remember dear brother?" Loki said, looking at his finger-nails in that bitchy manner only teenage girls with sass could do

"Sass." Emma and Bruce said in unison.

"Loki's got a point Thor. You could go as" Natasha started, unable to think up of a costume

"Gale from the Hunger Games, you look a lot like him, if you turned your hair black and had it cut, got rid of the beard. More or less." Emma said

"I shall go as this Gale from the Games of Hunger." Thor declared. Emma stifled a laugh. "But, must I rid myself of my beard. It is considered a frightening facial form, to strike terror into the hearts of the enemies."

"So _that's_ where the Vikings got it from…" Emma said in a dazed voice, remembering her hard work and pages of notes, that provided her with full marks in year 8. And her speech about the Renaissance, as a Princess, delivered in a French Accent, with full marks. Stuff that. Emma knew she was the history geek of the year.

"You know what, I'm going to fry some eggs. I'm going to use up 2 dozen for all of us. And I'll go fry some bacon and tomato." Emma said, getting out of her seat, to open the new fridge. Steve was coping rather well with modern life, just the occasional female-issue and the occasional hi-tech device ruined his perfect run. Thor was an absolute dear in the headlights when it came to modern technology. He was getting there, he was getting there, slowly. Taking out the food she needed, she turned on the induction cooktop and began to fry eggs. She'd been frying ever since she was eleven, when she was at home. Her parents were often busy, and with 2 younger brothers, she had to do something.

"Never thought I'd see the day you'd cook for all of us, Lady Emma." Loki said, sitting on the black marble kitchen bench

"I think our resident Clintasha." Loki gave her a blank look "That's what fangirls call Clint and Natasha, it's a ship. Short for romantic relationship. There's quite a few, but, anyway, I reckon they've had enough burns from flying oil, to last them a lifetime."

"Yes, but why a lady of your standing would sink to cooking for my brother, is outrageous." Loki joked

"Hey, Thor is like the loveable teddy bear of the group. Steve is the socially awkward penguin and loveable cover-boy everyone loves." Emma began to describe her team "Tony is that selfish guy, you would never expect, would save other people, he cares too much, he pretends not to care. Clint is the underdog no one realises is totally badass and worries after people, Natasha is the master assassin with a soft side for blinis*, borscht, and Clint. Then Bruce is the smart, fun, older brother in desperate need of anger management." Emma opened the next carton of eggs, as she finished the first dozen, Natasha took them out with slices of toast.

"What about me, Lady Emma, how would you describe me."

"Two words. Totally awesome." Emma said, faint pink rising in his cheeks, as he looked away

"That, is perhaps, the highest compliment anyone has ever paid me, thank you." Loki said sheepishly

"It's fine, the highest compliment anyone's ever told me, was at my senior dance. It was ;' You look pretty, but that's because you're wearing make-up" Emma said, remembering that time. She thought someone actually paid her a compliment, until she heard the last 6 words. But Emma was proud of her dark, purple dress, it swished around at her legs and it had shown off the posture only a ballet dancer could have after a decade and a half of work. And, to be honest, she hadn't even worn that much make-up, besides foundation, eye shadow, blush, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick. The basics.

"That's because they're jealous, you are one of the most stunning women I've ever met." Loki said kindly. Emma took that as a 'pick-me-up', as no one of the opposite sex, mortal or god, would ever date her.

"Thanks, I suppose. Take this out dear, will you." Emma said, handing Loki the other plates, it was only then, she realised how distracted she was, and how easily distracted she could be. She was too caught up in the moment, to realise, she had been burnt by flying oil and fat at the wrist, it was a medium-sized burn too.

* * *

"Okay people." Tony said "I want this party for these kids to be GODDAMN PERFECT" Tony was standing on the stage, where the Avengers were to perform. Tony on drums, Steve on keyboard, Natasha as lead, Pepper as back-up and Clint on bass. Loki and Thor would work the lighting. Thor using Mjolnir and Loki by using his magic. Bruce had decided to use synthesisers to make the music sound awesome.

"Stark, it is going to be perfect, because one way, or another, you're going to be hanging from a cocoon of webs." Peter said, pushing his glasses up his nose

"Right, we now have a mummy spider and a spider-in-training. Learn from each other kids." Tony said "Now, Miss Holmes"

"Are you related to Katie Holmes?" Peter asked Emma, Emma rolled her eyes

"Nope, but my middle name is Sherlock. No shit, it actually is" Emma said in a dead-serious voice

"Wow" Peter said

"Anyway…." Tony interrupted "Pepper and Nat, you two can work on the most perfect pumpkin pies God will ever know. I even bought you the most expensive-high-quality pumpkins known to man-kind." Pepper and Natasha nodded, moving to the kitchen located off the function room.

"Peter, Loki." Tony said in a stern parenting voice "You two can climb up walls and do magic, therefore I want streamers and realistic cobwebs. You're a spider Peter. Channel your inner spider. AND NO PRANKS. YOU TWO AND MISS HOLMES ARE OUR RESIDENT PRANKSTERS" Tony shouted into his loudspeaker he decided to spontaneously use

"I thought speakers were obsolete, except for PE teachers from hell, and cheerleaders." Emma retorted, gaining giggles

"Thor, Bruce, Steve, Clint and Miss Holmes." They nodded "Start decorating the posters and when you're done, start carving pumpkins" Tony finished by taking a sip of coffee

"Sir, Agent Coulson of SHIELD is here." JARVIS said

"Take him here, will you." Tony said, within a couple of minutes, Coulson exited the lift and placed a box of chocolates next to Emma, with an envelope of money.

"Tony, Fury is arriving, for SHIELD publicity reasons. And, children from the New York hospital and the orphanage are arriving at 6 pm" Coulson said, handing Emma, rather, throwing at her face, the files. Emma flicked through them, handing it to Tony, knowing he didn't like being handed things. "And General house rules. Loki, no serious pranks. Tony, you can't do anything suggestive. Clint, Natasha and Emma, no cursing or violence. Thor, don't be so loud, and Banner…" Banner looked sheepish "Please don't get pissed off." With that, Coulson left. Emma began her laborious task of carving the pumpkin, first by taking out the pulp and seeds (the pulp and seeds went to Pepper and Natasha to cook with), then by tracing on her design.

"Please explain to me why I chose a difficult pattern." Loki sat there at ease, using his magic to carve the pumpkin, Loki had his feet up on the table, looking at Emma's pumpkin with vague interest.

"AH SHIT. PARKER!" Emma said, looking up, as she found herself covered in softened cob webs. Loki joke-twitched his nose, and vanished all the cobwebs. Loki somehow summoned eerie lanterns, more like orbs, to float around, placing a red orb inside his carved pumpkin. Loki smirked, Emma sighed, he had magic, therefore could multi-task, by carving and putting up decorations. Loki had also released a swarm of harmless bees to attack Tony, Emma had spontaneously dropped a bucket of ice on Tony. Peter dared Loki to send Steve a box of gift-wrapped tampons, Loki had also covered Mjolnir in bubble wrap. In general, they spent the entire day smirking and giggling like school girls.

"Sorry. My bad" Peter said sheepishly "Hey, Stark, you got any spiders?"

"I'm sorry, but I think in general, Tony, you need to follow the spiders" Emma said, crossing her fingers that someone got the reference

"No, and don't even ask me to put a troll in the room." Peter said. Emma smiled. _Someone_ got her Harry Potter referencing.

"Yeah, Pep. How are the pies going?" Tony shouted into the kitchen. Emma checked her fob-watch, realising that it was about 4:00, they had been decorating and carving for hours.

"They're all almost done. The candy truck arrived 5 minutes ago." Pepper said, poking her head out of the kitchen

"Well, at least I'm not singing" Emma mused, looking at the tech-people preparing the technology (aka bored SHIELD agents)

"Rubbish, you sing well" Bruce said, peering from his pumpkin

"We were _drunk_. Only time you'll hear me singing" Emma said. That was the last time she was trying Asgardian mead. "Anyway, shouldn't we get into costumes" Loki glowed gold for a second, before revealing himself in an exact copy of Alan Scott's (more like Moriarty's suit) and his hair parted the way Moriarty would, then changing back.

"Nice." Steve said "Right, are we all getting changed?"

"Yeah, just that Tony's actually going as Robert Downey Jr." Clint said, who had been quiet all day, except for the time Tony zapped Clint from behind, resulting in Tony flailing on the floor. "God help us all" Peter abseiled down from his spot on the roof, looking interested

"Halloween costumes? I didn't bring a costume. I'll just go as myself" Peter said

"You could go as an actual spider" Clint suggested "I think we have some stuff in Tony's costume department"

"Could work, but I'll just go as myself." Peter politely declined the offer.

"Thor could go as a kitten" Emma said, Loki sniggered.

"As cute as kittens are, Lady Emma, I am masquerading as Gale from the Games of Hunger" Thor protested

"Thor, even _I_ know it's the Hunger Games." Steve said, shaking his head. Emma drifted towards the window, looking out, then looked back at the Avengers in fear. The girls were all wearing their Avengers merchandise and squealing words like "I HEART CLINTASHA" or "THUNDERFROST FOREVER", and the occasional "SCIENCE BROS FTW"

"Guys, your fandom has arrived. Prepare for squeals and potential violations." Emma said, as the squeals became louder and louder, banging her head against the window.

"Hey, you're a fangirl, this should be normal for you." Tony said, Emma agreed, hehe BBC. Emma had a sudden idea, if Loki could get out of there quick enough, provided.

"If I told them that Benedict Cumberbatch was walking across the street from them, and, that really wasn't Benedict Cumberbatch…" Emma said, looking at Tony, with her 'calculating face'

"Loki, daaaaaahhhrling." Tony started "You wouldn't mind turning into Benedict Cumberbatch, would you" Tony said, batting his eyelashes immaturely and coyly, the way a teenage girl who was inexperienced with flirting would.

"No. Besides, these midgardian females…" Loki started

"Or Males" Clint said in fairness, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively

"He's got a fair argument. He should be Tom Hiddleston, he's cool. I mean, he was in Midnight in Paris, only romantic movie I'll ever watch, but, Tom Hiddleston. Who _doesn't_ love Tom Hiddleston" Emma started ranting on, then getting back on topic when JARVIS announced that the tower had been violated "Tom Hiddleston, ginger, now." Emma literally barked, remarking how military-like she sounded. Almost like her aunt Diana, in the military. Loki morphed into Tom Hiddleston and ran down the fire-escape, whilst the Avengers ran out the other way to face the oncoming horde of girls.

"Fuck. We are _so_ screwed." Tony said, as Bruce tried his best to remain calm, Steve trying not to blush and shrink away in the corner. Peter randomly pulled out his skateboard and began to skate down the halls of Avenger Tower, just in time to see the fangirls violate the second floor.

* * *

Tony's POV

Tony smiled, he had fangirls, however, his perfect view was obscured by his annoying SHIELD personal assistant

"Hello, I'm afraid you can't see them today, they have an important function on today." Tony heard Emma say in her authoritive British accent. It was polite, but that tone said 'or else go fuck yourself and die',

"Damn I wish I could make them quiet with just one syllable" Clint had said. Emma looked back at Tony, and Tony gulped, Clint had just ruined the potential freedom, hadn't he. Tony had barely been able to blink, before he was violated by several fangirls, all squealing, one even had the nerve to kiss him, which, he of course returned. He tried to look over to his comrades, to find that Banner was being kissed rather full on by, it was Betty Ross, Tony left him alone. Steve was being jumped on by at least 10 girls, to the point of being knocked to the floor, as he looked socially awkward and turning beet red, while Thor was having his large chest being caressed by the girls, as he cursed on the top of his lungs in Asgardian

"BITCH I'M CLINT BARTON. LEAVE ME ALONE!" Tony heard Clint shout several other profanities at the girls there, who seemed rather put out.

"LOKI, LOKI WHERE ARE YOU DAAAAAAARLING?" masses of the girls who were rejected, squealed, everyone getting hit as there wasn't much space in the corridors.

"There's always me, you know, who doesn't love Iron Man?" Tony asked suggestively to the girls, then immediately regretting it, as several more girls began to jump on him. Tony knew what Emma was playing at, she was trying to make her way to the window, where she grinned.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S FUCKING TOM HIDDLESTON!" Emma said, squealing up and down, pointing out the window. Tony felt the pressure of several sexy bodies leaving him, as they all swarmed to the balcony, where they immediately exited the building and start to swarm 'Tom Hiddleston'

"Ah, sucks to be Loki right now" Peter said, the only one escaping torture-by-millions-of-fangirls, laughing, as Tony watched Loki running away as fast as he could from the army of fangirls. Loki was immediately kissed by one of the girls, another attempting to rip his shirt off. Tony smirked as Emma scoffed, jealousy?

"And you call them perfectly educated ladies? Bitch please, I went to a boarding school that involved hours of deportment and etiquette lessons" Emma said, Tony burst into laughter

"That would explain the perfect posture and manners at times" Tony said genuinely, then taking it to a sarcastic level "And the wonderful behaviour, language and death threats, I would _gladly_ send my daughter there." Tony said

"Fuck off Stark, you're missing out on the show" Emma said, as Tony looked out the window to see a black cat make its way back to the tower, while the girls squealed and cried.

"NO TOM MARRY ME? WHERE DID YOU GO!" and stuff along those lines, before a fangirl pointed out, a _genuine_ David Tennant

"DAVID TENNANT RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!", followed by squeals and Emma's star-struck face. Tony was lucky enough to catch Emma's millisecond reaction, as she was about to run out the door in heels, Tony catching a glimpse of the celebrity, turning his head around, then jumping into a car

"NO FUCK YOU WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND FUUUUUUUCK YOU ANTHONY STARK" Emma shouted in anger. Tony winced at the use of his full name

"No, language young lady. Lokster is back and the kids are arriving" Tony repraminded. He watched as Emma's posture slunk for the first time ever, then standing straighter than ever, her felt her yank her arm away from him, as she walked furiously down the hall to the function room.

"What did I miss?" Loki asked, Tony face palmed

"You just missed Miss Holmes flouncing away in an extremely pissed way" Bruce said, Tony and the guys agreed, they were _not_ going anywhere near their fans anytime soon, nor was Tony going to deliberately piss his personal assistant off again, for all her knew, she could kill him while he was sleeping.

* * *

Haha. WHEN FANGIRLS ATTACK! not the last time we'll see the fangirl army... And, everyone know Colby, who plays Hill? she also plays Robin in How I ment Your mother. LOL. I had let's go to the mall stuck in my head for weeks on end. Little bit of hinting i suppose in this chapter. And, sorry, if you didn't know Gwen Stacy dies, she dies, if you read the comics, how she died was in this chapter too, but not sure of the exact details, i do know Peter isn't sure whether it was his sling or if she was already dead, but in general, we imply the sudden sling broke her neck. Yeah guys, it's fine, cry all you want. And costumes, sorry, couldn't think of anything for Thor or Steve. I really couldn't. Haha, fangirls, just imagine yourself part of the crowd. So, reviews. Please :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey kids, i feel so loved right now, thanks for following/reviewing/etc. Even the anons, love you guys. Okay, so this is the Halloween Party. Umm, please understand the Poirot references i have made here, couldn't help myself. And oh, i apologise if i'm OOC, not sure if i have them all right.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Batman, Marvel, Poirot, Gotye, The HUnger Games, Dinsey, The Helicarrier, Nick Fury's Eyepatch, or anything featured in this story except for my OC

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's Pas Chapter 4:

Hallowe'en Party

Emma was in her room. Tired. Fangirls. And ANTHONY FUCKING STARK DIDN'T LET HER MEET DAVID FUCKING TENNANT. That was just uncalled for, in her opinion. Emma pulled out the Belstaff coat to complete her look. She rather liked it actually, the deerstalker and all. Even though Emma knew, Sherlock didn't like the deerstalker, but it looked _sexy_ on Benedict Cumberbatch. Emma had her curls placed into a low bun, to provide the illusion of Sherlock's hair.

"Emma?" Natasha had entered the room "Cosplay, should've known"

"Is that even child appropriate?" Emma jokingly asked Natasha, as she entered the room wearing Catwoman's catsuit, whip and mask at the ready.

"Sure it is, as long as they don't start trashing the place." Natasha said, as Emma walked out with her.

"You… got bored. Decided not to go as Uncle Sam?" Emma had walked into Steve, who was in his 40's military uniform.

"No Ma'am" Steve politely replied

"STOP WITH THE MA'AM THING. I'M NOT A GODDAMN SECONDARY SCHOOL TEACHER!" Emma screeched. Steve had thing habit of calling women 'Ma'am', and it got extremely frustrating over time. Emma left Natasha and Steve talking, as she headed to the function room, to find Tony, dressed as himself, well…. Robert Downey Jr.

"Sherlock, glad you could join us. I have apple bobbing, hoopla, and trivia all ready for the monsters when they arrive" Tony said gladly

"Just don't drown a girl called Joyce , dressed in a bee costume, in the apple bobbing, for claiming to have witnessed a murder" Emma muttered, as Tony completed his look "Do tell me, how is one supposed to dress up as Robert Downey Jr?"

"Move up in the ego meter and no arc-reactor. That's about it" Tony said

"I thought it wasn't possible for you to become more egotistical, Anthony Stark" Emma said

"Sherlock" Loki said, entering the room

"Moriarty, what do I owe this pleasure?" Emma said, smirking as she turned around. Loki had his hair slicked back the way Moriarty would, and the suit too. It looked pretty damn cool, despite the fact the kids there probably didn't know who they were cosplaying as.

"You owe me a fall, Sherlock" Loki said. Emma sniggered and turned to Bruce, who was entering the room in his 'Mad Scientist' costume

"John, fetch my revolver, will you?" Emma said, pacing and talking to Bruce

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Tony asked, looking confused

"Do shut up Anderson, you lower the IQ of the entire street" Emma said dryly to Tony, his mouth dropping to the floor.

"Legolas, nice of you to drop by" Tony said, to avert his awkward situation, as Clint entered the room with Peter in his costume.

"One more Legolas joke, one more and you will have an arrow to the knee." Clint said, readjusting his platinum blonde wig, drawing his bow and arrow threateningly at Tony

"Boys, no fighting." Natasha said, cracking her whip. Tony winked playfully and Clint looked ready to murder him.

"NO YOU SHOULD'VE GONE AS BATMAN, CLINT BARTON." Emma complained rather loudly "I _ship_ Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle"

"I'm guessing that was supposed to imply something" Bruce said, pushing his glasses up his nose, sniggering. Emma immediately stepped away as a fandom civil war broke out between Tony and Clint.

"My friends, what is occurring, what is this nonsense?" Thor asked, as usual, loudly

"BUT IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, BATMAN AND CATWOMAN HAVE A DAUGHTER CALLED THE HUNTRESS!" Tony started shouting

"BUT BRUCE WAYNE AND GREEN IVY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER!" Clint said as equally as loud

"Boys. Now would be a good time to stop." Pepper said, entering the room, in her princess costume.

"According to Lady Pepper, this is how this Gale looks like." Thor said "Does this Sir Gale, end up with Lady Katniss, by any chance?" Thor did look like Gale, except for the beard, he kept the beard.

"No" was the reply of the entire room, but Emma found Pepper's costume most interesting

"Princess Aurora. Personal favourite, I'm guessing?" Emma said

"No shit, Sherlock" Tony said

"Sir, the children have arrived" JARVIS had announced, as Emma heard squeals and oohs

"Prepare to be violated. Avengers Assemble" Steve said, looking extremely worried.

* * *

"Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki. Do another magic trick!" Several of the children were squealing for Loki to levitate another apple out of the apple bobbing. Emma smirked at the back of the room, seeing as she was the PA, she was supposed to shrink and sulk in the corner. It was like a fucked up American remake of Downton Abbey.

"Looks like someone's doing the clichéd dreamy gazing into the distance." Tony said, sidling up to her

"Looks like someone's about to get the clichéd foot to the groin" Emma retorted "Anyway, since when was Loki kid-friendly?"

"He's got a thing for kids, don't know why, he's just natural with them"

"And looks like our Captain is natural with the volunteer. See the ginger over there" Emma pointed out, as she sat in mid-air between the walls, Tony looked "Sophie Jones, 26, book nerd and quiet, requires reading glasses and is a fan of classic movies like _Anne of the Thousand Days_. Looks like Cap here isn't so nervous around her"

"Did Cap just give her the gaze of 'I just fell in love with you?!'" Tony said disbelievingly

"I think he did…" Emma said, equally as shocked, turning to look at Tony. Bruce had sidled up to them too, confused as to the shocked looks Emma knew she and Tony had

"Noticing Steve too, huh?" Bruce said "I slipped his number in her pocket, I know he's not going to give it to her."

"Nice one mate" Emma said "Looks like we are looking at the new Mrs Steve Rogers. Just don't let Thor know that, he's hopeless"

"Don't let Loki hear that, he'd kiss you to have someone admit that" Tony remarked "Is that a rise of colour in your cheeks Miss Holmes." Tony asked in the bitchy-scandalous way he did

"And is that Pepper coming up to you right now to ask what-" Emma was cut off as Pepper looked rather angry at Tony

"DID YOU JUST LET NICK FURY ATTEND. BECAUSE HE IS HERE RIGHT NOW IN A PIRATE OUTFIT!" Pepper whispered furiously

"This, I need to see" Bruce smirked, Emma followed after him, to see kids swarm around the director of SHIELD

"Hey Mister, you look cool" a little kid said, dressed as Captain America

"Why, thanks son, now, why don't y'all go eat, while I catch up with a couple of friends of mine." The kids scurried off as Emma and Bruce could hardly supress their laughter

"You look fabulous" Bruce sniggered, unable to keep his control over his amusement for much longer

"Bitch, I _am_ fabulous" Fury replied saucily

"Looks like _someone's_ been on Tumblr" Emma coughed, as she began to plot her escape from an extremely pissed Fury. "Duty calls, farewell lads" Emma said, scurrying over to Loki and Peter

"Is that…" Peter started as Emma arrived

"Nick Fury dressed as a Pirate, yes, that would be him" Emma replied

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is the good Captain, talking to a fiery young lady?" Loki said, nodding in their direction

"Fiery, not really, she's quiet and into Charles Dickens. But her hair is probably what made Steve notice her" Emma said "Bruce slipped Steve's telephone number in her pocket."

"Lady Emma, you look, rather lovely in your costume" Thor said "The children are enjoying your magic tricks, brother"

"They always do, Thor" Loki smirked

"Has anyone seen Son-of-Barton and Lady Natasha, I was to inquire as to the use of these midgardian party tricks" Thor said, in his Gale costume

"Probably somewhere" Loki started

"In a broom closet" Emma continued

"Having sex?" Peter said. Emma face-palmed. Not the best thing to say to Thor, was it? Thor had the grace to blush and walk away to sit in the corner with Steve, to be socially awkward penguins

"You just had to make that assumption, didn't you" Emma told Peter

"Why, what else were you two going to say?!" Peter asked defensively

"Passionately kissing" Loki replied

"Playing seven minutes in heaven with Coulson and Hill" Emma suggested

"Yeah, but you do realise what people do in seven minutes in heaven" Peter said to Emma, as Loki looked on, lost.

"Dude, this is why I didn't get drunk at the SHIELD Christmas Party of 2011. Hill and Coulson went into the same closet together, and I don't even want to _fathom_ whatever happened there" Emma stressed. Peter and Loki both collectively shuddered.

"No, wait. They're electing this moment to perform, now?" Loki whined, as Tony mounted to the stage. Natasha appeared, it seemed, to have coaxed Clint into wearing a Batman costume. The band, called 'Tony and the Starks' (the Avengers had elected to ignore the band name), were going to start singing their first song: 'Euphoria' By Loreen from Eurovision 2012. Loki merely flicked his fingers as he played with the lighting. It reminded Emma of a life she never had. She had only ever attended concerts once she graduated High School, from the prestigious Wycombe Abbey School, as part of house Campbell, the purple house. She went to primary school at the Dragon School and graduated University at Cambridge, she had literally gone to the best schools possible, yet she was such a strange a twisted, sarcastic, person. And Emma liked it like that, the contradiction that she was. As soon as the song ended, the children were cheering and requesting songs they liked. Her secondary school orchestra only elected to play classical music at formals and balls.

"Thanks kiddos, the guys have conferred and we've decided that the next song is one you're definitely going to like." Tony said, setting up the beat. Tony and Natasha seemed to be the ones singing this one.

"Wake up in the morning " Emma laughed, as Tony sang in falsetto, he had chosen 'I don't feel like dancin'. Loki sniggered.

"Lady Emma, shall this go on Youtube?" Loki asked

"I believe it is worthy of the views of the public" Emma replied courteously, as they evilly grinned at each other. "JARVIS, sweetheart." Emma said sweetly

"Yes, Agent Holmes?"

"Do, record this and upload it on YouTube, please?" Emma asked sweetly

"Of course, Agent Holmes." JARVIS replied, in what she guessed was JARVIS' best attempt at mischief.

"Do we have any other moments we want to upload?" Emma asked Loki

"Unless one is to count our _montage_ of Stark falling over unnecessarily, I don't believe so." Loki replied back

"I think another 30 seconds worth-more of falls, and we should upload it. I mean, if anything, Tony and the lads will get drunk, and he'll be falling over in no time" Emma said, shrugging her shoulders and nodding in the direction of the door.

"Or, just ask Lady Pepper to kiss him, he'll faint" Loki suggested

"Adding that to the list then. Cannot believe I have to survive another two hours of this party." Emma said, as soon as things began to go out of hand

* * *

"Okay guys, this is Emma Holmes, she's Doctor Banner's and mine's new Personal Assistants, and she can actually sing" Emma began to protest, wishing she could use more colourful language, as a guitar was pressed into her hands by none other than Tony Stark, who grinned.

"Sing for us… Pleaaaaaasssse" A little girl asked. Emma had to oblige, of course, taking the guitar in her hands

"Holmes, sing for us, just this once" Tony was giving her puppy eyes

"If that's supposed to be cute, I think these kids here can do much better" Emma replied icily, gaining laughter. Fury looked at her, vaguely interested, Emma mounted the stage and gave Stark a death-stare. Natasha did her best to give her an 'encouraging' smile. Loki was giving her that quizzical look she wished he'd stop doing. Emma sat on a stool and began to pluck the ever-familiar chords and began to sing.

_"Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you felt so happy you could die."_ She had kids clapping and Fury looking impressed. Trying not to show her pissed expression, she continued singing the song.

"_But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and we were nothing. And I don't even need your love, you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. But you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records then change your number, I guess I don't need that though, because now you're just somebody I used to know."_ Emma was glad the guys had picked up by the first bar, Tony drumming the beat, Natasha and Pepper backing up. Banner made the musical effects sound awesome, enhancing the sound of Emma's acoustic guitars with his high-tech-impossible-to-understand-tech. While Steve and Clint kept playing their respective keyboard and bass. Loki kept smirking. Emma itched to roll her eyes at him. Thor was just clapping along with the kids, like the adorable stuffed-teddy-bears they were.

"_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over, but had me believing it was something I'd done. But I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say, you said you could let it go and wouldn't see you hung up on somebody that I used to know." _ Emma sang, as her strumming became much faster as she sang the last couple of notes

"_But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and we were nothing, and I don't even need your love, you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. "_ Natasha sang the next lines for her, giving Emma the time to take a breath and catch up to the lyrics

"_But you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and change your number. I guess I don't need that though, coz now your just somebody I used to know."_ Emma finished, Pepper singing the last echoed bits with Natasha. The song ended with an applause from the kids. Tony Stark owed her, big time.

"That was Emma Holmes kids." Tony said. Emma glared, yet again at Tony, leaving the stage, she was not doing _that_ again in a hurry.

"A voice worthy to serenade the nymphs, Lady Emma" Loki said, as she stood back next to him

"That reminds me, where has spider-boy slung off to?" Emma asked him, as she remembers missing Peter from the crowd.

"His Aunt was calling him, he had to depart, sadly of course" Loki replied. "You seemed to have unnerved Director Fury, he was recording you on his Midgardian technology."

"Shit." Emma cursed quietly, remembering adorable three year olds and resident 90-year-old-virgin: Steve, were all in the room. "Ah well, it's nearly over, what do you think is going through Steve's head" Emma directed Loki's gaze to Steve and the girl he was talking to earlier.

"The quote from your dear playwright: 'Parting is such sweet sorrow'" Loki said. Emma thought that was a fair idea

"Since when did you know Shakespeare?" Emma asked him

"Since I was dragged along to watch the god-awful movie; 'Romeo And Juliet'" Loki replied, disgusted "I was inquisitive about this Shakespeare, so I watched a number of his much more interesting plays"

"At least they weren't watching 'Titanic'" Emma said, shivering with disgust

"I know, Lady Rose and Sir Jack could've both floated on that mere piece of wood. His death was unnecessary" Loki replied, as they exited the room, the party finally over.

* * *

Several days later at a SHIELD meeting

"FUCK WHO LEAKED THIS VIDEO!?" Emma asked, storming into the board meeting, slamming the door extremely hard behind her. Fury cowered in his spot "If I find out who it was, I will find them and skin them. If you tell me who it is, I'll make you very, very rich. If you are the person who leaked it. I will turn you into shoes." Emma exited the room, slamming the door extremely hard again, behind her. Fury looked at the other Avengers with fear, their expression mirrored with theirs.

"I think Jim Moriarty has gone to her head" Tony coughed as they continued the meeting.

* * *

Soooo, like it? Oh, and technically speaking, seeing as Tony doesn't do all that much corporate stuff for Stark Industries, as Pepper's CEO, that would naturally mean, Emma's more of a lab-rat, than typing-up. Yes, i haz introduced Steve's chick. Note, she isn't related to Peggy... ooh, i just had you intrigued, didn't i, as someone at SHIELD is...

Oh and I wanted to see Loki react to Titanic and Romeo and Juliet. He WILL however see one of these following movies, please tell me which you would prefer:

Midnight In Paris {i squealed like hell in this}

Letters To Juliet

or Titanic, yet again, watch him suffer in real-time

Oh and Peter swung and left.. perhaps to see MJ? who knows...

All shall be revealed in the next chapter, which shall probably focus on Christmas or some stuff.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys, so i think it's time i do a head count of the people who have followed/reviewd/favourited, so here are all you lovely dears, cookies for you all:

Alicehime-sama, BloodBlackAlchemist, Calistacat98, EnyaandEathenyl, Kohanita, Lady-Kiki-theevilmastermind, Rebecca Cumberbatch, Ryle Culler, Souli88, UltraMangusFanGirl, aquakim, daphii, , mercenarybunny, oliverae1213, xXxDragonXPhoenixXx, Hufflepuff Hex, Ice and Fire dragon, basketball4444, chasesgirl2, istartednothing, psychokitty, samjake, theskylightens, Ali, Annie, ClarinetRox88, Whitelion69 and Guest. I love each of you kids, each of you, now on with the story. I also have bonus content because my life currently revolves around my stack of Marvel DVDS and i just want extra content. Please review, i need more love. Not many people like me in the real world. Oh, and I'm not American, or British. I'm actually Filipino and living in Australia (born here actually), so i know nothing on Thanksgiving or Bonfire night (the latter only because of reasons)

Disclaimer: Thank god i don't own Titanic. But i wish i owned everything else.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 5

Thanksgiving had come and gone. Emma wasn't American. She was British, the concept of Thanksgiving was complicated for her, as was the concept of Guy Fawkes night for them. Tony had gladly let her burn a dummy for Guy Fawkes night, over a large bonfire, while she sat there roasting marshmallows. It was rather fun, actually, '_Remember, remember the fifth of November. Gun Powder, Treason and Plot'_. They had nothing to do, so it was virtually movie-night all over again. The moral of the story was; Pepper shall choose the first movie, lest suffer the pain and torture.

"No. NO. NO NOT TITANIC!" Loki screamed, as they all sat down in the home-cinema, on leather, reclining chairs eating sushi. If only she could watch the Sherlock Holmes movies like this.

"NO!" Was the collective screech around the room. Emma wanted to slice open someone's liver, she wasn't going to watch Titanic. Unfortunately, she had to. Loki, Bruce and Emma were having a running commentary from the back row of chairs, tittering away as they made snide comments. But Loki was suffering the worst, two minutes in, he already needed to strangle Pepper.

"Just chill" Bruce whispered

"But it's entirely three hours of establishing shots!" Loki whispered heatedly. Emma agreed.

"Nice sketch though. Rather realistic" Tony muttered back to them from the front row, winking, then having his shirt tugged back to face the screen, by Pepper.

"Lovely" Emma said, as Clint looked at Natasha. Emma was connecting dots. If Clint belonged with Natasha, Tony belonged to Pepper. Thor apparently belonged to Jane, Bruce belonged to Betty, Steve would probably end up with that girl he was talking to on Halloween. But, Emma was pretty sure that Loki was married to Sigyn in Norse Mythology. Was she going to be a loner for the rest of her life? She supposed she could try hitting on Benedict Cumberbatch, or Tom Hiddleston, then again, about a 10 year gap.

* * *

"I want you to paint me like one of your French Girls" 'Rose-who-we-shall-not-name' said

"Eww, eww, eww, eww" Steve said, immediately blushing

"I am _so_ sorry" Emma said sincerely to the super-soldier, herself shuddering, wondering how this was only rated PG

"Oh, lovely" Loki winced. Emma felt Loki shifting closer to her, rather than Bruce, who looked ready to throw up, and Steve who looked ready to faint. Then Emma wondered how Loki was supposed to shift more in her direction, as they were in their own reclining couches.

"I need a case!" Emma whispered heatedly

"Chocolate?" Loki offered her

"Yes please" Emma said, taking a chocolate. Popping it into her mouth, noted it was hazelnut flavour.

"Let me guess, partial to hazelnuts?" Loki asked

"Yeah, my sorta thing" Emma replied, wincing as the camera zoomed into Rose's breast.

* * *

Several hours later….

"I will never let go!" Jack said. Emma groaned, her 'Jack And Rose' were kick ass and travelled with the Doctor.

"And he lets go." Loki said, planting his head between his legs in frustration, where they were tucked up at his chest "He clearly needn't have let go". Jack released the drift wood and began to sink. Rose looking obviously distraught.

"Ugh, no, why must you be so depressing" Emma said to the screen

"It's nearly over" Bruce reassured her, putting his glasses back on and taking out his i-pod earphones.

"Damn you, my phone is charging" Emma muttered in contempt.

"I can't use phones" Steve replied sadly

"I occupy myself in my own imaginary world" Loki said brightly. Emma seriously began to doubt the maturity of the people in this room. Except Pepper.

"How's Thor reacting?" Emma asked Bruce, who was directly behind Thor

"Not coping" Bruce replied grimly. Emma glimpsed Thor grasping Mjolnir in fear. It was a tense few minutes, as she waited, and waited, until the movie faded out.

"Thank bloody God." Emma said rather loudly

"Hear, Hear" Clint and Tony replied.

"Okay guys, calm down" Pepper said "Emma, you've never picked a movie."

"Really? Then again, I influenced several choices" Like their Harry Potter marathon. She cried.

"Movie? Really, I was going to pick Sherlock. We've watched the Sherlock Holmes movies, haven't we?" Emma asked Bruce, who bothered to pay attention with her, Bruce nodded "Okay, I'm picking a time-travelling romantic movie"

"NO. NOT ANOTHER ROMANTIC MOVIE!" The boys all shouted in unison

"Midnight In Paris? You wouldn't watch Midnight in Paris?" Her gaze was met by several giddy smiles

"Lovely, roll film" Emma said, sitting back in her seat, drinking coffee

* * *

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Tony and Emma shouted in unison

"That's…" Natasha started, obviously in denial

"TOM HIDDLESTON" Pepper, Bruce and Loki said in unison

"AS A GINGER AFGHJKL;" Emma squealed in her seat.

"I am worried for your sanity, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, I am _truly_ concerned" Loki said.

"Josephine Baker huh? I am impressed." Steve said

"You know who Josephine Baker is?" Tony and Emma asked in unison

"I grew up knowing her, why?" Steve said slowly

"I did an essay for my A-levels on the Twenties. Threw a 20's dinner party in Elective History" Emma said

"She's a stripper." Tony winked. The movie passed by rather well actually.

"I want that dollhouse. Buy me that dollhouse" Pepper said, as Gil walked through the Parisian markets.

"Are you kidding me? I want those records" Steve said, Bruce and Clint nodding in agreement

"So much foreshadowing" Natasha muttered

"What is foreshadowing?" Thor asked

"Don't ask buddy" Tony said

* * *

"I SHALL DEFEND SIR GIL'S HONOUR. HOW DARE THAT BLONDE WHORE (Inez) SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN!?" Thor boomed. Hemmingway had dropped the bomb.

"Was I the only one who reckons Gil should've stayed in the Twenties?" Emma asked Loki, as he watched on vaguely interested.

"No, but it is a valid point, not to live in the past, but for one to move on and live in the present" Loki said

"Really, stop being such a philosopher. It gets rather creepy at times" Emma replied

"But Adriana and Gil were my OTP" Emma protested

"You _need_ to get off Tumblr" Bruce said "It's unhealthy"

"Correction, I am getting my healthy dose of feels, even if it hurts" Emma corrected

"You're going to kill yourself doing that" Clint chipped in "Have you _seen_ the Johnlock stuff on that?"

"Yeah" Emma replied. Clint just slowly turned back to Natasha.

"That's it. No more romantic movies" Tony said "We're all watching Kill Bill"

"HELL YEAH!" Emma and Natasha shouted in unison

"As your leader, I encourage you from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If your unconvinced a particular plan of action is the wisest you've decided, _tell_ me so. But allow me to convince you, and I promise you, right here, right now, no subject will ever be taboo… except of course, the subject that was under discussion." Natasha began to quote

" The price you pay for bringing up my Chinese _or_ American heritage as a negative is: I COLLECT YOUR FUCKING HEAD._ JUST LIKE THIS FUCKER HERE._" Emma held up a decapitated barbie head she found at the bottom of the steps on the way in, rather handy really. "NOW IF ANY OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES GOT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY, NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME!"

"Didn't think so" Natasha finished off, before the two had a fist bump.

"We _really_ shouldn't let them watch Kill Bill" Clint said

"Why? Because we can both translate the Japanese without the need of subtitles?" Emma asked, eyebrow raised.

* * *

Emma sat back happily, watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2. Her katana sat safely in her case. Or so she hoped. Not many people knew she was also trained in Samurai Sword. She loved the Beatrix though, that yellow hoodie and pants. Not that she would ever be caught wearing yellow.

"Tear that bitch apart" O-ren Ishi said

"That is just the most awesome line you can say" Bruce said

"I don't approve of you watching this." Steve said

"Why? Not age appropriate for us kids? Or is it just too violent for the Wizard of Oz?" Emma asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Nice" Tony said

"Tony, don't be mean" Pepper reprimanded him

"I think girls who fight with swords are hot" Clint said cheekily, gaining a whack behind the head from Natasha

"Blushing?" Loki asked

"How can you even tell?, it's like pitch black" Emma replied heatedly to Loki, fidgeting with chocolate wrapper

"I can" He replied passively.

"Must this movie end?" Thor whined like the adorable teddy bear he was "It's too good"

"You know, blood can't possible gush that much from the body, and it is also highly unlikely for one to escape from a coffin buried under that much earth." Bruce began

"Bruce, I think we get the point, virtually impossible." Tony said from the front.

* * *

Emma walked out of the cinema-room to be blinded by light. They'd been in there for hours, sprouting like little mushrooms do in the dark. Walking out into the corridor, she was surprised

"Hate you" Natasha said. The Christmas decorations were all up, the Christmas tree in the main 'Living Room' had been left undecorated.

"Reckon we'd do that tomorrow." Tony said, as they all came out of the room and marvelled at the beautiful decorations. Emma only had a couple of Christmas trinkets. Her carousel that played march of the snowflakes that had been in the family for centuries, and her other little carousel of Ballerinas twirling to waltz of the flowers.

"Such sentiment." Loki said. Emma wondered how strange it must've been for the Asgardians; Thor and Loki, to be thrown into a completely different world with completely different traditions.

"And, just because I'm a billionaire and I can afford Tickets to the Russian Ballet, for their performance of The Nutcracker." Tony bragged. Emma's heart stopped. Literally stopped. She'd done Ballet as a child and she knew Natasha was trained too. For someone to take her to see the Russian Ballet, was huge. "Bring a date." Tony said, before dragging Pepper to bed. Natasha shot Emma a glance, which she returned, the two excited as ever.

"I never knew you had an interest in fine arts, Lady Holmes" Loki said to her

"I did ballet. It's fascinating, really. Anyway, I'm probably not going, not an Avenger, remember, just the PA" Emma reminded Loki

"Nonsense, If Stark won't allow you to come, then allow me to invite you." Loki replied smoothly. Emma froze for the third time that day, shocked that Loki would make her his 'date', she tried to displace the word 'date' from her mind.

"Flattering, but I'd like to retire. Long day tomorrow which I think means overseeing the decorating and making sure tinsel decorating doesn't go out of hand." Emma said, bidding Loki good night before climbing flights of steps to her room. She knew there was a lift, but she needed time to process thoughts through her head. First of all, since when did Loki have friends. Second, since when was she part of the 'guys', she was just a PA and third of all, she needed to sharpen her Katana. Making it into her room, she slammed the door shut.

"JARVIS, what are the current whereabouts of Agents Romanoff and Barton?" Emma asked

"In the air vent above you, Agent Holmes" JARVIS kindly replied

"Tash, Clint. I'm going to sharpen my swords. You know I train in swordsmanship." Emma shouted to the air vent "Privacy, please?" Emma asked

"Yeah, okay" Natasha agreed

"No, but I wanna watch-ow. I _know_ it's a secret, Nat." Barton was evidently hit behind the head. Emma heard quiet crawling away from the vent above her. Emma took out her grinding stone and her katana, then began to masterfully grind at the edge of the sword, 100 strokes each side. She'd ruined her first couple of blades she'd try to sharpen. But she'd gotten the hang of it. The water stone she was grinding with had been soaking in water and baking soda for about 10 minutes. She was proud of her katana, she had a purple satin sash that she tied around it when in storage. That sword was presented to her after a mission in Japan.

_Emma was in Japan for a mission that involved one thing, free the kidnapped girls. She had to book in at the motel (of ill repute) and find the girls. Nina and Inez were 13 and 15 year olds, half American half Japanese, daughters of wealthy business tycoons. She kindly walked up to the girls who were cowering in the room._

_"Konichiwa, Watashi wa Emma Holmes des." She said_

_"You're the British Agent, aren't you?" the eldest asked. Emma nodded, she only had five minutes before the guard woke up_

_"We don't have time. Climb out the window, there's a window cleaning machine winch there. Go down to the second floor, you'll find a the entire floor with agents. Stay there, you'll be safe"_

_"Why aren't you coming?" Nina asked_

_"Because you weren't the only things stolen that night in Kyoto. They took your father's files on his business with Stark Industries. It should be in the hotel room. Now, go" Emma bid them, unsheathing her katana. The girls nodded, but Inez shouted one more thing:_

_"I saw him with it, look near the wine cabinet." Emma hurried there, but as soon as she opened the cupboard, the guard woke up. She thought it was just clichéd, too dramatic and worthy of her elective drama class._

_"Get out of the way" the guard said_

_"No" Emma replied, before running at him. The guard was fighting her with his bare hands. She attempted to bend down to swing at a leg, but in the process, snapped her blade in half._

_"Bitch, I liked my katana" Before she took out a gun and firing at his heart, blood splattering in her face. Wiping the splatter off, she opened the cabinet. She didn't have much time. A bomb was ticking. It was always down to it, red or blue wire. Taking out her swiss knife, she flicked to the plier attachment, slowly prying the wires away from the battery source, before taking the files, she had five minutes to get to the second floor before anyone else woke up from their stupor to find a dead body. Making it in time, she sighed. The girls were safe and she had the files._

_"Thank you so much" The mother sobbed, as she strangled Emma into a hug_

_"It's fine, just a job and I was only filling in for a friend on maternity leave" Emma said. Why did Charlotte think it was okay to get pregnant in the middle of the year? The busiest time of the whole year._

_"I hear you trustworthy blade was broken" Inez and Nina's father said. It was a statement not a question "In thanks, I bring to you our own steel, which we hope shall serve you faithfully" Emma was handed the sword with both hands, she accepted with both and unsheathing it, she found she was in possession with one of the most beautiful things in existence._

_"Domo Arigato" Emma replied, still revelling in it's beauty._

It still was a beautiful steel and when she finished sharpening it, she threw a piece of wood into the air, slicing it clean in half.

* * *

Extra Content: Part 2: Christmas Havoc

"HOLMES IT'S DECEMBER FIRST, WE GET TO DECORATE THE TREE!" Tony woke her up, rudely, again. Emma tucked her head under the blankets and stuck the rude finger up at Tony.

"Yeah, alright, fine" Emma said grudgingly after having the sheets ripped off her body, taking her Yukata (her scarlet red silk with golden dragons (read Murder on the Orient Express)) and walking down the steps

"Wow, he woke you guys all up" Emma said, surprised, seeing everyone there

"You've got a cut on your arm…" Bruce pointed out. Emma nearly committed suicide, she had been so careless to leave evidence where she sliced herself on one of her knives by accident.

"Yeah, I was doing some stuff. Nothing much" Emma replied impassively

"Funny, it almost looked like a knife cut" Loki said. Emma kept her face impassive, showing no expression was part of MI9 training.

"Yeah, can we just, decorate the tree" Tony said, handing everyone boxes of baubles and tinsel. Emma was handed a box of crystalline mini-figures of all the avengers and their symbols. Emma began to spiral around the tree, placing the decorations in an ascending spiral at the base of the tree. Natasha and Clint were hanging coloured baubles with everyone's names on them.

"Looks like you got one, Holmes" Clint said, hanging up Emma's . Emma looked up to see a white and purple bauble with glittery and loopy writing with her name and birthday upon it. Emma Sherlock Holmes 7-7-1988.

"Lovely. Looks like Fury, Hill and Coulson have baubles too" Emma noted, the blue, red and black baubles.

"Everyone does" Loki said, hanging up tinsel with magic. Within a couple of hours, the entire tree was decorated in schemes of white and other colours. It's would've been much quicker if Thor hadn't managed to tangle himself in baubles and

"If there was a midgardian tradition I shall treasure, it is perhaps this, friend Stark" Thor said, clapping Tony's shoulder. Standing back, Emma only just realised how big the tree was. It reached up from the lobby, up 2 floors and the top of the giant star up half a level. It truly was a beautiful sight, if you counted the holly and mistletoe around the room, and the decors.

"Plenty of space for presents then" Tony said. Pepper rolled her eyes, Emma realising how tedious it must be for Pepper to deal with such a three-year-old. Emma went up to her room, knowing Loki would be at the library and the rest would probably have a cup of coffee before going to bed as well.

* * *

Tony's POV

"They're gone. Good." Tony said "Have you guys noticed? Reindeer games has been a lot more talkative with Sherlock around."

"Not really. She just talks, a lot." Bruce said, pushing his glasses up his nose. But Tony had a point, he knew Loki pretty well, he didn't talk too much, but it seemed he was talking to Emma, a lot.

"Why, Stark, if you're insinuating anything between them, let me remind you. When Clint and I worked alongside Emma in MI9, she flirted and beat up guys to information and had her heart broken at least once. She'll flirt with guys, but they don't like her. She has nerves of steel, she doesn't let anything drop." Natasha said. Tony had to take that point into perspective too, Natasha noticed a lot about women

"Can't you just leave them alone?" Steve said tired. Tony's moustache twitched

"Like alone, alone. Or together, in a room, alone" Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows

"I care about how you speak of my brother. Loki isn't like that. Many a person think he and Sif are together. But they are merely just friends, almost like siblings" Thor chirped in

"Okay, how about a plan. Hawkeye, keep them under observation, you got the airvents. Cap, Bruce; she's with you a lot, drop hints or pick them up. Pepper, drop her a line about Loki, she gets the paperwork off you for me. And Thor, tell me _everything_ about Loki." Tony said, he was surprised they hadn't cottoned on to this "Natasha, do that female gossipy thing you girls do so well"

"Stark, I'm not having her unleash fangirls on you in retaliation." Pepper said

"Well then. JARVIS amp up the security. And Capsicle, thanks for the idea, you aren't so bad with women after all." Tony winked, leaving a beet red Steve behind. He was in Super-Spy mode.

* * *

Okay guys, i've watched kill bill. Feel free to cower while i quote and revel in it's awesomeness. Now, i am going on holidays from November 30 to the second week or so of January. I may sneak in some time to write, but i can't bring this laptop with me, it's a school laptop. All documents i write overseas will have to be pretty short and deleted ASAP. But i'll try to sneak in another chapter within this week and the next. And please review, i haz cookies (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: HELLOOO, i am currently packing for my 6 week holiday. i've got this fuck huge suitcase and my parents are pissed at me cuz my friend got me a Janto picture, she made it herself. Not cuz it's Janto, but because it's apparently not worth $10. I mean, the sentimental value that is Jack and Ianto! Sorry if it's short, i really wanted to update this cuz i keep getting followers and stuff.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and wish i made Thor dress up as Faramir for Halloween

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 6

"YOU EXPECT ME TO PLAN A SOIREE? YOU ARE BONKERS!" Emma shouted.

"I'm not the best at planning parties" Tony said in defence as Emma literally pushed him against the wall with one arm.

"Do _not_ expect ACDC" Emma said forcedly "It's all jazz and 60's music. Like really nice music. Black tie soirée, tux and all sweetheart. Oh, and I have an allergy to oranges." Emma said, releasing her vice-like grip from Tony, as he cowered at the wall, flouncing away in her annoyed way. It had only been a couple of days since they decorated the tree, and she knew, oh she knew of their plan. It was surprisingly easy to eavesdrop on them. She was literally just hiding behind the large decorative urn. Emma walked back to the lab, to talk to Bruce and Steve, the only sane people right now.

"Hello, what would you serve at a classy soirée? I'm debating between canapés and sushi" Emma threw at Bruce and Steve. Loki wasn't there, he was probably in the library, or in his room, being a sociopath.

"When is this?" Bruce asked, tinkering with one of his experiments. Steve looked up from a microscope, examining a cross-section of hair, for fun of course, and it was from Emma's head, as she and Loki had the darkest hair. Flattering thought.

"Christmas Eve. It's for SHEILD, Tony-the-bastard, has left me with the task of organising a goddamn party."

"Well, sushi would be fun. Sushi and sake" Bruce said

"Never had sushi" Steve replied

"Right, we are force-feeding you sushi and sashimi. Should I write that in hiragana? (すし と さしみ)" (Sushi to sashimi)

"Can we even read Japanese? Since when did you know Japanese?" Bruce asked in interest

"Since I studied French, Italian, Spanish, Geek and Nerd" Emma replied "Geek and Nerd are my specialities" Bruce and Steve sniggered.

"Hey, do you know where Loki is? Trying to hunt him down" Tony said, poking his head into his lab, where Emma was teasingly sitting on his sanitised benches.

"Nope, haven't seen him, ask Barton, he's probably seen him" Emma said passively, she was doing well with the whole 'pretend-you-actually-aren't-attracted-to-him-even-though-you-actually-don't-know-if-you-are' thing. Tony pranced out.

"Do you like Loki?" Bruce said tactlessly

"Like? Or Like, Like? Because that's just really tactless Bruce Banner, honestly, I thought you knew better" Emma scoffed "Like, as a friend, yeah. Tony, better be recording this, attracted, probably more on the not?" Emma said, she hoped, she really hoped her control of her emotions were kicking in, she was trained to not show emotion, only when necessary. "You do realise, I heard you?" Emma said

"Ah" Bruce and Steve said "It was Tony's idea" They said in unison, accusingly

"And right now, he is crouching behind this bench. Emma leant back, her back literally over on the other side, upside down, she raised her eyebrow at Tony. "You do realise, I could see your reflection in the glass doors, on Bruce's watch"

"How do you see a reflection of a reflection? That's just fucked up" Tony said annoyed

"Score; Me: 14. You: Negative 14" Emma said "Oh, and I'm serving sushi" Emma said, doing a backflip to get off the bench, getting a slow applause from Bruce and Steve.

* * *

Emma sat in her room, nothing to do, turning on the TV, she put in Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring. She had sent off her plan to Tony. List of songs to play (Windmills of your mind being the top of the list. Daydream Believer, by the Monkees there too). The food was done, the venue was the Ballroom at Tony's Malibu house. The chef was hired and the menu all set. The decorations had all been ordered and were to be put up the night before. Invitations sent out (yes, she had done quite a bit, no time to go on Tumblr, sadly). All that was left was her dress. That was about to be taken care of, by herself. She had traced out a pattern for a dress, the fabric waiting for her, in her large, walk-in wardrobe. She was debating between a dark-purple or a black. But ultimately, the black was her favourite.

She began to cut out the pattern on the black satin. It would be hard to put it together, but her mother was a fashion designer, it was in her family. The dress, when completed, should look stunning, or so she hoped.

"Agent Holmes. Lunch is ready, Agent Romanov and Agent Barton have ordered pizza." JARVIS said. Emma rolled her eyes, then grinned, Barton and Tash… ordering pizza together, like a proper married couple, though they weren't married.. She could probably make a 'squee' sound if she wanted. But she didn't. Emma literally sprinted down the stairs to the dining room, but quietly.

* * *

Everyone, except Loki's POV

"Now, what have we gotten out of Little Miss Holmes" Tony asked them

"I really don't think you should call her that" Natasha said warningly, eyeing him with vague worry

"Stark, you do remember, she figured out" Steve said, sipping on his coke.

"That's fucking impossible, she saw my reflection, in a reflection, it's _not_ possible" Tony protested.

"In a watch, is what surprised me" Banner said

"Anyway, you do realise, you aren't going to get anything out of her, she _never_ lets anything drop" Natasha said, taking a bite out of pizza and swigging some coke.

"Though, I reckon, Sherlock/Loki is a legit ship" Clint said mischievously

* * *

Emma's POV

She knew this room well enough to know that there was a slight weakness in the floor, just where Tony's chair was. Taking out a grenade (it was designed to take out chairs, oddly enough), she threw it just close enough to fell Tony's chair.

"Three, two, one" Emma counted down, to see Tony fall down, howling in the virtually non-existent pain, releasing a smoke-bomb, hidden, she ran to get 3 slices of pizza and her coke bottle, before scurrying up the stairs, smirking.

* * *

Everyone + Loki's POV

"Okay, who stole a coke bottle?" Tony said, sitting up, on a stool, shorter than everyone else

"Stark, I was unaware of your impending shortness" Loki said, entering the room and sitting in his spot "It seems Miss Holmes isn't dining with you" Loki pointed out, Tony couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Legolas? Mrs Legolas? Someone _please_ explain!" Tony literally shouted

* * *

"I was really beginning believe you weren't that incompetent. Clint would never _throw_ something, Natasha doesn't waste any reserves she can spare, so through process of elimination, that leaves me" Emma said, taking her usual seat next to Natasha and Loki

"Bitch" Tony said

"You're a slight kleptomaniac, aren't you?" Bruce asked, Emma considered this

"Not really, I just set myself to things. And Stark, never, ever, ever get me to plan another stupid party. I don't like parties" Emma said, pouring herself some ice-tea "I mean, the idea of laser skirmish really appealed to me, or actual paintball skirmish, in the snow, would be badass"

"YES! Brilliant idea, summer, we are having a SHIELD waterfight" Tony said, slamming his hand on the table

"Friend Stark, we all know, Lady Romanoff will win" Thor began

"Thanks, I feel vaguely flattered" Natasha said, awkwardly taking a bite out of her pizza. Emma heard her phone in her pocket, obviously hers, it made the TARDIS noise.

_NEW SEASON OF SHERLOCK! MID-NEXT YEAR, FILMING LEGIT UNDER WAY- Phil_

"EHRGHMAHGAWDAHHHHHHHHHHH! NEW SEASON. NEW SEASON. NEW SEASON OH MY GOD AHHHHH!" Emma had actually jumped on her seat and began to jump up and down on it, then jumped off the chair and ran to the living room which was just off the dining room, sitting on her seat and checking tweets on twitter. Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss confirmed, it will be showing on ABC (Australia), BBC, UKTV, BBC America and all the other usual stations that Sherlock would be broadcast on.

"No." Bruce said disbelievingly, Loki shaking his head in disbelief. Emma pranced up to them, chasé and pirouettes to the table, showing them the official tweet. The three of them were sobbing and hugging each other, hardly believing they were getting their new season, months, if not years earlier than expected.

"Well, that was unexpected" Steve said, looking creeped out by the three of them and edging towards Clint.

* * *

Emma was under pressure now, the party was in about a week, and she was nearly done with her dress. Okay, so her mother sent her the pattern, but it was unique, her mother cut it out for her. After all, Emma decided she was shit at cutting out patterns. Most of the dress was done, it was really just, reinforcing some stitches, unpicking here and there. She seemed to be doing a lot of unpicking. But, she had sewn on the fascinating, little thing at the hip, where all the satin gathered and it looked fucking awesome. Emma had gone through at least a couple of fittings with the dress, tucking it there, or making it looser somewhere else. Slipping it on, she checked her reflection in the mirror. All that was really left was to get it dry-cleaned.

Emma looked at her reflection, where she stood barefoot, among all her cutting scraps and clothes. The dress itself fell to the floor, sleeveless, except for the single strap at her left shoulder. From the strap, it began to drape in gradual portions at the front (it was still tight, it was just some drapery on the front), until all the gathers were held in place with the diamond, pearl and sapphire piece on her right hip. Then it fell tightly to about mid-way at her thighs, then it became black chiffon, mixed in with scraps of fluttery lace. The back was slightly backless, revealing half of her back, the apex of all the tulle and chiffon started higher up that the front, where it fell out. It was rather gothic, and she liked it.

"Emma? Holmes… may I enter?" Emma froze. 'shit' she though 'fucking shit'. Loki must've been looking for her, JARVIS obviously pointing to her closet.

"Okay, under one condition, promise not to tell and please, give your honest opinion." Emma's head rested on the other side of the sliding panel, biting her lip.

"Emma, I haven't the faintest clue in which you're talking about" Loki said unsurely. Emma rolled her eyes

"Honest opinion, or else" Emma said in her threatening voice, quickly taking her hair out of the bun it was in, then sliding the door open and pulling him in, slamming the door behind him. Loki stood there, evidently confused, she could tell, then his mouth formed an 'oh'. He began to chuckle really softly

"What? Loose thread? Anything need unpicking?" Emma asked "Seriously, my mother would kill me. Please don't let it be unpicking"

"No, it's fine, it's fine, Lady Emma" Loki said, in quick protest, Emma raised an eyebrow "You look absolutely ravishing, may I add"

"Thank bloody God. Okay, you, permission to leave" Emma said, dismissing him "Oh, and remember, secret, or else I will divulge to Tony, who touched his car." Emma said, she had blackmail, while at the Halloween Party, Peter dared Loki to scratch one of his cars, he agreed and Emma face-palmed.

"But, really, you look lovely. I can understand why your fellow classmates ridiculed you. They were merely jealous." Loki said, before exiting her closet. Emma sighed, did she just seriously let Loki look at her? In the dress? In her _closet? _In her opinion however, there were more pressing issues at hand. Pepper had helped her organise the party, the only sane person left. Pepper had gone and briefed the chefs on what they needed to cook etc. Emma just had to work on the decorations, which, as she thought, were being put up. At least Tony wasn't going to find out, was he? Taking off her dress, she placed it on the mannequin, that stood next to her cosplay outfits. It was a surreal feeling, making your own dress and having _someone_ compliment you on it. Her shoes were already placed under the mannequin. All she had to do now was do something with her hair. But she had a week to think about that. Then again, she was a bit of a procrastinator, she meant to give back textbooks in yr 8, but ended up giving them back at the start of yr 9.

"Agent Holmes, Director Fury, of SHIELD is on the line, it is about you latest mission" JARVIS stated. Emma flicked around to see a holographic screen in front of her, with a relatively pissed Fury.

"Sir, is there an issue, I was under the impression I wouldn't have any more missions since Japan?" Emma asked, eyebrow raised.

"No, but this time, it's someon-"

"Of course it's someone, no _shit_ Sherlock" Emma said

"Just _listen_, they're trying to take down someone close to the Avengers, anyone of them. Their families, girl-friends and possible you, you haven't been noticed yet publicly, you do a good job in the shadows. But your soirée is going to land you centre-stage in the spotlight, ready for your debut solo."

"_God_ Fury, you don't have to reference a musical _now_" Emma replied dryly.

"Agent Holmes, I'm warning you, our sources tell us they plan to strike within January." Fury said before the hologram disappeared. Emma shrugged her shoulders, she was taking it seriously, no doubt, but she had a shit load of napkins to fold into origami cranes right now.

* * *

So, please review and stuff, you get the gist and also, i was making mini origami cranes (おりがみ）I'm really sorry, i just felt like typing Origami in hiragana. I just had my last japanese lesson, as i didn't choose it next year. I did, however carry over elective history and drama. Such a sci-fi geek. Now, fare thee well, i'll think of you while i'm on a plane or trying to think up new chapters, and i really do hope to update soon.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: *door slams open* Hey guys, i'm back, i fucking missed you all. I did initially have a chapter like this, but then i deleted it, not up to my satisfaction. Anyway, as a Christmas/New Year's/ OMFGSorry present, i inserted what i call : A day in the life of Emma Holmes. Anyway, a lot of shit will be happening over the next few chapters. Seriously, a lot. So kick back, read and well do what you do best, shout out to all the followers/favouriters/reviewers.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. sadly.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 7

"Oh I could throw you in the lake, or feed you poison birthday cake. I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. Oh I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife and kill me when I'm sleeping, that's why; I can't decide whether you should live or die, oh you'll probably go to heaven please don't hang your head and cry, no wonder why my heart feels dead inside; it's hard and cold and petrified. Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride!" Emma sang at the top of her voice, before flicking around and throwing a ball of paper at the intruder.

"Your aim is steadily getting better" Tony stated, floating in "Anything else need help with?"

"Tony you've helped enough to be honest, actually I'm 3000% done with this shit. The battalion of chefs are waiting for your orders. Thanks by the way for, you know, installing everything." Emma said, slightly embarrassed by the fact she had to thank Tony Stark, he _had_ ordered all the Christmas trees and decorated them. Not that Dum-E was any help at all.

"Ah, knew you'd thank me sooner or later. Betty, Jane and you remember that chick from Halloween?" Tony began

"Sophie, the one we slipped the number, and Steve hasn't realised we've noticed he's been sneaking off to see her, yeah" Emma said

"She's coming, she's his date. You going with anyone?" Tony winked suggestively

"Loki asked me, I agreed seeing as I'll just be running around checking on stuff anyway. It's either that, or wait impatiently for the Doctor Who Christmas special." Emma replied. Loki had asked her a couple of days before-hand if she wanted to be his 'date'. Personally, Emma hated the word 'date' and agreed. Though she was rather flattered, and Loki said she was blushing. She nearly sliced her head open with her sword after that. She'd also done a couple of modifications on her dress, getting rid of the fold/drapes and the lace sort of 'cape' in black. A bolt of black lace hung from the back of her sleeve and the end was connected to a finger.

"Really?" Tony winked and Emma rolled her eyes. And she thought she could tolerate that 5 year-old for the sake he'd done a lot of installing and remodelling for her, on a couple of days' notice.

"Oi, I thought we'd gotten over this." Emma said, her eye-line moving to the side of Tony as Loki and Thor entered the room. "Great, more people. I really should've kept singing 'I can't decide'."

"Lady Holmes, Agent Romanoff and Lady Potts are calling you to their chambers." Loki said, meeting her gaze.

"Thank you, and why the two of you?" Emma asked, as Thor was standing there, looking like a lost little puppy.

"Because Lady Natasha was afraid you might kill me if I delivered you this message, so she sent my brother, with me as a guard" Thor replied. Emma made a small 'oh' with her lips and walked out of the room. Tony's house in Malibu was actually pretty cool, the beautiful view out to the sea, the large rooms and the ever-familiar JARVIS. It was definitely easier to get around, than Stark Tower, she was using a Segue just to get around. Finally climbing up to Pepper's room (she checked Natasha's, but they weren't in there), she found Pepper, sitting there doing Jane, Sophie, Natasha and Betty's hair.

"Well I wasn't aware that your room had turned into a beauty salon" Emma remarked

"Okay, you are having your hair done." Pepper literally strapped Emma into a chair, tying up Emma's wrists up to the arms of the chair, suddenly being forced to lean back, as the back of the chair now lay flat.

"Virginia Potts, what the fuck are you doing?" Emma asked worried "Please don't cut my head off, I haven't bankrupted anything…"

"You're going to be fine" Betty said, looking Emma in the eye "She's going to wash your hair"

"And rip out some hair to use in polyjuice potion" Emma muttered to herself. She suddenly released a squeal as freezing-cold water was dumped on her scalp. Various potions and stuff were massaged into her hair and rinsed out, before she was pushed out of the chair.

"Wonder what she has in plan for you. I'm Sophie, by the way." The ginger, who actually looked a lot like Karen Gillan sat next to her, her auburn hair twisted elegantly into a bun, she was obviously the first one to have her hair assaulted. "It's actually really fun having Pepper do your hair"

"Personally, I'm scared shit" Emma replied

"So, how come you're affiliated with the Avengers? You're not from around here, are you?" Sophie asked. Emma was trying to do a Sherlockian deduction moment. Sophie was pretty naïve, kind, inquisitive to an extent, popular at school but not the queen bitch. Sort of quiet, but can argue like hell.

"I work for SHIELD, and I got demoted to Tony's PA. But I used to work for MI9." Emma said in short. Pepper then came up to Emma and began to straighten her hair. It hurt, a lot, seeing as her hair was _so_ curly and Pepper was pulling her hair like one would pull a die-hard fangirl away from their fandom.

"Don't worry, your hair is nearly dead straight" Pepper said brightly

"I will s-skin you" Emma said between the winces. Natasha looked at her sympathetically, as she did up a couple of bobby pins into her hair. Jane was parting her hair to the side and making it wavy, whilst talking animatedly to Betty Ross, who was brushing her fringe around the round brush, drying it with a hairdrier.

"Sure you will" Pepper said. Before pinning Emma's long side fringe a bit and doing her hair in a low bun to the side, behind the lower part of her ear, where it connected to her neck. Emma felt pins stabbing her scalp and large amounts of hairspray stiffening in her hair. "Now, get changed, I've got other people to handle"

"What, like Thor and his lovely golden locks?" Tony wandered in briefly, winking, before exiting again. Emma suppressed a snort, as Jane was in the room.

* * *

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I reckon these look good on your dress, nope, nope, nope" Emma was throwing shoes out of her wardrobe, looking for a pair for Sophie to wear.

"You don't have to do this, I already have shoes" Sophie held out a pair of wedges "What about those ones, it'd look good against the midnight blue." She suggested

"Yeah, I suppose that could work, just make sure you can walk in them. I used them in a mission once and I snapped the heel. I had it fixed though, stronger than ever." Emma handed Sophie a pair of silken, dove-grey heels, studded with a couple of diamantes. "Hmm… Converse or kick ass black heels, hmm. Heels."

"Yeah, Loki's like 6 foot" Sophie agreed "Everyone's short against him, nice dress by the way, did you buy it?"

"Yeah, it's a _14 Antoinette Lane_ dress." Emma tried not to crack up, her mother had named her fashion label after their house on Antoinette lane. And technically speaking, it was an Antoinette dress, her mother designed it, disturbingly enough.

"I love that brand. I remember when it was still just a little shop on Knightsbridge, when I went to London when I was eight." Sophie said "They had the cutest little dresses ever, and the designer's daughter modelled them all in the magazine." Emma just smiled and nodded as she looked for her pearl-drop earrings. "I bought the last blue floral dress with the cute chiffon ruffles. This blonde brat about my age cried and begged for it." Emma laughed, as that blonde bitch was her public enemy number one.

"Anyway, ready to go? I'm pretty much all set." Emma grinned, taking Sophie's shy hand. Another thing Emma noticed; Sophie babbled when she was nervous. Walking out to the end of the hallway.

* * *

"Is it considered a ritual between you Midgardians to prepare together for a party, because _frankly_, it's a little shit" Loki said, doing up the bowtie of his well-tailored _Armani_ suit. He partly felt like wearing the exact same Westwood suit that Moriarty did, but he wasn't in the mood.

"No, it a band of brave men preparing themselves for virtual hell" Tony replied, doing up Bruce's tie

"Don't insult my niece" Thor replied "Hel is a lovely girl, who just happens to be interested in serial murder. She finds blood and death fascinating."

"You have a daughter?" Steve asked Loki "Are you married?"

"No, I dated, as you would say, Sigyn once. She's a little too clingy. But my sons Sleipnir and Fenrir are hardly anything but infants. Hel is only a child." Loki stated. Tony looked creeped out

"Your daughter sounds like Holmes." He said, shivers going down the spine of his suit. "You're all going to have to cut me out of this suit using scissors."

"Or Pepper will at least." Steve said suggestively. The men in the room all gaped at Steve who for once had made a suggestive comment, grinning like a charming school boy trying to get out of trouble.

"With her bare hands" Bruce smirked, hi-fiving Steve.

"I'm sorry, if this night had to have anymore revelations, is would be that Legolas is texting." Tony said weakly, genuinely freaked out. Clint sat in the corner all done, on his i-phone and actually texting.

"If you guys are curious, Fury is texting me to ask what the hell we're up to"

"What did he say about using my daughter's name?" Loki asked exasperated.

"Must've missed it" Clint replied "Now if we're ready, can we _please_ leave?"

* * *

"You look beautiful, as ever" Loki mused to Emma. Emma grinned, and took the arm he offered.

"You got my text then. Pretend to flirt, then leave Tony mental?" Emma said

"Yes, yes I did. I had him bugged, earlier, we'll be able to hear everything he says" Loki assured her, as they made their way into the party

"If he's hanging out with loose women, then I am generally scared." Emma said, as they emerged into the party. It was coming out the way she imagined, band playing song swing, the sound of furiously chopping knives in the background. Benedict Cumberbatch, David Tennant and Tom Hiddleston thrown somewhere in the mix.

"Shall we make our way to the table?" Loki asked politely.

"Yeah, what the hell." Emma looked confused as Loki cringed. "Right, your daughter's name, we _need_ to stop doing that. What sort of parent names their kid Hel anyway?" Emma asked him

"I was drunk with Thor, Sif and the warriors three, I was trying to pronounce Helena." Loki said apologetically. "Why, what would you name a child if you were highly intoxicated?"

"Clara fucking Oswald. Assuming I'm not naming my kid Jim Moriarty." Emma said, as Loki helped her into her seat. Emma knew however that she and Loki (perhaps Steve as he was in on it), were inwardly smirking.

"We're having Japanese, you weren't lying, were you?" Bruce said, sounding very scared.

"Nope." Emma said popping her 'p' "Someone please tell me Tony can't use chopsticks"

"He can't" Replied pretty much everyone at the table. Except Sophie, who like Emma, was completely new to this.

"One time we took him to a Chinese restaurant." Natasha started

"And he managed to lose his chopsticks in his soup." Betty finished. Emma and Loki grinned, this was _so_ going to be added to the video montage of Tony epically failing. Another few seconds and they could upload it on YouTube. Peter Parker and _the_ supermodel Mary-Jane Watson began to walk towards them, and sat at the empty seats reserved for them. Peter winked at Emma and Loki, as Emma felt her phone buzz in her bag, Peter had probably uploaded more CCTV footage of Tony.

"Well, then I suppose things are going to be interesting." As the Tepanyaki chef began to cook. Fire balls here and there, eggs being thrown and giant flame-ups provided entertainment.

"Dozo" The chef said

"Itedakemasu." Emma, Natasha and Clint replied. {**mid a/n: pronounced ee-teh-dar-keh-mahs}**

Peter took out his phone and left it to record Tony struggling with his choptsicks. Everyone, even _Thor, Thor_ could bloody use chopsticks. Emma ate, trying not to choke with laughter, as Tony's chopsticks kept crossing over, unable to hold them. It came to the point where Pepper was feeding him the fried rice and barbeque. The sushi train part was fun, it was Bruce and Thor's idea actually, Emma didn't even _know_ or _comprehend_ the fact Thor liked sushi. Emma glanced around the table, and the others seemed to be coping, Loki could use his chopsticks. Sophie and Steve were talking animatedly, Steve or Sophie giggling occasionally. Betty and Bruce seemed to be in a hard-core conversation about the military and science, while next to them; Peter and Mary-Jane were laughing at the videos of Tony they had recorded. Thor and Jane seemed to be laughing, as Thor recounted his tales of battles.

"He seems to have forgotten that I got him out of half those situations" Loki whispered to here, Emma snorted.

"Never question an older brother's egos. It knows no bounds." Emma replied, now eating the mini-sushi rolls. Emma's Sherlockain gaze fell to Natasha and Clint. Clint seemed to not be eating any seafood, for two reasons, allergies or he hates them. Natasha only took the tempura and inari, she seemed to not like tuna. Emma looked at her watch/bracelet. It would be about time for the band to start playing more awesome songs. She'd decided to be nice and throw in a Queen song or two, just for Tony. Right now they were playing 'Sway with me'. Most people had finished eating and had taken to the dance floor, Loki pulled out his phone, texted and Emma felt her pocket buzz again. Unlocking it, she found a message from Loki.

'_Shall we Dance. Stark seems to be plotting. _

_-L'_

Emma quickly replied with:

'_Of course, sooner we leave, the quicker we eavesdrop. It would be my pleasure to dance, Mr Laufeyson._

_-EH'_

"May I?" Loki asked

"Why not?" Emma replied as they took to the dance-floor. Loki slipped her the listening-piece to the bug, Emma placed it in her ear, under the pretence of tucking her fringe back.

* * *

Tony, Bruce, Thor and Clint's POV. (Steve refused to take part. For several reasons, first of all, Emma had him around her finger.)

"They've danced. Yes" Tony said to the guys.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Clint asked. The girls had decided to ditch them in preference to the bar, whilst Steve and Sophie had floated off somewhere.

"Something like" Tony cleared his throat "Loki I find you fucking hot, let's watch Sherlock, and you can sweep me away to elope and bear your children." Tony said in a falsetto-voice with a British accent, it sounded nothing like Emma, nor would it be anything Emma would say.

"No, they're both too sophisticated for that. He wears Armani suits, she runs around wearing Chanel dresses and heels worth more than your watch." Bruce pointed out "What even made you think that anyway?"

"Well the sexual tension between them for one, the fact he can't keep his eyes off her and the fact in their spare time they sit with Peter and plot against me." Tony said

"Once again, I care how you speak of my brother." Thor said warningly, adjusting his tie in frustration.

"Imagine their children anyway." Clint smirked "They'd be mass-murderers that run around watching British TV shows, talk in British accents and wear the most expensive designer brands known to man."

"Hel's like that, but she prefers reading psychological horror sagas, of my people" Thor said

"Again with your creepy niece. I'm sure if Reindeer Games and Sherlock got married, she'd have bonding time with Hel, while watching Sherlock." Tony replied. Clint and Bruce had to stop themselves from rolling their eyes. Tony shipped it harder than anyone.

"Look, look at their heads, it's dipping as she giggles, and his follows, and they're grinning" Tony emphasised

"Don't know about you guys, but I think you've definitely started to take Sherlockian deduction tips, Tony." Bruce muttered.

"No, but they're dancing like they're in a bubble of their own" Tony kept trying to point out his side of the argument.

"Don't everyone dance like that. Unless you're undercover and you're eavesdropping." Clint added,

"Fair point" Tony agreed "Look, every single time, they sit together, laugh, pick on me, which by the way is _so_ not funny." The others just rolled their eyes "And flirt incessantly, half their flirts, I don't even _get_"

"That's because they're from Doctor Who, it's a strangely addictive midgardian show that leaves you in tears, you should watch it" Thor stated.

"Oh, that would explain the whole 'did I also mention: it travels through space and time" Tony conceded. "I mean, imagine the bedtime stories they'd read to kids, personally, I'd be having nightmares."

"She works for MI6, doesn't she?" Bruce asked

"No, it's, hang on… MI9, she works for MI9, it hasn't been in operation since world war 2." Tony began

"That's because MI9, is like the British version of SHIELD. They were re-constituted in the 60's. When Nat and I first met Emma, she was relatively new there" Clint explained. "They aren't part of the Military Office like MI6"

"So they deal with, what?"

"Mainly things that are out of the ordinary" Clint answered.

"Listen, I need to go, and you know" Tony coughed. "Go propose to Pepper, we've had enough revelations for one day."

* * *

The noise Loki and Emma made were not human. They gasped and immediately left the dance floor. Loki texted Bruce, Thor and Clint; the message Emma dictated:

'_Boys, you ship us harder than Johnlock and Clara/Eleven. Be very scared._

_-Loki (Dictated by Emma)'_

"Where could he have gone?" Emma asked Loki, having lost Tony.

"Tony would want to show off, the most breathtaking and stunning area would suffice." Loki said, thinking hard.

"The rooftop" Emma said, as they both sprinted up the stairs to the rooftop, just in time to hide behind the bushes and witness the entire thing.

"Pepper, you've always been there for me, and I know I'm completely irresistible to you. On the count of either my money or good looks." Tony began. Emma gagged, the amount of ego in that sentence.

"Or the fact you're a complete douchebag." Pepper retorted

"So, long story short, which really isn't that short. Will you marry me?" Tony knelt down on one knee, in front of the beautiful scenery that night, on Christmas Eve.

"No, there's something missing in that sentence" Pepper laughed

"What do you mean? Did I forget to say please" Tony was grinning like a mischievous school boy.

"Yeah that's 13% better" Pepper agreed, before kissing him. Emma turned to Loki who looked like he wanted to throw up, like a child who walked in on his parents.

"We should go" he mouthed

"Yeah, yeah" Emma agreed, as they crept back down the stairs, as the blissfully oblivious couple kissed under the night sky.

"Wow, it's twelve, hadn't noticed." Emma said, checking her watch.

"Really, that's, that's interesting" Loki said, as they stood there halfway down the stairs, outside. "Merry Fucking Christmas, Holmes"

"Happy Fucking Christmas, Laufeyson." Emma suddenly felt the urge to draw up to the demi-god, and in the spur of the moment, their lips crashed and they shared their Christmas kiss, under the blazing night sky, both wrapped in their temporary bubble of happiness, before pulling apart and giggling at each other.

* * *

"I believe we all owe Tony $15" Bruce said, showing Clint and Thor the CCTV footage, he had hacked into from his i-Pad.

"He's right, they _were_ resisting the sexual tension." Clint said

"As Lady Holmes says; We will go down with this ship" Thor agreed, pulling his wallet out of his pocket and slamming his money on the table.

* * *

Just as a late Christmas present, I have inserted Emma's timetable, just imagine her voice over at the italics.

* * *

Day in a life of a Personal assistant to Tony Stark

_9:00 – sit down in lab, correct half of Tony's notes on fabric. Drink coffee_

"Tony, you can't use that fabric with that thread count, it's not going to work!"

"Yes I can, genius, remember?"

_10:00-make several cups of expresso. Take calls for Tony, confirm that he's Pepper's._

"Hello" Emma drained a shot of expresso and made another for Tony and Bruce "No, he's Pepper's. yes he is. Now fuck off before I find you and skin you."

_10:59 – Yell at Tony._

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT, YOU COULD'VE FUCKING KILLED ME!?"

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO!"

_11:01 –Refuse to talk to him_

"Holmes, can you-"

"No."

"Please"

"No"

_11:15 –Make him sing the shit load of paperwork._

"Tony you have about 46 documents to sign, of your choice, several of which I believe are hardly needed and thus should be recycled for fuel."

"No"

"Tony"

"No"

"Really? You don't want to do that…"

_11:16 – Charge Van de Graff generator_

Emma took the rod and turned the switch on at the electro-static globe and it crackled with life. She held it threateningly at Tony.

_11:17 – Stun him with it_

"Ouch"

"Now sign."

_1:00 – Have lunch with Loki and Steve_

"How was suffering with Tony?" Loki asked

"Meh, the usual"

"That should be boring." Steve shuddered.

_1:30 – Make more coffee_

Emma was being brainwashed by this simple task, she had no idea of the amount of times she'd run to get more of that strong, black, liquid. She missed the tea she had back home, the one with the rose petals her mother picked. Nothing sort of amounted to it. Sliding another cup of coffee to Tony, she literally wanted to smash the coffee machine into bits.

_1:50 – Repair/clean/burn all used lab coats_

She shifted through the pile of coats, using her regulatory gloves and tongs. Most of the coats were beyond repair, thus they were to be burnt like a witch at stake. Only a couple had survived to be cleaned and the rest were to be mended with iron-on patches.

_2:00- Make more coffee_

"One more cup" Tony begged

"No"

"Please!"

"Fine. This will be the _last_ one"

_3:00 – Paperwork all done_

_"_Stark, it's all finished, it's going to be sent to Pepper, whether you like it or not"

_3:15- eat chocolate while sitting on Tony's lab benches. Just for fun._

" Get off my bench"

"Nope"

"I said get off my bench."

_4:00 – Call from Mum_

"Hello? Mum?"

"Hello, sweetheart, how's work?"

"It's great mum, you really don't have to worry."

"I'm always worried about you, you're the only girl and the only one out of your brothers with some _sense_"

"Look, can I call you back, my boss looks like he's going to burst out laughing and I'm going to punch him in the face"

"Sweetheart, you could do worse than punching him in the face…"

"Yes, but I feel vaguely merciful. Bye."

_4:30 – Coffee machine will have broken. Thor's fault usually._

"Okay, new rule. Thor can't touch it" Tony shouted, as the machine broke for the 5th time that week.

_6:00 – 8:00 – Eating while watching a movie_

"Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed, before another one of you come up with another plan to get us killed, or worse… expelled" Emma quoted Hermione word for word, before biting her pizza.

"She _needs_ to sort out her priorities." Clint quoted back.

_9:00 in bed, reading_

Tears poured down her face, nothing different. Every time at Snape's back story, every time at that chapter.

_10:00 – Have Clint ask why I'm shouting at laptop screen_

"Why are you shouting?"

"I'm on Tumblr."

"Ah."

_11:00 – once finally asleep, have Thor wake you up._

" I had a most horrid dream"

"Go and annoy Loki."

_5:00 – wake up and trip over sword case_

"Fuck that hurt. Fuck fuck fuck."

* * *

a/n: Okay, so review or follow or whatever you do. And thanks, it really does mean a lot to have people read your stories. Now, if any of you have tumblr, my username hermione-amelia-rose1479, just the same :)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey guys, i am so sorry, first of all, i was on holidays. I wrote, re-wrote, re-fucking-wrote this chapter so many times. 14 pages of fanfic just for you lot. Anyway, i would like to shout out to all of my followers, it's really overwhelming the ammount of support i have :) anyway, this chapter's got a fuck load of fluff, quite a bit of angst and feel free to review and what not.

Disclaim: Nope, don't own anything

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 8

For Emma, the next day, well everyone woke up late the next day. Mostly due to the fact everyone had a hangover. Except for Loki and Thor, to which everyone knew, Asgardians were as hard as fuck to get drunk. But something was just, not right. She wasn't in her room. 'Shit' she thought, she wasn't in her room, if she wasn't in her room, where was she? All her clothes were on 'Thank fucking goodness' her mind shouted, it wasn't anyone in the Avengers rooms. So where was she? Trying to walk out the best she could, with a broken high-heel, she found herself somewhere that was definitely _not_ Tony's house.

"How the hell did we get here?" Emma asked Tony, who was sipping on coffee calmly next to a hungover Bruce and an equally as hungover Clint.

"That is what I'd like to know. Apparently we're on a private jet, on the way to Heathrow Airport" Clint said

"Well, doesn't this sound suspicious, Stark? Care to explain?" Emma asked threateningly

"Well, I had Loki magic you guys onto my jet, when you were all drunk. Then I called up your brother, I believe" Emma's breath became caught in her throat "He's letting us stay with him at your 'relatively small family house'" Emma then snorted at that comment. But she sat on a seat, head against the window.

"It's about an eleven hour flight, we've got another five to go" Tony informed the only people there. One by one, people exited from their rooms, eventually the entire room was filled with people dressed up in black tie, with slightly tousled hair. To be honest, Emma couldn't even remember why she was wearing those clothes to begin with, let alone what happened the night before.

"So, remind me, why are we flying to London?" Natasha asked her red curls spilling all over her face.

"Because our common enemy, the media, were about to break into my godforsaken fortress last night, and take photos. So all of us, MJ not included as she's got some family stuff, are on a private jet, on the way to Emma's house, where we can hide of the rest of eternity"

"Assuming Daleks, Cybermen or the Great Intelligence don't invade, oh yeah, we're going home, on Christmas, the _one_ fucking day of the year when Whovians expect an invasion." Emma began in her usual way.

"Oh and that reminds me, apparently it'll be snowing when we arrive"

"FUCK CALL THE DOCTOR, CALL MARY POPPINS, CALL SHERLOCK HOLMES WE WON'T SURVIVE!" Emma began sarcastically "No seriously, the snow feeds off your thoughts and it will use that against you and kill you, then use your genetic samples to turn itself into an evil-snow-version-of-you"

"I don't think we needed to know that this early in the morning" Steve said, sitting upside down in his chair.

"We're hungover, we slept in" Betty corrected, checking her watch. "Tony, please tell me that is the absolute truth"

"Oh, Holmes, I uploaded the video, and instant one million views" Loki said, twiddling on his i-phone. Peter opened his laptop and giggled with no-end as he watched the video that they had spent almost 3 months-worth of work and hacking into security.

"Wonder what the fandom will react to, personally I like the part where he trips over a cord" Emma said

"Wait, you actually didn't post that montage, did you?" Pepper asked excitedly

"Yes, yes we have. Would you like to watch it, in full HD?" Loki asked Pepper courteously

"Yes, yes we would" Pepper replied. Peter had his laptop hooked up to the projector, and they all sat through 10 minutes straight of Tony's biggest epic fails. Everyone in the room was trying not to die from loss-of-air. But that was when the most random thought occurred to her

"Who the hell is flying this thing?" Emma asked

"Happy is" Tony replied, albeit unsurely.

"Are we flying… without a pilot?" Steve asked nervously

"No, that would be idiotic" Tony said. They merely nodded, Emma gripped the side of her seat in fear. "While we are on a plane on the way to England. Land of tea" Emma had to agree that was true "What did you do in MI9?"

"Give me a moment" Emma said, walking back to the room she woke up in, taking her handbag, she walked back out. "Ehem" Emma began pulling the most random weapons from out of her persons. Guns and knives strapped to one of her legs, ammo to the other. More knives and ninja stars from a slit in the bodice, a gun hidden somewhere in her shoes. The pile simply kept on growing, and she wasn't even finished. All of her old MI9 'secret-agent-y' weapons hidden in her purse; bugs, single-fire weapons, cameras, poisons, GPS. Her powder compact had a hidden compartment underneath it, several phones and poisonous lipstick, but finally, she snapped the heel of one of her stilettos, revealing communication technology and a single-fire weapon

"Well…" Loki began eyeing the pile of weapons

"It isn't as big as last time." Natasha said disappointedly, "You used to have a few bullet-proof corsets and a whole lot more knives"

"The shades are my favourite" Clint immediately answered to the others questioning glares.

"Most of my old stuff are at home, somewhere in my closet. Anyway, MI9 is practically the same as SHIELD, we do the same things as you lot, except with British accents, spellings etc." Emma had the room captivated "That's new, audiences that listen, that hasn't happened since my school plays" she remarked "Anyway, we deal with superhuman threats, usually we send them to Professor Xavier's school, that is if they're friendly. Hostiles go into lock-down, or go back to wherever the fuck they came from. MI9, is what we're known as by the Military office, but our real name is STRIKE, **S**pecial **T**actical **R**esponse for **I**nternational **K**ey **E**mergencies."

"That's certainly easier to remember than SHIELD, whatever that stands for" Bruce laughed

"Its Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement, Logistics Division" Natasha, Clint and Emma recited

"Do they torture you to memorise that?" Tony asked

"They make you write out lines" Natasha stated

"Hundreds" Emma added

"Until you can spell it backwards" Clint said truthfully.

* * *

Eventually they had all gotten bored and fell back on their usual pastime of 'Truth or dare', and having changed out of their clothes, into something normal, was good.

"Emma, truth or dare" Emma debated, deciding truth after an _eventful_ round of dares.

"Who is the oldest person in the room?" Jane asked her.

"Thor" Emma said decidedly, leaving the room to burst into laughter

"Me?!" Thor asked scandalised

"I was tempted to say Tony, but you and Loki are Asgardians, so whichever one is older out of you two, that being you" Emma explained.

"Yeah, let's just keep going" Jane admitted, Thor was still confused and slightly offended. Emma kept sipping on her cup of tea.

* * *

Eventually they had reached Heathrow airport. Happy had driven them so far away from the city, that Emma literally fell asleep. But she knew the scenery well enough. Lots of countryside, cute little villages. She had yet to surprise them, by the time they reached the village, they continued driving the country road for a bit, through the roads lined with trees on each side, touching with their branches.

"So this is it?" Tony asked, pulling over and stepping outside

"Yep." Emma said. The silence what shock enough. They were standing outside a large country (Georgian) manor with huge grounds, rose hedges neatly lining the lawn, a cobblestone path leading to the large, oak door, where a man holding a toddler.

"Lucas!" Emma squealed, running up to hug him "Mum and Dad left you the house, did they?"

"They handed it to me. After I married your best friend" Lucas replied. Lucas looked a lot like Emma, Except his hair was more of a mousy brown colour, and he was much taller.

"You didn't" Emma said disbelievingly "Remind me to murder Charlotte"

"Hello, you must be all of the Avengers, plus your girlfriends." Lucas said nicely enough, Emma looked round to see the guys all confused, yet enjoying the pretty Georgian manor.

"Yeah, when I called you up, you said it was… smaller" Tony said

"On the outside" Emma and Lucas said in unison

"We were supposed to be at Antoinette lane, but we're not…That's because they had a last-minute fashion-show, it had to be rescheduled, so they're at Antoinette Lane." Lucas said. They entered the threshold, all carrying their luggage's, the moment Emma walked in, she saw the familiar sight of the grand double stair-case, winding up to the second floor. The large arch-way underneath lead to the main living and kitchen areas, as well as the study and several other small rooms.

"I want one" Tony said

"Yes, no objections" Pepper immediately replied.

"I'm sorry, this is a random question, but do you happen to have a science lab?" Bruce asked

"Yep, and an indoor swimming pool" Emma said happily "God, I miss this"

"OH MY GOD INDOOR SWIMMING POOL!?" Peter asked incredulously.

"That is a marvellous chandelier, reminds me almost of the one in Asgard" Loki said, his head tilted up, looking at the high ceiling.

"Yes, the one in the ballroom" Thor replied. But he was interrupted from further speech by the babbling of a baby girl.

"Emma, can you hold Daisy for a moment?" Lucas asked "I need to take a call" Emma nodded and scooped the little girl in her arms.

"Hello" Emma said to her niece

"Who are you?" The little girl asked bluntly. Emma wasn't surprised, after all, her niece had never met her. Emma stopped herself from laughing, she looked exactly like her best-friend; Charlotte, with her auburn curls, sparkling blue eyes and cute grin, but something about her screamed 'Lucas'.

"Aww" most of the girls cooed

"I'm your Auntie Emma. I'm your dad's sister"

"Then how come you never come to my birthday" She asked rather crossly

"Because I work in America. And my boss won't let me leave"

"Then why don't you kill him, like Moriarty kills people" Emma gasped, dumping her in Loki's arms. "You're a single dad, I'm not coping"

"She really does take after your side of the family" Tony said shocked.

"I think she's sophisticated for her age." Natasha said "It's better than getting into princess-y things."

"Never got into that" Betty said

"Me neither" Jane, Pepper, Sophie and Emma replied at the same time.

"Remind me, why I'm holding your niece?" Loki asked

"Because you're officially my boyfriend. Steve and Bruce need me to officially to state that, so they can win their bet, and because your daughter rules over Hell. This should be normal for you" Emma said. Tony, Clint and Thor pulled their wallets out, pressing notes into Bruce and Steve's hands.

"Did I hear that correctly, little sister?" Lucas asked, smirking "We all know what happened to your last boyfriend"

"Yeah, okay, so I _did_ over-react when he said he hated Harry Potter, Doctor Who and Lord Of The Rings."

"Emma, you pulled the man into a thigh choke and threatened to kill his pet rabbit" Lucas pointed out

"Aren't _you_ a dangerous person to be around" Loki said sarcastically.

"Mummy said it was funny." Little Daisy said innocently. Everyone began to laugh, unable to fathom how a brilliant two-year-old could say such mature things.

"Wait, didn't you say your parents are at Antoinette Lane… for a fashion parade… you don't mean…." Sophie began.

"Shit. I'll explain later, can we all just move the fuck into the living room."

* * *

Emma pulled a hunk of magazines out from under the coffee table.

"14 Antoinette Lane. I loved that when I was a kid" Pepper said "They had the cutest charm bracelets and everyone would collect them"

"Yeah, mum had me and Lucas model all the stuff until I was about 15. But all the stuff was really cool. I'd just sit there, running around with capes from scrap material." Emma said, sipping on her tea. "Sophie, you know that dress you told me about, it's in there."

"Then there was this, the dress Daisy's wearing right now" Emma pointed at her little niece, sitting on Loki's knees, bouncing up and down with glee "That's a cute dress"

"That was the dress I begged my mum to get me. Except she said it was only in England" Pepper said

"Dad got me this cute blue dress when I was a kid, when we came back from London. I refused to take it off. I always wore it to school." Jane said

"Blue… and white? Cute ribbon around the waist?" Emma asked Jane, she nodded.

"So, you're telling us, that you were a child model, who enrolled into MI9, and is now apparently dating a demi-god. You _need_ to sort out your priorities" Tony said "I still expect paperwork"

"Tony, it's Christmas, we should probably do our Kris Kringle after dinner." Natasha said. They (The Avengers + Pepper + Emma + Coulson) had all drawn out a name. Emma spent quite a bit of time looking for the perfect gift. Tony had divulged what he'd bought, but Emma was frankly worried.

"Oh, this should be interesting" Betty said

"Yeah, the implications" Sophie replied.

"OH MY GOD, DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!" Emma squealed, as she flicked on the TV.

* * *

"We are _never_ doing that again" Tony said, as he unwound his arm around Pepper. Practically everyone was crying.

"My feels have left the room" Emma cried. "Why, why must Steven Moffat do this to me!? I THOUGHT WE MADE UP AFTER SEASON 3!?"

"That's just not fair" Bruce said "You can't just kill them off. YOU CAN'T FUCKING KILL THE NEW COMPANION _AND_ HER FUCKING HUSBAND OFF!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW JACK'S IMMORTALITLY WORKS! I THOUGHT WE MADE THAT CLEAR AFTER MIRACLE DAY!" Loki emphasised "They can't do that!"

"Emma" Lucas had walked into the room. "Food's ready"

"I thought I would never be so happy to hear those words" Peter said

"What do you guys have? Roast turkey and Yorkshire pudding?" Clint asked

"Yeah, all the fucking stereotypes, plus my mum's awesome Christmas pud. Vodka makes it flame for ten minutes straight." Emma said, leading them into the dining room. It had a very rustic feel to it, with its oak table and the general theme of oak against the white. Lucas had laid the turkey and the roast vegetables on the table. Some other plates, holding pasta and salads also lined the table. And there seemed to be an abundance in chocolate.

"So, Charlotte's still on that case? It's been what, how many years?" Emma asked Lucas worriedly

"Four years, STRIKE's got a major issue right now." Lucas confided "What's SHIELD like?"

"Helicarriers and fun" Emma laughed "Is Bond still Director?"

"Oh yeah" Lucas said "Until that day that man dies"

"Wait, your director is a man called Bond?" Pepper asked

"James Bond" Lucas and Emma corrected

"Is he a hot, sexy, badass spy?" Tony asked

"No, not really" Lucas admitted

"He likes cake" Natasha said

"He'll let you off if you hand him a fat slice of chocolate cake, or just hand him the cake and he'll pay you" Clint added.

"How did you two join STRIKE?" Loki asked

"Well, Emma joined first" Lucas explained.

"Story starts when I was nine."

* * *

_"Olivia, what are you doing?" Emma asked_

_"Listen, I'm just getting you some hot chocolate" her cousin pointed out, it was snowing, a bit late in the winter, but snow, snow was good. They sat for a bit, doing homework when a sudden noise distracted them. Olivia was only fourteen, she pulled Emma up a flight of stairs and into a bedroom, and hiding her behind an over-turned table that belonged to Olivia's younger brother. The table was right against a wall and under a self, there was no way anyone could get in there._

_"Stay quiet" Olivia said, Emma watched as Olivia held the home phone (for the second floor) in her hand, the cord being pulled back as far as possible, the fingers tapped 9-9-9 on the pad. Emma watched from the smallest sliver of light as Olivia whispered hurriedly, before putting the phone down. But, before Olivia could even flinch, the door burst open._

_"LIE DOWN ON THE FLOOR POPPET" The man shouted. Olivia knelt, but looked defiantly up._

_"And why would I do that? Do I at least get to know your intention?" Emma smirked, that was Olivia, sassy and brave._

_"Ever heard of revenge? You took something of mine" the man said. But Emma noticed something, his eyes, they seemed to change colours. From brown to a yellow, just for a fraction, but she caught it._

_"What? I haven't taken anything!" Olivia protested. It was true, Emma's school was a primary to secondary school, she knew whatever was going on._

_"I was referring to a mannerism of yours. A pattern of blinking. You see, before you die, I'd like you to know, that it was an honest mistake, I implanted it wrong. Sorry sweetheart, you just gave away the message"_

_"Your Welcome" Olivia replied, she turned her head, Emma caught a final contact with Olivia's brown eyes, before she fell down. Emma muffled the sound of her gasp. The man fled out the window, and Emma left the spot. Olivia was barely breathing._

_"Olivia, Olive?" Emma asked, tears pouring down her face._

_"Emma… the answer to the last question was; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle" Olivia chuckled "God, we're stupid"_

_"Olive, stop it, you're hurt. The police are here" Emma could hear the men, frantically searching for her._

_"They can't help. Just remember this, the pattern was, 3 quick blinks, 2 longer ones and a wink. Do that for me" Emma looked on in horror, but it wasn't right. No bullet holes, no stab wounds, no poison. It frustrated her._

_"Lads, she's in here. Bloody hell, hurry up, she's dying." The Police man shouted. Emma was pulled from the room by another man._

_"What happened?" he asked kindly_

_"Well… We were doing my homework, when a stranger came in. Olivia pulled me into the playroom and hid me away. Then I watched him be mean to her, and she died."_

_"No weapons?" He asked_

_"But, I swear his eyes changed from brown to sunshine yellow" Emma protested_

_"I believe you" The man said seriously_

_"No you don't, no one believes me because I'm a girl and I'm little. And no one likes little girls and think they're stupid" Emma insisted, stamping her foot in a cross way, before reducing herself to tears. It was something Olivia had told her, no one listened to girls, cruel truth, but Olivia's life mission was to change that._

_Emma was only eight when Olivia died, in front of her. All she was left with was a pattern of blinks and the answer to a question she already knew. Just forgotten. It had taken a toll on Emma. She'd dropped ballet when she was 14 and enrolled in Kendo; the art of swordsmanship, she enrolled in Karate and in Fencing. She'd had enough. They hadn't done anything for her cousin's death. She enrolled in Cambridge and that was when she had the brainwave, to dig into Government files to find out what had happened, she wasn't dumb, but those weren't police. She knew it was something else. With help of a friend and a guy called Mendax, she'd managed to hack into MI6 and MI5. It was a few days after her successful and hushed up hack when she was kidnapped._

_"Alright, who are you? Conspiracy theorist? Hacker? I know you had help from Mendax" The man said_

_"Why the bloody fuck am I tied up to a chair and why the bloody fuck am I being interrogated?" Emma asked._

_"Because you just fucking hacked into personal records, that's why." The man replied_

_"Well fuck you." Emma replied defiantly._

_"Can we please, stop with the 'fucks', it's uncultured" Another man said in the corner._

_"Fuck you" Emma and her interrogator replied in unison._

_"Tell be the truth" The man said seriously "We don't want to be carrying your dead body out"_

_"Tell me then. The mysterious death of a school girl, the daughter of a well-known fashion designer was the only witness and the murderer seems to have escaped without a trace. Do these trigger a memory?" _

_"Olivia Fitzgerald. 14 year old. I was there" The man said darkly_

_"You see, I was only eight, I knew what shit was up. You weren't the fucking police. Olivia didn't call the police. Yet nothing happened. All I got was condolences and years of counselling. So here I am, hacking into your files. But you lot aren't MI5 or MI6, who the fuck are you?"_

_"I see you are studying criminology. Black-Belt in karate. Currently into kendo and has fenced on a regular basis. Studied French, Japanese and… Elvish!?"_

_"Yeah, even heard of Lord of The Rings?" Emma retorted "And so what, okay, you got me, kill me"_

* * *

"Yeah, so that was what happened." Of course, she skipped over the Kendo/fencing and karate.

"Your cousin died in front of you?" Pepper asked, horrified.

"Turns out that guy had some sort of telepathic power. He's a mutant, he can control the cells of the brain and he can kill you by telling your brain some shit." Emma explained. "So, I took criminology, I graduated Cambridge. Got shot at. And moved to SHIELD"

"Well, that was certainly entertaining, seeing as the food's practically vanished, we may as well open our Kris Kringle presents." Peter said. Emma nodded as they all moved back into the living room, where all their presents were laid.

"I'll hand them out, seeing as I wasn't give one" Peter said

"Not my fault you had exams and you were at Mary-Jane's birthday" Tony said

"Okay, first one is for… Clint. Remember, don't open them until everyone has one." Peter reminded. Sophie, Jane and Betty all had their cameras out, taking photos, as everyone got a present. "Coulson's is with him."

"Okay, do you want us to say who had who?" Betty asked, holding the list.

"Yeah, the tension us killing me" Bruce said, holding his present. Emma looked at her wrapped gift, wondering who could've possibly drawn her name out.

"Okay. Starting with Tony, Steve had you. You may now open your present" Betty said. Tony unwrapped his present like a little kid, Peter getting this on video.

"I'm sorry, but this is _totally_ accurate" Tony laughed, as he pulled out a 'Holier Than Thou' mug.

"Okay. Steve, your gift is from Emma" Jane read out. Steve looked puzzled. First of all, he pulled out a small box filled with letters, he left those aside, the present also contained a 'Captain America's Shield' bean bag. Well, it wasn't filled yet, but it was large enough to sit in.

"Thanks, I'll read those later." But Emma gave Steve a hard, knowing look, meaning 'yeah, you should.'

"Emma, you can open your gift, it's from Loki" Emma smiled, as she unwrapped the black wrapping paper, to find a long, black box and a smaller, almost ring box. She opened the ring box to find a perfect replica of the Evenstar gem from the LOTR movies.

"Oh my wizard god, it's the evenstar gem" Emma said, as she proceeded to the next box. The next box held another replica, this time of Sting.

"Haha" Emma laughed, doing some sword actions, but putting it down before she got carried away and did some exercises with it.

"Loki, your gift is from Thor" Sophie read out. Loki held the rather huge, lumpy package in his arms, opening it to find a Large stuff-toy dragon, scarlet red with golden eyes. Everyone had burst out laughing, including Loki.

"I said I wanted this when I was 300 years old" Loki laughed.

"Ah brother, I never forgot. Father forgot your birthday, so I took it in my liberty to search all nine realms for it" Thor boomed, rather proud of himself. He really was like a large, stuff toy bear.

"Alright, enough fluff" Peter said, still trying to hid his smirk. "Thor, Bruce had you" Thor opened his gift with glee, obviously, this didn't exist on Asgard.

"POPTARTS!" Thor exclaimed "Thank you, dear Banner, I have a fondness for these."

"That would explain the Costco-size box" Emma muttered to Loki and Tony.

"Alright" Betty read out who had Bruce "Bruce, Coulson had you, he had it sent in the night of the Christmas party" Bruce opened the box marked 'FUCKING FRAGILE DO NOT FUCKING OPEN' to find a set of highly rare microscope slides.

"Pepper had Coulson, so you're opening your gift, Pepper" Peter said, motioning to her. Pepper opened her present to find nothing.

"Okay, Tony, what is this fuckery?" Betty asked, as she read the list.

"Oh, yeah about that. Lucas, bring it in, will you?" Tony called. Lucas brought in the most adorable Welsh Corgi puppy and it immediately warmed up to Pepper, nuzzling her in the cutest way.

"Oh my gosh, it's so cute. Thanks." Pepper beamed.

"Well, no shit Sherlock, but it means Clintasha have each other" Emma pointed out. Clint and Natasha opened their respective presents. Clint pulling out a set of new arrows and a Legolas Barbie Doll, whilst Natasha pulled out seven new guns.

"Well… remind me not to piss you two off" Tony said

* * *

Emma opened the door to her bedroom, it was well past one in the morning, so she decided to explore her room again. She jumped up to pull a ladder down from her ceiling, climbing up to the second floor. It was a small area, but a cupboard door stood in her way, painted with the TARDIS, pushing it open, she found her old 'hide-out', where she'd read and fangirl and cry. But she noticed an i-pad sitting in the corner, taking it she turned it on.

"Agent Sherlock" James Bond greeted

"For fuck's sake, fucking hell" Emma said

"Agent Sherlock, you will control your mouth"

"You control your sudden springing upons" Emma retorted.

"Listen, we need you back just this once" He gave her a stern glare as she was about to let loose a stream of angry swear words. "You see, this mutant, he's a billionaire and he's going to be at your parent's fashion show after-party"

"Fuck, okay." Emma said "What do you want?"

"Ever tried seducing a billionaire?"

"Nope." Emma said

"Well…" James said, trailing off with his voice

"FUCK!" Emma screamed.

"Now, tomorrow at seven, a car will pick you up. Standard dress rules and weapon regulations." Emma nodded "So what do you want me to do? Blow this up?"

"No, it'll self- destruct, throw it out the window." James said calmly "Ten seconds" Emma ran to the window and threw it out.

* * *

"Okay, that's the self- destruction." Tony said, as he and the others sat in front of the computer monitor.

"Now, tail her, I want to see what shit she gets up to" Fury said

"How do you not know what she gets up to?" Clint asked

"She's a classy motherfucker who stares at you." Fury snapped. "I have been in contact with Bond, he says the car will pick her up at seven. You guys know your identities for this mission. And, Merry Christmas" Fury said.

* * *

The sun had already sunk, Emma had been pacing, wondering at what to do. She'd put on her bullet-proof corset (It was a nude-coloured leotard with the support of a corset.) and she was holding a huge bag of weapons and gadgets. Clothes, as per usual, would be provided in the car, tailor-made. She walked in the corridor, wrapped in a coat, opening a door, evidently the laundry chute, which led to the laundry off the garage.

"Emma?" Loki asked

"Oh, um, I'll be right back" Emma winked, taking off her coat and sliding down the chute with the bag.

"Shit" Loki said, they had definitely not expected her to slide down a laundry chute. They needed to think of another way to tail her, as Tony and Steve approached, they'd have to leave, now.

"She's in the car" Tony shouted breathlessly "In a sexy corset" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Loki followed Tony and Steve down several flights of steps, reaching the van.

"Okay, we have to tail her car, Tash, any lead?" Tony asked, as everyone tried to get changed in their seats

"She's heading for London, Tony, I doubt we'll be able to reach there before her. You and Loki are going to have to improvise" she said

"Stark, I reckon you should steer her parents away, press will be there, innocent answers and say you're a huge fan of the brand" Steve said, Tony nodded "Loki, you can try and make the billionaire jealous." Loki smirked "Romanoff and Barton will be monitoring. Bruce, you need to hack into security. Thor and I" Thor looked around "Will be patrolling the party, keeping tabs"

"Sounds legit. Ginger, can you turn away?" Tony asked as Natasha drove

"Just get changed Stark. Text from Sophie, she's ready to do your research should you need it" Natasha said in a dead voice, obviously trying not to smirk with satisfaction. "Oh my god, is that an Aston Martin?" Natasha said

"Yeah, probably her's. " Tony said

"It is" Loki said

"How is she driving that well? She's probably getting changed" Bruce pointed out.

* * *

"Hello Agent Sherlock" The car greeted her as Emma slid into the driver's seat.

"Okay, I assume you know where to go?"

"Yes." The car revved up and began to drive , five minutes in, she had been given information about the billionaire (Heir of a successful IT company, both parents dead). "Agent Sherlock, your clothes are in the back seat." Emma climbed over the clutch and opened the back seat.

"Car, what do you reckon would attract his attention?"

"The red one, Agent Sherlock" Car replied. Emma pulled out a red dress, it was a scarlet red bubble dress with a sweet-heart cut neckline and backless. "I believe Agent Charlie has picked out your shoes" Emma took a pair of sexy, red pumps out of a box. Emma contorted her body as well as she could, trying to get into the dress. After a struggle with the zipper, she'd gotten in and began to place weapons in places most people wouldn't dare dream. MI9 always had a slit in the bodice, they were slightly thicker, as they usually hid small knives or tracking devices. Guns, a folding sword and several other gadgets were concealed in places, before applying lipstick. She'd always found the lipstick fun as they were genetically designed to trigger someone's sudden urge to divulge the truth, when kissed of course, however it was unique to the wearer as it was genetically designed to not affect them.

"Agent Sherlock, we have arrived." Car said grimly "Good luck"

* * *

She'd been at the party for at least ten minutes, when she swore to herself "fuck"

Tony was hounded by the press, something along the lines of 'I Love 14 Antoinette Lane. Great brand'.

"Wasn't expecting to see you here, love" Loki said cheekily

"Bond or Fury?" Emma asked.

"Fury" Loki replied, taking her by the waist and leading her to another part of the room. "We've got you covered"

"Shit, them lot too?" Emma sighed.

"Anyway, you look absolutely stunning. Really, you do"

"Precious little shit" Emma blushed "Shit. Parents" As two very worried people drew up to her.

"Emma, sweetheart, what are you doing here, I thought you were teaching Fencing?" Her mother asked, drawing her into a hug. Emma snuck a glance at Loki, who was doing the 'cute and loving boyfriend thing, as precious as that little shit was especially that grin, it was pissing her off, she was _working_.

"Dad" Emma said, as she was pulled by her father into an embrace, her body practically melting. As annoyed as she was, she had to admit, it was the most wonderful feeling to be with her parents, she hadn't had very much contact, the occasional call home, but her job restricted it.

"Emma, who is this charming, young man, may I ask?" Her father asked

"Loki Laufeyson, it is a pleasure to meet you Mr and Mrs Holmes" Loki said charmingly, giving one of his dazzling smiles. God of mischief and lies, oh it was wonderful.

"Pleasure to meet you." Her father said. Her mother grinning two, but Loki's eyes darted to her in the way that said 'fuck, what do we do'. "You two must be together? How lovely, my daughter rarely sees other boys, other than arguing with her brothers" Her father laughed "However" he took a more serious tone "Hurt her and I will kill you"

"Yes, I respect your decision, sir" Loki said politely, though Emma saw him distinctly scared.

"Mr and Mrs Holmes, it is my absolute pleasure to meet you" Tony said suddenly, turning up in his tux and one of his charismatic grins.

"Oh, you're Tony Stark, an Avenger, if I'm not mistaken. I must say, it is absolutely wonderful to have you buying our suits." Emma's mother turned to face Tony. Emma sighed for a bit, quickly sidling away with Loki

"Well done, you impressed my parents" Emma joked

"Haha, now, about that billionaire, what is his name?"

"George Bailey" Emma said "He's about 20."

"Okay, Romanoff says, move to the dance floor, let him see you" Loki said, taking her hand, leading her to the dance floor. Emma began to dance with Loki to the song 'Sway with me'.

"God, I hate this" Emma sighed

"Hate me?" Loki pouted

"No, I'm seducing a billionaire, in front of my parents, who clearly approve of you, and wait, you heard that stuff about fencing, didn't you" Emma said suddenly

"Yes, I was about to ask, Miss Holmes, what is this hobby of yours?"

"May as well confess, They'll find out cuz Bruce is monitoring the security." Emma said "I took up fencing, Kendo and karate. I was teaching Fencing while I was at MI9 for the kicks out of it. Though Bond hated it"

"I think it's time to draw you man's attention" Loki said, his eyes pointing in Bailey's direction. Emma nodded and walked in what she hoped was a sexy way to the billionaire.

"Well, you look alone." Emma said, however, an arm pulled her by the waist, gun on her back. She froze calmly.

"Walk, now" he said. Emma's head turned towards Loki, then to Tony. She eyed them in their way of saying 'FUCK!'.

"Shit" Loki mouthed to Tony. Tony moved away from Emma's parents, as his hand moved up to his ear-piece, getting information from either Natasha, Clint or Bruce. Emma eyed Thor and Steve moving, bloody hell, this billionaire better take the bait. She was perhaps the worst MI9 agent when it came to using their 'womanly wiles'.

* * *

Okay, hope that was up to all of your expectations, um, i apologise if i don't update all that much, I've got the most stressful assesments right now. It involves memorising lines for Drama. Shakespeare, for drama. Though i did fangirl when they mentioned Love's Labour's Lost. Shouted expelliarmus here and there. Thanks once again and i am really sorry for the lateness, it's extra long as a Christmas present.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hey guys. Sorry, school's just started and so i've been caught up. I've got the latest dump of exams/assesments/assignments, so i'm trying to cope. Anyhoo, this is the latest update, it picks up from where we left the last chapter. Now, shout outs:

Alicehime-sama, Always and a day Love, BloodBlackAlchemist, Calistacat98, EnyaandEathenyl, Greeneyedgirl6, Jess'snape3, KnuxGirl4Eva24, Kohanita, Lady-kiki-Theevilmastermind, Lightning and Ice, LittleMissPeetaMellark, MercenaryBunny, MikaHimura, Polyjuice Princess, Reader at heart, Rebecca Cumberbatch, Rissa495, Ryle Culler, Sallyc2, Shadow Cards, SonnyC88, Souli84, Theta-McBride, ThunderPups1, UltraMagnusFangirl, alexma, animefreakv23 the beast, camierose, cloudy-raindrops, daphii, , oliverae1213, pingothepenguin, psychokitty, .313, silverdragoonwing, xXxDragonxPhoenixXx, Hershey gurl, Ice and Fire Dragon, Tami Mikaelson, camsam17, chasegirl2, itsatarathing, theskylightens, whitelion69, RandomHouseInc, ClarinetRox88 and Annie.

Wow, anyway, in the dec holidays my little and highly arrogant brother said to me:

'No one reads your stories'

Thanks to all of you to proving to me that there are people who read my stories. Now, here's the chapter.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's

Contact Lenses.

Emma moved calmly, to be completely honest with herself, she'd been in worse situations. Much worse situations. It looked to other people, like the billionaire was leading her around, but the concealed gun probably wasn't much help. She was lead to the roof of the building, with a breath-taking view of London at night.

"Who are you?" he asked. "And don't lie, I know when people lie."

"You're a mutant, I know that." Emma said. "Listen, we're here to help you." She said compassionately. "Because, take it from me, people shun mutants and people with supernatural powers. I work with a whole bunch of them."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" He shouted, somehow moving quicker than she can blink, arm around her neck. Alright, she was going to have to resort to plan 'b'.

"Would you?" she asked in a sultry voice "Would you _kill?_" He released her. Emma began to walk towards him, feeling uncomfortably close, practically whispering in his ears. "We're here to _help_ you. There's the side of demons and angels, your pick."

"Why would I join you?"

"Oh, not me. You see, there's a school, for mutants. Not a prison or an asylum. But a school, you learn how to control your powers, George. You learn how to blend in and you're _accepted_" she practically whispered accepted into his ear.

"How do I know this isn't for some godforsaken reason. Experiments. I know what they want to do."

"I know." Emma sighed. No seduction, she was almost glad, if it weren't for the fact shit could still happen. "I know your power, you can see the truth amidst the lies. If you know that, then you know that you know I'm telling the truth."

"Promise me one thing, nothing will happen bad." George said, breaking away from the brave and threatening façade and vulnerability showing. She looked at George, his tall and lank frame, pleading brown eyes and chocolate-brown hair, his suit crinkled slightly as his posture slumped. Emma picked up her phone, and pressed the helicopter app.

"The helicopter will pick you up, Mr Bailey. It's your choice. MI9, or STRKIE, whichever you prefer will by flying you to the academy. Your sudden 'disappearance' will be covered for, we assure you."

"Thank you, what do I call you?" George asked with a mischievous smile

"Whatever the fuck you want" Emma winked, walking down the stairs calmly.

"You got it sorted then?" Loki asked. Emma pecked his cheek (which was quite a stretch seeing as Loki was extremely tall)

"Of course I did."

* * *

Emma made it home fine. They were all fine. Not before she shouted at the unnecessary tagging along. If anything, they were all fine until she woke up the next morning.

"Fuck." Emma said, as she walked into the dining room to find twins. Her twin brothers, sitting there with _her_ friends.

"Emma Sherlock Holmes" Greg started. Yes, that was her younger brother, Greg Lestrade Holmes. He looked exactly like his twin; John Hamish. Both with chestnut-brown hair, blue-green eyes and pale skin, but with cheekbones that could potentially cut someone.

"Heard you have a boyfriend." John said, grinning

"What's the record? 2 months. Heard about the last one" Greg started

"Colourful incident his concussion." John sipped on his tea. "Thigh choke."

"Emma, please tell them to shut up." Tony said, banging his head on the table.

"Emma, sweetheart" Emma groaned. Her _parents_ were there too. "Take those contacts out." Everyone looked at her, okay, so she may have lied a bit…

"But _mum_" Emma whined

"Sherlock, listen to your mother." Her father said half stern, half amused, walking out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee. Emma dabbed at her eyes, taking out the blue-green contacts.

"Oh my god." Pepper said, fork clanging on the table, as Emma took the seat next to Loki.

"Your eyes…" Sophie said, speechless.

"Purple!?" Steve asked, Emma rolled her violet eyes. Yes, her eyes were violet. Violet eyes caught too much attention and were too rare. Thus she wore contacts, especially with a job at top secret agencies. And people stared too much, it was annoying.

"I think they're lovely." Loki said, smiling at her. "They really are beautiful."

"Thanks." Emma grinned. "Can we just shut the fuck up."

"Language, young lady" Her mother said, coming over to her and kissing her on top of the head. "Sorry we have to dash off so quick, Benedict Cumberbatch is having a suit made…"

"No!" Emma said, standing on her seat.

"Oh, what is it with you. Be good." Her mother said.

"Don't get pregnant while I'm gone." Her father winked.

"_Daaaad"_ Emma groaned, god, her parents were embarrassing. She sat back down in her seat, viciously attacking a piece of toast.

"Wow, aren't your parents _supportive._" Bruce said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, WILL EVERYONE STOP FUCKING STARING. YES, MY EYES ARE FUCKING VIOLET. SO FUCKING DEAL." She'd had enough of everyone staring.

"God, Sherlock." Greg said, biting his toast

"And _we_ thought it was bad when you started taking fencing, kendo and karate." Johns shook his head.

"Yes, about the fencing, kendo and karate, care to explain?" Tony asked.

"Dropped ballet. Took those sports up." Emma said simply. "May or may not have sliced a few mannequins up"

"A _few?_" Greg asked "You sliced them _all_ up."

"Shut up, Lestrade" Emma retorted.

* * *

Loki seriously couldn't help sneak a glance at Emma's eyes every now and then. They were the most beautiful shade of purple he'd ever seen. And he'd never seen those sort of eyes on the Midgardians. When he thought her green-blue eyes were beautiful and stunning, he'd never felt so wrong when Emma had taken off those lenses. They seemed search quizzingly at everyone, those eyes that were the shade of royal purple.

"What?" Emma asked him, wasn't _she_ in a snappy mood today.

"Just admiring you and how you look in the morning." He grinned, sipping on his tea. Emma frowned and returned to her conversation. She really was a beautiful woman. Intelligent too, and now _apparently_ talented with combat.

"Loki!" Thor had bounded up to him, with a letter. "Mother has written." Loki just rolled his eyes, wasn't Thor _adorable_ this morning. Though of course, they all knew Thor was the favourite child.

"What does she say?" Loki asked.

"She is inviting us and our Midgardian friends to Asgard!" Thor was, as Emma would put it, fangirling. The sound of broken mugs and tea cups were heard.

"Oh, not the blue ones." Emma said sadly "They took me forever to collect." Loki believed she was referring to a rather expensive tea cup.

"Sorry." Jane said sheepishly

"No, it's fine. I'll just ring up my contacts at Royal Doulton." Emma said.

"Please, do continue" Loki said to Thor.

"Mother writes;

To my dearest sons Loki and Thor,

How do you fare?

Loki, Thor tells me you are having a lovely time on Midgard, how is the girl you fancy?"

"Ow!" Loki said as Emma grinned, bashing him on the head

"I'm sure she's charming. I have never had the pleasure of meeting your other friends; The Avengers, I am sure they are lovely, for Midgardians. I have taken to convincing your father to invite you all over, he has given his permission, I will advise you when the time is ripe.

Lovingly yours,

Your mother." Thor read out.

* * *

"Well, that's one place that'll be ticked off my bucket list." Betty said.

"I thought mortals can't go to Asgard?" Emma asked. "For several various reasons I've totally forgotten."

"Oh no, we never really associated with mortals, really." Loki admitted

"Yeah, we're _special_" Peter said sarcastically. "That reminds me, where are our resident Clintasha?"

"Hashtag they fondued" Steve said, sipping on coffee. Emma's jaw fell, everyone's did. Steve making sexual jokes wasn't normal. _Definitely_ not normal.

"Wow, use of a hashtag. I'm impressed." Tony said "Thought you wouldn't keep up, pop"

"Wow, your friends, definitely aren't _normal_" Greg remarked.

"Then again, bro, you _are_ a Psychologist." John pointed out to his brother. "Sherlock, he may have a point"

"I will never understand you two." Emma said, sipping on her tea. "Who's for swimming inside a fucking indoor pool?"

* * *

"FUCK YOU ANTHONY STARK!" Emma shouted, squirting him back with her bigger water gun. She'd always wondered, with Loki being a Jotun and all, what would happen if he got cold? Apparently the serum Bruce and Tony worked on (she was there when it was being developed at SHIELD), was designed to manipulate the genes, thus Loki was capable of controlling his transformations when he was cold.

"Getting you back Holmes, you fucking liar" Tony kept squirting her, she dove under the water, unable to be seen, then lifting one of his legs off the bottom of the pool floor, he fell epically into the water.

"Thanks Emma" Peter said, who was already working on their next montage. Emma popped back out, to see Natasha diving gracefully from the springboard. Loki just pushed Thor in. Pepper had monthlies, so she sat awkwardly on the side, Betty being the awesome friend threw her a tampon, but sat beside her on the deck chair. Emma had to stop herself from biting her lip, as Loki jumped into the water too, wearing only board shorts. Sophie was piggybacking Steve, while Bruce sat floating calmly on a donut. Her twin brothers had gone to get some food, while Lucas had gone to change little Daisy into one of her swim suits. Emma climbed out of the large, rectangle pool and stood on the springboard, backwards, bouncing twice, she soared through the air, back flipping into the water.

"10 points" Tony said

"Yeah" Clint agreed. Emma had forgotten Clint and Natasha had joined them, they were, as Steve put it, 'fondueing'. "Remember the time you accidentally floored Prince William?"

"SHIT! Don't fucking remind me, Barton." Emma pointed, half-laughing, half-stern. Loki splashed her with water. "Okay, what the heck was that for?"

"For tackling over royalty" Loki grinned mischeviously

"I'll tackle you over if you don't shut up." Emma replied.

"Thank you, Stark for taking that wrongly." Loki turned, Emma noticing the smug expression Tony was wearing, connection the dots… 'Oh', her mind said.

"Hate you all." Emma said, diving underwater to grab one of Loki's legs and drag him under water. They somehow got into an amusing fight, before coming up to the surface.

"I am a God, I can hold my breath underwater for an infinite amount of time." Loki smirked

"I challenge you." Emma pointed, well, wasn't _she_ high off tea this morning "See that inflatable sausage over there. Tony, get the fuck off it. There are two poles. Basically, you have to stay on the longest whilst protecting yourself from attacks."

"Challenge accepted." Loki replied. Tony pushed the giant floating cylinder towards her, Emma pushed herself up on one side (the red end of the cylinder), while Loki sat on the blue end. Taking the cotton-bud like stick with both hands, she tensed, watching every move. Peter was getting this on video. "Scared, Holmes?"

"Fuck off, Laufeyson." Emma retorted, before attacking him with a jab, the oncoming attack, was unforseen by the demi-god, and he fell off his side, into the water.

"You are distracted, brother!" Thor boomed

"I could interpret that wrongly on so many different levels." Mary muttered.

"Well, at least it wasn't a _complete_ failure." Tony admitted "Still reckon my infinity pool will be better than this."

"I shall avenge my brother!" Thor announced, trying to get on one side. Emma swam to her side and sat firmly, both hands grasping the stick. Honestly, she was scared. An infatuated Loki was one thing, but his brother was a totally different situation. Emma nervously bit her lip, watching Thor's every move, but she caught her chance when Thor averted his gaze.

"Sorry, Jane" Emma called out sheepishly.

"It's fine" Jane said, swimming to hug Thor, Thor sulked like a puppy. Which reminded Emma that Pepper's new corgi (named Tony) was sitting beside his mistress. Lucas had decided to entre, with a little Daisy in his arms, Daisy got into an inflatable car and began to giggle madly as she kicked in the water.

"Well, definitely takes after Charlotte." Emma remarked, reminded of her best friend, who spent waay to long in the shower. "Has she eaten an entire box of chocolates yet?"

"She managed half." Lucas said, sliding into the water. "God, I'm scared when her mother comes home" Emma turned to see Daisy giggling madly as Loki played with her. Everyone was shocked. Emma sort of… died of cute? If that was even possible.

"Well, then, young Lady, what are you intent upon playing?" Loki asked her.

"Piggyback?" Daisy asked with a cock of her head. Loki laughed and placed the little girl on his shoulders.

"Hello?" Natasha picked up her phone, as it buzzed. Emma turned to her, the gaze Natasha was giving was definitely not good. "Yes. Whatever" Natasha hung up.

"Shit" Tony said

"Yeah, that was Fury. We have to get back tomorrow." Natasha said "We have a crisis."

"Scale of one to New York 2012, what is it?" Tony asked.

"Potential robot invasion." Natasha said in her usual stoic way.

"Oh, god no." Steve said, looking worried.

"That's obviously very _not_ good." Emma noted.

"C'mon guys, that's only a six at least." Clint said

"And you can only manage '_Yeah, whatever'_!?" Bruce exclaimed

* * *

Emma came down from her shower, drying her hair to the smell of biscuits? Yes the waft of cinnamon reaching her. Emma walked into the kitchen… shocked.

"Yeah. I'm not believing this either." Bruce said, who was sitting at the kitchen bench. Tony and Loki were baking gingerbread with Daisy. Loki even had her mum's cake decorating kit out and was piping icing on the biscuits with pink icing.

"Are you two…" Emma asked, slightly dazed.

"Loki and Bruce said they'd bake me gingerbread." Daisy said happily, legs swinging off the kitchen counter. "I like gingerbread." Daisy grinned.

"I'm sure you do." Emma said uneasily. Bruce patted her on the back as she got into one of the seats. Emma nicked a biscuit from Loki, winking mischievously.

"By the way, Sherlock." Tony started "There's a pile of paperwork waiting for you." Emma noticed the hesitation on pile, he was going to cuss, but seeing as he was in the presence of a 3 year old, he neglected to.

"Another court case?" Emma asked sceptically

"No, just paperwork." Tony reassured.

"Is he going to make me proofread his experiments?" Emma whispered to Bruce, as Loki handed her a plate of gingerbread. Emma had just noticed he was wearing a pink apron, over his white shirt and suit-vest, as supressed the urge to laugh.

"We are working on a new form of transportation if that's got you interested." Bruce said

"TARDIS?" Emma joked. "Or some serious temporal crap?"

"The latter." Bruce said, as Loki handed him a plate of biscuits. Emma's were star shaped while Bruce's were shaped like boring circles. Obviously her niece had broken out the cookie cutters.

"Are we sure these are perfectly safe, Stark. They aren't radioactive… or poisoned. For all I know, you may be trying to get rid of me…" Emma asked Tony jokingly

"Why, do you have superpowers?" Tony asked sarcastically

"No, actually no." Emma laughed back in truth. "Unless you count fencing. Though, that's like, not interesting" Emma sipped on the tea Loki had just handed her. She could _actually_ get used to Loki giving her tea whenever she wanted.

"Mr Stark, Loki, can we watch movies?" Daisy asked innocently

"There's obviously no way we're watching anything above a PG rating" Tony said

"Well, what say you, Holmes?" Loki asked her.

"Please Auntie Emma!?" Daisy begged. Loki scooped the little girl up into his arms and put on his best puppy eyes. Emma rolled her eyes.

"What has your dad said?" Emma asked Daisy

"He said it twas 'kay." Daisy's slight lisp playing into her words.

"Well then. This will be interesting." Emma grinned

* * *

Lucas slipped in the disk for everyone to watch. Daisy had an array of movies to choose from. Emma and Tony had a bet, whoever could convince Daisy to pick their choice of DVD won. Of course, Emma had Loki on her side, so she won. Of course she'd win, when the choice was between _Harry Potter _and the _Philosophers Stone_ and some boring documentary on babysitting. Well actually, the movie was _Daddy Day Care._

"I wuv Harry Potter." Daisy said happily, sitting on Loki's lap. Emma, Loki, Tony and Pepper were all sitting on the floor. Bruce had his arm wound around Betty, who were both next to Steve and Sophie. Thor and Jane were on the other sofa with Clintasha. Lucas had just come back with boxes of pizza while her twin brothers had both left for their respective homes (Greg lived and worked in Cardiff while John lived just on the outskirts of London).

Emma felt her shoulders being squeezed by Loki as she was already tearing up, first thirty seconds of the movie, and she was already crying.

"You know, I would gladly kill those midgardians for reducing you to tears." Loki whispered in her ear.

"Haha, no." Emma said, wiping away a tear or two, while keeping her eyes fixated on the screen. Through the entire movie, Emma's fidgety little niece managed to sit still. Probably for two reasons, she was a Potterhead ('FUCK YEAH IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY' Emma thought) or because she was totally mesmerised by the demi-god. (Well, Emma couldn't blame her). They'd manage to empty all the boxes of pizza, surprisingly it was Steve who'd managed to eat the most slices. Emma and Clint were often caught mouthing every single line, back and forth to each other, while Tony did his best Snape impression (which was of course pretty shit).

"You're saying it wrong, it's Levi_osa_, not _Leviosar_." Everyone had quoted. Harry Potter with the Avengers was never going to get old.

* * *

Emma shared her room with Sophie. (Emma thought that Sophie's relationship with Steve would've escalated by now.)

"Wow. I just love going through your wardrobe." Sophie said, as she pulled out one dress after another, placing them back in. Emma had a certain paranoia, all her clothes were organised by type, then by colour. Oh, and it wasn't just a wardrobe, it was a walk-in wardrobe.

"Well, this'd be my favourite feature." Emma flicked a switch and the clothes parted away to reveal her masses of weapons; knives, guns, swords (hell of a lot of swords) 'secret agent-y' devices, the whole lot really. However, Loki had decided to untimely wander in.

"Well, um… good night." He said overwhelmed, before walking back out. Tony popped his head in for a second, making an 'oh' sound.

"Nice machine gun!" Tony shouted as he walked down the corridor.

* * *

Haha, thank you all for reading. Um, if you do place a review, would you mind telling me what you think of Loki/Emma? I just need an idea.

Oh and if you have tumblr, i changed my url, i am now officially: consulting-timelord-of-mischief. I reblog: SuperWhoLock, Harry Potter, LOTR and the Hobbit, Avengers, Hiddles, Benedict Cumberbatch, David Tennant, Martin Freeman, Aidan Turner, Les Mis and the odd random blog or two.

And yet again, thanks guys :)


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: DON'T FUCKING KILL ME! Okay, sorry with the lateness and lag and whatever. I swear it was summer yesterday. Anyway, school's dumped a pile of exams and assesments. I've just made a Facebook page for Alexander the Great and i've got another drama assessment, and we only just performed on monday. Now, just a bit of darkness and badassery to break up the amount of fluff we've had. Oh and ASDFGHJKL; SHERLOCK AHHHH HELP CANNOT BREATHE OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11!11!1!

Sorry, and the next chapter will be a whole lot more fluffy. Well, starts a bit dark and on another world actually... but well, you can't know everything. Um, thanks for all the reviews, favourites, follows. Makes my day really. Someone reviewed, telling me not to swear as much... sorry, i swear a lot, um, i am trying to tone it down, but i swear a lot. Oh and make fandom references a lot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do own a samurai sword umbrella, the teachers at my school were just lol-ing about it the other day.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA'S Chapter 10

Emma sat in her seat on the jet. They had to leave pretty early in the morning as Fury needed them badly. Emma spent half her time trying to get into her tight-fitting SHIELD uniform and the boots that they came with. Natasha had a worse time though, her black cat suit was tailor made to the dot, she was surprisingly quick to get into it, then again, Emma reminded herself Natasha was a trained gymnast and ballerina, Natasha could do a handstand and put a pair of skinny jeans on, while Emma would struggle to put on a pair of socks normally. Daisy had cried when they left, mind you, she was refusing to let go of Loki's leg.

"Sherlock, expect a parcel for me next month." Tony said, doing stuff on his StarkTablet.

"What the hell did you buy this time?" Emma asked, looking up from Tony's Itinerary, that she was going through. "Wales?"

"No." Tony said as if it were obvious. The plane flight back was severely tense, everyone seemed to be jumpy and nervous. Emma felt herself constantly pulling at the tight SHIELD uniform, while she read through the pile of papers that had been sent to Tony. Pepper had turned on the TV, and the look that was plastered upon her face meant eternal doom.

"The Avengers have been confirmed to have been in London, attending the fashion show and after party for the well-renowned fashion house; 14 Antoinette Lane. Large speculation is circulating to the identity of the woman seen with Loki at the night of the party." The Journalist was saying as pictures flashed up; them all laughing, them dancing, them drinking. It was all tedious really.

"Well… shit" Emma said

"However, the group seem to have left London and their current whereabouts are unknown. We have developing news on the outbreak of androids. They have been identified as work of an unknown organisation, and certainly not the work of Stark Industries. In other news the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have bought their twin children puppies and kittens-" Pepper turned the TV off. Emma turned to look at everyone in the room. Jane was on her phone, no doubt contacting the astrophysicists at SHIELD, Betty was on her laptop, furious typing for military news on the situation. Natasha continued to look stoic while Sophie looked the most worried. As everyone knew, or probably had skimmed over, Sophie worked at an orphanage. A very well-known orphanage, that was sponsored by several popular celebrities, now the Avengers among them. She was emailing and tweeting all her contacts, getting information on the children.

She then looked at the men in the room. Peter was sitting, feet tucked to his chest, thinking hard. Clint was talking to Fury on the phone, while Steve walked over to Sophie, placing a bracing arm around her shoulders. Tony had his 'serious' face on, something only seen when he was under severe pressure. Thor and Loki looked calm, for all she knew, they were panicking on the inside. But she knew enough Norse mythology to know they'd been in many battles against monsters from other worlds. Then there was her, sitting, observing everyone, wishing SHIELD would issue normal boots, not high-heeled boots.

The stewardess had just handed out alcoholic beverages, Emma promptly took the bloody Mary she was handed and drained it, trying to stay calm. She turned on her laptop and logged into the SHIELD network, plugging in her earphone, she listened to the message Fury had sent her.

"Agent Holmes, as you are aware you have been relieved of your field duties, as you have been promoted as de-facto supervisor to Mr Stark" Emma snorted, Fury mean 'babysitter' "This current situation will no doubt have you dragged into this fucking mess, so I suggest you remain ready at all times. You know the standard procedure, only take orders from me or Stark." Fury saluted, before the video ended. Emma rubbed her face with both hands, as she felt the nerve in the room build. More alcohol was passed round and she took a flute of champagne this time.

"Look, in all fairness, at least we aren't battling Loki and Chuitari." Tony said to alleviate the awkwardness.

"What did Fury say to you?" Natasha asked

"He told me that I'm going to be dragged into this, and to only take orders from Fury or Stark. He also mentioned something about my babysitting." Emma said "Well, looks like I'll be taking out all my guns and swords."

"We're swinging by Stark Tower anyway." Tony said "Fury always picks us up from there."

* * *

Emma flicked a switch at the wall, the TV and shelves on that wall coming down. She pulled out what remained of her 'badass weapons', mainly a couple of knives and guns. She rummaged around the empty and dark shelves, looking for her set of ninja stars, locating them, she placed them in one of the pouches on her belt. She didn't think she'd be needing her swords, but just in case something happened, they were all placed in a travel-case, that looked exactly like her trunk from high school. Actually, she realised, it _was_ her trunk from high school. She checked them just in case she'd missed any, her katana, her rapier and her double-edged sword. She was ready to roll in any case, as her gun was in her holster. Carrying the light case out, she met Natasha.

"Well, who's coming?"

"Pepper wants to stay at SHIELD, she needs to be near Tony. Jane is going to stay with her people in the science department. Betty's, as we speak being dropped off to see the military forces and, Sophie's going to the orphanage-" Natasha was cut off by Emma

"Of course, at any case she'd put the kids first." Emma nodded, nerves taking hold of her. If anything, she was always nervous when it came to field missions. Together the two had an unspoken bond, as they walked together to the helicopter pad, there she left Natasha, to be in Clint's company, as she walked towards Loki.

"Nice to see you in your old outfit. Leather, green and gold suit you." Emma said quietly.

"Nerves?" Loki asked, wrapping a bracing arm around her.

"I can't do this. I _hate_ invasions. If it weren't for the fact I'm dating you, I may have already killed you for the New York incident a couple of years back." Emma replied weakly, Loki laughed quietly.

"In all fairness, Lady Holmes, I'm still, as you would put it, 'shitting myself'." Loki said. "I'm not the God of war, in case you've forgotten. Although, you are quite the Valkyrie, so I hear from my informants at SHIELD." He added cheekily

"Shut up" Emma said mock-scandalised "That's Natasha's job. I just sit there slicing everything, Laufeyson."

"Well, you have the chance to prove that you are worthy of that, do you not?" Loki asked, as the Helicarrier's invisible vehicle hatch opened, as a group, the walked in, Emma still pulling on her uniform, still used to wearing Dior dresses and designer heels for the past couple of months. Inside SHIELD, Emma could only begin to see how bad the situation was, and they'd only been gone, literally, 5 days. Seriously, she could file a complaint. She was on _holiday_, paid leave, mind you. They walked past several offices, one of which was formerly hers, that was now vacated and empty, sign on the door saying

'Agent Holmes has been reassigned, office is vacated temporarily'

Emma was confused about the 'temporarily' bit, she was informed, when assigned the job, that she was staying on _permanently_. She also may or may not have skimmed over the bits that blatantly said 'DO NOT FUCKING KILL TONY STARK'. She had to admit, best things about SHIELD paperwork was the casual use of swear words and informality. Until it came to the council, then everything was practically 'British' in its poshness and amount of apologising. Upon reaching the boardroom, Emma sat near the back, like she usually did when she was in Elective History in Highschool. Ironically, she reminded herself, this wasn't her favourite subject where they'd be studying gory battles and badass women, no, this was history playing out in real life.

"As we all know, the invasion" Fury began, but Tony piped in

"Sir? Invasion?" Tony asked sceptically.

"Stark, you don't get it. This entire MOTHERFUCKING CITY" Emma looked at Steve who winced at every cuss "Is in danger, this android disease is spreading through all technology installed with wifi"

"Sounds like and episode of, what is it you watch, Lady Holmes?" Thor asked

"Doctor Who: Bells of St John, season 7 part 2 episode 1." Emma said quickly

"Yes, but, Director, does this not effect all aboard this vessel?" Thor directed "Is not this institution run upon these devices?"

"Yes, Thor, but SHIELD runs on an impenetrable network system, run on Stark Technology"

"With all due respect, but should they hack into the SHIELD network, remind me of the safety measures?" Emma asked

"It shuts down" Fury replied. The passed looks throughout the group said all that needed saying

"So your saying, if SHIELD shuts down, the entire planet is basically screwed?" Bruce asked

"Like, no pressure" Peter said sassily, pushing his glasses up his nose. Emma personally liked Peter, he hung out more with Bruce and Tony, they were like father/son almost. "Does that mean we have areas to defend, are there people solving the virus?"

"Our best are working, but it seems to have originated from something we've never seen before. It's gonna take time. Now, these androids" Nick showed pictures of the electronic devices that seemed to have morphed together with other contaminated devices, creating gigantic monsters. "We need an unblemished android. They can't have been destroyed by firearms or lasers."

"That shouldn't be hard" Loki smirked.

-line-

They'd been everywhere, tracking down these HUGE androids, bloody huge androids, and they couldn't find any. It was ironic, really, and her feet hurt. Standard-issue boots from SHIELD hurt like hell. Eventually, they fell back to STARK towers, the best place to be when there's a crisis.

"We should spread out" Tony said. "Cap, your call"

"Okay, Stark, your with me, we'll patrol the first fifth of the building. Barton, Tash; the top fifth. Thor, Loki, the middle part. Peter and Emma, you two will patrol the layers under Barton and Tash." Emma and the rest nodded, she had dragged her trunk with her all day, it wasn't even funny, kicking it open, she pulled out the three swords and placed them each in their sheathes, swinging them on her back.

"Swords, that's interesting." Peter said

"Still don't know why Fury wants me to stay with you guys. Normally I'm helping people get out of places, or commanding stuff inside the Helicarrier." Emma told him

"I was in college." Peter said "Not much I could do" He was in his Spiderman costume, as they walked together.

"So, you and Lokster, huh?"

"Yeah, why?" Emma asked, with a bit of a grin on her face

"It's cool. A little weird, not saying that you both _aren't_ complete weirdos at all" Peter laughed, before they heard a crashing sound from the flights below them.

"Shit" they said in unison, as they ran down steps. Or at least, Emma did, Peter web slung.

"Found it, hold on" Peter said, grabbing her around the waist using his web, before slinging them both down. She hated that swooping feeling, rollercoasters were one thing, the chances of dying on them were very small. But Web slinging on the other hand was _so_ not her thing. Finally landing, she felt relieved, momentarily, as she realised what Tony and Steve had stopped to see.

"Oh my god." Natasha said, flipping her way down from a vent, Clint climbing out after her. Emma had only just managed to process what she was seeing. Fury wasn't kidding about giant. It was a giant, almost human-looking android, made up with hunks of metal and wires. Mainly iPhones and iPods really. Then there were the computers, TV, laptops and an arcade machine, all in the mix.

"Well, Fury said no fire-arms." Loki said, as he materialised with Thor.

"Got this one." Clint said, drawing an arrow from his quiver, firing the arrow, it hit the android in the knee.

"Shit" they all said in unison, as it became agitated, bolts of lightning shooting from it. Emma dodged one of them by rolling on the ground. Getting up again, they had all moved to strategic positions. Peter hanging on the ceiling, Clint perched on the edge of the balcony from the floor above. Thor and Loki near each other, behind a column. That left her, Tony, Steve and Bruce in the firing line. Bruce hadn't transformed. Oddly enough. But she realised the reason behind it, if Bruce had become the Hulk, it would be in his nature to destroy the android.

"Bruce, tech deck. We need to rig this up." Tony said from inside his iron suit "JARVIS has just gone through scans, no way we'll be able to penetrate that exterior shell." But Emma was worried, the Android stood there motionless, as if calculating its next move. It was made from millions of computers, it was smart. And without some magic, there was no way they'd be able to work this one out.

"Tony, can't you do those rigs from inside your suit?... OH BLOODY HELL" Bruce jumped. Everyone twitched, scared Bruce would transform. Tony's suit began to glow as well, obviously hacked, Tony's voice could be heard, screaming out in excruciating pain. Bruce had leapt into the action, somehow, after pushing buttons, getting Tony out of the suit. Steve had barely been able to help Bruce rip apart Tony's suit, to get him away from the contaminated device. Tony scrambled from off the floor as Emma stood paralysed. Natasha released one of the small bombs from her bracelets and let it destroy the suit, should the android get hold of it, god knows what would happen. But the android still stood there, and just stayed.

"Okay, I've got the drive you need to plug in." Tony said, panting slightly.

"Wait, you mean me… NO" Emma protested, after noticing the pointed glance.

"Don't worry. We all have your back. And I'm your boss, you do everything I say." Tony added. Emma snatched the USB off him, walking around the android, so that she was now behind it. "Your boots have rubber soles and that SHIELD uniform is more awesome than we let Fury think it is."

"Emma. You're perfectly capable." Loki said, moving from behind the column, hands ready to perform his magic. Emma nodded.

"C'mon Emma, it's not as bad as Buckingham Palace" Natasha reminded her

"Okay, like I need a reminder about what happened." Emma muttered. She looked at the android, back still facing her, she unsheathed her purple-handled katana and attempted to breathe calmly. '_Three. Calm down. Two. You can do this. One'_ Emma thought, as she pounced lightly on the back of the android, the entire thing tried shaking her off, arm somehow had managed to twist to face her and attempt to push her off. Emma withdrew her katana from the body of the android, taking a couple of ninja stars from her pouch, she stabbed them into the body, trying to keep hold.

"TONY WHERE DO I PLUG IT IN?" Emma shouted, trying to keep hold. It was like riding a mechanical bull, except, this wasn't a bull, and she was standing up, trying not to fall.

"Look for the most powerful device there!" He shouted back, looking a little bit worried. Emma, from the corner of her eye saw Clint fire an arrow or two to stop it from moving so much. Emma had managed to climb onto its shoulders, before being thrown off, however, her fall was suspended, as Loki's hands moved, as if trying to control her fall. Emma got back up.

"I can't move around on it, it keeps moving too much" Emma said.

"Loki, use your magic." Tony said, Loki nodded. Emma decided for a different approach, looking at Tony, who seemed to get where she was going.

"Barton get ready to shoot arrows, distract it. Peter, same thing with your webs. If that fails, then Loki, use your magic" Steve said "Your call, Holmes"

"Three." Emma took a sharp breath "Two. One" Emma leapt onto the android, digging one of her ninja stars into its chest, just enough for her to be able to hold on and grip. Emma wrapped a foot around its chest trying to heave herself up. But she could feel pain, the sharp, shocking zaps she was being given by the android. Arms grabbed her by the waist, she was being pulled off, but she clung onto the head for dear life.

"STARK. WOAAAH- SHIT. RECKON I COULD PULL THE HEAD APART?" Emma asked, her voice rather high-pitched as she was nearly thrown off. Clint had fired a few arrows into it's hand, to distract it.

"JARVIS!" Tony shouted "No… shit…. No" Tony panicked, running his hands through his hair "Jarvis is down." Emma flicked her head round to try and get a look at him. He had _got_ to be kidding, she thought.

"Emma" Bruce had run back out carrying some super hi-tech equipment "Find a USB port and it'll work" he shouted, immediately beginning to program something. Emma, couldn't find a port, so she flipped herself backwards, legs gripping the android's neck, while she scanned it's back upside down.

"FOUND ONE" she shouted, as she attempted to plug in the small, pink USB. "IT'S A MAC!"

"Okay, just plug it in." Bruce replied, doing something on the StarkTablet. Emma couldn't insert the USB, she kept trying until an electric shock flung it to the other side of the room.

"LOKI, MIND GETTING THAT?" Emma shouted again, as the android, now understanding her motives, tried to strangle one of her legs. The USB flew back to her.

"Loki, immobilise it, we might have a chance" Steve said, getting ready with his shield, should the android strike it's fist down, like it looked like it was about to do. Thor had moved to a position near the door, ready with his hammer, should the mission fail. Emma could hear Loki muttering something harshly in his own tongue, not sure of what it meant, but it was good, as the android stopped moving.

"You don't have much time" Emma could only see Loki upside down, as the blood rushed to her head. "I can't hold it, my magic doesn't work well against demons such as these" Loki said, struggling to even form words, he was beginning to fall. Emma swiftly plugged in the USB, before flipping off the android.

"Well… never doing that again" She said brightly. "Stark, you owe me a jam donut"

"So, does that cancel the virus?" Peter asked, slinging webs so that the android was stuck in a web of sticky, white mass, unable to move anymore.

"Nope." Tony said "JARVIS? We back online?"

"Ready sir, my systems have rebooted after the attempted hack." The AI replied from nowhere.

"Get a suit ready, we've got some killing to do." Tony said

"Wait what?" Emma asked, now confused.

* * *

Emma stood on the New York street, a rapier in each hand. Basically, the virus had been cancelled out from breaking into other devices, but that meant they had to destroy, and she meant _utterly_ desecrate any remaining androids. So Tony had managed to briefly hack into their systems to round them up, into the streets. There were hundreds, need she say.

"Okay. Barton, get high above, call out rogues." Steve ordered. Clint nodded, taking an arrow from his mechanized quiver.

"Stark, take the skies, if an android is too much, disintegration is the way to go."

"Cool, Capsicle" Tony said "You know what to do, Legolas"

"I was hoping spider-boy could take me" Clint said, pouting slightly

"No biggie" Peter said "What do you want me to do?"

"Keep them out of the way of civilians every now and then. Trap them or mark them for 'disposal'" Steve told him. Peter grabbed hold of Clint, before slinging up to drop him on top of a building.

"Natasha, Emma, Banner and I will keep the fighting down here. Thor and Loki, down here also, use your magic to kill the bastards" Steve finished. Bruce nodded, his face slowly contorting to anger, as he seemed to grow, green colouring becoming brighter and more clear. The androids broke into a faster pace, starting to come towards them. Emma's fingers trembled as she held her rapiers, trying to keep calm.

"This is going to fail" Emma muttered under her breath

"Oh, have a _little_ faith" Loki reprimanded. Emma noticed Loki wasn't wearing that cow-helmet, just the outfit. The first one was taken by Natasha, Bruce had begun to smash the 'living' daylights out of entire crowds. Emma ran towards a few, slicing and stabbing, throwing ninja stars at weaker parts of their bodies, she barely managed to escape from having an android fall on her, by rolling on her side. She was having fun pretending she was Eowyn killing a Nazgul.

"Lady Holmes, duck" Thor shouted at her, she dropped to the floor, as he held out Mjolnir, lightning overloading several of the android's systems. She crawled away, avoiding the lightning. Loki was using his magic to disintegrate as many androids as he could. Emma felt, or rather her a large 'whack' against her back, as she flew a few metres away from the spot she was standing at. An android had thrown her, she struggled to her feet, clutching two broken and very expensive rapiers. She threw them away, withdrawing a double edged sword. Fingering the hilt, she swung, cutting off the android's hand, sparks emitting from the end, yet the android continued its attack, she kept slicing, pouncing on its arm, climbing to slice of its head. Loki was using his magic to try and get rid of as many as he could, but it wasn't working fast enough. It wasn't long before Clint had shouted out a couple of rogues, getting beyond the barrier. Tony had them promptly turned to ash, while Clint and Natasha kept firing explosives.

Slicing and decapitating took its toll on her swords, she was forced to throw away her double-edged sword and resorted to her gun, her katana too precious to take out. She shot a fair few androids, as they crumpled and fell, the fighting seemed to stretch on for hours, it was both physically and mentally draining. But there was nothing she could do, it was almost over, reminding herself that this was a one off and she'd never _ever_ under the pain of death do this again. Slowly the amount of androids dwindled, before Tony and Steve vaporized the last android. Emma fell to her knees from the sheer exertion and amount of energy that had gone into this.

"I think you fared well, Miss Holmes" Loki said, offering her a hand, Emma took it, suspecting that she'd fall for the oldest trick in the book, but instead, she was pulled up with immense strength.

"Never doing that again." She said to herself and to Loki for the umpteenth time. "I'm staying home and filing Tony's paperwork, I don't care if the apocalypse is on, but you guys do some crazy stuff."

"It's madness, yes, that is undeniable, but you would have to admit, we did well." He said grimly, looking at the masses of electronic devices scattered around the streets.

"Looks like Apple and Microsoft have just lost some shares." Tony pointed out to her, lifting the front of his helmet.

"I'll go prepare the graphs, Stark." Emma said, as they all trailed their way back to Stark Towers, where they enjoyed celebratory Vodka and pizza.

* * *

Well, hope that was good enough, or even better, for you lot. Um, you guys do mean a lot to me, like a lot of people don't like me. I can see why with my ego and sarcasm and fangirliness and outright bitchiness in general. But otherwise, thanks for reading and please, please, please review.

'Mione-Amelia-Rose1479 out.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: OKay, that was all my exams done. YISS I IZ FREE. FREE AS A CYBERBIRD.

So, i'm ending the drama for now. Time for more fluff. I need to release my fluff because Tom Hiddleston's just raised the bar for men so frickin high, that i don't think i'll even end up finding a suitable guy.

Oh, BTW, that guest how reviewed. I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING

Disclaim: Still own nothing. sorry

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 11

Asgard.

Frigga stood near the edge of the Bifrost, she always felt for her sons. Even though, strictly speaking, they both weren't her sons. She worried the most for Loki, lamenting the fact, even though his sins were forgiven, strictly speaking, he'd never be accepted, would he? She held the boy so many times, as he cried at night. Even now, as he'd grown older, upon his return home, she held him, like any mother would.

"Heimdall. What news have you?" She asked the guardian

"Your sons fare well. They have won a battle against monsters."

"And of Loki? What of my son?" she asked worried

"He falls more and more for the midgardian girl of sorts. She is complicated. And erudite and Warrior. Beauty and Terror"

"But does she accept him. Can she accept him?" Frigga asked, that was her main worry.

"We have no power over that"

* * *

Everyone sat in the med bay of Stark Towers. Emma was fine, really, cuts bruises were the worst. But Loki had wandered off, and she knew he was pretty badly injured. Picking up the spare med-kit, she walked the corridors, looking for him.

"Loki?" Emma said quietly, as she found him in the first dark room she could find.

"Go away" He said harshly. Emma immediately suspected something up.

"Shit happened to you out there, if Thor hadn't blown up the android in time, it would've crushed you." She tried saying, gently, moving towards him.

"SHUT UP" Loki screamed harshly. Emma stopped in her tracks, wondering what was going on, but anger bubbled up and she impulsively shouted back.

"DID YOU JUST FUCKING SHUT ME UP. I'LL FUCKING SHUT YOU UP PERMANENTLY." Emma shouted back, unsheathing her sword, trying to remain calm she proceeded to ask again "What are you doing?"

"Trying to heal myself." He turned round calmly. Emma looked at him, in his blue Jotun form. Yet she wasn't repulsed, looking at his blue skin with strange markings, if anything, looking directly into his now red eyes, as he held out his hand. She took it and looked at it with some fascination.

"So?"

"Finally, someone sane" he sighed. "I'm sorry, my healing magic is so much stronger in my natural form. Did you just threaten to kill me, Lady Holmes?"

"Sorry. You were screaming at me." Emma apologised, re-sheathing her katana "What happened to you? Guessing a few cuts?"

"I should be fine, I'm done anyway." Loki slowly turned his skin back to his humanoid form, blue turning back into his peach-white skin tone. "You weren't scared. That was a first."

"It's fine, really. I don't understand why you'd think I'd be scared" Emma said, looking into his now green eyes. "Missed a cut"

"Where?" Loki asked, touching his face in genuine worry, feeling around, looking cute and confused at the same time.

"There" Emma said, finger landing lightly on his lip, pulling him into a kiss, his arm winding around her waist, as her arm wound around his neck, a feeling of warmth bubbling up inside her, as the kiss became more intense and heated.

"Hello? Holmes I have the hot jam donut and rose tea I owe you. No, getting laid? Fine, I'll just leave." Tony called out, as he slunk from the room feeling awkward.

* * *

A couple of months later, Emma made it _very_ clear she was never joining them in battle again. EVER. Loki usually popped by while she was working, to see if Tony was being mean to her. It was all really sweet actually. Emma walked back into the lab holding a large parcel.

"Stark. This just arrived." Emma said, placing the heavy parcel on the desk.

"Thank you." Tony said, ripping off the sheet of paper attached. He slit the box open and pulled out stacks of magazines

"Okay, did you just ask my mum for her magazines?" Emma asked, looking at recent photos of her parent's fashion house and their latest designs.

"Yeah, what do you think of this?" Tony asked "I'm getting married after all."

"True, you've been oddly quiet. How much longer till the press find out?" Emma asked

"The moment we go into public." Tony said. Emma then figured out why they had been living indoors for the last couple of weeks. "We're trying to get guest lists and what we want done before the press find out. That way we've got answers ready." Tony, put down the magazine and picked up another one "So, how are things going with you and Lokester?"

"It's been, what? 3 months?" Emma asked herself "It's been great, I feel like I've achieved something that was totally not expected of me, and everyone's just sitting there with their mouths open. I think we pissed Steve off, we beat him at Mariokart. Steve was swearing and everything."

"Has it escalated yet…" He asked trailing off

"First off, no. Second, what would make you think I'd tell you that?"

"Well…" Tony said. "Just interested in stalking you. Anyway, Pepper's got a date down for her wedding dress, hasn't she?"

"Yeah" Emma checked the timetable she'd been dumped with "Tomorrow actually, shall I book you in for something? You're free tomorrow, unless you and your 'super-secret boy band' have something on?"

"No, book me in for a meeting with your parents. I've got suits that need to be made" Emma noted that down, reminding herself that her parents had texted her that they would be in NY this week.

"Okay. I'll tag along then, try to stop my parents killing Loki." Emma said

"No, Pepper asked you girls to go with her."

"Haha, I'm not turning up." Emma said seriously "I _hate_ weddings. Not a wedding person. Seriously, rings should be like the ring of power. Pop them on and you vanish, everyone goes home, drunk."

"Okay then. I think Pepper's got Nat as her maid of honour. Should be interesting." Tony said, flicking through magazine clippings.

"Besides. When I mean I need to stop my parents from murdering Loki." Emma looked at Tony seriously "I mean it."

"Sir, Agent Hill is here, she needs to talk to the both of you." JARVIS called out, just as the woman in question walked into the room, looking more tired than usual with bags under her eyes and weight gain, the type you get from a pregnancy, But nonetheless, the new mother looked rather happy.

"First of all. Stark, great job on keeping the media in the dark." Hill acknowledged

"Was that sarcasm, agent Hill?"

"No." She replied, looking seriously at him. Maria Hill walked up to Emma, pulling her into a hug. Emma loved Hill, she was fun when Stark wasn't there. "Heard about what happened in London. Sorry, on maternity leave."

"It's fine." Emma grinned, she was ecstatic when Maria got married a couple of years ago. But she missed the wedding, she was in Wales at the time, freezing her arse off.

"Yeah, about that, they still haven't figured out it's me, have they?" Emma asked

"That's what I'm about to talk to you about." Maria looked at her seriously, but with as much empathy as she could, without trying to burst into laughter. "Moment you go into public, the fangirls are going to go crazy."

"Wait, I'm a ship?"

"Apparently." Maria said "Anyway, I've got to leave. We still need to cover up after that android attack." Maria retreated, leaving a bemused Tony behind.

"Do I hear a sound of high-pitched squealing?" Tony asked, looking out the window.

"Now would be a good time to run" Emma said, as she joined him, looking out at a sea of teenage girls with fandom shirts and posters.

"RUN!" Clint shouted from a vent, as the two broke into a sprint away from the lab, as JARVIS alerted them that they'd been violated.

* * *

"Morning" Emma said, yawning as she sat in the dining room. Steve was reading the newspaper on his StarkTablet as usual.

"Nice to see you too… Is-i-is that one of Loki's shirts?" Steve asked, then faltering, turning a bright red.

"Well shut up." Emma yawned. "Actually, it's not what you think. Clint, Nat, Loki and I got into an intense round of truth or dare." Emma looked at the shirt she dubbed 'Loki's-version-of-the-Sherlock-purple-shirt-of-sex' shirt. She was wearing it over her black shorts. "Basically, it was dare and if you refuse you have to strip. I got all the weird ones, so it came to the point I was in shorts. Then Loki was dared to hide my clothes, and he was up to his boxers, so naturally, he did the dare." Emma rolled up her, well, Loki's sleeves as she popped the kettle on.

"You four need to stop drinking tea before bed. It's not helping"

"Yeah, thanks pop" Emma joked "Though, it was a hilarious game. Clint had to dress up in a nappy and take pictures dressed as a baby 'cupid'. I think Loki sent it to Fury." Emma sipping on her freshly-brewed tea.

"Bruce lovely to see you." Emma said, looking over her shoulder as the door opened.

"I heard you guys playing truth or dare from two floors down. I was in a lab all night." Bruce laughed.  
"Congratulations on winning truth or dare"

"Pleasure's all mine" Emma said "Still can't find all my clothes."

"Have you tried looking under Tony's bed?" Bruce suggested

"I don't think I'd want to…" She said sourly. "Why? Did you hear Nat suggesting that?"

"You bet" Bruce snorted. "Found a memo from Stark. Apparently we're all getting fitted for suits…"

"Oh yeah. About that. I have to tag along to stop my parents from killing Loki…" Emma replied. "Parker, what are you doing here?" Emma saw Peter Parker come through the door.

"Stark told me he wanted me to be the 'page boy'. I think I refused." Peter replied dryly. "Anyway, I need a suit."

"Join the club." Steve replied. "Besides, since when did Tony write out memos?"

"For some odd reason, I didn't get my jam donut… So he promised to write out his own memos. I wanted that jam donut" Emma replied, wonderingly.

"Oh, I remember that…" Steve said trailing off "He tried finding you. But you were busy…"

"Really? Oh well." Emma said. Loki wandered in, holding a messy pile of clothes.

"Found them. Turns out that Miss Romanoff and Barton had re-hid you clothes. My apologies." Loki said, taking her hand and kissing it. Emma had to desperately stop herself from falling to pieces, she hated this little shit. By hate, she meant totally loved.

"It's fine, pass them over. Out of curiosity, where did they hide them?" Emma taking her shirt and unfolding it Steve and Bruce pointedly turned their backs on her, as she unbuttoned the purple shirt, putting on her own.

"Well, you're done? I found them around the building." Loki replied

"I heard my name in the mix?" Natasha sat down, next to Bruce

"Yeah, thanks for hiding my clothes" Emma said sarcastically

"Not my fault." Natasha sighed, sipping coffee "Anyway, aren't you going to get fitted for a dress?"

"Nope. Tony's lot are getting fitted for suits. I'm stopping my parents from brutally murdering you." Emma directed 'you' at Loki.

"Well, let's hope it doesn't end in disaster." Loki said brightly.

* * *

"Mummy!" Emma said delightedly, as she was pulled into a hug. "Dad"

"Hello sweetheart. Heard you'd be here." Her father said. "Now" Emma grinned, but still ready to get between a fight. "You must be Loki."

"Yes, sir" Loki said politely. "Pleasure to meet you. I believe I made your acquaintance at the fashion show last December."

"Well, you certainly more polite than my boys." Emma's mother laughed. Emma looked at Tony who was making derpy faces at her. She hated it, though Thor joined it too. Seriously, she had to stop herself from tackling the two over. "Well, Mr Stark, shall we begin?"

Emma's mother began by taking his measurements. She took everyone's measurement, while she scrolled through Tumblr looking for more information on the latest season of Sherlock.

"Ow." Loki muttered softly, being jabbed by a pin. Emma seriously hated her parents right now, her dad was making this _extremely_ difficult. Wait, why was he even having pins on him anyway? They hadn't even had suits made. Then she remembered her parents had 'their own methods' and liked trying and pinning a pre-made pattern or two to see how they liked it

"Honestly, Richard. Stop being mean to the poor boy." Emma's mother reprimanded.

"Amanda Margaret Evans-Holmes, this is the boy your daughter may or may not intend to marry…" Emma's father began in a stern voice.

"Lovely. Aren't they _supportive_" Emma muttered

"Tony's not going to let you hear the end of this." Steve pointed out to her, his head nodding in Tony's direction who was dying of laughter.

"Neither is Thor apparently" Emma replied, pointing Thor out, who was laughing with Tony.

"Or Bruce." Steve said.

"Okay, so you're telling me everyone's lost their shit. I may as well have not come." Emma sighed, wondering why she ever bothered with these people. It was so much more simpler when she sat down at her SHIELD office and just laughed with Coulson or Hill, wearing her SHIELD uniform with black converses, then getting a uniform infringement. Sometimes, she wished she was never hired as Tony's assistant. But she liked her job too much now.

"And I don't think I will either." Steve said mischievously. Emma shot him a 'shut up' look. Loki was finally done, and stepped off the stool, before sitting next to Emma, winding his arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry." Emma apologised.

"Charming people, you parents." Loki muttered "I am not sure whether they like me or not…"

"They _love_ you, trust me. Dad's just… well, he's my dad. He's a bit over-protective." Emma explained.

"At least your parents loved you." He said sadly.

"Hey, Odin, from what I've read and everything you and Thor have told me, was a bastard. Frigga's cool. Loved her. Studied her for Norse mythology when I was a kid. That was my favourite topic at school." Emma reminisced.

"Really?" Loki smiled "How utterly interesting. Tell me, how did you find the sagas of my people?"

"Well, from my point of view, it was more like 'OH MY FUCKING GOD, LOKI. YOU HAD ONE JOB!'." Emma stated. "Speaking of. Why does everyone think you're married to Sigyn?"

"Well, wow… actually, I am not quite sure. I, as you would say, dated her. But it never escalated beyond that level."

"Brother, that may be because she refused to acknowledge your separation." Thor helped out. If that was the case, she couldn't blame Sigyn. In all fairness, if she was dating Tom Hiddleston, and he broke up with her, she'd probably chain herself to his leg and refuse to let go. Though, that may be a bit drastic.

"Stop thinking like that. It's slightly disturbing" Loki flicked through some of the old magazines, looking at a child Emma in the magazines.

"Emma, take those contacts out." Her mother stated, while measuring Peter Parker.

"Muuum" Emma whined

"We go through this every single time, young lady."

"Mum, I'm 27. Not exactly _young_" Emma exasperatedly said

"Darling, listen to your mother." Her father reluctantly said, peering at her through his glasses, as he measured Peter's seam length.

"But _dad_. I work for the military. You know how it is with identity and all that."

"Now." Her mother said simply, giving her one of her trademark sassy glares. That was probably where she learnt that from. Emma dabbed at her eyes, cursing under her breath. She absolutely hated it. And everyone was staring at her. Again. She never got used to it. It just really frustrated her, having purple eyes, as pretty as they were, they just got annoying when people found them pretty as well.

"Your eyes, they're a different shade to what they were last time." Loki noted.

"Oh, they do that. It's weird." Emma rubbed at her eyes out of habit and yawning.

"Well then, Mr Stark. That's everyone done, do you need a due date for all these?" Emma's mother asked.

"Yes, I'll get in contact." Tony said, popping up from his seat, shaking hands with both of Emma's parents, before they all exited the premises.

"I don't get why we're walking back. I mean, we could take the subway or something…" Peter said, pushing glasses up his nose.

"Subway? No, subways are for peasants." Tony decided, as they crossed the road. Emma wrapped her cream trench coat tighter around her, pulling out her designer sunglasses, as the glare was blinding her.

"Oh my god." Bruce said, pulling them all into an alleyway. "The paparazzi."

"Well, if this was an episode of Sherlock. I'd get a deerstalker and turn my coat collar up."

"Hatman." Loki said teasingly

"Robin." Emma bantered back, punching his arm.

"Well, in any case. I'm leaving you all, bitches." Peter said, slinging up. "I'll take the high road and you take the low road." He added in a Scottish accent.

"Lovely. So today the paparazzi find out Loki's taken. _Love_ to see how the fangirls will cope." Tony said dryly.

"Oh _god_." Steve said, stressing out.

"Brother, we are all suffering together. You are not permitted to turn into a cat." Thor warned

"You're suffering with us." Tony said.

"Can't we just run into the crowd and murder them all?" Emma asked fairly. The sound of approaching footsteps just got louder and louder. Next time, they were taking the subway.

"Sprinting away… now." Steve said, running out of the alleyway. Emma kept hold of her designer silk scarf, as she kept sprinting towards Stark Towers, even if she was in priceless Jimmy Choo heels. She heard a rather large snap. Yes, that was one of her priceless Jimmy Choos broken. God, she was going to snap someone's neck. Quicker than they'd expected, they made it safely up to about the 14th floor of Stark Towers, where Emma could look at the damage.

"Next time we run, tell me. Cuz I am not ruining anymore designer heels." Emma said, kicking off the stilettoed, black ankle-boot. She flumped into the squishy sofa, vowing never to go shopping again with the male species.

* * *

For the next few days. The media was in a frenzy. Who the hell was the girl in the Jimmy Choos? Was on everyone's lips. Like they couldn't recognise her. She'd been a model since she was 4. Basically, they were badass pics of her running in a trench coat and heels. Okay, so she happened to like couture and pricy designer brands… It's not like she went shopping every single day. She only liked going sale shopping. Not only that, but everyone else was being shuffled around. Steve finally let Sophie move in with them. It wasn't like the rest of them weren't stalking the pair in their spare time…

Either way. Rooms, more like entire floors had been re-assigned. And Steve was just about paranoid about where Sophie would stay. Somewhere preferably away from Tony, apparently. It wasn't like Sophie couldn't hold her own ground, Emma had seen the girl hit a punchbag, wow, that was _nasty_. Anyway, everyone else started arguing because is Steve was allowed to 'keep' Sophie, that meant Tony would have to let Jane and Betty in too. Which now meant Emma was sharing a room with Loki. She meant _entire floor_. Which had its ups and downs. She didn't have to remain paranoid about Tony sneaking into her room because he had some godforsaken request at like, 12 midnight, because he was scared of Loki. Another factor to why the 'girlfriends' could move in was probably because no one wanted Bruce to hulk out.

"Emma, we're going shopping for the wedding." Pepper called out.

"Where?" Emma asked

"Wherever. Tony's letting me use the private jet. And I've got one of his credit cards. Basically it's an all-girls shopping spree." Pepper said excitedly. Emma was impressed, technically speaking, whatever was Tony's, was Pepper's. That probably meant Pepper could steal one the Tony's Iron Man suits… not that she wanted to test that hypothesis out.

"When are you going?" Loki asked. Emma and Loki had been watching a re-run of Wallander. Though, they'd finished that and decided a Sherlock re-run would be much more depressing.

"Now would probably be good. We were thinking Paris…"

"Coming." Emma flew up the staircase to where her room was, which she shared with Loki, when she was bothered to. They both had relatively fucked up sleeping patterns, with her being a night blogger and Loki prepping pranks for the next day. Her rooms were now on a higher level, so she now had levels 85 a and sub-level 85 b. Tony was working on Avengers Mansion, after it had been blown up a few years previously.

Emma threw open her walk-in wardrobe and floated to the left-hand side, ignoring the right, as that was Loki's half of the wardrobe. She located a few of her coats, a few dresses and a fair few of her skirts and dress-shirts, before she walked to another cabinet to find her various ballerina flats and heels. She made sure her accessories and various scarves and sunnies were all packed away safetly before emerging from her room.

"Love you." Emma waved, wheeling her suitcase out of the room, while Pepper held the elevator open for her.

"love you too, dearest." Loki called back, now playing on the Playstation.

* * *

Loki's POV

"Loki, you haven't seen any of the female inhabitants, have you?" Tony asked, confused.

"No, Stark." Loki replied. Under the pain of death, he had been sworn to refuse to give away any of their locations. Same went for JARVIS

* * *

Earlier

"You did tell Tony you took his jet and card, didn't you?" Emma asked Pepper, as she and the girls indulged on martinis, half way to Paris.

"He said whatever was his, was mine. And I mentioned it… briefly." Pepper said vaguely. Emma dialled up Loki, sighing.

"Loki, sweetheart." Emma said sweetly

"Love, what is it?"

"Pepper actually hasn't told Tony or actually, no one has told anyone where we're going. Mind covering up for us?"

"Not a problem, dear. Have fun." Loki said cheekily

"Just remember, divulge, and I will kill you." Emma said sweetly "Love you." Before hanging up.

"Thanks." Jane said

"We owe you one." Said Darcy, a friend of Jane's, who'd been allowed to tag along on the all-expenses paid trip.

"Consider yourself lucky that I'm dating the God of mischief and lies." Emma said, taking another sip of her martini

* * *

Okay guys, thanks for reading :) Um, next chapter will involve a lot of shopping and wedding talk... maybe. not sure... i'm a very changeable person. Now, if you feel like following me on Tumblr, i'm: consulting-timelord-of-mischief.

I'm sorry if i spam your dash with all my fandoms, and quite a bit of Tom Hiddleston. anyway, please, please, please review *puppy eyes*


	12. Chapter 12

You have all just been...

**LOKI'D**

Okay, i am nearly done with the next chapter. just let me insert some random drabble here. It'll be up within the next hour or so. I'm sorry, i just wanted to loki'd you all... This chapter is basically, how i wish i could be pranked

-line-

Mary sighed, then picking up her phone, as it rang.

"Hello? Chloe? Is this about my Tumblr, because i SWEAR it's not my fault that i'm being spammed with Loki'd gifs and mishapocalypse.

"Chloe? I'm sorry, i must've dialled the wrong number. This is Tom." The man said on the other line. Mary gasped, looking at the number showing on her screen.

"I'm sorry, just hold on a moment." Mary said, covering the speaker "OOOOHHHH MYYYYYYYY FUCKING GOD AHHHASDFGHJKL!" Mary composed herself "Tom, as in Tom Hiddleston?"

"YOU'VE JUST BEEN LOKI'D" The man said, hanging up on the other end... that was definitely _not _normal...


	13. Chapter 125 THE REAL CHAPTER

A/N: Okay, so i've been busy trying to bang this one out. I do apologise if i'm highly suggestive, i'm not a smut writer, so yeah, i tried to make the ending OI DON'T SCROLL DOWN! as flirty and about as T rated as possible. I self inserted myself, shameful, i know, but you know, it was temtping, you'll know it's me, age is necessarily true there, though i am a student, i'll give you that. and my name is Mary. Hi, boring name, i know, and i got teased a fuck load about it in primary. I placed Darcy there, but actually, this sorta focuses on Emma and Sophie the most out of all the girls, because we probably need to get to know them.

All the observant people will have noticed that in the first couple of chapters, i mentioned case 5654 B. If you figured it out, that spelled: Loki. Now we find out basically what that was all about.

Basically, how this chapter works is that at appropriate times, it'll flash back to the boys stuck in NY, wondering where the 'opposite species' has flounced off to, or whatever the hell is happening…

Disclaim: I own none of these. Bloody hell, if i owned one of those fashion brands... i NEED to stop watching the Devil Wears Prada

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 12

'I "borrowed" it'

Emma stood in the hotel room she shared with Sophie, wondering what would be the best thing to wear, in Paris, in the spring.

"I still can't believe Tony hasn't tortured the location of Loki yet. I mean, how long can a guy hold onto a secret for?"

"Hey, this is Loki we're discussing. God of Mischief and Lies, the Silvertongue. He's probably had worse secrets to hide. For example, giving birth to a horse" Emma said thoughtfully

"You didn't let him hear the end of that one, did you?" Sophie laughed. Emma thought back to that week, she kept poking fun at Norse mythology, at Loki.

"No, I don't think I ever will"

* * *

"Loki. Please." Tony begged on his knees. Loki sighed, rolling his eyes as he sipped on his tea, his room he shared with Sherlock looking vaguely empty without her and the tapping of her designer heels.

"I've told you, about, how many times?"

"47 times on the last count this minute" Tony said. Loki froze, shocked as Tony grabbed his arms, shaking him.

"Look, why don't you bother your _dear_ AI for that information. Holmes has wandered off, I know not where…"

"LOKI. SHERLOCK IS _IN LOVE_ WITH YOU. TO THE POINT SHE'D DIE FOR YOU. SHE'D HAVE TOLD YOU WHERE THEY'VE GONE!" Loki kept sipping on his tea, rather touched about the description.

"I am so flattered." Loki blushed, batting his eyelashes like a female midgardian would at times. "No."

"LOKI. PLEASE! I'LL BY YOU A SCARF!" Loki kept walking out the door, thinking about his rather nice black and white scarf, wondering if he'd go sit with Steve and laugh about Stark's behaviour.

"No thanks, I already have one."

* * *

"Tony's probably begging on his knees." Emma laughed, imagining how that would be. Sophie sat there, blow drying her brown-red hair. It was hard to describe Sophie's hair. It was almost red, but too brown to be. Emma sifted through her suit case, finding the cream trench coat. It was very chic, she rather liked it, and Loki suggested she pack it. That man was easily the classiest dresser in the building. Ever since they shared a floor, Emma had the chance to flick through his clothes, and she stood there impressed every single time. From Armani suits to leather jackets and trendy scarves.

"Nice trench coat. Chanel spring collection?" Sophie asked "I've had my eye on that for a while"

"Looks like you can buy it, seeing as we nicked Tony's credit card." Emma laughed

"We prefer the term 'borrowed'." Sophie said cheekily, making air quotations. Emma finally found her floral dress and stockings, putting them on.

"Hello?" Sophie picked up her mobile looking very worried. "Steve, what is it?" Emma froze, slowly backing away, while attempting to apply lipstick. "HE WHAT? Okay, Emma will rip Stark apart. Look, I'm putting Emma on the phone." Emma took the mobile off Sophie.

"Ma'am. Tony's dangling Loki off Stark Towers right now. If you don't disclose your location, he's going to kill him. Not to mention, Tony's threatening you with a..." Steve promptly began to hitch his breath and stutter incoherent words for a bit.

"Okay, a sex tape? That doesn't exist, and really? That's all Tony can think up, to threaten me with? I was worried it was the contents of case 5654 B. Second of all, tell him I've got Pepper with me. Pepper loves Loki, she won't let that happen. Toodles." Emma hung up. Cackling.

"Well?"

"Loki's succeeding. Besides, the man's a demi-god and has magical powers. He'll be fine." Emma picked up her bag, as she and Sophie walked out the door of their hotel.

* * *

"Stark, what do you motherfucking mean you've lost her?" Fury sat in the boardroom, looking very pissed off. Loki had to stop himself from laughing hard. Migardians. They needed to analyse this more. _Obviously_ they'd fly to Paris, it was the most sensible idea.

"Pepper seems to have stolen one of my private jets." Tony said.

"Tony, she was telling you that she was taking it." Bruce said. Loki snickered, Tony wasn't paying any attention at all, no wonder he lost his fiancé. But, from what Emma had texted him, she was having fun. She also took a picture of a _very_ handsome scarf she'd bought him and he was looking forward to wearing it.

"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised.

"I have received a message from Lady Jane" Thor attempted to use his phone. Loki seriously needed a better job than watching his 'brother' "They still refuse to tell us their present location."

"Damn." Tony cursed

"He's not going to call the wedding off. If anything he finds it attractive." Hill said from the corner, nursing her baby son.

"Wow, Hill." Tony said impressed

"It's Hill-Stinson." Maria corrected. Loki found this conversation going nowhere and decided now would be a good time to text Emma and find out what she was currently purchasing.

"Anyway, Emma handed you Pepper's timetable a week ago, she had the trip marked down." Bruce said "I was there."

"So was I." Loki added "You've had fair warning, Stark. And if you would like me to divulge that information, I suggest you don't dangle me off your infernal building"

* * *

They were currently inside Chanel right now, with a beautiful view of Paris just outside the shop's window. She picked up a bottle of Chanel number 5, and placed it inside the classy basket, she absolutely loved this.

"Emma, have you seen this?" Pepper called over to her, showing her a dark-purple dress on the rack. Emma thought about it, before snapping a picture and sending it to Loki. Immediately, her phone buzzed and she picked it up.

"Reckon I should get it?" Emma asked

"It isn't well-cut enough for you." Loki said thoughtfully. "Yes, yes it's her Stark. Shut up, we're discussing Chanel dresses."

"Stark?" Emma asked

"Yes dear. On the midgardian website for Chanel, I would suggest a floral dress for you. Maybe the emerald peplum skirt. I think there may be some Gucci heels worthy of inspection and perhaps another Louis Vuitton may be worth the investment… I see Burberry has some lovely coats this season."

"Thanks dear. Sorry for the interruption. Have fun at the meeting." Emma finished

"Love you too." Loki replied, ending the call.

"Anything from Loki?" Pepper asked

"Tony's freaking out. I mean, I did give him the date of our departure." Emma said "Even if I didn't read over it, he had a week. And we all totally forgot."

"Darcy, what are you buying?" Emma asked

"Have you _seen_ pricetags on these things!?" she asked

"O, come _on_, we have Tony's credit card. He actually won't notice anything." Jane said, pulling her to another aisle.

"You're right. Where were those heels again?" Darcy asked excitedly, as the two moved down the aisle. Betty came back with several blazers and slacks, trying different combinations with shirts. As soon as they were done, they continued down the lane of stores: Armani, Versace, Dolce and Gabbana, Givenchy, Yves Sant Lauren, Jimmy Choo, Alexander McQueen, Louis Vuitton, Coach, Ralph Lauren Polo, Gucci, Marc Jacobs and Valentino among some of the brands. They only had another day in Paris, after that they'd fly to Venice (Emma definitely wasn't complaining), for a bit of sight-seeing, then perhaps to Sydney. Yes, they were bothered to fly to Australia because it was awesome, and because she'd always wanted to go.

Emma reclined in the seat of her 5-star hotel room, skype open on her laptop.

"Hello love" Loki waved from his room, Thor and Steve where there, they were eating pancakes.

"Nice to know you can feed yourselves while we're gone." Sophie waved. Emma nodded in agreement with that.

"I hear Tony's been threatening you." Emma said

"Yes, an explicit video that doesn't exist and he attempted to kill me by dropping me off his infernal building. He's also offered to buy me a scarf." Loki added thoughtfully.

"Oh, speaking of, I found that scarf you've had your eye on." Emma picked up the scarf in question, it was a dark blue cashmere scarf with white stripes and tassels. "And I picked up your Burberry coat, I'm sure you'll like it."

"Oh, you shouldn't have" Loki said, flattered "That's very kind of you, dear"

"I hear Darcy is with you?" Thor asked

"Yeah, yeah she is. Should I get Jane for you? She's sharing a room with Betty and Darcy." Sophie offered

"I shall inquire as to how to use this Skype and I shall talk to her." Thor waved goodbye, as soon as he left Loki added:

"This isn't going to end very well."

"No, no it won't." Steve said "Where are you guys anyway?"

"NO" Emma, Loki and Sophie said in unison.

"Three reasons why we won't tell you. One: Tony can intimidate you with a threat. Two: you aren't a compulsive liar and Three: you aren't the Silvertongue. Not going to happen any day soon." Emma explained.

"Oh, hi Sophie." Steve blushed

"Hey. How's things holding up?" Sophie grinned, waving. Emma gave Loki that 'look', they were going to have _fun_ with this information.

"Fine, so…" Emma's inner commentary was slowly descending into insanity, it was the current group project to help Steve and Sophie's relationship escalate. They were practically stalking them. As of now, Loki and Clint had the best blackmail material, well… it wasn't blackmail, more intelligence really. Natasha and Tony had the next best material as Tony could occasionally override JARVIS' systems to find 'deleted' footage. Emma was thorough enough to make sure that didn't happen, she had SHIELD passcodes at her disposal. The conversation passed along awkwardly, Emma was taking notes in her notebook, Loki was writing notes too, but he had the awesome ability to have a quill write on a scroll of parchment for him.

"Yeah." Sophie blew a kiss "Bye, I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Steve blew a kiss back. Emma and Loki both started to silently fangirl, their 'ship was sailing out of the head-canon harbour'. Emma took the laptop and sat on her bed, now talking only to Loki.

"Anyway, has Frigga gotten back on the Asgard thing?" Emma asked

"It would take too much dark power to take us all there. Thus, Mother, Odin and the Aesir (including Sif), will arrive here instead in two weeks." Loki explained

"Shit." Emma said "Oh well. This should be interesting." Emma tailed off as Tony entered the screen with a mug of coffee.

"When you get back, I'm firing you." Tony said

"You can't, because Pepper won't let you." Emma reasoned "And because, even if you fire me, I'll still be living with you. I mean, it's not my fault you weren't paying attention, we did give you a heads up. Even if I wasn't paying attention."

"She did only get a minutes notice." Loki added

"Word of advice, if you ever dangle my boyfriend off a building, even if he's practically immortal, I will kill you." Emma threatened.

"I'll empty the contents of case 5654 B…" Tony teased in a sing-song voice

"I dare you" Emma sung back.

"Stark, you're being unreasonable." Loki defended.

"This coming from a third of the unnamed trio that are uploading video montages of me on YouTube" Tony retorted

"Nearly a billion views and counting…" Emma said proudly "We should really do a thank you video, don't you think?"

"Yes, perhaps…" Loki said thoughtfully. "Shall I get young Peter on the line?"

"Don't call him that." Emma said "He hates it. But yes, that would be good."

* * *

Tony continued to stare at the computer screen, trying to figure out where he'd seen that hotel room before. While he was doing that, JARVIS was hacking into SHIELD files.

"Sir, I've found the contents of case 5654 B. Shall I summarise it?" JARVIS announced.

"Oh my god." Bruce said, as he read through it.

"So this is what they named the case, when Loki came back and everything. Boy, wasn't _that_ a week."

"Remember what Fury said though?" Bruce asked "He said one of their young agents noticed the differentiation in eye colour. She. Oh my god."

"He meant Sherlock." Tony said, it dawned upon him. "No wonder she's cool with him. She pretended to be a journalist for an entire month, stalking him, living with him, writing Articles. No wonder she gets so many views on Fanfiction."

"But he hasn't noticed. And this is Loki we're talking about, he'd know a disguise." Bruce said. Tony flicked through more pictures of the case, then understanding why.

"She doesn't just own a pair of green-blue contact lenses." Tony said. "She's brown-eyed here, and she'd straightened and cut her hair, then dyed it ginger. And her dress sense totally changed-" Tony was cut off, as Loki entered the room, something passed in his eyes, that made Tony want to hug him and tell him it would be alright. Not that it would ever happen.

"It was her…" Loki said quietly "I've been trying to find that journalist for nearly two years. And all I wanted to do was thank her for being on my side."

"Fate's a bitch sometimes, lokester." Tony said clapping him on the shoulder. "I'd say an engagement ring is the best thank you present."

"I have been contemplating that. Perhaps a bit more time…" Loki said thoughtfully, eyes welling up in tears. Tony realised why Emma never wanted him to open the file, she didn't need credit, she was just helping Loki redeem himself.

* * *

Milan was fabulous, they had a bit of a stop-over. Venice was great too, she had brilliant photos, she quoted an episode of Doctor Who while she was there, and now she was in the CBD of Sydney. They'd left the airport in relatively lighter clothes, and she was now in a building known as 'Queen Victoria Building', or as the locals called it, the QVB. It was absolutely beautiful with its Victorian-styler exterior and Edwardian interior with its high-end brands. She adored this small chocolate store, and as she sat in front of the store, she started a conversation with the teenage girl, Filipina by the looks of it, who sat there eating her own horde.

"Hello." Emma said kindly "Nice Tom Baker scarf."

"Thanks." She said, with a slight British accent, although, Emma could tell it was from prolonged exposure to British telly "Most people seem to think it's a crime against fashion, but it's like that game on Tumblr: This week on: I didn't know it was Doctor Who"

"You're a Tumblr fangirl?" Emma asked interested. "Who are you? I probably follow you."

"I'm consulting-timelord-of-mischief." The girl said "Or, Mary, much more personal."

"Oh yes, I know you, the endless spam of Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch. Not to mention all the Doctor Who, Sherlock, LOTR and occasional Supernatural" Emma said.

"No, no _way_." Mary said, looking shocked, recognising her "You're Emma Holmes. You are like the most badass girlfriend ever. After Pepper and Natasha. But like… oh my god…. I ship you, you are like my biggest ship EVER , you're raking before Clintasha, that's how much I ship you asdfghjkl" Mary was so shocked, that she began to babble random words, unable to form syllables. Emma was slightly worried, she was very much like this girl at times. Emma found out that Mary desperately wanted a job somewhere interesting. She was well up in History and Science, she studied Drama as well, and she was taking Extension English. Mary was interested in joining something called "Duke of Edinbrugh", which involved survival skills, but didn't get to do it because she was busy with other activities. So Emma handed her a calling card for SHIELD, from what she deduced, the girl seemed perfect as a new recruit. Mary was also free that day, she was merely indulging herself on her day off. Mary toured them around the places, a couple of ghost tours that left Emma traumatised (well, everyone was, really), the best places for lunch, the best shopping spots and the tourist attractions (the Harbour Bridge, Opera House etc.) Mary was also nice enough to see them off to the airport, and promised to call the number. Emma liked that kid, she'd excel at SHIELD very easily.

* * *

Loki flicked through more of the newspaper articles with Bruce, Steve, Tony, Clint and Thor.

"Her writing style hasn't changed." Tony remarked "It's still honest and witty and intelligent."

"It still bothers me to how she could've deceived my brother." Thor said, reading a couple of the newspaper articles. Loki phased out and tried to look upon that month in question.

_Loki sat in the small room, anticipating a call from any of the journalists he'd asked. The only phone that seemed to ring was designated to a young journalist, a Dawn O'Brien._

_"Hello? Am I speaking to Mr Laufeyson?" she asked politely. Loki answered with a polite yes. The young journalist said she would come by his 'apartment' and take an interview. She was sincere and intelligent, and he admired her flair for writing. She'd brought in samples of her writing, and he was impressed, if there was anyone he's trust with this formal apology, it would be her. Several weeks passed and he saw more and more of Dawn as she wrote more and more interviews as the public needed more and more. He was on the verge of success and with Dawn's help, he was understanding more and more about Midgard._

_One night he found her working hard on her laptop, as he believed it was called, typing away (if that was correct) with a flurry of blurred fingers. Hours later, she'd saved and printed the manuscript, but she'd fallen asleep at two in the morning. Loki carried the tired girl to his bed, letting her lie there, while he admired what was called 'trainers' a brand called Converse he believed. Loki was beginning to enjoy midgardian fashion, well, the high-end fashion at least. He watched the girl for a bit while sipping on the midgard concoction of 'tea', she looked peaceful, but her brows seemed to crease with a bit of worry, leaving her, he fell asleep on the sofa._

"Oh, I may need to re-think that…" Loki muttered to himself

"What was she like? Didn't you like see her everyday. I mean, she was the only journalist allowed near you." Steve asked, flicking through Emma's mission report.

"Not to mention, she's going to kill you. I can understand why she didn't want us, especially me, that she was involved." Loki said, thinking hard. "She complained about getting not enough credit, but she didn't want it all."

"Dude, that's because she reckons you redeemed yourself on your own. She just wrote it all down. Anyway the only reason she wants more credit because at any given time, You." Clint directed 'you' and Loki "could've figured out she worked for SHIELD."

"All these years, I thought that journalist died…" Loki said heavily. Tony played some of the lyrics to the song 'Single Ladies', in particular 'If you like it then should've put a ring on it'. Loki turned Tony's phone into a spider for fun, as the man-iron squealed like a frightened child and jumped on top of the bench.

* * *

Literally, it took an entire day, probably more to get back to NY from Sydney. Coulson had been in touch saying Mary would be a lovely recruit, he'd flown in to see her. How Phil got to Sydney that quick worried her, that man must have the superpower of flight. Emma stepped out of the private jet, slightly sad that her conversation with Darcy had been ruined. Happy picked them up from the landing strip and drove them all to Stark towers, where Hell basically lay for Pepper. Tony and Pepper had a 'domestic'. Emma just sat there quoting Mrs Hudson. But Pepperony happened again, they made it all better and announced that they would be having an engagement party, wedding invitations had also been sent out to stunned celebrities and people who didn't even know Pepperony was happening. Loki had been out all day with Steve and Thor, Emma wondered why, the next time she saw him was half-way through their dinner of, you guessed it, pizza.

"Loki, nice to see you again." Emma said, standing up to hug him at the door way, but she was pulled into an overly enthusiastic hug, with more than just relief to see her again thrown into the mix.

"Ah, yes, Sherlock, I found out what case 5654 B was about." Tony said, as she and Loki sat down together, as he took a slice of pizza.

"Thank you." Loki said simply "Do you know how bloody long it took to track you down?" He said, almost laughing "And here you are, in front of me."

"The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight" Emma said, quoting Sherlock Holmes.

"You really put up that many defences for a single case?" Bruce asked "I'm impressed, no wonder Tony complains about not being able to hack into your files."

"Well, it's not that hard to convince JARVIS to make my files un-hackable." Emma reasoned, biting out of her pizza. Oh and, the paparazzi are going mad, ever since you sent out wedding invites."

"Speaking of wedding invites, we're having a little party with people we like tomorrow, here. It's a karaoke night thing, so you might want to brush up on your singing skills…. OH MY GOD YOU TWO YOU ARE _NOT_ PLANNING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE PLANNING." Tony interrupted himself to see the mischievous look Emma and Loki shared, they thought the exact same thing, Tony singing something and uploading it on YouTube.

"I'm calling Peter." Emma said, stealing a slice of pizza and running out the room.

"I'm charging my vid-cam and rigging JARVIS" Loki announced.

"This is _not_ going to end well…" Steve muttered, biting his pizza awkwardly.

* * *

It was about midnight when they'd finished prepping for their video. Emma had successfully called Peter up, and now she and Loki sat on the sofa, watching an episode of Sherlock.

"You know, I don't think I've ever been able to thank you properly. For what you did, I mean." Loki said gently, as he stroked his fingers through her hair.

"I didn't do _anything_, really." Emma said, looking at him with all honesty "I reckoned you needed a chance and I gave you it."

"Well, that chance saved my 'ass', as you would put it" Loki said "You need more credit"

"No I don't." Emma said "I'm fine with it." Emma sipped on her coffee. Before she scampered up the stairs to show him several bags worth of shopping.

"I bought you a few scarves, and a coat. Then while in Sydney, this girl, she's going to be a new SHIELD recruit, showed me this place with great ties." Emma pulled out the scarves in question, then the tailored black Burberry coat, then the ties. Loki looked at each of them, liking them

"I was going to question your sanity with this tie" Loki laughed, as he saw the 'joke tie' she purchased him, a Dalek tie.

"I rather like it" Emma said. "Anyway, that's you. _I_ on the other hand, bought quite a lot of stuff. I would parade around in these, but then, that's for another time" she gestured to the bags of high-end designer brands.

"I would rather see you parading around in my bedroom" Loki said cheekily. Emma grinned suggestively

"It's not like I already do, "

"Really? Prove it" Loki dared. Emma winked.

"Stop trying to out-innuendo-ing each other. We all know you two can flirt your way out of situations." Tony screech over PA system, from out of nowhere

"Shut up." Emma and Loki said in unison.

"And you expect me to believe a sex tape doesn't exist." Tony muttered as he turned the system off.

* * *

Sorry, actually, not about the 'last chapter' LOKI'D thing. I was bored. Anyway, hope you liked it and PLEASE REVIEW. Thanks again to all my followers, favouriters, readers and reviewers particularly the guests, love you guys.


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Okay, sorry for the delay. I'm on term break, but unfortunately i have to tag along to Port Stephens. ugh. So this'll be it for this week and next. Um, i've had awesome ideas for the next chapter, and this one is rather long. Just so you know what to anticipate, next few chapters will probably be about April Fools (shameless crack), Pepperony's wedding, somebody getting pregnant, birthdays and hopefully i'll reach summer and somebody suggested a SHIELD waterfight. If you have any ideas involving the whole group, feel free to suggest. Um, next term i might be too busy to update frequently (not like i do anyway) because it's an 8 week term and we get the first half of our semester reports (shiiiiiiit).

Anyway, i'm really proud of myself right now because i got my English results back; we had to write a feature article on gender issues in a movie our teacher picked for us. Then we had to talk about gender issues in another media type. I was hovering between the character of Natasha and how Loki implied she needed a man, thus she was defenceless. But in the end i decided compaisons might be better, so i chose Irene Adler from Sherlock. Anyway, got full marks, only 7 did in our entire grade. So yay for me, rewarded myself with more procrastination.

Thanks btw for all your lovely follows, reviews and favourites. And once again, i unfortunately own nothing

And congrats Tom for winning that MTV award and all the Avengers cast for that other MTV award. As Joss says: "We're Biebered"

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 13

Pepperony's happening, oh and never let Volstag near Pizza

Emma woke up early the next morning, when she meant early, she meant normal time for her, at about 5:30. She felt a hot kiss upon her cheek as she turned over, Loki was sitting there, holding a mug of warm tea in one hand, and a laptop in another.

"Morning." He said, handing her the mug. Emma pushed herself up, on the headboard, looking at the laptop screen. " I have saved the footage of Tony and uploaded it." Loki switched to the desktop "Oh, and I changed the desktop" It was now an image of herself and Loki at a café in NY, looking classy and sassy. She was in a cream trench coat, while he was in a blue shirt with his staple waist coat and sunglasses.

"That's….sweet." Emma said, kissing his cheek, his arm wound around her shoulders, as she sipped from her tea mug. Their bedroom had just been finished, it was of a modern design they both agreed on (god those arguments, she was being threatened with a taser by Darcy when she came over and asked how it was going). The bathroom was in full view of the bedroom as it was divided by a frosted glass wall. The bathtub was her favourite, it was literally a pool, sunken into the stone-grey tiles.

However, the door of their bedroom was thrown open, Emma ducked under the purple covers, as she was only in her black bra and pyjama shorts.

"BLOODY FUCK STARK!" Emma shouted, her Dalek mug suspended mid-air with Loki's powers, who looked equally as shocked.

"Well, I didn't need to know what you two do in your spare time" Tony said, half walking out the door. "I need you two NOW. The RSVP time for the wedding starts today and the phones need to be manned at all times" Tony slammed the door shut. Emma let loose a stream of angry swear words in several different languages.

"You know, if you are this disagreeable in the morning, I shan't wake you up anymore." Loki said, sipping his tea, eyeing her with some worry.

"Not that you can't resist…" Emma winked, wrapping herself in her black robe. She and Loki attempted to get out of bed, but they weren't bothered, it felt like winter was still there. Though, they both liked winter weather, excuses to wear expensive coats and scarves.

"You two as well?" Steve asked, as he sat with Sophie, tonnes of telephones in front of them.

"Well, it means he trusts you. Bruce would just get pissed off, so Tony didn't get him to." Steve explained. Emma sat there, just staring at the sheer amount of phones. Tony had _got_ to be kidding.

* * *

"TONY. CLINT EASTWOOD'S CONFIRMED" Sophie said from one side of the room, Tony ticked each name off.

"DID YOU INVITE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH!? BECAUSE HE CONFIRMED!" Emma squealed high pitched from her corner.

"IT'S A NO FROM STAN LEE." Loki called "NO JUST KIDDING, HE AGREED", he slammed the phone down and picked up another phone.

"BRANGELINA IS A GO" Steve said, then picking up the next phone "DUKE AND DUCHESS OF CAMBRIGE IS A YES"

"TOM HIDDLESTON, DAVID TENNANT, BILLIE PIPER HAVE AGREED" Emma shouted. The entire day was spent picking up phone in their pyjamas, telling Tony whether people had confirmed or not confirmed. There were heaps of guests, among them the Fantastic 4, some of the X-men and a guy called Bruce Wayne…. that was _weird_. Several important business men, SHIELD and Emma could finally meet Maria Hill's husband.

"PRESIDENT OBAMA IS CONFIRMED" Sophie slammed her phone down. Emma literally drained her scalding mug of tea, before picking up more phones. Each person was given a phone number, they were told to press one: if they could come, but to press 2 if they couldn't.

"Hello, who is this?" Emma was on line one.

"Robert Downey Jr. I'm here to confirm my presence at Mr Stark's wedding" Emma froze, that was _the_ RDJ

"Yes, I shall put you down. Thank you Mr Stark. Shit." She swore quietly "I mean, Mr Downey, sorry." Emma swore. She accidentally called RDJ, by Stark's name, but for all she knew, that was Tony prank-calling her. No, that wasn't Tony. He was on the other side of the room as people called out confirmations. Emma checked the wedding invitation, they had to RSVP between 9:00 am to 11:00 am that day. As soon as the last call went through, they all just sat there being bored, as Tony had seating arrangements planned out. Pepper was there arguing with Tony, saying how certain things should be . Basically it was melting point was they were set to get married in May. It was already the last week of March.

"I AM NOT PUTTING THEM THERE" Pepper threw a mug at Tony. Emma, Loki, Steve and Sophie all ducked in unison as it flew directly over their heads.

* * *

"I have never experienced a karaoke before." Loki said, swinging on his leather jacket as she and Loki walked to the gaming room. She and Loki had been having a marathon of Suburban Shootout. It was _weird_, in general, she would fall on the floor laughing while watching Suburban Shootout. Now she knew if she wanted to marry Tom Hiddleston, all she had to do was threaten to jump off a building. Assuming the Sherlockians and Whovians didn't get to her and try to save her.

"It's for fun. You just sing as lyrics pop up on the screen and you just sort of wake up the next morning in deep regret and laugh it off." Emma answered, remembering the time she went to Japan and spent a lot of time singing J-pop songs at a Japanese karaoke. "Tony _has_ to sing Every Breath You Take. Legit."

"Why?" Loki asked

"Heard him singing while he was working. I sat there shocked for about an hour." Emma replied, as they entered the gaming room. Emma was surprised to find out Tony didn't want an over-the-top engagement party. Then again, his _wedding_ on the other hand was set to be the 'wedding of the decade'. The gaming room was darkened, with only some lighting, the stunning view of NY seen outside the glass window. Tony had plugged in a HUGE TV, and had it rigged to JARVIS, JARVIS could search up any song in the history of everything from Les Mis to Queen. JARVIS was also impartial to anyone, thus scoring was fair, from a scale of 1 to 100. JARVIS could also create a 'band' setting, where participants could even play instruments to the tune of the song, or a medley, or even a Musical-style karaoke; where you could all harmonise and sing parts from les Mis.

"Alright, any requests?" Tony asked, wanting to go first. Emma took a handful of peanuts

"Tony, you're singing first." Pepper called out.

"Ooh, Every breath you take, by Police" Emma called out. She gained strange looks from everyone except Bruce, who winked, having been in the room at the same time.

"Oh, dear god you found out." Tony said. Emma may or may not have asked JARVIS to record the following moments. But it was worth it. Tony was a surprisingly _brilliant_ singer, not the best, but he was great. Pepper literally got up to hug him afterwards, and asked if he invited Sting to the wedding, which, he had done. Emma applauded him, he was going to survive marriage after all.

"Wait, why are you… what are you doing?" Emma asked Loki.

"Singing, is this not what you do?" Loki retorted as if it were obvious. Emma shot a glance at Sophie, who glanced at Thor, who was looking _very_ amused.

"Oh god, he better _not_ be embarrassing." Emma muttered to herself, nearly spluttering as Loki sang Can't take my eyes off you. Legit, her mouth remained open as she listened to the most perfect lyrics ever. She _loved_ Franki Valli and the four seasons. Jersey Boys was her favourite musical after Les Mis and Mamma Mia. Loki pulled her up to dance with him, while he sang, she literally melted on the inside, as she rested her head on his shoulder. Thor was wolf-whistling and making fun of Loki quietly, but Jane was bashing his muscly shoulder, telling him to stop. Tony was waggling eyebrows at her, if telepathy was possible between them, this was the closest thing possible, she could read everything that he was directing at her, but she was being calmed from wanting to rip Tony apart by Loki's velvety voice. As soon as the song ended, the musical instruments were brought out and shit got real, as they started jamming as a group. Emma often took to playing drums as scores were tallied over the night, and alcoholic beverages were broken out.

Everyone except Thor, Loki and Steve slowly became intoxicated. It came to the point where they all sang Bohemian Rhapsody as a group, then One Day More from Les Mis, then Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Emma began to slowly question all of their sanities as they went along, as she, Tony, Clint, Bruce and Betty began to belt out Eclipse of the Heart. The by the time she downed another bottle of beer, she was singing Smooth Operator, not even knowing what she was doing. And that was how they woke up the next morning, feeling relatively pissed off at each other, headaches and apparently they had unresolved scores.

"I really don't want to know happened last night." Tony said

"Me neither." Clint replied.

"Easy for you, you don't have lingering memories of singing cheesy 80's songs." Emma muttered.

"This is why I didn't want to join" Natasha said

"Coming from our resident anarchist, that's normal." Tony snorted. "I think I ordered a bunny rabbit."

"What?" Betty asked, trying to get up

"Rabbits are cute, in all defence." Jane said evenly

"I would like a midgardian rabbit." Thor declared.

"_How_ high were you lot last night?" Steve asked, walking in

"That's just not fair, you have the alcoholic tolerance of four people." Emma stated. "Speaking of alcoholic tolerance, where's Loki?"

"He's uploading that video montage of Stark, and you've hit quite a few views." Steve replied. "By the way, Pepper, your dog may or may not have just peed in Tony's car."

"Oh… shit." Pepper whispered, as Tony slowly turned red.

* * *

The last couple of days was spent straightening up Stark Towers. They had visitors, yes, they were bothered to have visitors at this busy time. A sofa Emma ordered from Milan had just arrived with Loki's seal of fashionable approval. The black rococo sofa now sat with the black-leather Victorian armchairs

"Holmes?" Loki called from their room. Emma scampered up the stairs, wondering what it was about. He was trying on a couple of ties, wondering what would look good. He was in his white dress shirt and black vest with matching black pants. Emma thought carefully.

"Emerald. Love emerald. Anyway, you called?" Emma asked

"Well, about Odin. I was never really pardoned fully." He began to explain. Emma sat on the bed, rolling on a pair of pantyhose, listening intently. "The Aesir, especially Sif will love you. I'm sure mother will, but the allfather is a different matter entirely."

"You think I can't hold my own opinions and ideas against the Allfather?" Emma asked "_My_ father tried stabbing you with pins." Emma laughed "Anyway" she continued seriously "I still love you, no matter what the Allfather says."

"Aww, now you're making me blush." Loki said, batting eyelashes like a girl, hand held to his heart. Emma giggled, he took her hand, helping her up. "Now, if you want to impress the allfather, your pyjamas certainly won't help." Emma laughed, as she looked through her wardrobe, Loki handed her a dress or two, suggesting a pair of heels. Eventually she walked out in a cream lace dress with her cream coat in hand. Thor was bounding about like an excited puppy, Jane barely holding her excitement either. Emma on the other hand was shitting herself, maybe she _should've_ gone out with her mate when he asked her out, instead of falling for some bloody Asgardian. Tony was dressed properly for once, as Pepper adjusted his tie again. Clint and Natasha were perhaps the most calm, perhaps they were secretly married… not that she knew.

"Sir, Director Fury has arrived with your guests." JARVIS called out. Emma took a deep breath, her hand squeezed by Loki as a sign of reassurance, as he too looked nervous.

"THOR!" Emma guessed that was Volstag. She knew Norse mythology enough to guess, he was easily the largest in girth, yet merry-hearted. The next person to follow him in was a grim-looking man; Hogun the grim indeed then a rather debonair lad, obviously Fandral. The woman was Sif, she looked cool, legit cool with her sword, grinning and waving happily at everyone.

"Friends!" Thor boomed. Emma slowly walked further back, as the friends greeted each other, Loki was there too, being hugged. Then shit got serious as Frigga and Odin entered the room, that was a powerful moment in itself, as everyone immediately quietened.

"Father, Mother!" Thor boomed, being pulled into a bone-breaking hug by both. Loki looked at Emma, and she nodded.

"My, how you two boys have fared on this world" Frigga said.

"Loki." Odin said quietly "How do you fare?"

"Well, allfather." Loki responded

"Oh, and this girl Heimdall so often speaks highly of, where is she?" Frigga asked. Emma took a step forward, unsure of what to do. Loki smiled, taking her hand, squeezing it slightly.

"My name is Emma Holmes, my queen." Emma just thought it would be best to play it as if she was meeting the queen. Well, she was, she may as well go with it, bobbing a bit of a curtsey.

"Charmed, I'm sure." Odin said. "Now, would you introduce us to the rest of your midgardian friends?"

"Oh, yes. Um, this is Mr Anthony Stark and his fiancé Miss Viginia Potts." Loki introduced. Pepper and Tony respectively curtsied and bowed as they shook hands and exchanged greetings with the two. Loki exhaled, looking at her proudly.

"Well, you have my mother on your side already. Clever you." Loki said as Bruce and Betty, Steve and Sophie, and Jane all were introduced, then it came to Clintasha.

"I am Clint Barton and this is my wife Natasha." Clint said. Natasha grinned. Emma noted the wedding bands on their fingers and she internally screamed, looking at Loki, Tony and Thor who obviously didn't know. Steve knew, he was grinning, smug bastard.

Tony then thought it would be appropriate to show them around Stark Towers, they all sort of muddled up, to the point she was walking with Frigga at the back.

"How long have you been here, my dear?" Frigga asked

"A little under a year, your majesty" Emma replied

"Oh please, you are quite polite for someone of your world." Frigga said

"Well, I grew up in a country with a monarchy, I was taught from the cradle how to behave around, as such." Emma caught herself being so much more formal.

"Well, I'm sure you're wonderful to have caught my son's eye." She said. Loki drifted to them

"Mother, she helped me when I was in trouble with the midgardians during my punishment." Loki said. "She wrote every article I sent to you. She remained anonymous and didn't tell me until now." He said proudly. Emma hoped she had the grace to blush. The next room they entered was theirs, it was slightly awkward for her, showing her the room they'd both furnished to their classy and slightly gothic tastes. Black and white were cool colours, okay?

"Those are marvellous swords." Sif said, pulling the swords out of the ornate 'umbrella basket' Emma used for hers and Loki's swords. "Loki, are they all yours?"

"Well, his is the one green one. I own the rest." Emma said awkwardly, taking a sabre and performing a trick or too. Sif looked impressed.

"Perhaps I shall I have a friendly bout with you." Sif said nicely. Emma nodded. "Nice to see you've had your helmet store properly, Loki."

"Last time you nearly left it in-" Volstag started

"No, we don't need to hear about _that_ particular time" Loki muttered, staring at the black and white tiled floor. She liked it, they had been browsing through piles of magazines, eventually finding a Spanish-style pattern for the floor. Loki had designed their sitting-room, the two studded leather armchairs, ottoman and the white shag-pile carpet. Emma had of course bought the black rococo sofa and she bought the entertainment system. The kitchen was predominantly black and white with a white marble bench top, and the floating island in the middle, her pots were either silver or green. Her dining table was black with a glass surface, the two chairs at the head were both black-leather buttoned armchairs while the two chairs on either side were cream leather. She was proud of her choice of furniture, at least her driveable Dalek was hidden in a cupboard, not to be destroyed. Her Doctor Who posters were properly framed and displayed around the room.

"Did you arrange this by yourself dear?" Frigga asked "You're doing marvellously on your own,"

"I had help" Loki said

"He had _plenty_ of help." Thor grinned. Emma really didn't need to know what that implied, but nodded all the same. Emma quirked an eyebrow, noticing her copy of Les Miserables missing from her DVD collection, remembering to question Tony about that. They continued walking through different rooms until they reached the foyer.

"Mr Stark, we shall return, we have business to discuss with the SHIELD organisation of your world." Odin said. Frigga smiled

"We shall return in time to sup. You must come with us. all of you." Frigga said. Everyone agreed, scared to disagree with Odin. The Aesir remained and their time was spent introducing them to Midgardian technology.

"Well, that didn't go _too_ badly." Emma stated to Loki

"Not as bad as it could've been at the least." Loki agreed.

"So, shall we have the bout?" Sif asked her

"Yeah, I don't see why not" Emma said, though inwardly scared. She scampered to her room and took her katana and rapiers, deciding if she was going to have a 'friendly bout' with Sif. She returned to the large communal living room where everyone lounged on stuff.

"You sure you want to go through eternal humiliation?" Tony laughed.

"Not as bad as your billion views on falling over." Emma said sweetly.

"Perhaps we should see how you fare with Loki first, then we shall determine if you are worthy of battling me." Sif said. Loki took a rapier, Emma took the other, grinning.

"You think you can beat me? You are a midgardian after all." Loki said

"Hmm, let me think. Yes, yes I can." Emma said. They began to duel, blocking his movements, eventually jumping up on the sofa to attempt to defeat him, when that didn't work, she jumped off unexpectedly, hitting is shoulder.

"Ah. Shit." Loki said, looking at the blade touching his shoulder.

"See, this is what happens when you don't want to practise with me" Emma reasoned.

"Life on a sofa watching shitty soap-operas is much more appealing." Loki replied.

"Shall I have that bout then?" Sif asked

"As long as I don't die, then I don't see why not." Emma grinned. They began to fence, it dragged on, she tried to think of tactical ways to beat her, but, as soon as she put her plan in motion, the end of the blade was pointed directly at her heart.

"Ah." Emma said

"I believe I win this one. Re-match?"

"No thanks." Emma laughed. No way she could beat Sif.

"Okay, I finally finished the swimming pool. You people want to see?" Tony asked. They all made their way to the rooftop, it still looked normal, nothing new there.

"I don't see how there's supposed to be a pool…" Natasha said.

"Jarvis." Tony called "Lower the pool for me."

"Yes, sir" the AI replied. A rectangle in front of the fencing began to sink down. Emma thought that was cool, Water would come up from the floor. She could invite enemies for a sleepover and drown them.

"Adjustable depths and you can change the depth of certain parts. So, if you want a kid's pool or if you feel like a diving pool, it goes up to 6 metres deep." Tony said proudly. Pepper kissed his cheek, rather like a mother would kiss her son's proud cheek. Then again, he was like a 5 year-old anyway.

"You thinking about drowning enemies?" Loki asked

"Oh yes. Tony would be the first on the list." Emma laughed.

"How hard it must be to get used to life on Midgard, my friend." Volstag said heartily. Fandral was just flirting with everyone. It was hilarious. Hogun was still grim, Emma had no fucking idea on how much it was going to take to make Hogun smile. Just a bit.

"Oh no…" Loki said softly

"Can you stop observing my every move? Okay, yeah, I'm trying to make Hogun smile." Emma whispered.

"Is that a challenge?" Loki smiled "Something no one has ever achieved…"

"Yeah. What the hell, let's bring Tony into this." Emma agreed.

"Friend Stark, let us watch a movie, to introduce my friends to Midgard." Thor suggested

"Yeah, hang on. I got a text from Fury." Tony said, looking at his StarkPhone "Loki, they're dropping off your kid."

"Which one?" Loki asked. Tony fainted.

* * *

Loki walked into the home-theatre with a little girl in his arms. Though, Emma was willing to put her life earnings on it, that girl was older than her and every other human in the room combined.

"Friends, I would like you to meet my daughter, Hela. Hel for short." Loki introduced.

"This is midgard?" The intelligent girl said "I pictured it would be more… glorious."

"Well, it is" Her father corrected.

"And what are we doing?" Hela asked

"We are watching a midgardian film. It is a recorded play, if you will." Loki explained

"Shall I enjoy it?" Hela asked.

"Hey, kid." Tony started to ask

"The _correct_ way of addressing me is by my name. Or else, Mistress of the underworld" Hela said icily.

"Wow, _burn_." Emma mouthed to Tony.

"Well, do you like fairytales?"

"Perhaps, I have yet to find out." Hela said, before sitting down next to Emma.

"Heimdall told me you are to be my new mother." Hela stated

"Well- we. He-. What?" Emma stuttered

"Well, isn't it obvious? And you're a damn sight better than that clingy Sigyn" Hela sighed. Emma thought it was strange for a little girl like her to be so sophisticated, then she remembered Hela was a goddess.

"Don't be mean, Hela." Loki said, as he sat on the opposite side of Hela. "Dear, this is Emma."

"Hello." Emma grinned "I suppose we'll be getting to know each other then"

"Yes. I'm Hela, by the way." Hela grinned. She was a small girl, physically about 9 or so, her hair was pulled into a single dutch braid and she wore a dark blue, almost black dress with the single black ribbon tied into a bow at the back. She had the same eyes as Loki, and the same manic grin.

Pepper had picked out the film Ever After; with Drew Barrymore and Angelica Huston. It was a 1500's retelling of the Cinderella tale, without the magical fairy element and a whole lot of philosophical reasoning. Apart from that, the costumes were absolutely stunning. There were several near scares where one of the Aesir would stab the HUGE TV screen, or shout. Or they'd be scandalised with what was happening on-screen. And pizza seemed to be going down well with Volstag, he'd eaten heaps. And they'd ordered shit loads of boxes.

* * *

"So, Hela, this is your father and I's quarters." Emma said as they stepped out of the lift.

"I like it. It's classy and elegant." Hela said

"Glad we agree." Loki said "the Allfather never said you were coming… Hela, what did you do?"

"Nothing, father." She grinned.

"What did you do, young lady?" Loki asked sternly. Emma had to bite back a laugh.

"Well, Fenrir and I were playing in Alfheim with the elves, and Lady Sif said if I asked the allfather nicely, I could come…"

"What did he say?" Loki sighed

"I didn't ask him. I asked nan." Hela grinned.

"Oh, aren't you a clever girl." Loki grinned, pulling her up and lifting her, carrying her.

"Now, Hela." Emma started "Anything you'd like to eat? Most kids I know just sort of live off Macaroni and cheese"

"So do most adults." Loki admitted. Emma coughed in agreement

"I suppose there's no harm in trying such midgardian foods." Hela said hesitantly. Emma whipped out the large pot from her Ikea cupboards, while Loki raided the pantry. Hela sat on the white stool, watching everything they did, from boiling pasta to adding a cheese béchamel sauce.

"Father, you are sure you can cook…" Hela asked, as Emma smelt burning.

"This is why I never let you touch my stuff. You are _so_ doing the washing up." Emma said, as she solved the tiny problem, serving out the finished food on one of her pristine white plates.

"Dad, what was the show you kept telling me I should watch?" Hela asked

"Sherlock, why don't we put it in?" Loki suggested.

"JARVIS, put in season 1 of Sherlock for me." Emma said, as they made their way to the sofa. The first few minutes passed by rather well until Benedict Cumberbatch came on screen.

"I rather like him, father." Hela remarked "He's quite fetching for a midgardian."

"Oh no young lady." Loki said harshly "You're mine until you're 90 000."

"Whatever. I still like this show" Hela sassed, taking a bite of macaroni. Emma decided it was probably good her father wasn't_ that_ overprotective, then again. Sewing pins.

* * *

Okay, ahaha. Now, if you've seen that movie: Ever After (no it's not the animated one, it's a real-life movie), it's absolutely beautiful. I grew up on that, Mulan, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Anastasia (and yes, i know that's not a disney movie)

Anyway, reviews would be lovely. Okay, i know that Loki's married to Sigyn in Norse mythology, but well, didn't feel like it. And love you all, you beautiful people.

Oh, and the story cover was a reference to one of the chapters, the one where they come back from London and basically all hell (no pun intended) breaks loose.

xo Hermione-amelia-rose1479


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Hai guys i am baaaaaaack. OH MY GOD LOKI WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE THEY DONE TO YOUR HAIR!?

Yeah. anyways, here is the chapter i typed furiously up.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's chapter 14

There was one last day with the Aesir, Odin and Frigga, and Hela. So, while the Aesir had to unfortunately join a SHIELD meeting with Frigga and Odin. The Avengers thought it would be a great idea to go to Disneyland. Emma had an inkling this was going to end in disaster. And it didn't actually, though, Loki chickened out on a couple of rides. So did Tony. And Steve refused to go on any. The day ended with her, Hela, Clintasha, Pepper, Betty, Sophie and Thor completing every ride.

Now some idiot named Tony Stark thought it would be fun to play a game of hide and seek. It took Tony 5 whole hours to find them all (she hid under her desk. She still happened to come fourth. Hela won because she was small _and_ quiet) She and Loki where invited to a family dinner with the Aesir, and they were to be dressed to the nines. Emma found an emerald, silk dress that was single sleeved and had a gold belt at the waist. The skirt itself was gathered a bit at each hip before sort of bubbling down just above the knees. Emma thought black tights and black heels would be appropriate. She loosened up her mass of black, curly hair, and put in her diamond earings. Loki was straightening up his tie, coincidentally one of the ones she bought him while in Sydney. He was wearing one of his numerous suits (she actually wasn't kidding, he had so many and of every shade of grey. She made a _fifty shades of grey_ joke about it. It resulted in a violent snogging session, and Steve had to walk out, all he wanted to ask was 'If he should watch LOTR'. Not that she complained.)

"Ready?" Loki asked "And take those contacts out."

"Why?" Emma asked, slightly annoyed

"Your eyes looked much more honest without them" Loki said, wordlessly offering her his arm. She took it as they made their way to one of the dining rooms on the upper floor.

"Ah, son, so glad you could join us." Frigga called, greeting the two in. Emma and Loki sat on one side of the table, next to Sif and Fandral. While Thor and Jane sat next to Hogun and Volstag. Loki and Thor were seated closest to Odin at the head of the table, while Frigga sat on the other.

"Are your eyes naturally that shade, my girl?" Odin asked Emma.

"Oh, uh yes. SHIELD and MI9 required I wear contacts as it's a genetic mutation. I could be recognised, and that's a high risk with my line of work." Emma said, taking a cautious sip of, thankfully midgardian wine. She did _not_ like to relive the time they tried Asgardian mean.

"Ah, they _are_ interesting." Sif grinned

"Yes, beautiful." Frigga said kindly

"Like the sea at dawn." Fandral winked. Emma took that as an artistic description and not a flirt.

"Okaaay." Emma said softly. Time ticked by and no unfriendly insults had been hurled yet. Though, she did eye Loki with worry every time Odin would talk to him. It had all gone brilliantly until the last minute. She could literally hear incomprehensible hissing from Loki and Odin.

"I thought you said I wasn't to be fully pardoned." Loki said, in a slightly louder voice. Emma, on instinct took his hand, squeezing it. She didn't need this dinner to escalate.

"You shouldn't be for what you have done." Odin said coldly

"Um." Emma said, gaining silence "Forgive my intrusion, but when Loki entered SHIELD, we had no doubt that he was being tortured to do Thanos' work. He showed all evidence of heat exhaustion and we've taken care of Thanos who has proved he was behind everything. Furthermore if he didn't capture the Earth. He was faced with further torture. Not death. Death would appease everything." Emma said timidly, before awkwardly taking a sip of wine. "For that, one can forgive him"

"Tell me." Odin said. Emma started freaking out, but this time Loki took her hand and squeezed it. "What have you done since Loki has arrived on Midgard?"

"I was assigned on a mission to watch Loki's movements after he was exiled to earth." Emma began before being cut off

"Sorry dear, making this quicker." Loki apologised "I owe her everything. If she hadn't hidden herself as a journalist, I would've been sent back to Thanos. She accustomed me to Midgardian life, re-gained my reputation. She has made my long existence somewhat bearable and she hasn't asked for anything in return." Loki said coldly "And all you do is slander her."

"Don't worry, I don't take it personally" Emma was somewhat overwhelmed by the gesture. She could feel Sif patting her shoulder, while Thor and Jane looked at her sympathetically.

"Father, Lady Holmes is perhaps the most open-minded and open human on this planet. I remember coming to SHIELD everyday while Loki was under suspicion, and she would tell me everything I needed to know, she calmed my mind in a way." Thor said, grinning at Emma reassuringly

"No matter." Loki said clipped "I am done with this company." He sounded so much more threatening than usual.

"Loki." Frigga attempted to call him back as he stormed out of the room.

"I'll go after him." Thor said

"No, I will." Emma said "He'll listen to me." Emma placed her napkin on the table, before walking out of the room.

"JARVIS?" Emma called "Where is he?"

"Mr Laufeyson doesn't wish to be disturbed." JARVIS replied

"Was that supposed to be sympathetic?" Emma asked dryly "I will rip your circuit boards apart if you don't tell me where he is"

"He's in your quarters." JARVIS finally gave

"Thanks dear." Emma said, running to the convenient escalator and going up several flights, before opening the doors of her quarter, standing just at the entrance of the balcony.

"You know. Moping about isn't going to help." Emma said

"He was insulting you."

"And I'm not offended." Emma said "You seriously _are_ over- protective"

"You don't _understand_." Loki said. Emma moved next to him at the balcony, looking out to a stunning view of NY. "Being in a relationship with me means everyone prejudiced against me will hate you as well. I can't afford that." Loki said, looking at her with is glassy, green eyes, as they glazed with tears.

"Stop looking so tearful, swear to god, it kills me everytime." Emma sniffled, as Loki wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Anyway, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. If I did, I would've killed myself a _long_ time ago."

"Loki." Frigga called him "May I have a word with Miss Holmes alone?" Loki nodded reluctantly and moved away.

"I'm sorry if I've done anything wrong." Emma said. Frigga looked at her kindly

"I think not. You've passed the test." Frigga smiled. "We all co-ordinated to see whether you really love my son. He's not even my son, and neither is Thor. But I still love them, and you two deserve each other."

"But why me though." Emma said, slightly confused "I'm human. I age, I wither and I die. I'm not permanent."

"But he chose you." Frigga said comfortingly "Did he ever tell you about Sigyn?"

"No." Emma said

"She was promising. Until it came to this exact test. When Odin insulted Loki, Sigyn did nothing. Other than that, she was rather obsessive." Frigga admitted with a smile

"So I haven't angered the allfather?"

"No, rather the opposite, I think he's becoming fond of you." She said bracingly, ending with a warm grin "Now, shall I leave you two alone? I'm sure you need it."

"Thank you, my queen." Emma said, bobbing a curtsey. Frigga left the room, and Loki grinned like a maniac.

"You fucking bastard." Emma remarked, punching his shoulder.

"You did do well." He grinned, rubbing his shoulder. They walked inside, where Loki cracked open a bottle of super-expensive champagne.

"Now, while we're here. There is something we need to discuss." Emma said seriously

"What!?" Loki asked, looking as if he committed some mortal offence

"Tomorrow's April 1st. We need to do something."

"Did we not already involve JARVIS in our prank?"

"Yes, I rigged him to wake everyone up to a loud rendition of the chicken dance." Emma said

"Except Clint, Natasha and Bruce." Loki said

"Yes. Not them, their rooms are lined with soundproofing" Emma scared, she wasn't dumb enough to do that.

* * *

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Tony shouted as the entire room shook of the chicken dance. On loop. He grabbed Pepper close to him, as he shook with fright. It was either Mr and Mrs Loki or Peter. If he snuck into the building. He could've, he had keys.

* * *

Emma tossed a bit, she was still sub-consciously awake. Yawning a bit, her eyes fluttered opened.

"OH MY GOD" she whispered harshly. It was Benedict Cumberbatch. In her bed. In his underwear. She literally couldn't process the thoughts going through with it. Emma let her fingers run through his curly, ginger hair, fighting back the impulse to squeal. However, she had a much more pressing matter right now. _Benedict fucking Cumberbatch_ was actually in her bed.

"Morning" That was his ovary-destructive baritone voice.

"Oh my god." Emma could barely release the phrase

"How did I get here?" he asked, slightly confused "Oh, and forgive me, who are you?". She passed out and lost consciousness after that point.

* * *

"Thanks for that." Loki said, crawling out from under the bed

"Ah, it was all right. Now, our agreement?"

"Yes, I hear your friend Martin Freeman requested several JohnLock fanfictions and erotic art. I have procured several Tumblr Blogs that post their own _original_ work." Loki said, handing him a pink USB

"You sure she won't kill you?" Benedict asked "She does own several swords."

"Of course not. I do apologise for the worry." Loki apologised

"No problem. I expect wedding invitations." Benedict dressed himself then exited via the balcony on the floor below

* * *

"Your hair." Emma said, as Loki slowly came back into vision "It's… curly." She took a haggard breath "Swear to god, Laufeyson. Don't _ever_ do that."

"April fools dear" he pecked her cheek "Did you curl my hair?" Loki asked

"No." Emma said truthfully, she hadn't "Actually, I rather like it." She ruffled his chin-length curly hair

"My charm must be wearing off." He muttered, kissing her cheek, working his way down her jawline.

"Hold the fuck up." Emma said, shoving his face away from her "Your hair is _naturally_ curly?" Emma asked

"Yes." Loki said "When it grows too long. I must consider getting it trimmed"

"Oh." Emma said, until she heard a large smashing sound, followed by loud, angry shouts.

"Shit." Loki said "You may want to hide."

"Or we could just make out and Tony would walk away in disgust." Emma said evenly. The doorknob turned, she glanced at Loki who nodded, promptly snogging her.

"UGH. I WILL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS! I HATE THE CHICKEN DANCE" Tony shouted, slamming the door shut.

* * *

Emma hi-fived Peter as they sat in the communal dining room.

"I heard what you did" Peter grinned "Damn, you're good."

"Thank you." Emma said. Hela toddled in "Oh, by the way, this is Loki's daughter Hela."

"Hello." Peter said. Hela was staying back. The rest of the Asgardian party returned home at midnight. Hela wanted to experience Midgard and stay with her father, Emma loved the kid, she was lovely and charming. In her own way.

"You could've thought of a more annoying song you know." Hela said "And is my father cooking?"

"Apparently" Emma said

"This will _not_ end well. Might I mention uncle Thor is-" Hela was cut short as Thor entered the room.

"Well, that was frustrating" Thor said, dropping Mjolnir on the floor. "My brother has been influencing you"

"I do what I want, really" Emma said, sipping on coffee

"See." Thor said "Have you seen my beloved anywhere?"

"No." Emma said "Though, I think Clint and Natasha were setting up some traps and ambushing people. So I think you may need to walk back…"

"AHH SWEAR TO GOD ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL BUY A TASER!" Jane said, running from an explosion in the corridor.

"I take it now wouldn't be a good time to make a Star Wars reference…" Peter said

"No." Emma agreed.

"When can I get weapons?" Hela asked

"You don't need weapons dear." Loki walked out with an apron tied around him, giving Hela a plate of pancakes and planting a kiss on top of her black curls "You rule the underworld."

"But I want to add people I like in the underworld." Hela said

"Dude." Peter said. Steve and Sophie wandered in

"Your" Steve started

"Hair." Sophie finished

"Can we not discuss my follicles in public?" Loki muttered, walking back in the kitchen to make more pancakes.

"THOR. I'M BRAIDING YOUR HAIR." Emma called. His hair was annoying her. It was shoulder length, and it was 8:00 in the morning. Didn't he have any decency to put it in a bun? Emma walked over, splitting his hair into sections and winding a dutch braid across his head. Jane laughed as soon as it finished.

"I'm never gonna let you hear the end of this. Smile!" Jane snapped a picture of Emma braiding Thor's hair on her phone.

* * *

"BLOODY HELL SHERLOCK!" Tony swore. Emma hi-fived Bruce. "You were in this too?"

"Me too." Peter said as if it were obvious. They loved pranking Tony. Filling his usual coffee with motor oil for example. Emma checked through her papers, handing Tony an envelope of parchment.

"This came in." Emma said, handing him the letter.

"Dear Mr Stark, you have been accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Tony read out "Yeah _right_" Emma looked at Tony, freaking out.

"Tony. You-your." Emma stuttered

"A wizard." Tony said bored

"Hair is _blond_" Emma said timidly

"LOKI'D" Loki shouted off into the distance.

"Seriously Emma. Your man-child-god is frustrating"

"He's the god of mischief and lies. I'm not complaining." Emma laughed

"I can understand what sort of _mischief_ you two get up to." Tony waggled his eyebrows.

"No." Bruce, Emma and Peter said at the same time

* * *

"That doesn't even work anymore, Steve. We're not 5" Tony just sat in a whoopee cushion. Tony's hair still hadn't turned back yet, so he was fully expected to jump on him. They were sitting on the roof, enjoying the view and the look of the new infinity pool. Loki stood pacing just in front of the full pool.

"Nice hair" Loki jabbed at Tony. Everyone turned to him, scared of what could happen.

"One more word…" Tony said threateningly

"Goes with your clothes." Loki smiled. Pepper coughed on her ice-tea. Silence fell and Tony sprinted towards Loki, intending to tackle him, but it turned out to be one of Loki's illusions and he fell into the pool with a rather large splash.

"Are you ever _not_ going to fall for that?" Loki asked as everyone laughed.

"Clint." Natasha called

"Yeah?"

"Wait, did you two get married in Budapest?" Steve asked

"Is that what happened in Budapest?" Emma asked. She didn't know either.

"Yes. It was part of our cover. We decided to make it permanent." Natasha said

"WE FOUND OUT WHAT HAPPENED IN BUDAPEST!" Tony spluttered happily, drying himself off on a fluffy pink towel. No doubt that was recorded on video.

"Anyway. Clint, can I talk to you?" Clint nodded, and they walked somewhat further away from them

"2 bucks she's planning something" Tony said

"10 bucks if it's an assassination" Bruce said

"No. I'm pregnant" Natasha said as if it were obvious.

"What?" Clint asked, blank with shot

"Damn, I was planning on using that." Betty whispered

"Me too." Sophie said

"Since when did you two have sex?" Tony asked Sophie.

"No, I'm serious. I'm actually pregnant." Natasha said, laughing.

"OH MY GOD!" Clint shouted. "You-you-you're actually serious?"

"No." Natasha said. Clint felt the need to go to the bathroom.

"You Midgardians take such news so dramatically." Hela said, sipping on her soda "I mean I found out my father was pregnant with a _horse."_

"Hela. No." Loki said

* * *

Okaay. um, anon from last chapter, i fucking love you and they are brilliant ideas. i will use them. please feel free to suggest any ideas for the gang, and please review :)

toodles


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: Woo, i'm back. okay, sorry it's late, i had the best idea ever for a doctor who fanfiction. If you'd like to read it, it's called: A Whouffle Fairytale. haven't had any reviews, so if you lovely people would like to read it and review it, it would be absolutely darling. Now, this chapter, just read the chapter title, you'll see what happens and yes, i have seen Iron Man 3 (pfft, as if i haven't), i was sorta waiting for it to come out so i could write the end of this chapter. And if i haven't already established, this takes place in 2013, because i think the events of Iron Man 3 take place Christmas 2012. Anyway, if not, just go with it. Now *ehem*

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's chapter 15

Pepperony's canon and what happens when Tony isn't home

"Tony." Emma called out. Everyone had gathered in the communal living room. "Suits arrived" she dumped the box on the table. "if my parents have stuffed up Loki's suit. Swear to god I'm gonna kill a bitch. That'll be you." Emma directed 'you' and Peter

"Why me?" Peter asked

"Well, can't be Tony seeing as he's getting married to my favourite chick. Well." Emma said in a David Tennant-manner "One of the several."

"Speaking of. You didn't come dress shopping with us" Pepper said, giving her a death stare

"If I didn't my dad might've killed Loki by now." Emma said grimly

"You can't wing it" Betty said

"We'll steal Tony's card" Natasha evened

"_Fine_" Emma sighed. "When are we going?"

"Now" Pepper said "We can take Hela, if you want, Loki. I we can get her a new dress or something…"

"That would be marvellous." He said, hardly looking up from his phone.

"Must I really go?" Hela whined

"I'm not having you turn up to my wedding in _that _dress" Tony said, referring to Hela's black dress. Hela's eyes narrowed, and she stalked off. Emma's eye's widened, as she looked more at Tony, specifically his rear.

"Love this chick." Emma said.

"What are you all staring at?" Tony asked

"You're ehem… rear" Bruce coughed.

"We should go shopping." Pepper said quickly

"Run!" Emma called, as she left Tony to discover the pig's tail that had protruded from his shirt and was now in full show.

* * *

"No. not _that_." Emma said, looking at the dress Betty suggested

"You'd look great in peach." Betty said, holding the floor-length chiffon dress

"Nah." Jane said "What about this?" Emma looked impress, a charming dove-grey dress

"Hm, I'll consider it." Emma said thoughtfully

"Best idea ever." Sophie called from the other side of the room, with Pepper. Emma drifted over to see a charming "Pep, you said it was black tie, right?"

"Yeah." Pepper said

"Okay, midnight blue, meet your new owner, Emma, meet the perfect dress." Sophie held the dress to her. Emma held it out at arms- length, looking at it, it was a soft, flowing chiffon dress that was empire waisted and held there by a small, diamond belt. The dress flowed until it simply reached the floor. She turned it to the back and found it to be slightly backless, and the single sleeve that crossed over the left shoulder dangled there and also fell to the floor, but it was embroidered with silver thread.

"Perfect dress?" Emma scoffed "That's an understatement."

"Try it on then" Natasha said dangerously low. Emma was _not_ going to mess with her hormones, and she vanished into the dressing room to slip in on as quickly as possible, before stepping out.

"I mean, it could probably do with a glam ring or so but…"

"No, no it's great" Betty started

"I mean, not like you'll end up in a certain god of mischief's bed _anyway_" Jane said

"Oi, be nice, ladies" Sophie said "Pepper, card?"

"Card." Pepper held her hand out for Natasha to give her the card, Pepper passed it to Sophie, who paid for the dress once Emma had gotten changed.

"Happy?" Emma asked, as she and the others walked out of the store to go and probably buy some cake.

* * *

"You know, when you informed me of the weapons you hid in the wardrobe, I expected there to be a dead body." Loki said, as he handed her the heavy trunk of weapons she owned

"Oh, I had it moved." Emma said

"You _what_?" Loki asked

"I jest" Emma said "Hand me that gun, will you?" Emma asked, as she tied the ribbons across the top of her ankles, thus securing the elaborate design of the shoe to her foot.

"Which one?"

"Any, you may pick." Loki handed her the gun, and she carelessly popped it in her silver clutch. "Why must it be timed for sunset?"

"First of all, Tony's guests can wear glamorous clothes, second of all apparently it's romantic" Emma said "Personally a killing spree is more appealing"

"On that, I would agree." Loki agreed "Bowtie?"

"Yes, it's a formal event." Emma decided "Or the tie, whichever you prefer, really. Though to be on the safe side, bow ties _are_ cool"

"Yes, have you deemed yourself ready yet?" he asked "And what is that?" Emma handed him the small barrel-like contraption

"That, sweetheart is my prized possession. Apache Revolver 19th century gangster weapon if you will. There's a hidden blade, folding trigger and knuckle dusters. It fires only 6 rounds with it being a vintage, but you know, it's only deadly at a close range, but, it's pretty" Emma said enthusiastically, popping the pistol in her make-up bag housing her 'feminine products' (IE: hard-core tampons to stop the bullet wounds should the need arise).

"Your idea of pretty certainly differentiates from everyone else's." Loki remarked "How do I look?" he asked standing against the wall, looking slightly put out

"To be completely honest, I'd shag you there and now against that wall until you were breathless." Emma said cheekily, he winked back and Emma gave a couquettish pout "Or in other words, 'meh'" he walked up to her slowly, whispering in her ear (may she add, highly seductively)

"Good 'meh' or bad 'meh'"

"Meh" she said teasingly as she exited their walk-in-wardrobe.

* * *

"You may now kiss the bride" Emma was tearing up, okay, so Pepperony was her ship. At least it was canon, unlike *cough* several of her ships that needed to be sailed out of headcanon harbour.

"Pepperony's canon" Somebody whispered in a carrying way.

"I ship it" somebody whispered hoarsely.

"So do I" someone else whispered.

"Why would you set a-sail a married couple, are you to set alight their funeral pyre?" Emma guessed that whisper was from Thor.

"ThOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOr" Loki groaned

"I still ship Science-Bros" someone whispered

"NOBODY ASKED YOU PATRICE" a stage whisper aggressively added

"Well that escalated quickly" Emma muttered as the newly-weds broke away from their kiss on the pavilion as the sun set. She would rather be part of security, right now, she could be handling a sniper right now. The a-list guests then made their way to the mansion/function room by the beach, as music struck. She was slightly sad about the fact there wasn't any Metallica blaring out of the speakers, but hey, classy orchestras were cool too. She loved the reception hall, the golden rooms and the crystal chandeliers, then there was the spacious dancefloor and mirrored walls, and the elegant mezzanine with the grand staircase.

"Ah." Loki said delightedly, stealing a spinach and ricotta vol-au-vent off one of the waiters. Emma conjured two flukes of champagne off from another waiter.

"Yes, this is lovely." Emma said "Is that Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"Yes, he's charming enough." Loki said off-handedly

"Let's play a game called spot the BBC actor." Emma said as they made their way up the grand stair-case and observed the crowd, while leaning on the balcony railing. "Hello Steve!" Emma said brightly

"Hello, celebrity spotting too?"

"Yep, I spy with my little eye, something that is literally the TV equivalent of something smothered in chocolate" Emma said

"David Tennant?" Loki asked

"Ooh, who's that? The one that looks like Stark?"

"Robert Downey Jr" Emma and Loki said in unison

"Oh no…." Steve looked directly at Emma, as he caught a glimpse of a certain actor

"OH MY GOD TOM HIDDLESTON AHHHHHHHHH!" Emma squealed

"Yes, you look lovely too." Loki said sarcastically. "Anyone else you recognise?"

"Like you can't recognise some of these people…" Steve said "I mean, the President"

"Brownie points for you, Mr Patriot" Emma retorted "Duke and Duchess of Cambridge with their kid, Is that Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"Haven't you asked that already?" Loki asked

"Answer me this, did you shape-shift into him, or did I actually sleep with Benadryl Cuttlepants?"

"It was a simple transaction" Loki said, smirking. "2 hours for a list of Johnlock pornography. You _must_ know that I prefer to fully embarrass my test-subjects"

"You mean, I shared a bed with Benedict Cumberbatch for 2 _whole hours!?"_

"3, because you took forever to wake up" Loki admitted.

"You know, you two have some serious mental issues…" Steve said "And who _is_ Bene-Benedi, Britishguy Sillyname?"

"Actor." Loki said

"Really _hot_ actor" Emma added "And I think we need to go down now, they're serving food."

"Where did you leave Hela by the way?" Steve asked

"I left her in the hands of a perfectly capable agent" Emma answered, grinning

* * *

"BUT HEEEEEE'S SOOOOOO HOOOOOTTT!?" Mary shouted at the TV while watching Sherlock with Hela.

"I KNOOOOOOOWWWWW. WHY CAN'T I MARRY YOU!?" Hela threw a bit of popcorn at the television. She had to admit, this Midgardian Agent was pretty decent, in comparison with other humans.

"Maybe we should kidnap him?" Mary asked

"Yes, that would be clever. But he shall be all mine" Hela said

"As long as I get Tom Hiddleston, I'm happy" Mary said quickly.

"Shall we play a game called: Let's mess up my father's things" Hela said cheekily, at least this 'baby-sitter' wasn't going to get brutally murdered.

* * *

"Okay guys, hi, I'm Bruce" Bruce was starting his best-man speech

"Hi Bruce" Pepper said

"This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous." Bruce said

"And I'm Steve, we obviously are Tony's groomsmen and Best men"

"Tony is the most goddamn frustrating person you'll ever have to live with, he like smashes up several floors just to do Science, he's worse than me when I turn into the other guy. He's also immature and overly-sassy" Bruce said "Pepper, good luck"

"I mean, I had to cope with his dad in the war, and Tony's certainly beat him in certain aspects" Steve laughed

"I hope it's in the looks department" Tony winked, everyone was laughing.

"Anyway, Tony, dude, try not to blow up anything on your honeymoon, and here's to having your life being dictated by Pepper" Bruce and Steve raised there glasses, and everyone followed suit. Then there was the sudden chinking of glasses, prompting the two newly-weds to snog. Emma nearly-faced palmed, she was 24601% done with it.

"Are Midgardian weddings always this stuffy?" Loki asked

"Hopefully not." Emma said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"What would you do at your wedding?" Loki asked "Just out of pure curiosity"

"I don't know, sacrifice the blood of a virgin?"

"Will that virgin be Steve Rogers?" Loki asked.

"Most likely" Emma said "Though, he's too sweet."

"What are you two even talking about?" Maria Hill asked. Hill and her husband and baby son were sitting on the same table together with

"I don't even know anymore." Emma said, being honest.

"So, you're Emma Holmes?" That was Barney Stinson, Maria's husband

"Yeah, you must be the mysterious Mr Hill"

"Well, actually it's Hill-Stinson" he laughed

"Hyphenated, at least you know where your priorities are in the relationship" Loki said thoughtfully

"She carries guns and kills people" Barney said in fairness.

"So does my girlfriend." Loki admitted, Emma rapped his shoulder

"Hey, I carry swords and apache revolvers. There is a difference" Emma corrected

"That's Legen-wait for it" he started

"Anyway, have you see Coulson?" Hill asked Emma, bouncing her son about a bit, his excited brown eyes darting about everywhere.

"No, I think he's in charge of the security up-stairs. I know Barton's with him. We've got other agents in charge of the guests and stuff, making sure everything runs smoothly, without a hiccough" Emma said

"Dary!" Barney said, hi-fiving Loki as they chatted amiably

"I see what you did there, midgardian" Loki laughed.

"Isn't that new agent in charge of babysitting Hela?" Maria asked

"Mary? We've decided to make her SHIELD's resident babysitter. I'm pretty sure Coulson's had a long enough run"

* * *

"WOAH, WE'RE HALFWAY THEEEERE" Mary sang loudly and totally out of tune to Bon Jovi's 'Living on a Prayer'

"WOOOAH. LIVING ON A PRAYER." Hela belted back

"TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR. WOOAH, LIVING ON A PRAYER!" they sang in unison, jumping about in the games room and head-banging when appropriate.

* * *

"Oh" Maria said "They must be having fun. Anyway, what are you people going to do when Tony and Pepper are on their honeymoon?"

"Trash the place?" Emma suggested

"I have an idea, but it requires all of SHIELD's men" Loki said

"I see what you did there.." Emma said "Hill, reckon you could get everyone out for a nerf fight"

"Are we allowed to alter machine guns?" Hill asked excitedly

"Only if I can use plastic swords" Emma said equally as excited "Are we leaving Pepperony a 'Dear John letter?'"

"Of course, other than that, what else will you people be doing?"

"Selling Tony's belongings" Loki coughed, Emma and Maria laughed hard, unable to stop. Pepper and Tony had taken to the dance floor, dancing together. There were several phones out, and upon checking tumblr, she now found out which SHIELD agents were following her, as the footage was uploaded.

Everyone took to the dance floor, including a rather reluctant Loki. "I still don't understand why we have to do this"

"It's fun" Emma said, as they danced in time to the beat of the song. She was half surprised no one had been killed yet. The best way to describe a Stark party was that it was exactly like a Gatsby party, and a Gatsby party didn't stop until someone was killed and everyone was disillusioned with the jazz age as a whole.

"As much as you pretend to hate dancing, you love it, don't you?" Loki asked

"So do you, Mr I'm-brilliant-at-lying" Emma said, as they whirled around the ballroom, brushing past celebrities and dignitaries, and Bruce Wayne. _He doesn't even go here?!_

"Well then, are you going to be dancing the night away with me?" Loki asked

"As long as you sweep me off my feet, 'Actual Disney Prince: Loki Laufeyson" Emma laughed, as the music struck up another song and they continued dancing.

* * *

"THEY'RE GONE!" Bruce shouted through the halls, Emma found herself waking up on Loki's chest, hearing Bruce's delighted cries.

"YES!" Steve shouted from a floor below.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Natasha screamed. Everyone was scared with a pregnant assassin on the loose.

"Sorry" Steve and Bruce mumbled in unison.

"That isn't very good" Loki said "Do you smell bacon?"

"CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS, I'M COOKING" Clint shouted from somewhere

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SLIGHTLY DEAF!?" Loki shouted back "HOW DOES ONE HEAR THAT COMMENT FROM THREE FLOORS BELOW?"

"Ugh" Emma shoved her face back into the pillow, she'd had enough of superheroes for a day, and it wasn't even 9 in the morning yet.

* * *

Everyone was still in their pyjamas, not even bothering to change. They literally didn't have to work, as Pepper and Tony were somewhere in Europe.

"Hey, Sherlock!" Bruce was calling her "Me and the guys feel like christening the pool without Tony, wanna go jump in?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not…" Emma said "Quick question, has Tony taught us how to use the pool yet?"

"Nope" Bruce said brightly

"Well then, sign me up" Emma said, running to her room, looking for all her bathing suits, only to find they were all missing. "Laufeyson, did you fuck my shit up?"

"Yes, yes I did" he said in an off-hand way

"Give them back, I want to go test the pool" Emma said, digging through Loki's things, eventually finding a black one-piece somewhere amongst his ties.

"Well, you've found one. I doubt you'll find the rest" Loki said "I left Hela with Mary, the two can go sight-seeing"

"Great, that means we can all start swearing and be immature" Emma said, hiding behind a screen to get changed and throwing away the screen with a flourish once she had finished. "You coming?"

"Yes, later, I have things to plan"

"Okay" Emma nodded.

* * *

"They're testing the pool?" Bruce asked. Loki sat with his feet propped up on the table, Thor, Bruce, Steve and Clint were all gathered around the circular table in the darkened room.

"Yes, safely are. Now, what were we congregating about?" Loki asked

"We were wondering about your proposal plans for Holmes…" Steve said, blushing

"Don't be so bashful about it, Patriotic Man, it is nice to see my brother not being diabolical"

"If Tony was here, there'd be a sexual comment" Bruce coughed

"Yes, skimming over that, why are you so obsessed with my plans?" Loki asked, wondering what was so important about the trivial. Migardians…

"Hey guys" Tony's face appeared on JARVIS' interface "JARVIS here informed me we were having a meeting, what's going on?"

"I thought you were supposed to be, how did you put it?" Loki started

"Dancing in Vienna, sweeping her off her feet and in more ways than one." Tony winked "You aren't serious though? You're _considering_ marrying Sherlock?"

"Yes, is that _so_ hard to understand?"

"I'm cool with it" Peter appeared from out of nowhere (well, being honest, the ceiling)

"My gratitude, Parker" Loki grinned at the boy suspending upside down. "Anyway, I was planning on stealing your jet, Stark" Loki said

"Yeah, cool" Tony said

"Fly to London, and propose on the roof of a particular hospital." Loki said "Namely St Bartholomews, and the ring will be held in a TARDIS ringbox." Loki held up the small, blue box in question, the doors would open inwards and the interior would light up, to show the ring off.

"I'd say you have a 75% chance of getting a 'yes'" Clint said "Assuming she doesn't dump you for that perfect-man-of-a-celebrity"

"Excuse me?" everyone said in unison

"Tom Hiddleston" Clint said, he gained questioning looks "What? Even I reckon he's perfect"

"Speaking of perfect, Loki, where's your kid?" Tony asked

"Hela is sight-seeing with SHIELD agents"

* * *

"He's there" Mary squealed silently

"I know" Hela replied, holding the SHIELD agent's hand "Do we kidnap him now?"

"I don't know, where do we even keep a Cumberbatch?"

"How often does it eat?" Hela asked "Ignore the kidnapping phase, stalking him may be the best option"

"Yes, oh my god he looked at us" Mary said, Hela was jumping up and down "Who else was on your list?"

"When do we start?" Hela asked "Also, if we pop by that children's shop later, I found an appropriate belated wedding gift for Mr Stark

* * *

"Are you sure you don't mean stalking anyone?" Tony asked with an eyebrow raised

"I'm sure, as long as she's enjoying herself" Loki said "Now, back to business, I need a legitimate reason to take her over there, other than the obvious"

"I thought you were the God of Mischief?" Steve asked "Plans are right up your alley"

"To quote a favourite movie of mine: We plan, we get there and all hell breaks loose" Loki said evenly

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2" Clint said, grinning like an idiot "What? You guys were watching the Harry Potter marathon too"

"Yeaaaaah" Bruce pushed his glasses further up his nose "If we can all think up of an idea for you two, within a week, we'll all meet back here at headquarters?"

"You do realise" Loki jolted in surprise as he heard Natasha's voice overhead "That I heard _everything_ you said"

"Oh.. we are _so_ screwed" Clint muttered

"Adios, bitches" Tony waved, hurriedly ending his live-feed.

* * *

"Okay, I've had them bought in" Emma pointed to the boxes of nerf gun amo "Are you _seriously_ going to hack into an Iron suit?"

"Oh yeah" Bruce said, his words slightly mumbled owing to the fact he had a screwdriver in his mouth "It's not that hard, but I really need someone experienced at hacking into JARVIS" he clapped the armour's shoulder, getting off the footstool.

"Oh well, I've managed to get several guns loaded, I've strung together a lot of ammo." Emma pointed to the metres and metres of nerf ammo all strung around her mannequins, a couple of which still wearing wigs and tiaras. "Hey, you remember last year, when Tony's house got blown up?"

"Christmas of 2012, yeah?"

"He mentioned a kid helping him, should we find him?"

"You adults need help hacking into the Mechanic's stuff?" Emma looked at the doorway in shock, eyeing Bruce, some kid had just burst into Stark Towers.

"Security breach" Hela grinned, waving, holding the boy's hand.

* * *

Okay, wooh, got the wedding done and dusted, and yes, we have another one on the way. Now, i apologise for the self-insertion yet again, but i would absolutely adore babysitting Hela, it'd be fun. I'm considering writing a baby-sister-fic to this, but first of all i've got exams and second of all, Hela will be leaving soon *tear*, it would be about Mary's experience at Babysitting and Hela's experience of Midgard, but no matter. So, you know the drill, please review and feel free to check out my new who-fic!

lotsa love, hermione-amelia-rose1479 (aka mary, much easier)


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Woo Eurovision and Doctor Who finale (about the last one, i'm having an existential crisis). Anyway, typo on last chapter's AN, this is set in 2014, because continuinuty issues etc etc. anyway, a slightly shorter chapter than usual, mainly because it's a fluffy badass reprieve before it's all cramped up and busy, plus exams, so i'll be busy, so enjoy this chapter for now.

A/N: DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING SINGING THE SONGS OF OWNING NOTHING?

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's chapter 16

All-out warfare

"Woah, how did you find him?" Emma asked Hela

"Well, actually, I ran into her." The boy said, grinning cheekily

"Yes, I'm going to go and be bored, please release my hand, mortal" Hela said, running off.

"What's your name?" Bruce asked

"Harley." He said "I ran into Hela and her babysitter and I asked her if Tony was in town, because I'm staying with my aunt"

"Wasn't he Tony's ring bearer?" Bruce asked, Emma nodded, remembering the wedding.

"Okay, well, we've got something better to do, other than staying around with a boring Aunt, who has evidently left you to play bingo all day with her friends at the local casino, and won't be home until about 10:00 pm" Emma said, observing the boy and the way he was acting

"How did she know? Is she a superhero like you guys? Aren't you the Hulk? Don't you turn into like a huge, green rage monster? Oh my god, are you like Tony? Do you get panic attacks? Oh my god I'm like so sorry" he spoke so fast and bombarded them with so many questions, they were stunned into silence.

"Okay, one, she knows because that's Emma Holmes for you. Two, she can be a superhero if she wants."

"Three, yes, this is Dr Banner, please don't make him angry. And unlike Tony, we don't get panic attacks." Emma finished "Now, if you wouldn't mind, could you please help us hack into JARVIS. Tony said you'd helped fix the Mark 42, so you should be able to help us get into this"

"What's in it for me?" Harley asked

"I can convince Loki to let you go out with Hela" Emma said

"And I will let you meet the rest of the Avengers, furthermore, join in our ultimate Nerf Fight" Bruce added

"Why would you assume I'd want to go out with Hela?"

"Because of reasons, mind you her father's the most over-protective man you will ever meet when it comes to his kids" Emma said "Now, do we have an arrangement?" Bruce pulled out a contract from nowhere. Harley signed the bottom of the contract with his name and a smiley face.

"When do I start?"

* * *

"Emma dear, what are yo-" Loki was cut off mid-sentence. Emma looked up, re-tying the blue scarf around her head to keep her curly strands away, she had been sitting on a lab bench, stringing up endless rows of nerf darts.

"Yeah, hi" Bruce said

"So is this the young man in question?" Loki pointed to Harley who was busily typing away at the multiple StarkProgramming screens, observing the boy's movements.

"No way, you're Loki, you're like totally awesome." Harley said in awe "I mean, you have identity issues and stuff, but you're cool"

"I think we have another Coulson" Emma said unsurely to Bruce

"Hmm, yes, you have my permission, just remember. Hela's mine." Loki said, walking back out the door, trendy scarf flicking as he turned away.

"Meh, that went better than expected. He'll probably be stalking you two while in the form of a cat or something" Emma said

"Again, why would I go out with Hela?" Harley asked "I'm like 10"

"We have our reasons" Bruce said lightly, as the Iron Man mask began to glow "Okay, good, we got in, I can easily get into all of Tony's weapons and change to bullets to Nerf ammo"

"Are you sure he won't kill you?" Emma asked

"He won't" Harley said

"Swear to god, you're a mini Tony." Emma sighed "Bruce, can we adopt this one?"

"I don't think we can" Bruce sighed

"But he can be like Peter's adoptive little brother and all the Science-Bros shippers would have a Science Family and it would be all adorable" Emma ranted

"No" Bruce said. Emma gave up, not wanting to piss off the 'Jolly Green Giant'.

"_Fine_" Emma sighed, taking out her apache revolver and trying to find custom-made foam bullets to place inside. "Remind me again, how much longer do we have until Pepperony arrive home?"

"A month" Bruce replied, not looking up from the magazine he was replacing with nerf bullets

"Pepperony?" Harley asked

"It's what we call Pepper and Tony. Clint and Natasha are called Clintasha. You and Hela can be I don't know.."

"Helry?" Bruce suggested

"Harley Laufeyson?" Emma suggested "Has a ring."

"DeathMech" Bruce said, Emma hi-fiving him

"Totally otp'ed" Emma grinned "It sounds so badass"

"Okay, you two are scaring me, is this what it's always like?" Harley asked, looking worried

"Yes, I'd say that's an accurate statement" Emma said evenly, handing the boy some materials "Stark says you like to tinker. Reckon you can make your own machine gun?"

* * *

Two Weeks later. SHILED Helicarrier.

"Okay" Steve managed to get the virtual battle-map working "We've got your stations all sorted out, your weapons are available to pick up. Tony and Pepper will have an Iron Suit and a few guns, anyone wishing to join their team?"

"No" Most of SHIELD replied

"Fine, this means we resort to default teams. SHIELD vs Avengers" Steve sighed with disappointment

"Who do team Avengers include?" Bruce asked

"Us, plus the guys" Steve said

"I guess plus the guys mean all your girlfriends plus me and DeathMech" Emma said

"Yeah, now, finer points. Dress like you normally would, then when Clint fires the arrow with the note, they get kidnapped and we all drive to our location, that is your cue to change into your catsuit or whatever." Steve finished "Um, well, I'm not telling you what we're doing, but I think you get the gist. SHIELD will strike first, give the newly-wed bastards hell"

"Charming" Natasha said lightly

"Do we have a pregnancy policy?" Clint asked

"Terms and conditions, point six, clause 2" Bruce said, pulling out the contract and reading the line in question "All women expecting, should they wish to participate, may only be allowed to guard base, but will be allowed to use heavy artillery."

"We're only trying to do what's best for you, honey" Clint stated "Can't wait for this baby to come"

"Oh god." Emma said, at least the two assassins didn't have them buying baby supplies.

* * *

"Hey guys" Tony waved from the jet's door with Pepper, the pair looking more relaxed and happy.

"How was Vienna?" Bruce asked, shaking Tony's hand. That was the signal, Emma's eyes flickered over to the rooftop, knowing what would follow.

"Pepper!" Emma moved to Pepper with Sophie and Jane. Betty was already there hugging her and asking her how it was.

"Hey, you guys coped right- OH MY GOD" An arrow had just missed Tony's arm by the smallest millimetre, hitting the side of the jet. Natasha struck Pepper sharply to the back of the head, Steve doing so with Tony, their unconscious bodies were blindfolded and bound into the back of the van, and it was a short trip to their undisclosed location. SHIELD had spent a fortnight (she wasn't shitting anyone) building forts and a literal Hunger Games arena (she suggested the rocks and waterfall. The waterfall was her idea). Everyone was getting changed like no tomorrow, all modesty aside, it was like being a theatre dresser, just get the fuck changed and do each other's zips up. Emma jumped out, three swords slung down her back, two machine guns (one in each arm), a few(hundred) rounds of nerf bullets stung around her and a map of where they had hidden all their ammo.

"You're wearing a suit?" Emma asked Loki, somehow managing to do up a shoelace on the bumpy forest road.

"Yeah" Loki said "I mean, you're dressed like the Doctor" Emma looked at her own brown pinstriped suit and converses, trenchcoat in her hand. She rigged her sonic screwdriver to fire a nerf dart when she loaded it.

"Oh, touché" Emma admitted. She jumped out the window of the van, landing gracefully on a couple of sandbags. Steve nodded and SHIELD grouped away to the otherside of the forest. Emma untied Tony and Pepper who were protesting as much as they could.

"GOD I SWEAR I NEED TO FIRE YOU" Tony shouted on top of his voice

"You still wouldn't" Emma grinned, handing him and Pepper the machinery and altered guns. Then there was the case of the edited Iron Man suit.

"We sorta hacked into your suit" Bruce explained

"How the hell.. JARVIS, how did he get in?"

"With help of Master Harley, sir" the AI replied audibly from the suit

"Speaking of, here he is now" Emma said, as the kid in question came with Hela, both dressed in black leather and black skinny jeans (Hela with a white t-shirt and Harley with a red) and in stylish converses (okay, so that was her sleight of hand)

"Hey, wassup?" Tony asked, taking the boy's hand, then looking at Hela "Oh, I see how this is working out."

"Nice to know we all finally agree on something" Emma sighed "Okay, does anyone have the communications up?"

"Yeah" Jane said, holding boxes and boxes of her tech, Thor holding the bulk of them. "I think we agreed 5 minutes to get them all up?"

"Okay" Betty said "Routine check, is anyone pregnant?"

"Yeah" Natasha said sheepishly

"JARVIS, quick body check" Tony commanded, holding his StarkTablet in front of him "Sherlock…"

"WHAT!? OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU BETTER FUCKING TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING" Emma ranted in shock, literally being held back from killing Tony by Loki and Steve

"Just kidding" Tony laughed, Emma relaxed, releasing her breath. Jane emerged from the bunker where communications were hidden.

"We get Coulson" Jane said

"They are _so_ screwed"

"I'm gonna have to sit this out." Bruce said "Can't risk an outbreak"

"You can play neutral party and watch the footage in the bunker. Pepper'll be here" Tony said. Emma heard a bang, and there was a dust cloud.

"It is _on_" Natasha said, climbing up to her chair to aim her machine guns "You have no idea on what's coming."

* * *

"Emma?" Emma was hiding up in the tree line, Tony's voice coming through her Bluetooth. "We made up a team name. Team Supermegafoxyawesomehot"

"Did Barton suggest that?" Emma asked quietly

"Yeah" Tony admitted

"Cool, just let me kill a couple of people" Emma said, firing two well-aimed nerf bullets at the SHIELD agents, shame, she liked those two. They tried to make sense of where the bullets came from. Idiots, she was in the trees. Emma climbed up a higher branch, now a good few metres off the ground. The two agents stopped and Emma jumped out, both hands swinging to pull out a rapier each (plastic rapiers)

"OH SHIT" the two agents screamed. Emma chased after them, chasing them into Betty and Jane's territory where she knew the two would be followed, but she wasn't expecting to be bombarded by nerf guns, rolling on the floor suddenly, she overtook them and fired back, as Betty and Jane lowered a net. Emma threw up her Trench Coat to Betty who caught it, Emma also threw up her blazer, she was intending to get wet.

"This is Agent Sherlock to Team Leader, over. We have two in the cage, repeat two in the cage" Emma said raptly to her Bluetooth

"Copy Agent Holmes" Bruce said "Your next target is at area code 6, repeat area code 6 over."

"Will I have back-up?"

"Silvertongue and Stark will most likely be there, over"

"Copy, over" Emma finished, stealthily creeping behind trees and large rocks. Emma caught a jet of red light followed by several firing nerf bullets. Emma moved away from safety and began to fire at the SHIELD recruits, however, she wasn't expecting 10 of them

"Stark, please tell me you weren't intending to face this many agents" Emma sighed

"Nope, not at all" Emma ran out of bullets, swinging the nerf gun on her back and pulling out her precious apache revolver and a rapier. She deflected all 27 bullets fired at her with the rapier, firing 3 of her precious 6 bullets from the apache revolver.

"There you are dear" Loki stated brightly, appearing from nowhere. The agents fired at him, but it proved to be one of his holograms, and using his magic the bullets froze mid-air then turned back at the agents.

"Ooh, that hurts like a bitch" Tony remarked with a bit of a wince "Oh god" Fury and Hill appeared from out of the dust.

"Shit" Emma said, but she was surprised when Hela and Harley appeared behind Hill and Fury, shooting them with endless rounds. Fury and Hill were forced to split; Fury firing at Emma, Loki and Stark, Hill firing at Harley and Hela. But Fury began to chase them.

"Stark, what do we do?" Loki asked, machine gun firing, Emma deflecting bullets (running backwards like a badass motherfucker) with both her rapiers

"Loki, get in front of Sherlock. Sherlock, feel like getting wet?"

"Ooh, don't say that with my boyfriend around" Emma said teasingly, Loki saying 'ooh', grinning "Laufeyson, duck" Emma leap-froged him backwards, running and chasing Fury towards the cliff-edge. Fury realised he was cornered and pulled out a bigger gun, Hill arrived with three other agents and Emma calculated her move.

"No, don't do that" Loki said sharply

"DeathMech are in-coming" Tony stated. Nobody was firing, just evaluating their next move "Okay, your cue, Sherlock"

"Fire!" Emma shouted, repeatedly firing with her bullets, rounding them up into a circle, Hill and Fury were chasing her further off the cliff and the rush of water becoming deafening. 3 metre cliff, 6 metre lake depth. She should survive, if not Loki would have to save her, no pressure.

"You're cornered Agent Sherlock" Hill said "Come with us"

"Nope." Emma said brightly, she began to fire. Hill and Fury's combined bullets pushed her off the edge and she continued to fire, until she hit the water. Like a badass, she noted.

* * *

"This is Agent Hill to Dr Banner, over" Emma sneezed into a tissue, wrapped up in an orange blanket, the Avengers surrounding the radio in the bunker. "I am the last agent standing, over."

"YES!" everyone started celebrating, Emma sneezed into a tissue. Maybe she shouldn't have gotten wet, it was rather cold in all fairness.

"Here" Loki handed her a flask of hot tomato soup "You are _such_ an idiot"

"Yeah, but it's going on my SHIELD profile page looking totally badass" Emma sneezed.

* * *

Emma yawned in the communal kitchen, eating a semi-burnt chocolate poptart that Thor had toasted. He was toasting everyone poptarts. Tony walked in looking traumatised, severely traumatised.

"Okay, on a scale of one to apocalypse, how bad is the issue?" Emma asked. Bruce raised a questioning eyebrow and Natasha sipped on her coffee.

"Pepper's pregnant" Tony said, still looking shocked "I'm going to be a father."

"That's great!" Bruce said, clapping his shoulder, Emma moved up to give him a one-armed hug and Natasha merely kept sipping on her coffee.

"I'm going to be a dad." Tony kept repeating.

"I am hell _not_ being is therapist this time" Bruce muttered

"Neither am I. I'm sure Steve would like to listen" Emma said, as Steve entered the room.

"Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve" Emma and Bruce said in unison

* * *

Well, looks like i won't be the only one having a crisis with Tony and Clint both becoming dads.

Now, usual drill, read and review guys, i always respond to your lovely reviews and i love reading them.


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Hey guys, exams nearly over. Woo, looking forward to my costume design project for drama (steals fabric from school fabric bin). Anyway, DOCTOR WHO HIATUS. SHERLOCK STILL ON HIATUS. SPN ON HIATUS. HETALIA SOMEWHERE I DON'T KNOW. AND HORRIBLE HISTORIES BACK TO ALLEVIATE THE PAIN

A/N: Nope, still as broke as i was ages ago.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 17

How much worse could it get?

"TONY I WANT A BENTO BOX FROM JAPAN!" Pepper was screaming from two floors above the lab, where Emma, Peter, Loki and Bruce sat cringing in horror. "IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK!?" Emma heard a smashing sound, hoping it wasn't one of her dalek mugs. They were limited edition.

"I know how _that_ feels" Loki muttered, coughing into his coffee.

"Pepper, Pepper calm down, OH MY GOD, PEPPER!" Tony must've ducked behind an over-turned table.

"Don't look at me, _I'm_ not salvaging their relationship" Bruce said "Seriously, at least it's not like yesterday"

"Yeah, she was seducing all of us" Peter cringed. Emma laughed, remembering Pepper being sultry around _her_ bloke. It was funny though, in all fairness, Tony was trying to not be raped.

"Loki, can't you just magic her or something?" Emma asked. "Or like, attempt to comfort her? Maybe we could get her a punching bag…"

"CLINT I WANT A HOT CHOCOLATE! AND A BLINI AND SOME GODDAMN BORSCHT!" Emma heard a gunshot and Natasha's harsh cursing in Russian

"Where did you say the bunker was?" Peter asked Bruce.

* * *

"Steve, I made cupcakes" Hela bought out several trays of chocolate cupcakes with red icing and silver sprinkles, and hid with them in the basement, flashlight on and carrying several piles of blankets. The basement was Bruce's 'panic room', but it was currently being used as a hide out.

"Thank god Stark Indsutries bought Tumblr instead of Yahoo." Emma sighed "I have brilliant connection and I got a free laptop, like it's cool" Emma said, typing up like mad

"So let me get this straight, we're hiding here for as long as possible?" Steve asked as he nommed on a cupcake.

"Oh yeah, only way we'll survive the apocalypse" Bruce said

"I still don't get why we're here?" Jane asked

"You and lady Betty were shopping" Thor explained "I heard it from the gym"

"Pepper was throwing things, Natasha was shooting at Clint." Emma explained quickly

"Shopping? Seriously?" Betty asked "We and Darcy were at Zumba lessons, and Sophie wanted to join."

"Zumba? You thought of making Sophie join Zumba?" Emma asked "I took her to one of my self-defence lessons, she beat the shit out of one of the punching bags"

"Oh." Steve said "You should've told me this before I beat her in a game of pool"

"Did she punch you?" Loki asked

"Yeah." Steve said sheepishly, biting another cupcake.

"Did you enjoy it?" Peter asked

"Yeah" Steve admitted "What?" he asked in defence "It was hot"

"Sure mate, _sure_" Emma grinned. "What do I do now? I mean, Stark's wandered off, I know not where, probably to hide"

"What were you doing prior to our hiding?" Thor asked

"Sorting through Tony's files and plans etc. There's a prototype for a virtual dresser, it can synthesise fabrics and polymers. It could create bandages and heal so much quicker than traditional methods. It could also revolutionize the clothing industry." Emma said enthusiastically "But guess where it ended up?"

"The dump?" Bruce asked

"Yeah, shame about it. I would take it as a hobby, but _nah"_ Emma said.

* * *

"Day 363, the terror continues" Emma muttered, huddled in an orange shock blanket with Loki, re-watching season 7 of Doctor Who.

"We've only been here for 5 hours" Jane said, confused

"Also, baked a soufflé. Very… new" Emma said

"You're quoting again, and you only quote when you're not mentally stable" Loki said worriedly

"Am I _ever_ mentally stable? You know, valid question" Emma asked. "Can we leave yet?"

"No" Steve said "I'm not going out there"

"We need _food_" Jane emphasised. "LOKI!"

"Cat form?" Loki asked tiredly

"Invisible?" Emma suggested "As long as you bring back pizza, we're happy"

* * *

Loki walked down the streets of New York, trying to avoid any notice, okay, so he'd shape-shifted into a cat, but he had to turn back into his self, best he could manage considering the fact he was too hungry to operate. Weaving in and out, past people, his worst nightmare happened.

"OH MY GOD LOKI!" someone shouted, several pterodactyl screeches were heard.

"Oh shit." Loki muttered, sprinting towards the pizza shop, he kept running, but realising the pizza people recognised him, he kept running, looking for somewhere, before he was violently tackled by two men and dragged into a car, that sped away.

"Sorry abou' tha'" A scottish accent said. Loki looked up, rubbing his bruised arm.

"I am _so_ glad my girlfriend isn't here." Loki muttered "A pleasure to meet you Mr Tennant."

"Loki, I believe we met at Tony and Pepper's wedding." Loki looked to the man to his left; Tom Hiddleston.

"Ah, lovely to see you again. And yet again glad my girlfriend isn't here." Loki said, wondering what Emma's reaction would be to see ¾ of the men she fantasised about (she hoped that included him), sitting in a car.

"Yes, violent attack of fangirls. We experience that, a lot. Though they _are_ a charming bunch, such lovely young ladies." Tom said, Loki doubted they were charming. They were, when they wanted to be, but having infiltrated Fangirl ranks, he knew that they would do anything to meet these men.

"Is that her now?" David asked, as his phone went off to the tune of 'I Can't Decide'

"Hello?" Loki asked

"I saw you being chased, fangirls filmed it for me, now, shut up, let me deduce the background music." Emma snapped "Car, 4 occupants, three in the back, one driver, busy Manhattan road, somewhere, otherwise _not a pizza shop"_

"If I were to tell you that I am sitting next to David Tennant and Tom Hiddleston, one on either side, in the back seat of a car, on the way to get Pizza, how would you react?"

"Um. WHAT!?" Emma shouted "Second, are you three fighting for leg space, seriously, no offence, you and Tom Hiddleston both sit like _whores_. And, as long as you get pizza, we're fine. Thing is, I think Natasha and Pepper are hunting down Tony and Clint, so we may not actually live."

"Things bad where you live?" Tom asked kindly

"Oh my god Tom Hiddleston" Emma said shocked through the speaker

"Two of the world's most dangerous women are pregnant." Loki said simply

"Ooh, tha' can't be too good."

"OH MY GOD DAVID TENNANT. YOU ACTUALLY WEREN'T SHITTING ME!" Emma shouted excitedly, he had to hold the i-phone a foot away from him

"Yes, calm down. I'm getting pizza, what do you want?"

"3 Pepperoni, 2 supreme, 2 extra- large all-meat pizzas, 2 cheese pizzas. And make sure they're all industrial-size, will you dear? Thor's eating with us, and that's just an apocalypse-situation on its own already. Not to mention we've run out of cupcakes. Sorry" she added apologetically. "Say hello to those two for me"

"Yes, of course dear, love you."

"Love you too." She hung up.

"I hear wedding bells." David said in a matter-of-fact tone

"Yes, send us wedding invitaions." Tom said

"That means I have three confirmed guests." Loki said delightedly

"Who is this other person, may I ask?" Tom asked

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Ahh." Tom and David said collectively

"He's brilliant" Tom said

"Wonderful." David added "Here are the pizzas, we'll drive you back to Stark Towers." The driver handed them the large boxes, driving off again.

"That really isn't necessary." Loki said

"We insist." Tom insisted

"Furthermore, do you really want to be chased down the streets of New York with boxes of pizza?" David asked.

"Yeah."

* * *

"Shut up, Laufeyson, we're watching Eurovision music videos." Emma said

"Isn't Eurovision to be scheduled later this week?" Loki asked, as he crouched back down with them, albeit with pizza. BUT SHE MET TOM HIDDLESTON AND DAVID TENNANT.

"WATERLOO, I WAS DEFEATED YOU WON THE WAR!" Bruce started as the chorus began

"WATERLOO, YOU PROMISED TO LOVE ME FOREVER MORE. WATERLOO COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED TO. WATERLOO, KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH YOU. WOOAHOOOAHOAH. WATERLOO, FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO." Everyone else joined in, Emma too, for good measure.

"I am _surrounded_ by idiots" Loki muttered, biting into his pizza

"Hey, just because we haven't found you a song yet" Bruce said, typing up another song into youtube.

"EUPHORIA! WE'LL MAKE IT TO THE END OF TIME" Jane started singing dramatically

"BACK TO THE DAYS WHEN YOU AND I. WE'RE GOING UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP." Emma sang back.

* * *

3 days later.

"Ugh, when will this be over?" Pepper wiped her mouth, after coming out of the adjoining bathroom from the communal kitchen.

"Soon." Loki said, gaining odd stares. "What?"

"Yeah, we don't talk about this, Laufeyson." Emma said, sipping on coffe. Natasha came out of the bathroom.

"Somebody just shoot me." Natasha said

"Wouldn't have an issue with that." Clint muttered under his breath. Natasha stared at him, before retching and walking back to the bathroom.

* * *

"Did she just drag us out to go baby shopping?" Emma asked Bruce, holding onto a clipboard. As PA she was force to tag along and buy with Tony and Pepper.

"Apparently I'm godfather, so I have to." Bruce said "What were you doing before this happened?"

"We were prepping up the bunk for longer times. We need to stop sneaking out to go to the bathroom. I told Tony, and he's installing bathrooms and flip-down beds. We're also getting stealth equipment and better Wi-Fi connection." Emma whispered "We're sorted for anything." Emma entered the store with Tony and Pepper, being greeted by an overly-cheerful 25 year-old.

"Hi! Welcome to Baby Emporium. I'm Stephanie, thank you for your reservation." She was a very chirpy woman, short and blonde with electrifying blue eyes.

"Reservation?" Emma asked Bruce

"This is like, the Tiffany's of Baby Shopping. You have to have a booking _just_ to be able to look around." Bruce explained "They also make really good cappuccinos." He added.

"Okay, first up on our list are baby furniture, we have the world's best bassinets and cribs." Stephanie said. Emma's head hurt, Stephanie was exactly like a chibi character, a Mary-Sue that spent too much time being bubbly.

"Pepper? Reckon it could do with spinning rims? I like spinning rims" Ton suggested, looking at one of the bassinets

"May as well add rocket boosters and an Iron Suit" Pepper said evenly

"No, that won't be necessary." Stephanie said, practically growling at "Have you seen our clothing range?" she said, diverting their attention. Emma wandered over, making notes of prices, knowing Pepper would change her mind.

"Do you want a coffee?" Bruce asked "I'm not going to want to see what happens next"

"Yeah, what the hell. I want a _Cinnabon_ cinnamon roll and maybe a grande latte." Emma said "Actually, just get me the strongest coffee there and add three sugar sachets. It's gonna take a lot to get me through Pepperony going baby shopping."

"Sure, I'll be at the café, pissing myself laughing." Bruce waved, as he went up the escalator. Emma moved to Tony and Pepper who were still debating over the gender of the baby.

"Hey, red's an androgynous colour. They're gonna love it. Or we can go with blue, blue's nice." Tony said, pulling out clothes.

"White's nice too." Pepper said.

"I don't want my kid looking like they live in an asylum." Tony said

"Red, white and blue. Sure this kid isn't Steve's?" Emma muttered to herself. " Look, it's mummy's maternity range." Emma said, pointing to the maternity wear.

"Your mum does the whole range, doesn't she?" Tony said appreciatively, pulling out a few dresses for Pepper.

"Dad's an architect, mum's a fashion designer." Emma said

"And you became a secret agent, way to rebel." Pepper laughed.

"Hey, I went undercover as a model once." Emma said, giving them one of her super-model pouts.

"Hey, look at you, ready to audition for Vogue." Tony said delightedly "If I ever need someone to get into Vogue for me, I'll call you up."

"Anyway… Are you people going to buy stuff, because I could be doing filing and organising meetings. I mean, Pepper you have a three o'clock, and Tony don't get me _started_ on your schedule."

"Okay, just don't rush us." Tony said "Pepper, should we test the flammability of the baby toys?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan" Pepper said brightly

"Swear to god, we're gonna get kicked out." Emma muttered,

* * *

"I am _never_ going shopping with them again." Emma said, eating the warm cinnamon roll Bruce handed her, as she sat in the front seat of Loki's sports car.

"I came as soon as Banner called. I hear it was pure torture?" Loki said slightly, Emma actually hadn't been in the garage yet, she had been saving up for a car, however. A really expensive sports car she wanted to name 'Precious'.

"Yeah, don't get me started when it came to the toys. Tony was being an absolute child, and Pepper was too. I don't think any of us are going to make it out alive."

"Speaking of alive, Romanoff and Barton were recounting for me the events of a certain London Mission?" Emma stared at Loki who was looking absolutely perfect right now, with his sunglasses, dress shirt and waistcoat. She hated being unable to hit him, because he just oozed charm.

"Well…"

_"Bond, what do you want now?" Emma asked_

_"You see, we have intelligence that…"_

_"Of course you have intelligence, sometimes I doubt it" Emma snapped "What's so important to drag me away from Doctor Who? Dude, no one does this."_

_"It's a matter of life, death and the Queen."_

_"Yeah, okay, just let me finish an episode of Doctor Who first." Emma said "Calm your tits."_

_"Yes, and we have two SHIELD representatives here." Bond pointed out "This is Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton from SHIELD, they're here as part of the mission."_

_"Wait, I'm doing a field mission?" Emma asked_

_"Yes, it's time you stopped over-analysing things." Bond replied. Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton will be next door to de-brief you. You are dismissed, Agent Sherlock."_

"Oh, well, that's a little less glamorous than they made it sound." Loki admitted.

"Yeah, but it was a hard one. I mean, it was only my second mission. Anyway, I thought we were going home, you missed the turning…"

"Oh, Fury decided to call all of us up for team training." Loki explained, pointing to the gym bag sitting on the back seat. "I bought you clothes too." Emma took out her bun and began to brush it into a sleek ponytail, her brush becoming tangled on her curls.

"Hahaha, team training, I usually like it." Emma laughed, taking out her dangly earrings.

* * *

"Okay, you three know the drill." Fury said through the speaker.

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" Loki asked, opening the door of the adjoining room. From his room, he could see whatever she, Natasha and Clint were doing, through the double-sided mirror. Natasha couldn't be as violent as usual, the she was allowed to do was fire bullets while wearing a special pregnancy-protective suit.

"Yeah." Emma said, placing on protective glasses, her hands gripping both the katanas tightly, as she tensed into position.

"Holmes, on your mark. 3, 2, 1." Fury called. Emma turned to her right to deflect a bullet with her left, pausing. Clint fired an arrow, she ducked in an arch and sliced it in half. It got faster as Natasha fired two bullets and Clint fired more arrows. Emma deflected them, the metal noises getting much louder as she violently deflected more bullets. It was rather easy, just a timing issue, she felt like she was lagging like windows internet explorer. Soon she was up to round ten, she knew how this would roll, bullets faster than ever, and permission to move from the demon trap Coulson drew on the floor (it was supposed to be just a circle, but Clint and Coulson decided it was better to be safer than sorry. She was just hoping that team Freewill would rock up).

"Round ten." Fury called. Emma leaped lightly off the floor, twisting to the side as Natasha fired three bullets at her, she deflected them, pouncing off the wall as they began to assault her, she kept moving, as she deflected or dodged bullets, sometimes making the bullets ricochet back at Natasha.

* * *

Loki was biting the edge of his fingers, watching Emma in training was the scariest thing he had ever sat through. It wasn't the fact she was scary, it was the fact that he was scared that at any false move, she could die. He knew the uniforms were bulletproof, but it still made him feel very nervous. Barton had begun to fire his arrows, and he was gripping the edge of the window sill. His breath caught in his throat as an arrow barely grazed her, as she bent backwards, then snapping back up to slice an on-coming arrow in half.

"Hello, watching training?" Steve wandered in with his shield. "Wow, never seen her do a level 10."

"You've seen her train before?" Loki asked, wondering why in Odin's name he'd never been asked.

"Yeah, she never lets you watch because, how does she put it?" Steve cleared his throat and performed a flawless Emma impression. "Steve, the poor man would piss himself in fear, I mean, seriously, I turn the stove on, and he decides he'll cook instead and can't risk anything, honestly. Sweet lamb, really."

"Nice impression." Loki said in fairness. "Shame we won't be able to train with Romanoff with her pregnancy."

"It means Emma can take her place." Steve said happily. Loki raised a brow.

"Why do you seem to disclude me from your agreements? I _am_ part of the team"

"You would've objected. Anyway, she doesn't know. Emma's been asked before to join the Avengers." Steve explained "She was telling me about it, she said that she could trust me because everyone else would blabber on and on. So, Fury came up to her after the android incident and asked her if she wanted to formally join. She declined."

"Why?" Loki asked, genuinely puzzled "She's strong, determined, and bloody talented."

"She's never been the most confident, and that's saying something considering me." Steve said "Anyway, she likes spending time in the lab, planning to take over the world. If you ever need a partner- in -crime, I'm sure she'll sign up for 50% of the credit."

"Okay" Loki said, opening the door "Are you done yet dear? Because frankly, you're scaring the _shit_ out of me."

"Oh, honey, you haven't even _seen_ my party trick yet." Emma said "Fury, we're doing level 11."

"Barton and Romanoff, on your mark." Fury called from the loft. Loki watched as Emma took a chair from the corner and sat down, as Natasha tied her up, furthermore blindfolding her.

"Emma, what in the name of sanity do you think you're doing?" Loki called "DO NOT DO THIS"

"Pfft." Emma said, blowing back a stray strand of hair. Loki closed the door as several shield agents converged on her. She began, one by one, to defeat the four, as she dodged bullets and arrows blindfolded, before breaking the chair, getting up from the floor she began to deflect bullets and arrows, slicing at Natasha and the SHIELD agents, his mouth dropped open as a she didn't miss a single bullet or arrow, managing to slice two bullets in one go, both swords making loud, rhythmic noises. He could now see why Fury had asked her to sign on, and he knew very well why she declined. As soon as she finished he sunk into the seat, barely able to form words as she carelessly entered the room.

"Nice session." Emma remarked, before planting a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

"No way, Stark." Emma said, running into the lab, sitting on the bench with them.

"Never knew you liked Horrible Histories." Bruce said, Peter slung down from the loft and they began to watch a re-run of Season 5.

"Kill me know. You lot referenced and parodied, Harry Potter, Twilight-hate and Sherlock parody." Emma said rapidly "Swear to god this show is wasted on kids."

"SIMON AND GARFUNKEL!" Bruce stressed

"OH MY GOD DO WE EVEN GET STARTED ON MATT BAYNTON. I HAVE A DUDE-CRUSH ON HIM!" Peter added.

"Matt Baynton." Emma muttered dreamily.

"League of Gentlemen" Tony drooled.

* * *

Okay guys, thanks, longer chapter than last considering what happened there. Anyway, feel free to review and and say whatever the hell you like. You guys are cool. I make gifs now, making gifs is cool. Love you people and feel free to follow me on tumblr : consulting-timelord-of-mischief


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: Woohoo, exams over and all i've got left to hand in is my drama costume design. Anyway, didn't get to go to the doctor who pop-up store in sydney. But i did see the stuff at Vivid. it was cool, okay.

Now, this chapter is set out mostly in Loki's POV, we see Emma's family and well, someone died. i'm sorry.

Disclaim: I OWN NOOOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 18

Serious medical emergency

"Holmes, Emma." The Doctor called her into the medical ward she and the others had been waiting in. "Mr Stark wishes to see you."

"Swear to god Pepper." Emma sighed, looking at the pregnant woman in the corner.

"I'm sorry, he called me _fat"_ Pepper began to grossly sob on a dangerously looking Natasha.

"He _didn't_." Emma sighed. "And Natasha, what have you got to say for yourself?"

"I promise not to use one of my guns." She muttered. Emma nodded and entered the room.

"Tony. How are you?" Emma asked, glancing at the pile of stuff next to his bed.

"Fine, be in hospital for a while, though. Temporarily paralysed." Tony said "Take the month off, it's covered. Take the plane to London with Loki and relax."

"Okay, should I be suspicious of your motives?" Emma asked, looking at Stark. "Am I sensing assassins?"

"No, just a holiday. And you need to stop showing me all those blueprints, seriously, it's hard enough as it is." Tony sighed. "Anyway, you lot have fun, tell Pepper I forgive her, and tell pigeon over there to lock away the weapons."

"Will that be all Mr Stark?" Emma asked, jotting down those notes

"Yes, Miss Holmes."

"Cool, get better so I can keep making fun of you."

* * *

_How To Successfully Propose to your Girlfriend: By Loki Laufeyson_

_Step 1: Board jet to London_

"One whole _month_ without Stark. It's like a lifetime." Emma remarked on the Jet.

"Isn't it just, now." Loki said "Where shall we visit first?"

"Hmm, my parents can be further down on the itinerary I suppose. I guess you'd like to visit all the historical sites, Baker Street, Pall Mall?"

"Wouldn't I?" Loki asked as if it were obvious.

_Step 2: Try to stop your girlfriend from wandering off. (And I thought I was bad)_

"Look, the Sherlock Holmes pub!" Emma pointed out "Haven't been there in _ages"_

"I thought we were checking into the hotel?" Loki asked "It's about 11:00 pm, and as you put it: We are _not_ going past the estate"

"Okay, _fine_" Emma relented. "To be honest, Chav-central isn't the greatest place to hang out"

_Step 3: Phone Babysitter and ask how daughter is coping._

"Hello, Loki?" Mary asked, she and Hela were huddled up together in the bunker so they could have a non-stop marathon of Hetalia.

"I was wondering as to Hela's condition"

"She's fine, everyone's fine. I made cookies" she added brightly

"Is she behaving?" Loki asked. Mary looked over to Hela who was happily eating some of the cinnamon and apple cookies she had baked.

"She is. She hasn't killed anyone yet." Mary replied "Hope everything goes to plan. That ring looks fabulous."

"Yes, and tell Barton, Rogers and Banner that they should expect a call from me anytime this week."

"Sure, I'll try not to let SHIELD agents trash the place while decorating your 'surprise' engagement party."

_Step 4: Casually take her to see her parents. Try not to get killed by soon-to-be father-in-law and brothers-in-law_

"Lestrade, John." Emma walked over to hug them "Lovely to see you boys."

"Emma, I'm married." Greg pointed out.

"Have you seen mum and dad?" Emma asked.

"Oh, you bought _him_ along." John said, looking at Loki. Loki felt reasonably hurt by this. "No, I'm kidding, lovely to see you mate."

"Oh." Loki said. Those mortals, he could understand why Emma was 'so 500% done with them'

"Mum and Dad are upstairs with Lucas and flower-pot." Lestrade said gravely. "Emma, Charlotte died." Loki looked at Emma, who could barely stand up, he caught her as she began to cry, her breath staggered and unable to form any words.

"No, no she's not dead." Emma protested.

_Extra step: Comfort her, her best friend died._

"I'm so sorry." Loki said, trying to soothe her, his v-neck shirt getting wet from her slow river of tears.

"She's not dead Laufeyson, she's absolutely not _dead_."

"We know." Greg said softly.

"How do Lucas and Daisy fair?" Loki asked delicately

"Distraught. Charlotte was great. Flower doesn't understand her mother won't be home. It's hard to explain it to a three-year-old." John said.

"Boys?" Loki looked up to see Emma's mother come down the staircase.

"Mrs Holmes." Loki addressed her.

"Loki, ah, thank you for taking care of Emma, she must've just found out." Her mother said sympathetically. "Do you want to see Lucas? He's been asking for you."

"Y-yeah." Emma said as bravely as she could. Loki let her go. "No, c-come w-with me."

"Of course." Loki said, helping her up the stairs. "Emma?"

"I-I'm fine" Emma stuttered, before taking a gulp of air, he kept one arm around her arms comfortingly.

"Mr Holmes." Loki said, as the door opened.

"Emma, Loki." He said gravely. "Lucas is in here with Daisy if you want to see them."

"Yeah." Emma said. Loki entered the room with her, shutting the door behind her. Daisy toddled over to Loki, gripping his leg, he had never seen the little girl look so sad before, and it hurt him, it was like he'd failed as a father all over again.

"Will my mummy be coming back?" Daisy asked. "She promised."

"She promised all of us." Lucas said. Loki looked at him, and his eyes looked so forlorn and lost that he looked like he would shatter into a million pieces at any second. If only he knew whether Asgard mourned for him as such. "She left knowingly on a suicide mission. She left you this." Lucas handed Emma a slightly bulging envelope, and she placed it in her bag.

"I'll take Daisy outside, you two can talk." Loki said, scooping up the little girl. "Again, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." Lucas muttered softly.

_Step 5: Take her for a coffee and take her on some retail therapy. You love her, remember you'll be there for her._

"I can't believe it." Emma said quietly. "She promised to be back."

"There's nothing you can do." He said tenderly. "I know you've been saving up for those Jimmy Choo heels for a while, consider it an early birthday present."

"No, it's fine." She protested, sipping more coffee.

"Here." Loki handed her the bag, she pulled out the heels and smiled somewhat.

"You really didn't have to."

"I can't bear to see you looking so sad. It hurts too much." Loki said

"Worse than Banner smashing you?"

"Worse." Loki admitted. "Now, where was the woman so excited to take the train to Paris tomorrow? Okay?"

"Okay." she replied. "Wait, did you just get me to try to quote The Fault In Our Stars?"

"Yes. Now, I believe there is a pub at Brighton called the Mash Tun…"

"Are they holding a theme night?" Emma asked

"Yes, according to my sources, next week. Twenties themed, perhaps you can go as a flapper?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." She said.

_Step 6: call friends (friends? I don't have friends) and ask for help_

"Hey, Lokester." Tony was being insufferable "How are plans?"

"Do I, or do I not follow through with Mission Moffat?"

"Why? I think it's a good idea"

"There's a pub that holds occasional theme nights, it's Twenties night tomorrow and I'm considering…"

"No."

"Stark, I always value your opinion, but just this once, will you please allow me to speak?"

"No, she'll be hammered" Tony said "I mean, Twenties night? You'll be drinking bathtub gin."

"Yes, thank you for your input. May I talk to Rogers, I may be able to talk to an intelligent midgardian if I do."

"Yeah. Stevie-boy, Reindeer Games wants you."

"Loki?" Steve asked

"Okay, do I follow through with Mission Moffat or not?"

"Moffat, she'll be crying all over you and saying yes." Steve determined

"Yes, thank you for your advice Steve."

_Step 7: While away the rest of the trip, admittedly, most of it is actually really fun, polish ring before going to bed every night and place it under the highest security known to all the nine-realms. Then pluck up courage to take her out at midnight to the rooftop of St Barts, with flasks of tomato soup and orange blankets._

_(Step 6.5: Pay hospital to let you on the roof for a good couple of hours, apologise for the inconvenience, bribe with pudding.)_

"You didn't just take me out to the roof of St Barts?" Emma asked, as he took off the blindfold and offered her a flask of tomato soup. "I feel like I should be quoting Moriarty right now."

"Feel free, by all means" Loki replied, nervously fingering the TARDIS ring box in his suit jacket. They had been dressed to the nines because they had just come back from a ballet (La Fille mal Gardee) and he had surprised her by taking her up to the rooftop.

"Haha." Emma laughed. It was the first time he'd heard her laugh in a while since her friend had died.

"Anyway, thought this would be much better than a candle-lit dinner." He said casually, trying to think up of the best way to put this…

"Of course it would be. I mean…. _People_" Emma pointed out "You have to talk to people."

"Haha, of course." They spent their time in some silence, talking here, quiet there, enjoying the view of London at night. "Emma?"

"Hmm?"

"Ever wondered what it must've been like to be John at the street, watching Sherlock about to jump?"

"What sort of cruel question is that? Unfortunately it's crossed my mind" Emma said "Why?"

"Put it this way, that's only a tiny piece of how I would feel if you don't answer this." Loki cleared his throat and pulled out the small TARDIS ringbox. He looked at Emma, and she looked as if she were internally screaming.

"I-is… is that a?"

"Emma Sherlock Holmes, will you marry me?"

* * *

Emma wasn't able to process that, the only thing she knew was that he mouth was hanging unattractively open. She looked from the beautiful white-gold ring with a large sapphire, pear-cut and surrounded by a cloud of diamonds and emeralds, to Loki, who was looking very nervous.

"Are-y. Y-. You're k-kidding, right?"

"No, not in the least. Now, quick reminder, I'm on the roof of St Bart's, I could jump off at any time…"

"Don't, don't do that." Emma said, her hand trembling as he moved towards the edge. "Yes, I'll marry you."

"What?" he looked genuinely shocked for a second

"I'll marry you, just don't jump off the building. FOR GOD'S SAKE LAUFEYSON, THIS ISN'T SUBURBAN SHOOTOUT!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes" Emma repeated, laughing. Loki slipped the ring on her finger and she pulled him into a kiss under the moonlight. Okay, so it was a tad cliché, but in all fairness, it was on the roof of St Barts. If only Johnlock or Sherlolly would become canon this way.

* * *

"Hello?" Sophie picked up her phone, trying not to wake up Steve, who was sleeping with his arm around her waist. "Emma what do you wa-" Sophie nearly dropped her phone. "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?"

"WHAT!?" Steve asked Sophie, suddenly alert. Sophie covered the receiver "She said yes?"

"You knew?" Sophie asked at the same time "Emma, quiet down, I think I just woke up the entire city."

"Oh my god, she said yes?" Bruce threw open her bedroom door, followed by Betty, Jane, Thor, Pepper, Clint and Natasha.

"Yeah." Sophie said. "Okay, yeah, just chill, enjoy the rest of your holiday."

"Oh my god she's getting married." Jane said, plopping herself on the end of the bed.

"I'm getting a sister-in-law!" Thor beamed, Sophie couldn't help conceal a grin at the overly-excited God.

"Can we spare a moment to imagine their kids?" Pepper said

"They'd have the facial structure of a god and the intellect of a genius." Betty pointed out.

"Oh my god, it's finally canon." Clint muttered over and over again.

* * *

"You'll be fine." Emma ushered Loki into the room with her brother and parents.

"No, no I will _not_ be fine."

"Bye." Emma pecked his cheek and slammed the door shut.

"So, you're marrying our sister." Loki was pretty sure that one was Greg Lestrade Holmes.

"Yeah, our _sister._" Loki was also pretty sure that his twin was called John Hamish.

"Mate, do you have _any idea_ in what you're getting into?" Lucas asked incredulously.

"Loki, I raised her, you don't _understand_" her father emphasised

"So do I have permission or not to marry her, because you do realise she owns several sharpened swords…"

"You have our permission, it's just sort of a…." Lucas was at loss for a word "Forewarning"

"Oh yeah, hurt her and you die." Greg added

"A slow and very painful death, I don't care if you're a god or some shit-" John was cut off

"John" his father said

"Shit, you're going to die." He said dangerously. Loki felt violated, it wasn't very fair at all.

"I swear by every constellation in the nine realms, I will never harm her." Loki said genuinely, feeling very under pressure.

"We know, we just wanted to make sure." Mr Holmes said "By the way, feel free to call me dad, or Richard. My Emma told me your father was a bit of a douche bag."

"_Dad_" John said

"Fine, on-par with Denethor and Tom Riddle Sr"

"Better." John agreed.

"It's more of a major-cultural-misunderstanding." Loki said

* * *

"Mum, seriously." Emma was practically strapped into the chair and her hands burning on a cup of peppermint tea. She didn't even _like_ peppermint tea.

"Now, as much as I would _love_ to design your wedding dress. I have my dear friend Vera Wang on the line. I'm sure Alexander McQueen would like to take this up, they owe me one…."

"Mum, calm down." Emma said "_I'm_ the one getting married, remember?"

"Yes, quite right. Have you got the entourage sorted out, dates?"

"Well, if Charlotte was still here…." Emma looked at her photograph on the mantelpiece. Lucas and Charlotte's wedding. She wasn't there, she was somewhere getting killed. "Anyway, Sophie, Sophie would be great. Daisy and Hela-"

"Hela?"

"Step-daughter. Actually, I've got quite a few." Emma said in realisation. "Anyway. Jane and Tash would make great bridesmaids because I know Loki'll want Thor, Steve and Barton."

"Venue?"

"I dunno, it'll be near Christmas, because of sentimental reasons…" Emma was bombarded with a million more questions, she just wanted to pass out on the kitchen seat and watch re-runs of Supernatural.

* * *

_Step 8: After succeeding, surviving her parents/siblings, supporting her through everything. Feel nice, I mean, it was only a couple of years ago when you were attempting to take over New York. Who knew a woman would be your downfall? Furthermore, enjoy the time you have left together… sometimes (near)immortality is a curse._

"Emma?" Loki poked the poor woman to see if she was awake. They were on the flight in Tony's Plane, back to New York. "I bought food"

"Ugh." Emma groaned, turning over in her seat so she could sit up and eat food. "Why is it so _cold?_"

"Cold?" Loki asked "Honestly, it's fine, a bit warm if you ask me"

"Says the frost giant" she muttered as she ate her two-minute noodles. "If you're comfortable, I'll just sit here and freeze to death while wrapped in about 3 layers of clothing and blankets." She said. "Anyway, other than Thor, have you told anyone yet?"

"Nope." Loki said, fingers crossed behind his back.

* * *

"Okay guys, banners over there." Steve was directing the SHIELD and Avengers to decorate the function room.

"Where did you want me?' Bruce asked suggestively

"Dude, I thought you were married to Tony?" Clint laughed

"Woah, I'm worried because _I'm_ married to Tony and carrying his child" Pepper said jokingly.

"What is this about me?" Tony walked into the room. Everyone froze. No one knew he would be coming out today, he was supposed to be in ICU for another couple of weeks. "Why are we throwing a party?"

"Oh…" Thor started sheepishly

"Well…. It's not for you." Jane started bravely

"It's a bit more complicated." Sophie coughed.

"Cough, Emma and Loki are engaged, cough" Betty said.

"What!?" Tony asked, before fainting.

* * *

Haha, thanks for reading.

I HAD TO DANCE WITH GUYS YESTERDAY OH MY GOD. 100+ NOT HOT GUYS AND IT'S INTERNALLY KILLING ME. Some of them were nice, a lot of them trod on my feet, and i asked one guy *cough*: You must be ned stark's bastard. anyway, he laughed and asked if i watched game of thrones.

Okay, so, interactive bit, anyone feel like suggesting a shitload of baby names? I will credit whoever picks the best ones, because i can't think of any to name Pepper or Tash's kids.

So yeah, place in le review box and i love replying to all you beautiful people


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: WOOOOO EXAMS ARE SO TOTALLY OVER. FULL MARKS IN ENGLISH and totally failed maths. okay, so math isn't my division.

made a pun, and a reference, geddit? no, okay.

So, latest chapter, um, there is extra content down the bottom entitled: Emma's Notes- 10 times i shouldn't have walked in on Tony Stark

So anyway, disclaim: I own nothing and i can't sing.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 19

An Expected Party

"Emma?" Emma stirred, finding herself asleep on Loki's lap and wrapped in millions of blankets. "I took the liberty of braiding your hair" Emma jerked up, running to the mirror of the jet to check her reflection.

"Wow, I am genuinely impressed." Emma said, looking at the two drench braids that met together in a low chignon bun at the back. "I can never get the left side. And are you using your 'magical-asgardian-hairspray' on this?" Emma remarked.

"It's not 'magical-asgardian-hairspray'" Loki replied in an exaggerated way. "it's magic."

"Sure… Jane showed me photos of when you were in prison. Dude, you didn't even _comb your hair"_

"Odin never left me a brush" he protested. "Anyway, where do you feel like having dinner?"

"At home." Emma said truthfully "Really, all I feel like is pizza right now. Pizza and tea."

"Whatever you want" Loki grinned, before smirking. Emma cottoned on, winking.

* * *

"Stark" Banner called over from one of the tables "Their flight just landed."

"Do we call it?" Natasha asked, waiting for orders

"Yeah, taste of their own medicine." Tony said evilly. "Tell Barton I suggest the darts."

"Barton, we have the all-clear, over." Natasha said, pinning back a curl as she walked briskly to the door.

* * *

"Wonder if anyone has found out yet" Emma muttered to Loki, as she eyed the paparazzi that seemed to gather around the exit of the airport…. "Oh"

"Shit" Loki finished for her. "On the count of three-"

"Run" Emma whispered as they attempted to silently run away.

* * *

Clint was among the 'paparazzi', they were all SHIELD agents who were 'in' on the plan. Crowd them, dart the two, cart them away and hope for the best. Personally, he was scared considering the engagement present he and Tash had gotten the two. In all fairness, they would both be delighted, at least he didn't get them what _Stark_ did. He tried to keep up with the crowd as he ran towards the pair, _damn_ they were fast. They were nearly there, give it a sec-

"Miss Holmes" one reporter called. Clint nearly face palmed as he looked at Emma's glower. _The press didn't even know Emma and Loki were a thing_. Well, the fangirls did, but they were all issued free laptops to shut up about it. And they'd done well.

"What do you _want?_" She asked dangerously. She was scary on a good day, let alone pissing her off. Clint weaved to the front and inserted the small dart into the back of her neck, she slowly collapsed. Loki looked terrified, crouching down to see if he could revive her. Clint took the opportunity to stab Loki with the stunning-serum as he knelt down frantically. Loki was really tall, okay, and Clint wasn't exactly short.. but. He wasn't saying he was _short_… he was saying that he was _short_.

"Okay guys, move." He ordered the agents, admiring the ring on Emma's pale fourth finger. "Tash, sweetie, what does the bastard want?"

"He's wondering on how it's going. Also, is she pregnant? Because Tony's doing calculation stuff"

"No, she isn't" Clint said "Pretty damn confident. What calculations?"

"He won't tell me" Natasha sighed. "Anyway… how was your day honey?"

"Fine." Clint said, blushing at the endearment. "A few people I had to chase down and potentially kill, other than that, thanks for the lunch you packed me dear."

"Aww, you're just saying that so I don't kill you while you sleep." Natasha said flattered.

"No, your sandwiches were great!" Clint reassured her. He had to keep it in line, no sass, she was moody right now. "I like salami and cheese"

"Okay, I'll see you at the party." Natasha said hanging up.

"Agent Barton, they've both been subdued for 5 minutes." The agent on watch said

"Good. Take them to the undisclosed location"

"You mean Stark's?" the agent asked "Yeah. MOVE OUT." The agent called over his shoulder.

* * *

Emma woke up in the van, blindfolded and hands tied up in-front of her in a zip-tie. She bought up her knee and took a deep breath, both hands were thrust upon her knee, as if she wanted to slice it open, and the zip-tie broke. But she didn't have all control, she couldn't force herself up or talk for that instance, there was something keeping her from communicating or escaping. Whoever did this must've thought it out well, because she broke from the zip-tie, but couldn't do anything else. She felt a prick at the back of her neck and a moan from beside her.

_'Loki'_ she thought _'damn, swear to Moffat, when I find out who did this… i-'_ she was stopped from further thought as the van halted to a stop. Normally she'd be able to figure out the location, but she had no idea for how long she'd blacked out for, thus she couldn't eliminate places from the twists and turns and stops (to just be able to _calculate_ all that took years of training) (and experience of being locked up in the boot of a car on multiple occasions).

She could see some light through the bottom of the blind-fold, not enough to give her any-information though. She could feel the effect of the prick in the back of her neck now, she was slowly able to move her mouth and legs.

"OH GODS!" she heard Loki shout "WHERE IN ODIN'S NAME AM I?" he asked

"L-Loki?" Emma asked, her voice slurred as she struggled to move her tongue. "Where am I" she said, this time _not_ referencing Doctor Who. What if she was trapped inside an internet cloud!? She was _screwed_, if she was. She felt hands pulling her up to her feet, a ring on one of the fingers, a cut on someone's hand, a scar on another's. The cut on the hand felt old, scabbed, within the space of a month. She wasn't here. The ring, she could probably guess. It felt heavy, so that ruled out Tash or any of the married SHIELD agents she knew; leaving Pepper, Tony or Maria Hill. Revving of a car in the background, faint enough for her to hear over din of New York traffic. Was that Lola? Coulson's car… ooh, she was on fire today wasn't she. Back to the ring, judging by the hand, soft and not-very calloused. That left Pepper. So what was Pepper, Coulson and she guessed everyone else want with- oh. She was being kidnapped for a-

"Surprise!" the blindfold was whipped from her eyes as she looked in shock at the large crowd. Very large crowd. OKAY SO ALL OF THE FUCKING HUGE FUNCTION ROOM AT STARK TOWER WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE. At least they were all dressed nicely.

"You must be Ned Stark's Bastard." Emma said menacingly to Tony

"Ah." He said, anyway "CONGRATS ON THE SEX" he said loudly, before throwing a party popper at her.

"Okay" she and Loki mouthed in unison. "Awkward"

* * *

Emma sat with everyone else after the party had ended. She wasn't saying that Tom Hiddleston was there…. But she was sure that Tom Hiddleston was there.

"You guys sure you want to watch the disappointment on our faces when we open the gifts?" Emma asked, looking at the mound of presents. If this was the engagement party, she was scared to see the pile for the wedding in December. Considering she was such a bitch at times, and that, hey, friendly reminder, Loki was at one point an evil villain

"Yeah, though we're sure you'll like them" Sophie said confidently. Emma and Loki both picked up a relatively heavy present each and began to open them.

"Congratulations, Clint and Tash" Loki read, carefully opening the silver wrapping. Emma looked at the couple in question, who looked eager to see their reactions. Loki's fingers caressed the silver claps of the large, black, velvet holding case, and her breath caught in her throat. She _knew_ what that was, she watched attentively while Loki slowly flipped the lid of the rectangular box open.

"Oh my god." Emma said softly, gently taking out one of the tanto knives. They were a set of 7, every colour of the rainbow. Colourful tanto knives. Totally her division.

"Best." Loki started

"Present. Ever." Emma finished.

"Wait 'till you see mine" Tony coughed. Emma kept going through the presents. A lot of them actually, were weapons, in all fairness, now she had three apache revolvers and another katana. Not to mention a few new heels and a pair of leather gloves.

"Stark, do explain these…" Loki held a small envelope. Cream, a little bit bulky. Emma hoped it was money, let it be money. He slit it open quickly and took out three sets of keys.

"You-you" Emma began

* * *

Tony opened the door of the garage, everyone else trailing behind. Emma could barely walk, as she realised what the keys were for.

"Okay, Jaguar for Loki" Tony tossed him the keys and pointed to the car in the corner with a large, green bow. "Porsche for Emma" Emma caught the keys. "And you won't believe what this one's for." Tony ran to the side and wheeled a rectangular box into the centre. She knew those dimensions _oh so well_.

"TARDIS?" Emma asked shock, as she observed the large box covered in a sheet.

"Just wait till you open it." Emma walked up to it, and with a quick tug, she pulled off the grey sheet to reveal a perfect replication of the latest Doctor's TARDIS. "Is this like, something I need to bring to my wedding, or some shit?" Emma asked

"I suppose it would fit all the criteria. And hey, TARDIS. TARDISes are _cool_" Clint said fairly, yet again "I mean, it's something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue".

"Okay, so this is the key, right?" Emma asked, twisting the small key and pulling the doors to open, she had closed her eyes, not wanting to see as she opened the doors. Then, her heart beating she count to three. "OH MY FUCKING GOD."

"Stark, you seriously made it….." Natasha said dazed.

"IT'S BIGGER ON THE INSIDE" Clint shouted

"SMALLER ON THE OUTSIDE" Emma shouted at the same time.

"What is this sorcery?" Loki asked, looking in disbelief. Emma ran into the room, it was actually bigger, like seriously bigger.

"Tony, you just broke Physics." Pepper said angrily

"Fury, we're gonna need help, Stark just made physics his bitch" Natasha said into her Bluetooth, running out the door. Emma pulled on levers, even though the central column worked (it was the Pond-era TARDIS, complete with glass floor), it actually didn't travel through all of space and time.

"Hey, before you confiscate it, let me explain you a thing" Tony said

"I never knew you had a Tumblr?" Emma said, shrugging, internally laughing at the use of slang

"Swiggity Swing, what is the thing?" Bruce asked

"Plot twist." Emma muttered

"Okay, you can change the TARDIS theme, so if you're going for a retro vibe." Tony twiddled with a few knobs and it became a white interior, similar to the 4th Doctor's era. "Or, you know. I can make people cry with this room" Tony twiddled some other buttons, and it became the 10th Doctor's TARDIS. Emma looked around the room, the memories of, well, pain.

"Nope." Emma said, walking out of the TARDIS before any more pain.

* * *

Emma sipped more of her caramel latte. Apparently while she was gone, Tony had installed a food court on one of the lower levels. Yeah, a food court. Forget the fact that the place was already swarming with workers who worked for Stark Industries on the lower levels, there was a FUCKING FOOD COURT. In all fairness, the caramel latte was absolutely gorgeous. Emma walked into the lab to find Tony, Bruce and Loki all bent over a table.

"Do he got a booty?" Tony asked, not looking up. Emma peered cheekily at Loki's round arse.

"He doooo." Emma laughed. "Did Fury seriously burn the TARDIS?" Emma asked

"Yeah." Tony said sadly.

"Fuck, it's like season 4 of Doctor Who all over again." Emma muttered, taking a large swig of her caramel latte. "Again, you freaking broke Physics, like, how is that even possible?"

"Magic" Loki suggested

"Sorcery" Bruce hissed like Uther would in Merlin

"Actually, it was a pretty simple equation. I mean, _pfft_." Tony said "I was half-comatose for God's sake"

"Dear_ lord_" Emma muttered, placing the bag of to-go cinnabon cinnamon rolls on the table. "Okay, remind me again, why you even built a food-court in the first place?"

"First off, the staff needed new facilities. And two, because it's a discreet way for me not to have to cope with Pepper or Natasha's mood swings and cravings."

"Oh." Emma said, drawing upon that conclusion too. "That's actually pretty smart."

"Genius, remember? Broke physics."

"And had all your paperwork burnt on that." Bruce reminded.

"Yeah." Tony admitted "Forgot most of it as well. Amnesia serums were injected in me, so I would forget the entire period that I worked on it"

"Wow, pretty damn thorough." Emma said impressed

"I wonder if it could make us all forget his existence." Loki said thoughtfully, making Bruce and Emma laugh.

"Wouldn't suppose it'd hurt" Emma said in and between here laughter. "Anyhow, what's going on?"

"We are…" Tony flicked through blue prints "Showing Loki Hela's finished room for whenever she stays, and the nurseries."

"Let me guess, spinning rims, I'm sensing spinning rims" Emma said, doing a telepathic guesture thing.

"Well, safety precautions. If one of us drops the baby, at least we have JARVIS to catch it in time"

"That's…" Bruce began

"Strange" Emma and Loki said in unison.

"GEEEEET THE HEEEEEELLLLL AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE" they heard Steve shouting from the end of the hall.

"I _am_ the ruler of hell, you idiot" Hela snapped. "So if you would _like_ me to reveal your plan, I suggest a payment"

"Your daughter, she's cool." Emma said to Loki

"Definitely your kid" Tony said to Loki "Sass"

"Hela, leave the poor man alone" Loki said, exiting the room to reprimand his daughter "Rogers hasn't done anything to you…"

"You seriously said yes?" Bruce asked her

"Yeah" Emma said

"Like, you can't take this back, I'm holding this to you. You actually _agreed_ to marry him!?" Bruce said "That's like…."

"What?" Emma asked, eyebrow raised and sipping on more caramel latte.

"May the odds be ever in your favour" Tony said simply

"Okay, look, does anyone want coffee? I'm going back down to get another latte before I actually start going through your shit." Emma asked "I mean, I found a freaking death ray plan in there… Dated 198-"

"We don't talk about my high school phase" Tony said, waving and airy hand in the air

"Why? Mean Girls?" Emma asked

"Who are the Avengers?" Bruce asked in an over-exaggerated voice

"They're superhero royalty" Emma said in an American accent

"That's Bruce Banner." Bruce said "He's the angriest guy you'll ever meet"

"What, what are we doing?" Loki asked, walking in the room

"Mean girls Avengers style" Tony said really quickly

"Tony Stark, he's so rich because his father practically invented modern warfare" Emma added

"And evil takes a human form in Thor Odinson." Loki said in an American accent. Since when did he watch mean girls?

"He knows everything about everyone" Loki said to Bruce, grabbing his shoulder and pointing him in Thor's direction, who had unfortunately walked into the room

"That's why his hair is so big, it's full of secrets." Emma said

"Boo you whore" Thor said in an American accent, before leaving the room and taking a long draught of his coffee.

"This is Steve, he's too gay to function." Tony laughed

"I'm not a regular PA, I'm a cool PA" Emma snorted "Anyhow, have you seen Mary? Last time I talked to her, Hela was chasing her with a wand…"

"I think Fury assigned her to guarding Tom Hiddleston's ass, to stop you from stalking him, or any of the fangirls for that reason" Tony said truthfully

"You probably shouldn't have done that…" Emma said slowly, checking her tweets and her tumblr.

* * *

"I'm terribly sorry dear, but this is actually awkward. I'm not used to having security this tight…" Tom said. Mary just sat there internally screaming, barely processing anything he said.

"I'm sorry, please, continue.." Mary said, slightly dazed "If you need me, I'll just be… blogging" Mary whipped out her phone and began to type.

'_Day 31, he hasn't figured out that I'm obsessed with him yet. He's so sweet it's killing me. SEND HELP. FANGIRL DOWN, I REPEAT FANGIRL DOWN._

* * *

"You do realise Hela and Mary spend their time stalking him, right?" Emma asked Tony

"Look, she updated her tumblr" Tony said, pulling out his StarkPhone to read the post. "Ha, he hasn't figured out yet."

"Bet you anything, she'll let something slip any day now." Emma said "If that were me, I would've died on the first day"

* * *

She was almost 2 minutes late to a meeting, totally not her fault, okay. Tony was running late as well, she was shepherding him to the SHIELD conference room where Fury had asked. She was sprinting very hard, in heels, on a slippery floor, in a red dress.

"I CAN DO ZAT!" she shouted as she turned a corner

"OH MY GOD CHEKOV, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK" Tony shouted back as he rounded the corner, and they literally kicked open the door of the conference room. Emma did a quick head count: Steve, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Coulson, Thor, Her. Wait a hot second, how did- she –

"There's two of you?" Fury asked "MOTHERFUCKER YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS"

"What!?" Emma asked quietly, eyes wide as she looked in horror at the person supposedly her.

"What!?" she, well, her duplicate asked back. Emma nearly fell back on Tony, who grabbed her arm, trying to support her, she nearly dropped her priceless TARDIS mug.

"LOKI'D" Emma's duplicate called as she disappeared in a wisp of smoke.

* * *

_Emma's Notes- 10 times I should never have walked in on Tony Stark_

10) The one time Tony had floored Loki to explain something to Thor. Never _ever_ thinking about those two the same way again.

9)The time he was trying to explain the tampon to Steve. Steve thought it was badass, so did Thor. Tony just kept flinching and stuttering.

8) The time he was watching a film with Hugh Dancy in it about the invention of a vibrator. I positively _shuddered_. I mean, c'mon, I can't watch Hannibal the same way anymore.

7) The time he was explaining periods to Clint, to explain why Natasha was (probably) moody half the time. Natasha did a better job of explaining it. Tony said, to paraphrase: "You fucking bleed out of your vagina)

6) The time he was in drag. Enough said

5) The time I found compromising pictures of Tony. And Bruce.

4) The time I caught him nightblogging in Tumblr and trolling the fandom

3)The time he was ripping off his clothes and making out with Pepper. LESSON LEARNT. MUST KNOCK.

2) The time he was expecting to be visited by an 'ex' of his who claimed to have a kid. He jumped and asked if I was pregnant. Pretty damn sure, even when drunk, I'd never lay him.

1)The time he was checking some 'bro-stuff' with Bruce. Okay, not explaining this. You guys know about F Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemmingway, right? Well, there was the one time that Zelda was basically, complaining about Scott's dick being too short, and so Scott bitched about it to Hemmingway. So they went into the Gents to go check it out. According to history Hemmingway said he didn't have a problem with this. Now, put this into context with Bruce and Tony… it should dawn on you… very soon… why do I even hang out with these people? I mean, i understand you're total bros with Steve, but you don't ask him casually 'Oh, Hai Bruce, wanna do some work? also, Pepper said my dick was small, check it out for me, please?'

* * *

Okay, that last one^ that's true actually, i read it somewhere

Now, please review. baby name suggestions are still going. actually, baby names for everyone's kids are needed, i just need to organize shit to figure out where i'm going with this. also, massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed, there are so many of you, like, wow.

And please subscribe to my friends' youtube channel: 2asainlady. they're cool, they just want some views.

be warned, say something mean and i will fuck shit up.

anyway, thanks and please review :) i love replying to all you awesome people


	21. Chapter 20

A/N: Okay, extra long chapter for a few reasons. 1) I'm on holidays. 3 WEEKS MOTHERFUCKERS. 2) I'm bored. 3) There's so many of you ehmahgerhd, you're all so sweet.

Okay, so in Australia, we don't have comic-con (tear), we have supernova. I didn't get to meet the merlin cast (creys), but i met Aidan Turner and Eve Myles. OH MY GOD I LIKE PUT MY ARM AROUND HIM YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW NICE IT FELT. SWEAR TO MOFFAT, LIKE HE PU THIS ARM AROUND ME AND PULLED ME CLOSER TO HIS SIDE FOR THE PHOTO YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANTED TO DIE AFTERWARDS. AND EVE MYLES WAS REALLY NICE TO, SHE WAS ALL LIKE, OMG ARE YOU OKAY AND STUFF AND SHE WAS COOL.

Sorry, internally dying. This was like on Sunday, whatevs. so, here is our latest chapter.

I OWN NOTHIIIIING. And my dash just became a social justice blog because of that filibuster in Texas. I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. THIS IS HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 20

In Which Mary Is Everyone's Babysitter

AKA In Which This Chapter becomes a fuck-huge Les Mis reference

AKA In Which I Shall Attempt To Perform The Ballet Steps Required And Post To Tumblr Or Some Shit

Mary's POV

_-Cue Dramatic Voice Over-_

Okay, I'm Mary. Hey. Aussie and Filipino (grew up in Australia, hence this retarded accent), 19, hoping to be an English, Drama and History major. But right now, I'm unfortunately stuck as an Agent of SHIELD. Hey, it's actually pretty fun being one of the youngest agents. I mean, c'mon, weapons! Guns!

So run down of what I do. I run, I analyse stuff and I also babysit. Yeah, babysit, you heard me. I just fucking baby sat the Avengers. I'm like the supernanny of the elite. Phil isn't bothered to teach me the ropes, and Hill's sorta busy right now, so I don't know, I guess I'll wing it.

Hela's cool. We relate on a spiritual level. Speaking of, her room's pretty cool. Oh, Uh, are you shitting me? Tony's calling me?

* * *

Emma made an apologetic face as she handed Mary a list of things. Evidently Stark didn't trust Emma enough, it was fine though, she could do whatever she wanted. NON STOP LORD OF THE RINGS MARATHON! She and Clint had booked out the movie room, just before Loki and Bruce booked it out to have a Star Wars marathon. By all means, they were free to join them.

"Show Emma Hela's new room?" Mary asked, her sassy left eyebrow raised "Emma hasn't seen it yet?"

"No" Tony said. "Okay, Pepper and I are going. We have a conference in Budapest, see you in a week" Tony waved. Emma curtseyed back, her index finger saluting him.

"YES, WE ARE FREE!" Emma shouted up the staircase.

"LORD OF THE RINGS AND HOBBIT MARATHON!" Clint shouted from a floor up

* * *

"Emma" Hela bounded up to her. They'd been in the movie room a whole day. Yeah, a whole day. 6 films, 3 ish hours each, all in extended edition with an all-you-can-eat sweets bar and pizza. That was like 20 hour marathon. "Have you seen my temporary midgardian quarters yet? Though, perhaps I should call you mother, seeing as you are going to marry my father.."

"No, that won't be necessary, I mean, if you think it's necessary, what the hell, you could pass off as my daughter." Emma said hurriedly

"No, I like you as my mother." Hela chirped. "You're my mother, enough said"

"Okay…." Emma said nervously. "I suppose I can go and see your room now"

"Of course." Hela said brightly, taking her hand and practically dragging her along to the layer for guest rooms. Emma stood patiently in the lift, as soon as the bell sounded, she exited with Hela dragging her to one of the newly renovated rooms. Hela proudly opened it up, and revealed a baroque-style room.

It was a rather small room actually, until she turned to her left. The entire wall was slanted to make a slide, a set of kid-sized stairs in the middle and bookshelf stairs on the far left side of the wall. It was undeniably cool. The other walls around her were cream, the baroque skirting boards were white with gold highlights while the wallpaper was a pale, apple green. Emma skipped up the small stairs, needing to duck a little because of the low ceiling. She loved this room, it was literally a fun-park inside a room, the steps themselves were fun, they were divided into two parts, stairs and the landing in the middle. The landing had a rotating circle in the middle, so when you stood upon it, it would twirl you around. She loved the books and merchandise that were on the bookshelf-stairs, they were cool. As soon as she reached the loft, she loved it, walking around the edge of the wall-slide. The walls too were apple green, but with polka-dot fabric panels of different sized decorating it. The cream bed was draped with a white canopy, but the bed was covered in black, damask sheets.

"Totally cool" Emma said, running over to the Hela-sized computer desk and swirling around on it. The furniture was totally perfect, there was even a see saw. But then she realised how steep the slide was, it was literally nearly vertical, considering the stairs she took to get up.

"You hand off this pole, see?" Hela said, pointing to the horizontal bar on the opposite side of the loft-railings. The rain outside was thrashing the glass, so she walked around and drew the pale silver curtains shut, before hanging off the pole, her feet dangling mid-air. The now understood why the end of the wall, on the floor, sloped up a bit. Taking a quick breath, she let go of the bar and slid down, giggling with glee as she landed neatly on the floor.

"Like the tapestry" Emma commented, pointing to the large banner of the Hogwarts Crest. "Anyway, I better get going. We're having a Les Mis session in the movie room"

"Okay, I'll just sit here" Hela said, pointing to the window seat "Contemplating murder"

* * *

"Parker!" Emma said delightedly, sitting in between him and Loki in the armchairs. Loki handed her a slice of pizza as they sat down ready to watch Les Mis. "Loki, have you _seen_ Hela's room yet? There's like a free-fall and wifi and it's really cool" she said enthusiastically.

"Well, at least we have an excuse to sing along with this" Peter said

"Yes." Emma said "Best thing to sing in the shower, because you get to sing everyone's bits"

"So _that_ is the tune you sing in the shower. I was beginning to question your slow descent into insanity" Loki said

"Oh don't worry sweetie, I've sunk below insanity" Emma replied, before breaking into song quietly "Do you hear the people sing?"

"Singing the song of angry men" Peter joined in, standing on his chair, before Bruce, Steve, Tash, Clint, Loki, Thor and Sophie all joined in, with Betty and Jane beating the drum pattern on their tables. "It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of your heart, echoes the beating of the drum. There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes"

* * *

Mary kept sipping her coffee, while watching the 'kids' sing Les Mis, her feet propped up on Clint's table. That man was seriously obsessed with what everyone was doing, like the amount of monitors around her was scary. Thank Merlin there weren't any in the bathrooms. Because that'd be a _little_ bit creepy. Just a _bit_ you know... anyway, she was listening to Les Mis too, actually, One Day More, Eponine's bit. Singing along and thinking of British Celebrities that will never love her.

* * *

Day 2 without Tony Stark

Everyone was still in their pyjamas. She and Loki got barely any sleep, as she was nightblogging and he was reading and writing fanfiction. Stark Trek fanfiction. Gay, smutty Spirk fanfiction. He had just published it and had received a flood of reviews within the hour. If only her Steve/Tony or Steve/Bruce fanfictions got the same amount.

"Ugh" Mary's voice came over the PA system "This is a PSA, you're supposed to change out of your pyjamas otherwise Tony is threatening to lock you out of the building… sorry"

"How would he even know?" Clint asked

"He hacked into your live feed." Mary said grimly, evidently tired from babysitting them "He also sends Emma a quick message, to paraphrase: hunt down every blueprint on case 24601"

"Yeah" Emma replied groggily. "About this charity event… it says it's for a dramatic academy that takes kids off the streets of NY… he doesn't mean we're _actually_…"

"Singing Les Mis?" Mary finished for her "Yep. PSA finished motherfuckers. Try to keep out of trouble while I multi-task between monitoring you lot and Tom Hiddleston." Emma face-tabled and sat back up. It was worse than the time she had to dance with 160-ish guys from some posh Britsh-Public school or rather during secondary school. She hated organized-school dances. In all fairness, at least the guys rocked up in tuxes. Tuxes were like her fatal weakness. She felt Loki sympathetically patting her shoulder as he pushed her mug of tea and plate of pancakes towards her.

"One day more." Bruce started quietly "Another day another destiny" the music seemed to come up on cue from somewhere.

"Mary" she, Loki and Hela mouthed at the same time.

"These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time, one day more" Bruce finished.

"I did not live until today" Steve sang Marius' bit. Emma's jaw hanging off, never _ever_ did that man join in when it came to singing. "But with you my world has started"

"One day more" Bruce sang. If Tony was getting this, he would know full well that his ass was getting flogged right now from their awesome powers.

"Tomorrow we'll be worlds away" Sophie joined in with Steve. Betty and Jane laughing, fist-bombing each other while Natasha retched and ran to the bathroom. "And yet with you my world has started." Emma got a look from Betty

"One more day all on my own" Emma sang, grinning

"Will we ever meet again?" Sophie and Steve sang

"One more day without him knowing"

"I was born to be with you"

"What a life I might've known"

"And I swear it will be true"

"But he never saw me there" Emma sang on top of Steve and Sophie's harmony, Loki cutting her off.

"One more day before the storm!" Loki said, standing on his chair, taking Thor's red cape draped casually on him like a blanket and holding it like a triumphant flag.

"Do I follow where she goes?" Thor, this time sang, instead of Steve, given the fact they all needed goes at this.

"At the barricades of freedom"

"Shall I join my brothers there?"

"When our ranks being to form"

"Do I stay; do I dare?"

"Will you take you place with me?" Loki held a hand, as Thor accepted it and stood upon the chair next to him.

"The time is now, the day is here" They all stood and sang the line.

"One day more!" Bruce

"One more day to revolution, we will nip it in the bud, I'll be ready for these school boys, they will wet themselves with blood!" Clint sang

"One day more!" Bruce sang again

"Watch 'em run amuck, Catch 'em as they fall, Never know your luck When there's a free for all,Here a little `dip' There a little `touch' Most of them are goners So they won't miss much!" Betty and Jane sang in unison.

"One day to a new beginning" half of them sang

"Raise the flag of freedom high" the other half sang

"Every man will be a king" the first half sang

"Every man will be a king" the second sang

"There's a new world for the winning"

"There's a new world to be won."

"Do you hear the people sing?" the sand in unison

"My place, is here, I fight with you!" Steve sang dramatically

"ONE DAY MORE!" Bruce sang. Emma was mind blown. Everyone's bits overlapped, so she couldn't really make out what they were all singing. But she sang:

"One more day all on my own" a couple of counts later "What a life I might've known!"

"Tomorrow we'll be far away, tomorrow is the judgement day" Bruce sang

"Tomorrow we'll discover what our god in heaven has in store. One more dawn. One more day. One day MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" They sang in unison. Loki hitting the baritone notes with Bruce and Steve. Betty and Sophie somehow managing to hit the high c, while Emma sang as high as she could without sounding like she was dying. They all stopped as soon as the music cut off.

"This is a PSA" Mary said overhead. Emma grinned. "MOTHERFUCKING YISS GUYS. OH MY GOD WHAT IS AIR ASDFGHJKL!"

* * *

"Parker!" Mary said delightedly as Peter swung down for Clint's monitoring-room ceiling vent. "Well done, you have found my secret lair"

"I got your text" Peter said, whipping on his glasses to look at the footage of the 'One Day More' even that morning. "Are you serious?"

"No, I just dubbed their voices." Mary replied sassily "No, but seriously. THIS THING OH MY GOD"

"Do you have hetalia open in another tab?" Peter asked, pointing to her laptop screen with an eyebrow raised.

"Shut up. It's so fluffy it's painful" Mary said, humming 'Maru kaite Chikyuu' under her breath

"Can I be Grantaire?" Peter asked

"That means you get shipped with Loki" Mary said grimly. "Hey, you and MJ wanna tag along to Australia in a week? I'm going to Supernova as Clara Oswin Oswald."

"Sure, who should I go as?"

"I dunno, I mean, they got a storm trooper cosplay going on right now. The Chewbaccas are always cool. And they've got fandom merch you can't buy anywhere else"

"Does this include world of warcraft?" peter asked shrewdly

"Yeah" Mary replied

"MJ's coming" he said surely.

* * *

Day 3

"Emma?" Loki called from their walk-in wardrobe "Come here for a second"

"Yes, just a moment dear, finishing a call from the chick organizing the bonbonniere" Emma laughed a bit with the bubbly woman on the other end, then trying to end the call as quickly as possible. Emma walked over, her hair done up in a messy bun, she was still in her underwear contemplating what to wear, she pulled open the frosted glass doors, almost having to double back when she saw what was going on.

"I know you haven't chosen anything to wear yet, so I took the liberty of putting together of a couple of your garments." Loki said, except it wasn't Loki, it was Loki shape-shifted as Emma's exact duplicate. He _needed_ to stop doing that, anyway, he was modelling an emerald-green peplum dress with golden belt, a black blazer with ¾ sleeves and a sort of gathered tail at the back, a pair of patterned, sheer black tights and one of her Chanel heels. She didn't even know she owned those.

"Okay" Emma said slowly "Um, remind me again, why you think that's fun?"

"If you had magical powers, would you not also flaunt it?" Loki said "But that is beside the point, I intend to go shopping with Lady Sophie"

"Yeah, but must you shape-shift as me?" Emma asked

"Well, I suppose I could do this" He said, turning into his female counterpart, her eyes turned green and became a bit more harsh, her nose became more pointed and her hair managed to look sexy. She took note and reminded herself that she should probably do her hair like that.

"Just one thing, remind me that you need to teach me how to do my hair like that" Emma said, before getting changed and running to Natasha's room.

* * *

Mary sighed, pinching her virtually non-existent nose bridge. Damn the fact she had an Asian nose. Anyway, Thor and Steve were having a massive argument, over God knows what.

"I BET SHE'LL GET PREGNANT NEXT SEASON!" Thor said, throwing a chair at Steve, who ducked it, before throwing his shield at Thor.

"BUT SHE'S BEEN HAVING MORNING SICKNESS ALL WEEK. SHE'S TOTALLY PREGNANT!" he shouted back. She probably shouldn't have given them the complete seasons of Home and Away.

"OKAY MOTHERFUCKERS. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT. BOTH OF YOU. GO TO A CORNER." Mary shouted. She watched as Thor and Steve cowered in her presence, that's right, she though, they better be scared. If they defied her, a shoot later and they'd be lying on the hard, cold ground. (cue Taylor Swift music here)

"B-but" Thor protested

"NO GO THE FUCK TO THE FUCKING CORNER!" Mary screamed. She was so done with them. But inwardly, she was smirking. If this was what if felt like to be a villain, sign her up for the next invasion.

* * *

Day 4

Everyone was so bored and angry with each other, that Mary decided to make a schedule for what was supposed to happen for the day. Personally, Emma felt as if none of this was her fault, she didn't do anything. So today, Clint was giving them a full make-up tutorial. Loki tagged along too, should he ever need it while in his human form. Actually, Emma was rather proud of her eyeliner skills, but she could never get the wings right.

"Now, you cover your beautiful face in foundation and concealer to show that your face is as perfect as your flawless personality that the patriarchy over-looks" Clint instructed. Oh yeah, he was giving it 'feminist-superhero-style'. It was cool. Soon they progressed to eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara.

"Now, you want your eyeliner to be as black as the night. Your wings must be sharp enough to pierce through the thickness of Patriarchy ignorance, thus you may sacrifice their blood to the goddess Artemis. And your mascara needs to make your eyelashes look as long as your list of enemies and as dark as your soul." They did several tidbits with eyeshadow, blush and other things, but the best bit was when it came to lipstick

"Now, using your lipliner, create a barrier, like the one you would when there is an alien attack imminent. Fill that in lightly, then using your favourite shade, preferably 'the-blood-of-your-enemies-red', create a smooth and equal coat, like the equality that there should be when it comes to equal wages through both genders, all races and sexualities."

* * *

Day 5

Emma was helping all the guys with doing up their ballet shoes. Emma was probably _not_ going to kill Mary, because she was part of it too. Natasha forced her to make day 5 her session. Ballet. Of all the people there, the only people with experience were Mary, Emma and Sophie (but she did jazz and tap as a kid).

"ON THE BARRE NOW!" Natasha shouted. Emma ran as gracefully as she could, finding that half of them were made to run back more gracefully. Emma watched as Mary tried to break into her new demi-pointes quicker by bouncing on the balls of her feet. To be honest, it was totally worth it seeing the Avengers in tights. Loki was particularly annoyed by wearing tights, but hey, in all fairness it was rather fetching. She also found out during the stretching session previously that no one could get in the splits. (The tie for furthest down was currently between Jane, Emma, Mary and surprisingly Steve)

"Okay, THOR SQUEEZE YOUR ASS MUSCLES AND ROTATE YOUR LEGS!" Natasha snapped. Emma mouthed sorry from the other side of the room, as Thor looked like he was close to tears. Emma just did her best to do the quick-paced movements to the music, which she swore was from the Doctor Who soundtrack, seriously, it sounded like it. Soon they moved to centre work/pointe work and shit got real.

"PLIE IN FOURTH, PREPARE TO PIROUETTE EN DEDANS. THEN PLIE _GRACEFULLY_ IN FIFTH, LEFT LEG DEGAGES OUT TO SECOND, CLOSE FOURTH, PIROUETTE EN DEHORS" she barked. Emma counted the beats silently in her head, trying to do this as flawlessly as possible, knowing she's failed. She hated turning to the left, couldn't do it properly. "DON'T FORGET TO FUCKING SPOT" she reminded.

"NOW LEARN THE ROUTINE" Natasha shouted "LADIES. RIGHT LEG EN EVANT, FIFTH POSITION CROISE. BALANCE LEFT AND RIGHT, PAS DE BOUREE PIQUE TO THE RIGHT. RELEVE TO FIFTH, ARMS FIFTH PEEK UNDER." They ran through that far, getting it pretty correct. Mary was making faces to Emma who could understand what she was going through. "ARABESQUE TO FIRST, COUPE LEFT LEG, CURU ARMS TO FOURTH FACING CORNER 8. TEMP LIE JETE ARMS SECOND ARABESQUE RUN TO CORNER 6. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SLOWER, AN ADAGIO. STAND IN CLASSICAL POSE LEFT LEG EN AVANT. BALANCE AN EVANT, PAS DE VALSE. THEN YOU FACE EFFACE, PLIE TO SECOND, PIVOT TO THE SIDE, ARABESQUE, FONDU, PAS DE BOUREE, STAND FIFTH FACING CORNER 8. PLIE ARABESQUE ARMS THIRD, PLIE BACK ARMS FOURTH ECARTE. PREPARE PIROUETTE EN DEDANS, PLIE FOURTH, PAS DE BOUREE PIQUE TO THE RIGHT, CHASE, ARMS SECOND ARABESQUE." The guys just looked on apologetically, Emma did her best and after a few goes, they managed to do it pretty well.

The guys just sort of epically failed. Actually, Emma made the mental note to post the guys' session up on youtube. And maybe she should get Tony to wear a tutu one day. And that plan involved Hela and tea parties. Anyway, eventful day. And from that day on, no one insulted the profession of being a ballerina.

* * *

Day 6

Loki was pounding on the door asking if he could come in. It wasn't the best time to call her, as she was in the bath, a bubble bath in her sunken tub, while she multi-tasked by having a high-tea.

"You're not coming in" Emma said, gorging on another delicate-tasting rose-macaroon. But he came in anyway with a questioning glance at the macaroons. "Mary said today's 'chillax' day, we literally just chill and do stuff."

"Hela's contracted a cold" Loki said grimly inbetween his chews of the macaroon he had taken. "She won't get into bed. Banner has tried as a last resort. He was oh-so-close to 'hulking-out'."

"Oh shit." Emma said "_Banner_ failed!?"

"Yes, unfortunately"

"Why would Banner go last though?" Emma said thoughtfully

"Maybe because it's a clever literary device that shows that the author has considered her options and to show how desperate we are, has left the most dangerous to last, to prove that all hope is lost in a comical way" Loki said looking directly as the reader and winking.

"Dude, you just broke fourth wall, not cool _at all_" You cry out

"What was that voice over?" Emma asked. Loki shrugged.

"All I know is that those macaroons should be present at our wedding on all the tables. They're gorgeous" he said, taking the one Emma had just bit from her hand, winking as he walked out.

"Swear to metatron, really…" Emma said, dipping her head into the warm water.

* * *

Day 7

"I SAID YOU'RE FUCKING BAKING COOKIES. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!" Mary shouted over the PA system before the Spirk vs Johnlock shipping war got out of hand. Everything was fine…. Very fine until Bruce and Steve started decorating their cookie-cake with a detailed calligraphy paragraph of a smutty Spirk fanfiction. Naturally Emma eyed them with anger and began to spin up a smutty Johnlock fanfiction on her laptop, somewhere there it changed to a Mystrade fic, then a MorMor, and fluffy Sherlolly at one point (it was a good one, okay.) 10 000 words all together, and the cake was only 45 cm by 20, naturally it would be hard. So Loki took the liberty of manipulating the icing to fit inside the space, not only that, but he made each fic a different a different colour. Johnlock was red, Mystrade blue, MorMor yellow and Sherlolly pink. Where the fics' story plot overlapped, they made secondary colours. The text was made to fit the shape of an extraordinary rendering of Benedict Cumberbatch.

Everyone else in the room who had come to see what the fuss was about, stood in awe at their cookie cake, as Emma typed furiously (10,000 in like half an hour) and Loki expertly decorating the cake.

"SherLoki." Mary said, 500% done over the PA "How in the name of Merlin's saggiest lefts did you do that?"

"But calligraphy!" Steve protested, his face doing the 'Famous Chris Evans 'What?' meme face', the one they used on that post on Tumblr where Chris Hemmsworth and Tom Hiddleston are a news crew meme, with Jeremy Renner doing sport.

"Cake porn!" Bruce protested

"Dude, they've got the Mona Lisa, and you've got a piece of well… shit" Betty said "Sorry hon, they win"

"It's okay" Bruce said sadly.

"Okay, we are so putting that thing up on ebay" Mary said over the speakers.

* * *

A/N: Wohoo. Um, sorry for breaking the fourth wall... (guiltily gets dust pan and broom and starts to sweep up)

And yeah, i sorta got carried away with their descent into insanity.

Okay, yeah, please review and follow or whatevs. Follow me on tumblr if you wish to stay on that site forever. I'm consulting-timelord-of-mischief if you need me.

Oh, and my birthday's coming up. It's really weird, like it was January yesterday, really... It's on the 14th of July, so ehehehe Vive le revolution!

And yeah, love you all, thanks for all the support. I don't know whether i will film myself doing the ballet steps, because i am shit at poine work and i don't post photos of myself online as such... but what the hell, if i'm bored enough.

I'VE BEEN READING INKHEART AND INKSPELL. OH MY GOD I CAN'T SHIP MEGGIE AND FARID IT FEELS WRONG... i'm sorry.

Thanks :)


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: Like i said, i'm on holidays, so here's the latest chapter. To all you americans, happy july the fourth (bit late, i know). To the french: 10 days until Bastille Day (PARTAAAAY. TO THE BARRICADES). And, what else, oh yeah, made a twitter that i will never use (whatisabaggins). Um, i've got extra content on the bottom as a holiday treat, and thanks for the 101 reviews, i feel so loved! so, without further ado, the latest shenanigans at avengers tower

*cough* I dedicate this song to no one in particular: ON MY OWN, I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOOOOTHING

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 21

Preparations

Emma sat at the sewing machine, continuing to sew up the lace to the bubblegum pink blanket. Clintasha were having a girl. Yeah. And Pepperony were having a boy. They both had ultrasounds the day before, so to surprise the two; Pepper and Tash were sent to go on a shopping spree while everyone else spent their time decorating the nurseries. Problem was that there were two floors separating each, because the 10 top floors were planned out like this.

Top level: Communal

9th level: Thor and Jane

8th: Clint and Natasha

7th Layer of hell: Loki and Emma

6th: Steve and Sophie

5th: Tony and Pepper

4th: Bruce and Betty

3rd: Random stuff and Guest rooms

2nd : Communal

1st : Random stuff and a lab

So basically, everyone was floating between the floors and lifts. Emma sort of spent her time laughing at everyone's failed attempts at trying to put an ikea crib together.

"Swear to god, these come with spare parts on purpose…" Tony muttered

"That's because idiots like you are bound to lose them." Bruce said, screwing more screws into the leg. "Honestly, Tony, it's not that hard."

"Hard" Tony said startled "What do you mean _hard"_

"Wait, we're talking about that 'broment' you two shared a couple of weeks back?" Emma asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh…" said everyone in the room, before resuming work. Emma had finished the curtains and was now working on a patchwork quilt. Patchwork was second nature to her, knitting and crocheting in the other hand…. She didn't even want to _think_ about her failed knitting. Natasha was going, surprisingly for a rather more feminine theme, actually, pink, but there were a fair few green and blue things. Also a plushie of Merida from Brave. Looks like Barton wanted his daughter to become better than Katniss Everdeen.

"Emma, exactly _how_ long did it take you to sew that up?" Jane asked incredulously, as Emma held up the finished front part.

"An hour?" Emma said, guessing. "I mean, I can make a pair of boxer shorts in half an hour, assuming I step on the sewing machine pedal as furiously as I could."

"That's just…" she said

"Like, I could do better, there are about 7 different places that need unpicking." Emma said, playing with a stray thread. "Anyway, have you guys seen the backing I did to this?" Emma asked, looking for the cream backing to the quilt.

"Found it." Loki said, eyeing Thor with some anger "Honestly, brother, if you're going to hide it, that wasn't the most appropriate place…"

"Art thou accusing moi?" Thor asked jokingly.

"It would be plausible." Emma said, taking out her laptop, typing up a curiosity into google, her eyes widening, before shutting the lid. "Nope."

"What?" Loki asked

"Jane and Thor better _not_ start procreating." She said, shuddering

"Why, I'm an adult… it's fine.." Jane said. Bruce choked, Emma guessed because he was cottoning on.

"You do realise in Norse Mythology, Thor's wife is sorta the goddess of Fertility." Emma said sheepishly, but she may as well get it out.

"Oh… _shit_" Jane said, dropping her (thankfully) empty mug.

"Research, is completely worthwhile." Steve said, trying not to furiously blush.

"Amen to that." Emma said, finally bored of the sewing machine and taking the drill. She placed upon her head one of the protective visors, and donned a mask, before drilling holes into the bookshelf. She saw Loki take a quick snapshot of her.

"Purquois?" Emma asked

"You're in Givenchy's summer collection jumpsuit and a pair of Jimmy Choo heels, and drilling together a vanity table."

"Yeah." Emma said, not really caring.

"Does it bother you we made a relationship public last week?" Loki asked casually.

"Not really, dude, I follow you on twitter, I _know_" Emma said, taking off the dust mask. "Why, feel like posting that?"

"He just did." Tony said entering the lift "Tom Hiddleston's already tweeted back."

"And tweeted back." Loki said, putting his phone down again.

"You're tweeting best friends with Tom Hiddleston?" Betty asked

"Yeah." Loki said

"That's like, odd…" she said admittedly

"I also sent him a wedding invite." Emma nearly spat out her tea "And Benedict Cumberbatch" okay, she _did_ spit it out this time. "He insisted"

"Oh shit" Emma said "Again, remind why you're best friends with Britain's favourite actors?"

The rest of the room was decorated in hardly anytime at all. Natasha and Clint hadn't decided on a name yet, but that meant that they were usually bombarded with suggestions. Merida and Katniss came up frequently. So did Legolas and Tauriel. Pepper on the other hand had decided to stay tight-lipped about the names she had chosen, apparently Tony only got 12% of the naming credit. As soon as Natasha and Pepper arrived, they were treated with a (nearly) finished nursery, complete with toys and clothing and boxes of nappies, time come.

"Tony." Pepper said "Did you sneak in those spinning rims?" she said suspiciously eyeing the legs of all the tables.

* * *

Emma was curled up in a tight ball in her bed, Loki's arm draped around her waist, and she was happily warm, until Tony decided to wake her up.

"EMMA YOUR MOTHER IS ON THE PHONE!" he shouted

"NE NE PAPA WHAT THE FUCK!?" she shouted drowsily, taking the phone from Tony and shooing him out the room. "Mummy, not the best time, but hello. Uhuh, really, that was unnecessary, must I go there? Okay, yes, I'll tell him you said that. Bye."

"What was that?" Loki asked, snuggling around her, his chin upon her shoulder.

"My mother said she'd contacted her best friends. And by best friends we mean the biggest fashion houses known to mankind. Anyway, apparently the girls and I have a fitting. I know Hela's leaving next week, sadly. She won't grow much, will she?"

"I hear you plan upon Hela and your delightful niece as the flower girls. I mean, I would rather forget Asgardian tradition, as much as I know we would both enjoy covering ourselves in the blood of wild boar"

"Yeah, as Hannibal puts it: Always Classy, Never Trashy" Emma said "That actually doesn't rhyme." She added thoughtfully

"American accent, remember?" Loki said

"Ah, I suppose we should get dressed." Emma said "We have a long day ahead of us, and I think I found the perfect location, assuming you agree on it?"

"We'll take a peak." Loki said, pecking her cheek "Jarvis, has Hela risen yet?"

"She's actually at your door right now, I'll send her up." Jarvis said.

"You know." Emma said "If Mary's on holidays, Jarvis would make a great nanny"

* * *

Emma sat with them at the Antoinette Lane office where Emma was waiting for her mother to arrive.

"So, run through your entourage again?" Pepper asked, making notes.

"Sophie, if you wouldn't mind being my maid of honour, or best chick, I don't even know." Emma asked

"Yeah, never done this before" Sophie said

"Um, I know Loki will want Thor, Steve and Clint. So Tash and Jane, you two in?" Emma asked

"I don't know…" Tash said, pointing to her swollen abdomen "For all I know, Pepper or I could ruin the wedding by going into labor."

"It'd be memorable and I'd expect the child to be named after me and Loki." Emma said quickly "Well then, Betty, you were next on my list, feel like being a bridesmaid or is making out with Bruce more fun?"

"No, being a bridesmaid would be cool." Betty said excitedly.

"Pepper, I would've picked you, but somebody needs to keep Tony in-line" Emma added apologetically

"Oh, don't worry." Pepper laughed "I would've refused and given that as my reason."

"Mother, as I understand, you niece shall be paired with me?" Hela asked "And I believe I have to look, as father put it 'the angelic girl I am, I it weren't for the fact I'm the goddess of the realm of the dead'."

"Yeah, Daisy, she's about 3 or 4. Not exactly sure, bloody Charlotte never told me." Emma said with a twinge of sadness. Her best friend's death was still a sensitive topic. "And you'll look absolutely gorgeous, Hela. Anyway, Loki and I were discussing the theme colour, and we were both tossing between Emerald or TARDIS blue, um, I think we agreed on the green after I won the game of monopoly."

"Oh, so it wasn't a game of scissor, paper, rock, lizard, spock?" Betty said inquisitively.

"We did, but then it got confusing, so we ditched it." Emma said, as he mother swept through the office doors.

"Emma, darling, take those contacts out." She said. Emma sighed, popping the plastic circles out of her eyes. "Now, these are your friends? Oh how lovely, I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind such a large order." Ushering the group of women out of the room, they were all measured, they flicked through books looking at designs they liked. Emma had negotiated something with Jane, Betty and Sophie, where they wore an Emerald-green dress with a sweetheart neckline and hugged the torso up to the waist tightly, then fell to the ground, with tendrils of gold seen on the flares on the bottom of the skirt. Sophie, as the maid of honour, would have a soft asymmetrical sleeve, lying over the sweetheart neckline.

"Emma, dear, what sort of look are you going for?" Emma's mother fussed at her sketches, erasing and re-sketching like mad "There are dresses at the back you can try on and we can see what works best." Immediately most of the women squealed at the prospect of getting Emma to play barbie, as they chose out dresses that they liked.

"Seriously, Pepper, I look like a fucking cream puff." Emma said, trying to smooth down the puffy skirt, before taking the dress Jane had enthusiastically. Emma changed and came back out, this time the top half was lace and clung to her skin and the top half of her forearms, before it puffed out at her hips. "Again, can we stop trying to make me look like a cream puff? I like the top half though."

"Okay, these two." Sophie said, handing her the dresses. Emma came out with the first, the figure-hugging lace skirt came to just above her toes, yet the bodice wasn't her thing.

"Like the skirt." Emma said, trying on the next one afterwards. "The train might be a bit too long, though" several dresses later Emma found another dress. "I like the back, it's semi-backless, but it has those really cool buttons."

"Oh, that's gorgeous" Betty agreed

"I think you look beautiful" Hela added sweetly.

"I think if you're mushing all those together, you need like a belt to go around the waist." Pepper said

"Sweetheart, I think a ribbon might be the best." Emma's mother said to her. As soon as Pepper, Natasha and Hela.

"Mummy, by the way, this is Hela, Loki's daughter." Emma introduced, almost forgetting the small girl who sat quietly with them, playing something on her DS violently.

"Hello." Emma's mum said nicely. "Pleasure to meet you Hela."

"Pleasure to meet you too, Mrs Holmes." Hela said, throwing her a charming grin.

"Ah, if only you were as polite as this one, when you were a child." Emma's mother said sassily, causing Emma to splutter from behind the curtains.

"It's not my fault I was the only girl!" Emma protested.

* * *

"I THOUGHT I FINISHED WORLD 8 GODAMMNIT. BUT _NO_, THERE'S MORE!" Steve was having a spat in the labs when he levelled-up in Super Mario. "THERE'S SO MANY MORE FREAKING PLACES I HAVE TO COMPLETE"

"How are wedding plans going?" Tony asked Emma

"Good, got the dresses sorted out. Loki's had the guy's tuxes sorted. We're organising the bonbonniere, we've got this great lakeside location somewhere, it's got woods and it looks great in winter. Invites are being made, then sent out." Emma said

"You got cars for the entourage sorted?" Tony asked

"No, we're doing that next, after we send out the guest list. I hate leaving the building now, I get hounded by paparazzi" Emma said, disgusted "My photos are like everywhere right now. On the upside, I'm one of the best dressed celebrities right now according to Vogue polls, Marie Claire polls and every other polls." she added happily.

"What do SHIELD release as your cover story, by the way?" Tony asked "I mean, we can't all know you're a secret agent. I mean, it's badass, but not so-secret in a James Bond way."

"I think they go for daughter of famous fashion designers, fencing instructor, style icon and PA to Tony Stark. That's not so secret seeing as for the past few days I've had to pick you and Pepper up from god knows where"

"Hey, she was having midnight cravings for some pizza topping found only there." Tony said in defence "Speaking of, are you pregnant?" Emma literally spat out her tea, she had that tendency.

"N-no, why the fuck would you ask that?" Emma spluttered

"Curiosity" Tony said "Don't worry, JARVIS' body scans tell me you aren't."

"I'd certainly like to think so" Emma said hysterically, nearly falling over, handing Tony some more finished paperwork. "Oh, and when do we have to do that charity thing?"

"Hm? Oh, mid-July." Tony said "Also, we're organising a SHIELD waterfight and a beach trip"

"Yay" Emma said sarcastically "Outdoors"

"NO WHY THE HELL DID I DIE!?" Steve had another random outburst.

* * *

"LOKI!" Thor bound excitedly into the communal living room where everyone was bored and drinking some well-earned coffee. The night before, Tash and Pepper had the weirdest cravings ever and they were up all night cooking a paella, some beef stew and pear tart. The two mums were sleeping, and everyone else felt hung-over. "Mother and Father have sent their correspondence." Loki immediately grasped Emma's wrist tightly in fear as they received the scrolls and scrolls of messages and apparently well-wishers.

"It appears my sons have heard." Loki laughed, looking at some hastily written runes. "They're excited. Hela's arrived home safely as well."

"That's good to know. Your son Fenrir would make a great page-boy." Emma said, looking over his shoulder and wishing she could read runes.

"Um, Brother." Thor said, creeped out "I think Sigyn is being hysterical." Handing him the scroll.

"Ah well." Loki said, disturbed as he put down the offending sheet of paper "At least Sif and the warriors 3 are much more inviting at the prospect. Mother is fussing over the details and making sure you produce more grandchildren"

"Wait" Emma said "So am I expecting to get murdered in my sleep, or made goddess of something?"

"Probably the first." Loki said, not looking up from another scroll from some elves. "Would you rather a tiara or a circlet?"

"Wait, I'M GOING TO BE KILLED IN MY SLEEP!?" Emma shouted out distressed "Oh my god, why did I even agree in the first place?"

"Um, that'd be because you're insane" Tony said, as if it were obvious.

"GOD, NOBODY ASKED YOU, PATRICE!" Steve and Emma shouted in unison.

"Do not fret, my new sister, I am sure that was merely a whim from Sigyn, who is obviously a 'clingy-bitch'" Thor said bracingly

"O-okay." Emma practically chugged her coffee, in attempt to calm down "I'll have a circlet. Diamonds, or crystal, whatever they feel looks good against mithril"

"Mithril doesn't exist." Loki said sadly

"Damn. Oh well." Emma said

* * *

"Wow, you two got your wedding invitation then!" Tony remarked, as Emma sat there multi-tasking by doing paperwork and sorting out invitations.

"Yeah" Emma said monotonously, as she concentrated

"Guest list looks rather nice, SHIELD agents, a few celebrities and, oh my god, you know Vera Wang!?"

"Yeah, known her for a _loooong_ time." Emma said. The invitations were a creamy-pearl colour on thin cardboard, it was an elaborate envelope than unfolded in the middle to reveal the details, which were printed on a piece of elegant paper with embossing. The two tab of the envelope that were unfolded bore an intertwined embossing of Emma and Loki's first initials. The envelope would then be sealed with emerald wax and tied up with a piece of green ribbon. The name of the recipient was printed on the outside in gold.

"What cars did you go for?"

"We went with the vintage 20's silver cars and a hearse"

"A hearse?" Tony asked sceptically

"To cart out your dead body. Just kidding. Anyway, why do you care so much?"

"Pepper tells me the dress went well"

"Yeah, can we shut up about the wedding plans, I'm pretty stressed as it is" Emma flipped open her phone. "Oh god. Loki and Tom Hiddleston are tweeting again"

* * *

Ms Holmes is Emma, WitchofOz is Mary, Birdman is Clint, Fury is Bitchiamfabulous and PatriocticDude is Steve.

Extra Holiday content: Adventures of Loki and tweeting

Lokester posted: (insert a picture of Emma in couture wear, drilling at stuff) lol, love you 3

Twiddleston commented: Hahaha. You are lucky to have fallen in love with a beautiful, intelligent and multi-talented woman.

Lokester replied: Thank you, Tom. It was rather funny, in all honesty, watching her drill causally in couture

iamtonystark: Was that for #clintasha or me?

Lokester replied: why must you make everything about you?

* * *

Twiddleston posted: (you know that picture of him in a Loki shirt)

Lokester replied: Kneel before your gods, peasants ;P

Twiddleston replied: We do what we want

MsHolmes replied: Honestly, you two… stop being so immature

Lokester replied: I'll be home for dinner after finish lunch with Tom

Twiddleston replied: We're planning world domination.

MsHolmes: Oh shit. Run for cover.

* * *

Lokester posted: (picture of chocolate pudding)

Twiddleston commented: Wish I was eating that. Enjoy your pudding

* * *

MsHolmes: currently crying over #wallander rn.

Lokester: will you please stop crying on this shirt. I rather like it

* * *

WitchofOz: Twiddleston hey dude

Twiddleston replied: Mary? You're the lovely girl (agent?) watching over me, aren't you…

WitchofOz: *faint*

Twiddleston: Are you okay?

* * *

Birdman posted: OH MY GOD HELP I THINK TASHA WANTS TO KILL ME

Patrioticdude replied: What did you do this time, Clint?

MsHolmes: TASHA CALM THE FUCK DOWN! THOSE WERE MY FAVOURITE SHOES!

Lokester: Oh shit, she ruined Emma's favourite shoes…

iamtonystark: I'll prepare the bunker

* * *

Patrioticdude posted: bitchiamfabulous has a new mission #avengersassemble

MsHolmes: Steve can use twitter?

Lokester: So can Thor #weird

* * *

At signs don't work, also, if you've entered unnecessary spaces :( so there's heaps of pagebreaks, i'm sorry

Um, does anyone feel like drawing wedding dresses? I've done Hela, Emma and the bridesmaids dresses, but i'm curious to see what you guys want, if you could tag it under IWFCSPA, and PM me or send me an ask. Because, i'm sure you guys are more talented than me in drawing.

So as usual, please review, i love them and i love replying, it makes me so happy to know i at least make people i don't know happy, most girls in my grade are bitches and it pisses me off. so yeah, reviews are lovely

signing out *salute*


	23. Chapter 22

A/N:Hello, sorry for the wait, i meant to get this out on the 15th, the day after my birthday, but shit got real and i had to stop a zombie apocalypse from happening... lol jks.

Anyway WHY MUST I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA I NEED TO GO TO COMIC CON FUCK MY LIFE!

Also, Happy Birthday Benedork Cumberbatch and Moose Padalecki. (or belated, wibbly-wobble-timey-wimey)

Also, this may be a little shorter, but given the fact it's a tad darker and not always in Emma's POV i suppose it is. Also i will be uploading some really shit art for this story sometime this week, let me draw some shit for my 10 year old brother's novel first. Did i mention i have a brother who wrote a novel?

Yeah, IT WAS MY IDEA FIRST BITCH. um, When i do post the art it'll be tagged IWFCSPA. soz if i've forgotten anything, i'm watching the game between Manchester United and us. Given up all hope on us winning.

Thanks to all who have reviewed and followed and whatevs

Disclaim: I OWN NOTHING AND

YO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT

I WANNA, WANNA, WANNA REALLY WANT TO GO TO FUCKING COMIC CON.

Btw, this picks up from last chapter's tweets

* * *

In Which Fury Chooses Stark's PA's Chapter 22

{insert clever and witty title here}

"Steve can use twitter?" Emma tweeted, and simultaneously asked Loki

"So can Thor, hashtag 'weird'" Loki replied "Anyway, as Lady Romanoff's temporary replacement, I'm afraid you can't sit this mission out, you must accompany us"

"Does this mean I can bring a few guns and swords?" Emma asked

"Tony had other ideas…." Loki said carefully, taking her to the room where Emma knew she was screwed

* * *

"Emma!" Tony said delightedly "Going with the fact you're a SHIELD agent, we made you a cat suit with slight modifications"

"Okay…" Emma said, taking the blue-thing Tony handed her

"My brothers and sister in-arms" Thor said "I came as soon as you called"

"Fury made Emma take Tasha's place" Steve said quickly

"Sayeth wha?" Thor said

"Oh my god, I think we should take the internet away from him" Emma said quietly to Loki

"I concur" he replied equally as quietly

"Anyway, that suit is practically bullet-proof, I got you a utility belt, Katana sheaths, this new thing, it's like a Katana, but you can electrocute people with the blade"

"Doesn't metal condu-" Emma was about to say before Tony cut her off

"Rubber on the handle, it's purple. Also, we've made you this over-coat thing that looks like a kimono-"

"Yukata" Emma cut him off this time "Yukatas are summer robes and more informal and cheaper, whereas Kimonos take ages to put on and are reserved for more ceremonial events. That would be impractical, but I suppose I can wear it when I'm fighting given the fact it's only waist length, but yes, do continue "

"Okay, anyway, found you some more cool swords and yeah, we've all got to go change, outfits take like half an hour to change into"

"Tell me about it, I cosplay as anime characters" Emma moaned

* * *

Emma looked at herself in the mirror, okay, at least she wasn't stuck in leather and Metal

"I heard that." Loki said "That is, how you put it, 'How we roll in Asgard'"

Like she said, she wasn't stuck in leather and metal. The catsuit was just like her SHIELD one, except it was much tighter to the body and devoid of that little skirt she wore with it, it had kimono lapels with a shirt underneath in purple with three key-hole pieces in the neckline. Two katanas were strapped to her back, a folding sword in the holster of her utility belt, then several knives were strapped to her upper legs, and ninja stars that were rigged to blow up or release gas or whatever. Hair-wise, it was pretty practical, French braid to keep her hair back, ending with a low ponytail.

"Guys, Fury's waiting for us" Steve said over the PA system, Emma and Loki both made their way tensely to the room where Nick Fury waited for them with Peter and some other dude, she was pretty sure that was Deadpool, aka Wade, one of Peter's 'bros'.

"Okay, mothafuckers" Fury said as they crowded around the table "We got some deep level shit going on, son of a bitch has released a bomb that is about to explode in downtown"

"Okay, cool" Tony said

"Really?" Steve said "That was it?"

"If you mean the bomb was it, oh hell no, the guy's got some serious back up, he's got dudes dressed up as ninjas and samurai"

"Oh shit, it's like Tokyo all over again." Emma muttered "Is the guy who left the bomb called 'The Shogun?' because if it is, can I just say we're all pretty screwed."

"Unfortunately, no, Miss Holmes, this is his second-in-charge, the Daimyo and his wife, the Geisha. The Shogun was killed off a couple of years ago, which stopped most of his empire"

"Your welcome" Emma said, gaining shocked looks.

"What's with the Japan theme?" Bruce asked

"I know not, I and I have a feeling eye-patch-man knows not either" Thor said so seriously it made Emma want to cry from (internal) laughter

"The Shogun was some dude who was obsessed with the way of the Samurai and feudal Japan, if I hadn't killed him, he would've blown up Himeji castle with the Japanese Imperial family inside." Emma explained "When two girls were kidnapped, I thought it was a one-off, but it turned out that their father was being targeted by his men, as his empire consists of steroids, if you will, superhuman steroids, drugs and prostitutes"

"Anyway, there's a ransom. Tony, he's asking for 10 billion dollars." Fury said

"Anyone here remember the premise of Goblet of Fire?" Clint asked

"You mean Edward Cullen?" Tony asked back "Vampires won't help"

"No. At the Quidditch world cup, both teams have native dancers from their side. Ireland brought leprechauns and they rained down gold. Leprechaun gold doesn't last, and Ron feels bad and shit happens, anyway, I see what you did there…" Emma ranted

"Exactly how well do you know Harry Potter?" Bruce asked

"I'm British" Emma said curtly

"So, art thou suggesting that we give the villain fools' gold?" Thor asked "I'm afraid he won't get away very far, nor believe it"

"Loki, darling…" Emma cooed "You wouldn't mind magicking up gold and then butter-coating it, will you?"

"Of course" Loki said, nodding seriously "I would also suggest attacking him soon-after her receives the _carte-blanche_. How long will it take you to hold off the security, to ensure the transaction is well."

"20 minutes, at the most, keep it action-movie tense" Tony said "It should keep the bastard intrigued."

"Actually" Steve said, speaking for the first time in a while "Bring Emma in half-way through, seeing as she'd had experience with them before, you could make it look like Loki's double crossing us with the money. Or, I think it would be better to have her ensure the transaction as everyone knows she's Tony's new PA now"

"It's your call, Cap." Clint said "God, I hope this works. How long until the bomb goes off?"

"Three hours." Fury said "Okay team, everyone is dismissed. Emma, take out your contact lenses and use these." Fury handed her a clear pair, when she wore them, it was like having JARVIS in her head. "You can scan everything, and it will allow Tony and SHIELD to see what's going on."

"Okay." Emma said "Let's give them hell."

"Except we won't be using my daughter's name" Loki said

"Or the fact Cas won't be able to save us" Clint added, getting awkward stares.

* * *

"AGHR HOLY FUCKING SHIT" Emma shouted, throwing a ninja into a thigh-choke, before sliding under collapsing debris in time to get her katana that was thrown from her, she parried a blow and proceeded to stab the ninja with a tanto knife in her left hand. Three ninjas, her contacts scanned, best way to get rid of them was by exploding ninja star. Re-sheathing her knife she quickly threw a star from her pouch, before moving to other ninjas. Clint fired an arrow from no-where killing them first, though. Bruce was wrecking shit awesomely, Thor was electrocuting the shit out of them, Tony was firing stuff, Steve was fighting them manually.

"Parker!" Emma shouted, he slung her a web, which she grabbed onto, hitching a ride to a ledge, before attacking more ninjas with Wade. It was the awesomest 9-person fight ever, with Wade using both his katanas and Emma using her Katana and a tanto knife.

" .Ever" Emma said while decapitating a ninja (they all turned out to be robots, fucking hell)

"We're like total katana bros, except you're a chick" Wade said, assisting her in the mauling of another robot-ninja "Wanna meet up at SHIELD to practise some time?"

"Can I use guns?" Emma asked, deflecting a ninja star with her blade

"Sure" Wade agreed "I'll keep in touch" he moved away as Tony sent her a signal.

* * *

"So, you're the one they've sent to deliver the money." Loki set down the case next to him, kneeling at the traditional Japanese table and taking the tea offered to him.

"Yes as I recall, 10 Billion was the figure." Loki said icily "Now, please, do explain why you've called me here"

"I'm keeping you a fair distance away from the mechanical bloodshed" the Daimyo replied "And treating my guests with the utmost respect, miso?"

"I may as well, I require sustenance." Loki took the bowl of soup, taking a polite sip and setting it down. "Now, our bargain?"

"Yes, information. I hear you're about to be married, I would give you my congratulations, but your fiancé is someone I'm not awfully fond of." The Daimyo replied, taking off his hood, his piercing blue eyes staring straight at him, as if it were his fault Emma existed. Food was being brought in by handmaidens "Why I live to tell the tale, as always puzzled me, especially with a merciless woman like her. If I didn't live in constant fear of her blade, I would bow down before her in respect."

"Information?" Loki snapped impatiently

"Ah yes, How do I put it. 10 billion is nowhere _near_ enough for my ambition. You see, I have… _issues_ with this new… era of crime. It is warfare taken to a whole new level."

"So you want peace?"

"Oh no, I intend to win it, this war." He said coolly. "I intend to walk over your cold corpses."

"Star Trek into darkness." Loki coughed "But please, do continue"

"No, I don't think I will be. Miss Holmes, if you could be so kind." Loki's heart skipped a beat as Emma walked into the room, her imposing glare and posture an extremely intimidating thing. _She would make a great queen_, he thought.

"I thank you, for your humble invitation." She said icily "Ah, yakidori." Emma observed lightly "Not something I would serve at lunch."

"You've always been one for articulation and sophisticated things." The Daimyo said "Last time I saw you was at the tea-ceremony"

"Yes, I spared you and your wife." Emma said clipped, Loki looked at her with some question, reminding himself that it was another matter for another time. "Now, no doubt you're wondering as to my presence?"

"Yes, that would be illuminating." The Daimyo replied, taking a long draught of tea

"You will, no doubt, be informed of my promotion to Mr Stark's personal assistant. Who else would have the access to all his money." Emma said coolly, yet again giving him one of her imperious glares. "With my clearances at SHIELD I was able to cover everything up without any traces. Anyway, the 10 billion as negotiated."

"Miss Holmes, you're aware of the protocols during the Tokugawa Shogunate in regards to having your family held hostage, are you not?" he asked, unsheathing his sword and stroking the blade

"They were payment, a reassurance of one's loyalty. Who do you want?" Emma asked curtly

"Loki." The Daimyo said

"No, you can have Tony Stark." Emma negotiated coldly

"No, I want Loki. My son's a fan." The Daimyo added a little embarrassed, but regaining his composure rapidly and began staring at Emma. The death-stare contest seemed to be in Emma's ground, as Loki watched his fiancé give the best bitchface he had ever seen… ever.

"You and I both know that a major part of the way of the samurai is the bushido. Honour, remember? I spared both you and your wife on grounds she was pregnant and, I expect the same" Emma said softly. Loki froze for a moment, hoping shock wasn't showing on his face, he _sincerely_ hoped she wasn't seriously pregnant… really hoping.

* * *

"OH MY GOD HACK INTO EVERY BIT OF THAT SON OF A BITCH'S EQUIPMENT!" Fury shouted. Tony started typing furiously, shouting orders, they had 10 seconds, max, everything lay on _one_ lie and if they failed this they'd lose two of their best dudes. Not to mention the fact Emma had 3 brothers ready to kill him of that happened.

"Got it, hacking the life-signs waves, hacking into every kind of wave actually." Tony said "Should come up with 2 weeks pregnant, just enough, pretty believable."

"So she's holding out for mercy?" Natasha asked "God, I hope she's right."

"But he said earlier, if he weren't afraid of her blade, he'd be at her feet in awe…" Clint said, thinking hard. "I think we're holding our breath for a show-down actually."

"Show down Kill Bill-style." Natasha agreed.

"Okay." Steve moved away from the screen "Fury, dispatch the team to the bomb site, we'll have Emma get the diffusion code for us. Everybody, move, move, move. We don't have 70 years under the ice to waste"

* * *

"Scan her." The Daimyo said shocked, one of his handmaidens taking a piece of equipment Emma stood up, and it was only then Loki noticed she was wearing the stupid waist-length yukata (if that was right, he needed to check again) Tony had thrown in with her outfit. She held her arms out calmly, her eyes quickly flicking over things in the room, why was she doing that?

* * *

"Ah, clever one" Tony said "She's giving us the weakest points in the room."

* * *

"Ah, it seems you are, my congratulations." The Daimyo said "You have two minutes to leave the proximity of the room."

"Not unless I challenge you." Emma threatened, moving to the centre of the warehouse and standing boldly "I am Emma Sherlock Holmes, daughter of Richard Holmes, son of Henry, son of Michael, son of Sir James. And I challenge you, Shogun to a duel" she stated proudly, wielding her sword

"Very well, with such lineage I cannot decline." He was dramatically facing the wall, and Loki rolled his eyes.

"Emma." Loki whispered "Are you willing to risk our child for this?" Loki went along with it, it would help, walking up to face her, both hands firmly grasping her shoulders

"Yes." Emma said calmly, drawing her blade. "I am sure"

"I suppose normal rules apply?" the Daimyo asked, walking towards her, pushing him out of the way, as he unsheathed his sword, facing Emma. Loki watched in horror as his fiancé fearlessly stood her ground, waiting for the first quiver of movement. Then suddenly he flinched in surprise as they began to furiously duel, metal clashing against metal as the two, like dancers, navigated the space with grace and rhythm. Occasionally Emma would bend backwards, dodging her opponent's blade with ease, pulling off some complicated freestyle move, until after a furious battle, her sword's tip effortlessly made its way to the Daimyo's neck, her leg kicking away his sword.

"I have won, have I not?" Emma asked, her head tilting a bit as if fighting the serious urge to kill the man.

"And what do you want in return?" he asked, defeated. Loki hoped Emma was going to be smart about this, after all, what was to say she wouldn't ask for something stupid.

"I want the code to stop the bomb." Emma quickly cut the man across his cheek, blood flowing down. "That is a reminder of the blood I could spill, if I was not honouring our agreement. The code if you will."

"It's a key." He muttered, holding the string cord with the silver key, Loki snatched it off him, as he moved to Emma's side.

* * *

"That was easier than I expected, actually." Emma said, eating her ice cream with the others. "Do you always do a 'reward thing' afterwards?"

"Yeah, first off it was Shwarma, we do different stuff everytime." Tony said "Fry?"

"I'll take a chip, yeah" Emma said, taking one of the piping hot chips sitting infront of the Avengers, as SHIELD carted away everyone else. As she had (secretly) expected, the Daimyo committed seppuku, meaning that the Shogun's crime empire was practically gone. They however intervened with the Geisha's attempt at suicide, thus she and her son were spared.

"You were holding out for him to commit suicide, weren't you?" Clint asked, not-so-casually

"You know me well." Emma said, causally licking more of her pistachio ice-cream "Japanese formalities, I was expecting it, don't know why you guys weren't. I mean, he lost, he must honour the Bushido and die honourably instead of living in disgrace. Also, without a male leader, the Shogun's empire will just splat, Reichenbach the cement."

"Oh…" Tony said "I was wondering why you didn't kill him yourself, you're certainly capable"

"He didn't do anything to her, so I suppose it's fine. And it would be the right thing to do." Steve said evenly

"We're missing friend Banner, last I saw him, he was destroying many of our foes." Thor piped up. As if on cue, Tony's phone went off, and Bruce was on speaker.

"TONY PICK ME UP, THERE ARE A HORDE OF FANGIRLS CHASING ME, NOT TO MENTION I DON'T HAVE VERY MUCH CLOTHING ON!" Bruce shouted, as the sound of shrill screaming was heard.

"Little clothing, as in...?" Tony asked

"NAKED. YES, NAKED NOW HURRY UP, OH GOD" Bruce's phone could be heard being smashed upon the cement and the signal stopped.

"We better save him before he hulks out" Steve said

"Yeah" they all agreed

* * *

Emma could hear a high-pitched scream, from about a room away. She sighed, so did Tony, as he moved away from the experiment he was doing and she from her paperwork.

"What the hell is going on?" Emma asked tiredly, seeing Loki and Clint standing on top of chairs as a spider crawled under the chairs.

"Seriously?" Tony asked Emma, surprised

"I didn't even know what brand of toothpaste he used until last night, let alone that" Emma said, taking out her tanto knife, watching the spider crawl up the wall, before stabbing it there and walking out of the room. "Problem solved" she called as she walked away.

* * *

Extra Content: In Which Fury Won't let Emma Go To Comic Con (as told by Tony Stark in his personal diary)

Dear Diary,

Emma, Coulson, Clint and Loki are all dying to go to Comic-Con. Fury won't let them. So I decided to take over things and (hopefully) gain their trust. Emma and Loki are for some reason are cosplaying as Lady Loki and the Doctor. Emma somehow convinced Loki to go as the Doctor, and she's sitting in his human form. They considered going as Hungary and Austria from this anime they once tried getting me to watch, but then they remembered that.

Also Emma made me unpick all the tacking and wonky stitches she sewed up for every cosplay because I may have (not so accidentally) burnt up Coulson's vintage Captain America suit (for science, it was an experiment). Bitch please, I'm Tony Stark, I could hire Giorgo Armani to unpick those cosplays for me.

Somebody please explain why Clint's in drag!? HE'S GOING AS NATASHA SOMEBODY STOP HIM BEFORE HE BREAKS NATASHA'S HIGH HEELS!.

* * *

A/N: Did i mention i like deadpool. At Supernova i took photos with all the deadpool cosplayers, one of them took my deerstalker and posed with it.

Also, next chapter will cover Emma's birthday and will be the summer special. even though it's winter, what the fuck.

So here's where you come in. It'll be a very long chapter and potentially split into two, so please review below:

What do you want the Avengers to get up to? Please include Wolverine at one point because Emma needs to reference Les Mis. Wade can join. Even if you get them to re-enact GOT (i don't know very much about it though) i'm cool with it, get them to cosplay as Doctor Who characters, i don't know. But a few chapters back somebody suggested a SHIELD waterfight which will be definitely happening.

Anyway, thank you for your input and check out the IWFCSP tag on tumblr near the end of this week to see if i've posted anything, if you want to ask, I'm consulting-timelord-of-mischief.

I can't draw men, i just can't, hence my very female dominated artwork


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